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say when you know the whole? The carriage, you
Groom. Is that run away, too?
Crack. No; but it might, if I hadn't taken good care of it.
Groom. By driving over posts, I suppose?
Cruck. No; by driving against posts (oh, you'll find me correct); by which I took off one wheel, and broke the other.
Groom. And hav'nt you brought it with you?
Crack. Without wheels! how could I?-Would have broke my back.
Groom. I wish you mayn't get your head broke, that's all.
Crack. So far from that, I expect to be complimented for my judgment; for, if I had not, like a skilful whip, whipped off the wheels, I might have lost the carriage and all its valuable contents: by being expert, I have saved both.
Groom. Well, friend, you seem very merry under misfortunes, and I wish you luck. It was Sir Edward's own doing, he can't blame me. [Exit, R.
Crack. If he should, I'll make a neat defence for the sake of your nice feeling: damn'd hard if, at a battle of brains, I could not out-gossip a grumbling groom. Whenever I'm puzzled, I always hum folk: humming's all the fashion.
To perfection come,
Humming all the trade is,
Ladies, lovers hum,
Lovers hum the ladies.
Towdy rowdy dow, &..
Ha'nt Britannia's sons
Often humm'd Mounseer?
Then will I be d―.
Towdy rowdy dow, &c.
Enter OLD MAYTHORN, R.-crosses to his own home, L. U. E., very disconsolate.
Crack. There goes a man of sorrow; I remember him a jester it may be my turn next; I'll never joke again till I see a
Enter the STEWARD and a BAILIFF, R.
Lawyer and bailiff!-Gentlemen, your humble; I reve. rence your callings, and I respect your power, for you two are a match
Bai. For what?
Crack. The devil!-[Sings.] Towdy rowdy, &c.
[Exit after Joe, into the Grand Admiral.
Ste. You have the writ?
Bai. I have, master Steward.
Ste. Secure the old man, and carry him to your house till you have further orders. [Bailiff goes into Maythorn's.
First Sai. I believe, messmate, we have traced him to his moorings.
Second Sai. You're right; for there you see is the Port Admiral. [Points to sign.
First Sai. House! bring us a mug of beer.
[They sit at the table.
Enter PEGGY with a mug of beer from the Grand
A pretty little tight wench, faith!
Peg. Yes; pretty-but the grapes are sour.
[Exit with great conceit into house. First Sai. The folk here will hardly guess our errand.
Enter JOE, in rapture, from Grand Admiral, R. S. E., with a newspaper; passes the Sailors.
Joe. Here it is! On board the Turnpike a-hoy! Damme, here it is:-he's alive; the boy's alive! Andbut hold, avast! the last paper said he was dead; this says it's a lie: which shall I believe? [Turning, sees the Sailors.] What cheer, brother sailors? From what port? First Sai. Portsmouth.
Joe. Whither bound?
First Sai. Can't you see we have cast anchor.
Joe. (L.) I say, Bob-Miss Mary; but avast! mayhap, they can inform me. You have had a severe engagement in the chops of the channel, I hear?
First Sai. (R.) Yes, we have.
Joe. And just as the Frenchmen struck she went down? Damme, that was a pity!--But we saved many of their hands, they say.
First Sai. Yes; and but it blew a hard gale we should have saved more. We lost one boat's crew in picking
Joe. Among which, mayhap, was poor Will Travers. Well, damme, 'twas noble; 'twas a saying of the old buck aloft, "Be devils in fight, boys; the victory gained, remember you are men ;" and as he preached, so. he practised. This action, my hearties, brings to my mind the one we fought before the old boy had a flag, when he commanded a seventy-four.
First Sai. May hap so.
Joe. We were cruising, d'ye see, off the Lizard: on Saturday, the 29th of October, at seven minutes past six, A. M., a sail hove in sight, bearing south-south-west, with her larboard tacks on board; clear decks; up sails; away we stood; the wind right east as it could blow; we soon saw she was a Mounseer of superior force, and damned heavy metal.
First Sai. A ninety-gun ship, I suppose?
