DON PEDRO, prince of Arragon. DON JOHN, his bastard brother. CLAUDIO, a young lord of Florence. BENEDICK, a young lord of Padua. LEONATO, governor of Messina. ANTONIO, his brother.

BALTHASAR, Esquire to Don Pedro. CONRADE,

followers of Don John.

BORACHIO,

FRIAR FRANCIS.

ACT I

I

gentlewomen attending on Here.

Beat. He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd Cupid at the flight; and my un- [40 cle's fool, reading the challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at the bird-bolt. pray you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he kill'd? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing. Leon. Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll be meet with you, it not. I doubt Mess. He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

Beat. You had musty victual, and he hath [50 holp to eat it. He is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an excellent stomach. Mess. And a good soldier too, lady. Beat. And a good soldier to a lady. But what is he to a lord?

55

Mess. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuff'd with all honourable virtues.

Beat. It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuff'd man. But for the stuffing, well, we are all mortal.

60

Leon. You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them.

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Beat. Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'd with one; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a [70 reasonable creature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a brother.

new sworn

74

Mess. Is 't possible? Beat. Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the next block.

Mess. I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

Beat. No; an he were, I would burn my [86

Beat. O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease. He is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pounds ere 'a be cur'd.

Mess. I will hold friends with you, lady.
Beat. Do, good friend.

Leon. You will never run mad, niece.
Beat. No, not till a hot January.
Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd.

95

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, and JOHN the Bastard.

D. Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? The fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

Leon. Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace, for trouble being gone, comfort should remain ; but when you [100 depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

D. Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your daughter.

So.

Leon. Her mother hath many times told me

105

Bene. Were you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd

her?

Leon. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

109

D. Pedro. You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an honourable father.

Bene. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

116

Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick. Nobody marks you.

Bene. What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

120

Beat. Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.

124

Bene. Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for, truly, I love

Bene. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. Beat. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

141

Bene. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.

Beat. You always end with a jade's trick; I know you of old.

146

D. Pedro. That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month; and he heartily prays some occasion may detain [150 us longer. I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

Leon. If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. [To Don John.] Let me bid you [158 welcome, my lord. Being reconciled to the Prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

D. John. I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.

Leon. Please it your Grace lead on?

Claud. Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly how thou lik'st her. Bene. Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

Claud. Can the world buy such a jewel?

Bene. Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow, or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a [185 good hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take you, to go in the song?

Claud. In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I look'd on.

190

Bene. I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such matter. There's her cousin, an she were not possess'd with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of December. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

196

Claud. I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

Bene. Is 't come to this? In faith, hath not the world one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor [200

D. Pedro. What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonato's?

Bene. I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.

D. Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegiance. 210 Bene. You hear, Count Claudio. I can be secret as a dumb man; I would have you think so; but, on my allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is in love. With who? Now that is your Grace's part. Mark how short his answer is:- With Hero, Leonato's short daugh

Bene. That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the [245 right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor. D. Pedro. I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

250

Bene. With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, not with love. Prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of blind Cupid. 256 D. Pedro. Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument.

Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapp'd on the shoulder, and called Adam. 261 D. Pedro. Well, as time shall try. "In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke." Bene. The savage bull may; but if ever the

Bene. Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted on neither. Ere you flout old ends any further, examine your conscience; and so I leave [Exit. 201

you.

Claud. My liege, your Highness now may do me good.

D. Pedro. My love is thine to teach; teach it but how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

295

Claud. Hath Leonato any son, my lord? D. Pedro. No child but Hero; she's his only heir. Dost thou affect her, Claudio? Claud.

300

O, my lord, When you went onward on this ended action, I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye, That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand Than to drive liking to the name of love. But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts Have left their places vacant, in their rooms Come thronging soft and delicate desires, All prompting me how fair young Hero is, Saying, I lik'd her ere I went to wars.

305

310

D. Pedro. Thou wilt be like a lover presently And tire the hearer with a book of words. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, And I will break with her and with her father And thou shalt have her. Was 't not to this end That thou began'st to twist so fine a story? Claud. How sweetly you do minister to love, That know love's grief by his complexion! But lest my liking might too sudden seem, I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise. D. Pedro. What need the bridge much broader than the flood? The fairest grant is the necessity. Look, what will serve is fit: 't is

lovest,

315

once, thou

320

And I will fit thee with the remedy.
I know we shall have revelling to-night.
I will assume thy part in some disguise
And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,

325

And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
And take her hearing prisoner with the force
And strong encounter of my amorous tale;
Then after to her father will I break;
And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In practice let us put it presently. [Exeunt. 330

[SCENE II. A room in Leonato's house.]

Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting. Leon. How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son? Hath he provided this music?

Ant. He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.

Leon. Are they good?

Ant. As the event stamps them; but they have a good cover, they show well outward. The Prince and Count Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine orchard, were [10 thus much overheard by a man of mine. The Prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance; and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the present time by the top and instantly break with you of it. 16 Leon. Hath the fellow any wit that told you this? Ant. A good sharp fellow. I will send for him; and question him yourself.

20

Leon. No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself; but I will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it. [Several persons cross [25 the stage.] Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.

[SCENE III. The same.]

[Exeunt.

grace; where it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that you make yourself. It is needful that you frame [ the season for your own harvest.

D. John. I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdain'd of all than to fashion a [s carriage to rob love from any. In this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchis'd with a clog; therefore I have decreed [ not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking. In the meantime let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.

Con. Can you make no use of your discontent?

40

Bora. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in hand, in sad conference. I whipt me behind the arras, and there heard it agreed upon that the Prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtain'd her, give her to Count Claudio.

66

D. John. Come, come, let us thither; this may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow. If I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me? Čon. To the death, my lord.

D. John. Let us to the great supper; their cheer is the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were o' my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?

Bora. We'll wait upon your lordship.

ACT II

76

[Exeunt.

[SCENE I. A hall in Leonato's house.]

Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and a kinsman.

Leon. Was not Count John here at supper? Ant. I saw him not.

21

Beat. Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God's sending that way; for it is said, ** God sends a curst cow short horns;" but to a cow too curst he sends none.

26

Leon. So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

Beat. Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I [30 could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woollen.

Leon. You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

Beat. What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am [40 not for him; therefore I will even take sixpence in earnest of the bear-'ard, and lead his apes into hell.

44

Leon. Well, then, go you into hell? Beat. No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here's no place "Get you to heaven, for you maids: 99 so deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the heavens. He shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long.

52

Ant. [To Hero.] Well, niece, I trust you will be rul'd by your father.

54

Beat. Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy and say, Father, as it please you." But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say, "Father, as it please me.'

59

Leon. Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

Beat. Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be overmaster'd with a piece of valiant dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I'll [65 none. Adam's sons are my brethren; and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

Beat. The fault will be in the music, cousin, be not woo'd in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there is measure in every thing and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero: wooing, wedding, and [75 repenting, is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinque pace; the first suit is hot and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes re- [80 pentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

D. Pedro. My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove. Hero. Why, then, your visor should be thatch'd.

D. Pedro. Speak low, if you speak love. [Drawing her aside.]

Balth. Well, I would you did like me. Marg. So would not I, for your own sake; [105 for I have many ill qualities.

110

115

Ant. At a word, I am not.

Urs. I know you by the waggling of your

120

125

Urs. Come, come, do you think I do not