And was there then no argument
To change the doctor's vile intent,
And move his pity?—yes, in truth,
And that was-paying for the tooth.
"Zounds! pay for such a stump! I'd rather-"
But here the menace went no farther,
For with his other ways of pinching,
Hunks had a miser's love of snuff,
A recollection strong enough
To cause a very serious flinching;
In short he paid and had the feature
Replaced as it was meant by nature;
For tho' by this 'twas cold to handle,
(No corpse's could have felt more horrid,)
And white just like an end of candle,
The doctor deem'd and proved it too,

That noses from the nose will do
As well as noses from the forehead;
So, fix'd by dint of rag and lint,
The part was bandag'd up and muffled.
The chair unfasten'd, Hunks arose,
And shuffled out, for once unshuffled;
And as he went, these words he snuffled-
"Well, this is paying thro' the nose.""

TIM TURPIN,

A PATHETIC BALLAD.

I.

TIM TURPIN he was gravel blind,

And ne'er had seen the skies:

For Nature, when his head was made,
Forgot to dot his eyes.

II.

So, like a Christmas pedagogue,

Poor Tim was forc'd to do

Look out for pupils, for he had

A vacancy for two.

III.

There's some have specs to help their sight

Of objects dim and small :
But Tim had specs within his eyes,
And could not see at all.

IV.

Now Tim he woo'd a servant maid,

And took her to his arms;

For he, like Pyramus, had cast
A wall-eye on her charms.

V.

By day she led him up and down

Where'er he wish'd to jog, A happy wife, altho' she led The life of any dog.

VI.

But just when Tim had liv'd a month

In honey with his wife,

A surgeon ope'd his Milton eyes,

Like oysters, with a knife.

VII.

But when his eyes were open'd thus,
He wish'd them dark again :

For when he look'd upon his wife,
He saw her very plain.

VIII.

Her face was bad, her figure worse,

He couldn't bear to eat :

For she was any thing but like

A Grace before his meat.

IX.

Now Tim he was a feeling man:
For when his sight was thick,
It made him feel for everything—
But that was with a stick.

X.

So with a cudgel in his hand-
It was not light or slim-

He knock'd at his wife's head until
It open'd unto him.

XI.

And when the corpse was stiff and cold

He took his slaughter'd spouse,

And laid her in a heap with all

The ashes of her house.

XII.

But like a wicked murderer,

He liv'd in constant fear

From day to day, and so he cut
His throat from ear to ear.

XIII.

The neighbours fetch'd a doctor in :

Said he, this wound I dread

Can hardly be sow'd up—his life
Is hanging on a thread.

XIV.

But when another week was gone,
He gave him stronger hope—
Instead of hanging on a thread,
Of hanging on a rope.

XV.

Ah! when he hid his bloody work,

In ashes round about,

How little he supposed the truth
Would soon be sifted out.

XVI.

But when the parish dustman came, His rubbish to withdraw,

He found more dust within the heap, Than he contracted for !

XVII.

A dozen men to try the fact,
Were sworn that very day;
But tho' they all were jurors, yet
No conjurors were they.

XVIII.

Said Tim unto those jurymen,

You need not waste your breath,

For I confess myself at once,

The author of her death.

XIX.

And, oh! when I reflect upon
The blood that I have spilt,
Just like a button is my soul,
Inscrib'd with double guilt!

XX.

Then turning round his head again,
He saw before his eyes,

A great judge, and a little judge,
The judges of a-size !

XXI.

The great judge took his judgment cap,

And put it on his head,

And sentenc'd Tim by law to hang,

Till he was three times dead.

XXII.

So he was tried, and he was hung (Fit punishment for such)

On Horsham-drop, and none can say It was a drop too much.