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All. Then 'tis a bargain.
Cau. With all my heart; and by giving you my hand, I give [Going to shake hands, a crash is heard in the hothouse, R.]-What's that?
All. More of my property going. I suppose some old blind tabby cat has got into my hot-house. Bring the blunderbuss, will you?
[To Officer-Lady Sorrel screams, and Allspice unlocks the door, and Lady Sorrel comes out. All. Lady Sorrel ?
Cau. Heyday, cousin!
All. Rest on me, my lady.
Lady S. The heat of the place
All. You seem rather warm.
Pray, have you seen
anything of my dear friend, Mr. Dashall?
Lady S. I, sir-no.
Cau. This has an odd appearance.
Lady S. I'll explain it. Cousin, I went in to pull a bunch of grapes; and a booby of a servant, passing by, locked the door.
Cau. I'm satisfied. Well, cousin, I've got you a husband here-nay, no blushing: you are too wise and too old for girlish affectation. With my friend Toby I give you thirty thousand pounds, and, as times go, a pretty honest man
All. Yes, my lady, an honest pretty man.
Cau. And, friend Toby, with my cousin you have neither youth nor beauty, to be sure, but abundance of chastity, virtue, and benevolence; so Heaven
[Another crash is heard, R. All. Zounds! what's that? I dare say, one of Cleme's puppy-dogs. [To Officer.] Go in, and pull him out by the cuff of the neck. [Officer goes in. Lady S. I declare, I'm quite faint again.
[Falls into Allspice's arms. All. Let me support you-I'll never leave you. Off. [Coming out with Dashall.] Have I found you at last?
Cau. Mr. Dashall!
All. Who? [Lets go Lady Sorrel, and runs to Dashall, puts his hand into his pocket, and recovers his notes.] Give me my money, you villain! here it is. Oh! let me kiss you, and lay you to my faithful breast.-Mr. Caustic, you'll excuse my marrying. [To Dashall.] I can see your
roguery without spectacles, you monopolizer of villany! Farewell to dashing! Roger, bring my wig and apron, Tan. [Without.] Sir, I entreat―
Cau. My nephew! Dare he come into my presence? Then you shall see me knock him down.
All. No, no.
Enter TANGENT, followed by FAULKNER and Julia, L.
Fau. (R. C.) In vain you fly me.
Tan. (c.) You distress me-I insist
Fau. Never can my soul be satisfied till my knees bend in gratitude
Tan. Captain Faulkner! upon my soul, 'tis devilish hard to have one's feelings distressed because a man has done a trifling act
Cau. What's this?
Fau. A trifling act! have you not redeemed me from prison, from despair? have not you preserved my Julia's honour?
Cau. Stand by: I don't think I shall knock him down. Tan. If I have been so fortunate, let my reward be the preservation of that honour with my life, and for my life.
Fau. Sir, I should certainly feel proud of your alliance; but you have a relation.
Tan. What! old uncle! ha, ha! I have certainly plagued him most confoundedly.
Cau. I believe I'll knock him down. [Raises his cane. Tan. But, upon my honour, to make him unhappy would give me serious sorrow. [Caustic drops his cane.] Oh, sir, give me but Julia Faulkner without fortuneCau. I forbid the banns. [Coming forward.
Tan. Sir, I insist.
Cau. And, sir, I insist that you don't marry Miss Faulkner without a fortune, but that you marry her with thirty thousand pounds.
Tan. Most excellent uncle! my sweetest Julia! and will you, sir, forgive my follies?
Cau. (c.) Heartily, my boy.-Frank, I can pardon the head for wandering, when I find the heart's at home. Das. (R.) Tangent, I give you joy.
Tan. Gently! While you were affluent, the elegant flavour of your Tokay kept down the coarse twang of the borachio in your manners. But, now you're poor, you'll be cut even by your brother swindlers.
Fau. Is not this the wretch?
Das. Sir, I should be happy to give you satisfaction; but you see I'm in custody. [Faulkner goes up to him] Officer, do your duty: why don't you secure me? I never despair-do you think this is the first time I've been in the Gazette ?-I've some irons in the fire yet. Tan. And, if you want more irons, I could recommend you to a pair that would suit you exactly.
Lady S. Mr. Dashall, are you going to town?
Lady S. If you'll give me leave, I'll accompany you. Jul. First let me thank you, madam, for the delicate anxiety you have shown respecting me and this gentle. man, and for your humanity in arresting my father.
Cau. Did she do that? Abandoned hypocrite! leave my sight.
Das. Well, I bear no malice. Good bye to you all. I say, Toby, won't you send some almonds and raisins to Harriet ?-ha, ha!-Now to London and my creditors, where I'll nobly give them fivepence-halfpenny in the pound, and the jolliest dinner the London Tavern can produce. Good by to you, gigs! Damme, I'll make a splash yet. [Exeunt Dashall, Lady Sorrel, and Officer, R. All. Put him in my horsepond, and let him make a splash there.
Tan. I hope, sir, my Julia has made you a convert? Cau. She has, indeed; and I beg pardon of her sex, to whom she has given this lesson-that the affection and duty of a daughter is the best security for happiness in a wife; and that filial affection and feminine diffidence is THE WAY TO GET MARRIED.-. -As for you, nephew
Tan. Sir, I've bade adieu to all my air-drawn fancies, except the woolsack, in which whim I will once more indulge, in the trembling hope, that our endeavours this night to please have been crowned with your candid approbation. As many as are content, say Ay;"-noncontents, "No." We flatter ourselves the contents have it.
DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN.