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MR. PUNCH-DEAR SIR, The Three R's and the Rail. IF I was an Artist. I would Try to Furnish Yow with a Sketch. of a Discovery of a New Starr. Vix General Starr Fenien if Yow will Read the Fenien Campaign. Yow will LET us accept the Time Table which is to find where that Gallant Starr. orderd his Men to Retreat. one and all Refused. but Starr knew be included in the scheme of national educathat if he Could Not Command they Rest, he had one good Property, Vix, he Could Command tion as an auspicious omen. We may hope it himself. So he went Right Aboute and went. 3 times a Double, and was Shortley oute of portends that the training of youth is about View. of all Men I Can fancy Starr at the Head of his Army. and at a Distance a Handfull to advance at railway speed.

A CITY POET WANTED.

COURTEOUS MR. PUNCH,

THE ALABAMA CASE AS IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. GENERAL GRANT'S statesmanlike exposition with reference to Cuba, of the conditions which should determine, or forbid, recognition of belligereney, ought to estop his countrymen from letting us hear any more of their complaints about our unfriendliness in recognising the Confederates as belligerents during the American Civil War. It ought, but it won't. Our American brothers are as illogical in their way as we are in ours, which is saying something.

I DAILY find three columns of my newspaper made utterly unreadable by being filled with statements about dealings in the money market, and the price of stocks and shares, and similar dry details with no kind of human interest, except to bulls and bears and creatures of that sort. Now, if for their sake it be needful to impart such information, it might surely be conveyed in a manner less prosaic than that which is adopted. Without the slightest sacrifice of stockbrokers' slangography, or in any way abandoning the dull stupid business terms which are so much in civic usage, City news might be recorded in a gay poetic fashion, and thus be rendered less offensive to persons like myself who take no particle of interest in it. I subjoin a specimen of what a City Poet might report, and, in the hope that your contempo-issued a proclamation forbidding all her subjects to give any assistance raries may act upon my hint, I subscribe myself,

Yours humbly,

APOLLO MILTON SMITH,

A CHANT FROM THE CITY.

WOULD you know the ruling price now
Of each British stock and share?

List to me, and in a trice now
I their value will declare.
Thus may you gain information
How your money to invest;
But beware of speculation,

Which so many hath distrest.
Consols yesterday were flatter,

And at ninety-two were done :
Duller still Reduced, the latter
Reaching barely ninety-ouc.
Bank Stock too an eighth receded,
And in sympathy with these
A diminution must be heeded

Of a quarter in New Threes.

In Railways scarce deserving mention
Were the changes that were made;
Brightons first received attention,
Then were flatter by a shade.
Caledonians, be it noted,

Had a brisk and buoyant air:
But Great Easterns must be quoted
As declining one per share.

Of Mining Shares the market's fuller,
So at less cost buy you can;
Firm, however, stood Wheal Buller,
Dull was poor Wheal Mary Anu.

In gas the bearish operators

For a fall achieved their turn,

So beware, ye speculators,

Lest with gas your fingers burn.

Banks were brisk, but Docks were slower,

Telegraphs improved a shade;

Discounts being quoted lower,

Many purchases were made.

Other falls there 'll be, and rises,
So I end as I began,

When you want to know the prices
In the City, I'm your man!

An Illiberal Old Gentleman.

"EDUCATE the Street Boys-I beg your pardon, the Street Arabs teach them reading, writing and arithmetic! What then, Sir?" demanded MR. SCROGGS. "Reading ?-they will read the Police News and the Lives of the Highwaymen. Writing?-they will write GLAD STONE on the shutters, and BOB LOWE on the walls, No Popery, and other street, Arabic. Arithmetic P-the Street Arabs will only do more addition sums on my gate-posts, besides drawing Street Arabesques, and scrawling 'Old SCROGGS is a fool."

Malaprop on the Mersey.

