I lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!-Give me a cup of sack, rogue.-Is there no virtue extant? [He drinks. Prince. Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? pitiful-hearted butter, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun! if thou didst, then behold that compound. 113 Falstaff. You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man; yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward !—Go thy ways, old Jack; die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old; God help the while! a bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. Prince. How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? 123 Falstaff. A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! Prince. Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter? Falstaff. Are not you a coward? answer me to that,—and Poins there? 131 Poins. Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I'll stab thee. Falstaff. I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call thee coward; but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back; call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me.-Give me a cup of sack; I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day. 140 Prince. O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. ! Falstaff. All's one for that. [He drinks.] A plague of all cowards, still say I. Prince. What 's the matter? Falstaff. What's the matter! there be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning. Prince. Where is it, Jack? where is it? Falstaff. Where is it! taken from us it is; a hundred upon poor four of us. Prince. What, a hundred, man? 150 Falstaff. I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a hand-saw-ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man; all would not do. A plague of all cowards!-Let them speak; if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. Prince. Speak, sirs; how was it? Gadshill. We four set upon some dozen Falstaff. Sixteen at least, my lord. Gadshill. And bound them. Peto. No, no, they were not bound. 160 Falstaff. You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. Gadshill. As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us Falstaff. And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. Prince. What, fought you with them all? 170 Falstaff. All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. Prince. Pray God you have not murthered some of them. two of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward; here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me Prince. What, four? thou saidst but two even now. Poins. Ay, ay, he said four. 182 Falstaff. These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus. Prince. Seven? why, there were but four even now. Poins. Ay, four, in buckram suits. 190 Falstaff. Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. Prince. Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. Falstaff. Dost thou hear me, Hal? Prince. Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. Falstaff. Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of— Prince. So, two more already. Falstaff. Their points being broken,- 200 Falstaff. Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid. Prince. O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Falstaff. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me ; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand. Prince. These lies are like their father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-catch, 212 Falstaff. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth the truth? Prince. Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason; what sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Falstaff. What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! if reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. 223 Prince. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,— Falstaff. 'Sblood, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you stock-fish.-O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing-tuck, 230 Prince. Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again; and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. Poins. Mark, Jack. Prince. We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? 245 Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? Falstaff. By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters; was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.-Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? Prince. Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. Falstaff. Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Enter Hostess. Hostess. O Jesu, my lord the prince! 261 Prince. How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to me? Hostess. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you; he says he comes from your father. Prince. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Falstaff. What manner of man is he? Hostess. An old man. 270 Falstaff. What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?— Shall I give him his answer? Prince. Prithee, do, Jack. Falstaff. Faith, and I 'll send him packing. [Exit. Prince. Now, sirs: by 'r lady, you fought fair;-so did you, Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fie! 280 |