Joe. A ninety. We received her fire without a wince, and returned the compliment; till about five-and-twenty minutes past eight, we opened our lower deck ports, and as we crossed, plump'd it right into her.
quickly wore round her stern, and gave her a second part of the same tune; ditto repeated, as our doctor writes on his doses: my eyes! how she rolled! She looked like a floating mountain.-" "Tother broadside, my boys," says our captain, "and, damme, you'll make the mountain a molehill!" We followed it up; every shot told! We gave her broadside for broadside, till her lantern ribs were as full of holes as a pigeon-box. By nine she had shivered our canvass so, I thought she'd have got off; for which she crowded all sail. First Sai. Let the Mounseers alone for that.
Joe. We turned too, however, and wore; and in half an hour got alongside a second time: we saw all her mouths were open, and we drenched her sweetly! swallowed our English pills by dozens; but they griped her damnably! By-and-by we brought all our guns to bear at once; bang! she had it! Oh, damme, 'twas a settler! In less than two minutes after she cried 66 peccavi;" in five more she took fire abaft, and just as we were going to board her, and clap every lubber upon his beam end, whush! down she went by the head! My eyes, what a screetch was there! Our boats, not a man was idle; we picked up two hundred and fifty odd, sound and wounded; and if I did not feel more joy of heart at saving their lives than at all the victories I ever had a share in, damme! The old boy above knows it to be true, and can vouch for every word of it! Can't you, my old buck? [Flinging his hat at him in great rapture. First Sai. Why, it is not unlike the late action, and you'd say so to too, if you'd been in it ;-we were. Joe. You in it? You on board?
First Sai. We were.
Joe. [Eagerly.] Then tell me at once, for I can't believe the papers, is Lieutenant Travers alive or dead? First Sai. Alive, and promoted.
Joe. I said so-damme, I knew he was alive; huzza! old Maythorn! Mary! Bob! are you all asleep?
[Hallooing at Turnpike-house. First Sai. And now give us leave to ask you a question,
Joe. Ask a hundred thousand, my hearty! I'll answer all! Will you drink anything more? Bring out a barrel of grog! Call for what you like, my lads- I'll pay all.
First Sai. Can you inform us of one Henry Blunt?
Joe. Ay, to be sure, I'can; why, Bob, I say-[Calling.] he's hired as gamekeeper here to Sir Edward What d'ye call him; Whiffligig. I say Bob!
First Sai, Hired as a gamekeeper?
Joe. Yes; a damned good shot-he shot-Old Maythorn! [Aloud. First Sai. The devil he did! Can you tell us where we can find him?
Joe. Why, he has not slipped his cable, has he?
[Eagerly. First Sai. We should be glad to light of him, d'ye
Joe. I thought as much; damme, I knew he was a bastard kind of a sailor by his talk; but the lubber, to skulk, to run from his post! Shiver my timbers! I can't bear to hear of a seaman's disobedience! But I'll blow him up.-Why, Bob, I say! Where the devil are ye all?
Enter ROBERT in haste, R.
Rob. Here be I.
Joe. Bob, you dog, where's your father and mother? Rob. My mother's in heaven, I hope.
Joe. Pshaw! damn it, I mean your sister.
Rob. She's at the bailiff's house with vather,the steward's arrested him.
Joe. Arrested your father! for what? I'll pay.
Joe. Ay, dam'me, three thousand, if he need it.
Joe. Why now; that is, when I have it :-tell'em, I'll bail him.
Rob. Yes; but you are only one, and though one friend be a rare thing, a poor man in trouble must find two, and both housekeepers.
Joe. Damn it, that's unlucky!—Shipmates, are either of you housekeepers ?
First Sai. No.
Joe. I fear'd as much: but no matter; go, tell your sister, her dear William's alive and well.
Rob. Lieutenant Travers alive!
Joe. Aye, you .dog: alive and promoted :-now you know, go tell her the whole story, every particular. Hop, skip, jump, run,―[Pushing him off, R.] Tell her he never was dead. [Calling.] What shall I do for another bail?