MRS. RAMSBOTHAM (MRS. MALAPROP'S friend) read in a newspaper that at Liverpool, on the 4th instant, the principal houses of business, shipping offices, and American ships in port, were adorned with a fine display of bunting in honour of " Independence Day." In quoting this intelligence she stated, that the caravanserai of American Independence had been celebrated at Liverpool with a prolusion of Buncombe.

Suppose, when the war between North and South first broke out, we had done all that MR. SEWARD and MR. SUMNER could have wished? Suppose we had called the war a rebellion," and the Confederates "rebels" Suppose we had, nevertheless, recognised the Federal blockade of the Confederate ports? Suppose the QUEEN had to the Southern traitors in arms against the sovereignty of the United States? Suppose a new foreign Eulistment Act had been immediately passed, the Alabama seized, and her builders fined?

What would have been the consequences of sympathy thus partially demonstrated by our Government towards the North P

In the first place, an immediate row here. Exasperation on the part of the British Public. Transference of its entire sympathy to the South, Overthrow of Government, Change of Ministry. Demand of a party for intervention concurred in by the people at large. LOUIS NAPOLEON'S Overtures perhaps agreed to. And what then?

Well; France and England too would, perhaps, have been licked into a cocked hat. But what-and this is especially the point for the SEWARDS and SUMNERS to consider-what would have happened if the British Government, in its active sympathy with the North, had been enthusiastically supported by the British nation? What then?

All the American Irishmen in the States, almost, would have assuredly gone over to the South, except some who might have hesitated to take part against England from doubts as to the certainty of pay and plunder.

And then what would have been the issue of the struggle for the Unity of the great American Republic, and the cause of Freedom?

COMING LITERARY EVENTS.

SOME writers seem to think there is great virtue in a title, although they have been told that there is not much in a name. As a heading for advertisements, they look out for something striking to hit the popular taste, perhaps believing that Ce n'est que la première page qui coute. Like conveyancers, they hold that very much depends upon getting a good title; and we are therefore not surprised at hearing through the medium of a literary clairvoyant, that our circulating libraries will be ere long enriched by the following new works:Skimmed Milk: a Domestic Story, by the Author of Below the Surface. The Tubbing Rooms of Trinidad: a Sketch in Water Colours, published as a sequel to The Baths and Wells of Europe.

Light a Lucifer: a Sensation Story, to follow After Dark. Chums of my Society: descriptive Essays to accompany Companions of my Solitude.

A Cupboard full of Chronicles: compiled by the Author of A Storehouse of Stories.

Vacations among Valets: a Companion Work to Holidays on Highlands. Step into his Shoes: a Sequel to the Popular Novel Put Yourself in his Place.

Tame Life in a Milkwalk: a Book of London Travel, written as a Companion to Wild Life among the Kurds.

Tables Not Mahogany.

A Вook, or pamphlet, is advertised under the name of Income-Tax nature of the Tables so called. He may possibly imagine that IncomeTables. The uncalculating reader will perhaps misunderstand the tax Tables are the breakfast and dinner tables of the Great Exempt from the Income-tax, spread with luxuries which they enjoy at the expense of the classes amerced by it.

Information Wanted.

WILL Some expert tell us what "the Dive Downes Mannscript " is? Is it a record of researches at the bottom of the sea, or merely a MS. account of expeditions in the Bell that is, or was, at the Polytechnic ?

CONFOUNDED GEOLOGY.

IN relation to the Ecumenical Council, it may be well to mention for the benefit of some whom it may concern, that LEO The Isaurian was an illustrious Pope, and is not an extinct reptile.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. MONDAY, July 11th.-On this day, and for some days later, good men hoped that the most wicked war of the century (we do not forget Schleswig-Holstein), would be prevented. The pretexts for that war were stated here last week. Tonight, the Foreign Secretary, LORD GRANVILLE, interrogated by LORD MALMESBURY, made a statement, of which this is a portion. After mentioning his having received the Seals of the Foreign Office on the previous Wednesday, and having been told by the Permanent Under - Secretary, MR. HAMMOND, that he had never during his long experience known such a lull in foreign affairs, his Lordship mentioned that the same evening he received a telegram informing him that PRINCE LEOPOLD of Hohenzollern had accepted the crown of Spain. Next day," said LORD GRANVILLE,

66

How the exercise of that legitimate influence failed, and how the public mind was disturbed during the week, is at present fresh in the memories of all, but as this record will be referred to in after days, we mention that for several days the word was Peace. It was known that the KING OF PRUSSIA had virtually conceded at least all that France

INSIDE.

had a right to ask, and that the Prince had withdrawn his candidature. But on Friday evening England_learned that France had Declared War. That night in the House of Lords, the Foreign Minister briefly expressed his concern and grief at being obliged to give credence to the war news. In the Commons question and answer were more detailed. MR. DISRAELI, with no undue elaboration, stated the case as it was understood, and here is part of his speech:

"It is said that between the two allies of Her Majesty, between whom this unhappy misconception seemed suddenly

to have arisen, there have been for a long time many causes of misconception and misunderstanding, much jealousy and distrust, and many questions as to their mutual relations, or their relations with other countries of Europe, which have been left open and unsettled, and that suddenly there has been a resolution in some quarters to bring about a precipitate settlement of these questions. If there be any truth in this statement, the cause of controversy between these allies of Her Majesty has not arisen from the invasion of each other's territory, or from any outrage which has been committed against the national honour of either throne. It is purely a diplomatic question, and the causes have existed for some time. Now, both those powerful states have, within a very short time, solicited the advice and prayed for the influence of Her Majesty to be exercised on their behalf. They have done more than that, they have entreated Her Majesty to enter into engagements, and even perilous engagements, with the view of furthering their interests, of securing the peace of Europe, and giving them an opportunity, and a happy opportunity, of terminating all the questions of dissidence between them. In these circumstances, I must express my opinion that whatever may be the political competence of France or Prussia at this moment to declare and carry on war-and no one can question that-I say that under the circumstances which I have recalled to the memory of Parliament, neither France nor Prussia has a right to enter into any war-no moral right, at least, to enter into any war-without fully and really consulting Great Britain."

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Private Smithers (to himself as he "turned in" on Monday night during the Storm). "DEAR ME! Now THIS IS A RARE INSTANCE OF CONSIDERATION AND REGARD FOR THE COMFORT OF THE VOLUNTEERS ON THE PART OF Gov'MENT, THESE NICE ROOMY WATCH-POCKETS! 'PON M' WORD, I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT!!"

"I had an interview with M. LAVALETTE, the French Ambassador, who informed me of what I already knew; and in very eloquent and energetic terms expressed to me the great injury which had been done, and the great offence_which had just been given to France, and the determination of the Government of the Emperor not to submit to the project. He said he trusted Her Ma jesty's Government, from the friendly feelings which they entertained towards France, and from their desire to maintain peace, would use their efforts with the other Powers concerned in the affair. I told him that the announcement had taken the Prime Minister and myself entirely by surprise; that I could not admit all the arguments he had used; and that I wished to reserve my opinion on the general question. I expressed regret that such strong language had been made use of at the outset of the affair by the French Government, but I admitted the existence of strong excitement in the public mind with respect to the question. I said that our friendly relations with France, and our anxious desire to contribute to the maintenance of European; peace, would make us endeavour, without any undue interference with the dignity of other countries, to press upon them at all times the necessity of examining this important question in all its serious aspects. This is the principle upon which Her Majesty's Government have since acted. I have been in communication not only with France, Prussia, and Spain, but with all the other great Powers or their representatives; and I have good reason to believe that those other Powers are all anxious for peace, and also desirous of contributing each its share to the maintenance of it."

