Evans. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether 's acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. [10 I pray you, pegone. I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. SCENE III. [A room in the Garter Inn.] Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and page [ROBIN]. Fal. Mine host of the Garter! Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. 5 Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier. Let them wag. Trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he [10 shall draw, he shall tap. Said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow. [To Bard.] Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a word; follow. [Exit.] 15 Fal. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade. An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a wither'd serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu. 20 Bard. It is a life that I have desir'd. I will thrive. [Exit Bardolph.] Pist. O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour conceited? 26 Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue. Fal. There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. 41 Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in [45 the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste, I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest [s voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, "I am Sir John Falstaff's." 55 Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her will out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep. Will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband's purse. He hath a legion of angels. 60 Pist. As many devils entertain; and "To her, boy," say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good. Humour me the angels. 64 Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious illades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. O Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's another letter to her. She bears the purse too; she is a region in [ Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me. They shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this [s to Mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? Then, Lucifer take all! 24 Nym. I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter; I will keep the haviour of reputation. Fal. [To Robin.] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold How Falstaff, varlet vile, 105 His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not_cool. I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess [110 him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous. That is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents. I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. [A room in Doctor Caius's house.] Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and JOHN RUGBY. Quick. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the King's English. Rug. I'll go watch. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in [10 house withal, and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate. His worst fault is, that he is given to prayer. He is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And Master Slender 's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth. 16 Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? 21 Sim. No, forsooth; he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colour'd beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? 25 Sim. Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you? O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait? 31 Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. He will not stay long. (Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John! what, John, [40 say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. [Singing.] And down, down, adown-a, etc. [Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.] Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese [45 toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet une boite en verde, a box, a green-a box. Do intend vat I speak? A green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you. [Aside.] I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young man, he would have [s0 been horn-mad. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour, la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket; dépêche, quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Rug. Here, sir! 59 Catus. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me! Qu'ai-j'oublié ? Dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall [es leave behind. Quick. Ay me, he 'll find the young man there, and be mad! 69 Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villainy! Laron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier! Quick. Good master, be content. 75 Caius. Wherefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh. Caius. Vell? Sim. Ay, forsooth; to desire her toQuick. Peace, I pray you. 81 Caius. Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale. 86 Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. 91 Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baillez me some paper. Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes.] Quick. [Aside to Simple.] I am glad he is so quiet. If he had been thoroughly moved, you [95 should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can; and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, [100 bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself, Sim. [Aside to Quickly.] "T is a great charge to come under one body's hand. - 105 Quick. [Aside to Simple.] Are you avis'd o' that? You shall find it a great charge; and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding, to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it, my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding [10 that, I know Anne's mind, that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or [115 make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog. [Exit Simple.] Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. 120 Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page. 126 Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate; what, the good-year! Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. [180 By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby.] Quick. You shall have An-fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that. Never a woman in Windsor knows more of [135 Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank Heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there? ho! Quick. Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you. [Enter FENTON.] 141 Quick. Troth, sir, all is in His hands above. But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We [160 had an hour's talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But indeed she is given too much to allicholy and musing; but for you-well, go to. 105 Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou seest her before me, commend me — 100 Quick. Will I? I' faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other SCENE I. [Before Page's house.] Enter MISTRESS PAGE [with a letter]. Mrs. Page. What, have I scap'd love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. [Reads.] "Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his precisian, he admits [s him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy. You are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy. You love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it [10 suffice thee, Mistress Page, at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice, that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 't is not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me, JOHN FALSTAFF." What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, [29 wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweigh'd behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard pick'd-with the devil's name!-out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not [25 been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth. Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be reveng'd on him? for reveng'd I [se will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. [Enter MISTRESS FORD.] Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. 34 Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. 39 Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! 45 Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it? Dispense with trifles. What is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. 50 Mrs. Page. What? Thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [They retire.] [Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM.] Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs. Sir John affects thy wife. 115 Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young, and poor,, Both young and old, one with another, Ford. Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight. Here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. Í shall think the worse of fat men, as long as [55 I have an eye to make difference of men's liking; and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would [60 have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of "Green Sleeves." What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, [650, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? 70 Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter; but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. [75 I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names, sure, more,- and these are of the second edition. He will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the when press, he would put us two. I had rather be a [80 giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? 86 120 Pist. With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy heels. odious is the name! Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell. 125 Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night. Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds Away, Sir Corporal Nym! [Exit.] Ford. [Aside.] I will be patient; I will find out this. 131 Nym. [To Page.] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours. I should have borne the humour'd letter to her; but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He [135 loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 't is true; my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese [and there's the humour of it]. Adieu. [Exit.] 141 Page. "The humour of it," quoth 'a! Here's a fellow frights English out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawling, af fecting rogue. Ford. If I do find it! Well. Host. Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor. Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you. [Drawing him aside. Host. What say'st thou, my bully-rook? Shal. [To Page.] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the means suring of their weapons, and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. [They draw aside.] Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleiro? [Ford.] None, I protest; but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress; - said I well? - and [225 thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, Mynheers? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. 281 Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what. Tis the heart, Master Page; 't is here, 't is here. I have seen the time, with my long sword [235 I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight. 240 [Exeunt Host, Shal. [and Page.] Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page's house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into 't; and I have a disguise to [245 sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 't is labour well bestowed. [Exit. SCENE II. [A room in the Garter Inn.] Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated upon my good friends for three [s reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had look'd through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damn'd in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when [1 Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took 't upon mine honour thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence? 14 Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason. Think'st |