In the House of Commons on the same evening, the PREMIER, in reply to SIR WILLIAM HUTT, said, "that Her Majesty's Government had exercised and would exercise all the legitimate influence they may be supposed to possess with due regard to the self-respect and dignity of Foreign Powers, for the purpose of preventing any event so ruinous and deplorable as a European convulsion with its consequent confusion and bloodshed."

VOL. LIX.

OUTSIDE.

Private Smithers-No! WE WON'T
REPEAT WHAT HE SAID, THE NEXT
MORNING, WHEN HE DISCOVERED THAT
WHAT HE TOOK FOR A WATCH-POCKET
WAS A VENTILATING APERTURE-AND
HIS WATCH IMBEDDED IN THE MUD AT
THE BOTTOM OF HIS TRENCH!

E

He had no doubt that Government had done its duty ably, but he thought that a public announcement to that effect would have a beneficial effect upon Europe. He therefore formally asked the question whether the Government had reminded France and Prussia of the sacrifices and exertions made for them by England. He concluded in language which expresses the feelings of all of us :

"The ruler of any country who at this time disturbs the peace of Europe incurs the gravest political and moral responsibility-(Cheers)which can fall to the lot of any man. I hear, Sir, superficial remarks made about military surprises, captured capitals, and the brilliancy and celerity

with which results may be brought about at this moment which are not ex-bers of the Board of Works looking, according to the reports, uncompected or contemplated. Sir, these are events of a bygone age. In the last century such melodramatic catastrophes were frequent, and they were effective. But we live in an age animated by a very different spirit. The fate of a great country like France, or a great country like Prussia, cannot be ultimately affected by such results; and the Sovereign who trusts in them will find at the moment of action, wherever he may be placed, that he has to encounter a greater and a more powerful force than any military array, and that is THE OUTRAGED OPINION OF AN ENLIGHTENED WORLD." (Cheers.)

The House might well cheer words so worthy of an English statesman. We complete the story of the week with a part of the Prime Minister's reply. MR. GLADSTONE said that under the Protocol of the Paris Congress of 1856, England had a right to be heard by any Powers before they resorted to the last terrible extremity of arms. He would not then enter into the alleged causes of the war. Communications and transactions had not been favourable.

"Any functions we can discharge, or offices we can render, are necessarily limited; but I have hope that when the time comes-and it will soon arrive at which it will be our duty to explain in detail that which it is now not less our duty to withhold, the House may be of opinion that Her Majesty's Government have not fallen short of the duties incumbent on them as representatives of England, and that likewise they have not gone beyond those duties." (Cheers.)

There is the Story of the Week, as it was illustrated in the English Parliament, but we may make it complete by inserting a few passages from the speech made by the French Minister, on Friday. After describing previous steps taken in consequence of the acceptance by the Prince, M. OLLIVIER said :

"We received an intimation from the Spanish Ambassador that the PRINCE OF HOHENZOLLERN had renounced the crown. We asked the King to associate himself with this renunciation, and to engage that should the Crown be again offered to the PRINCE OF HOHENZOLLERN, he would refuse his authorisation. This engagement demanded the King refused to give. Later our surprise was great when we learned that the King had refused to receive M. BENEDETTI. We learned that BARON WERTHER had received orders to take his leave, and that Prussia was arming. Under these circumstances we should have forgotten our dignity and also our prudence had we not made preparations. We have prepared to maintain the war which is offered to us, leaving to each that portion of the responsibility which devolves upon him. (Enthusiastic and prolonged applause.) Since yesterday we have called out the reserve, and we shall take the necessary measures to guard the interest, and the security, and

the honour of France.'

Thus is set before Europe what England and France have heard from their rulers on the preparations for A DUEL TO THE DEATH. We have yet to hear Prussia. And so

"A Monarch's Voice

Cries 'HAVOC,' and 'bids' slip the Dogs of War."

Fortunately the other proceedings in our own Parliament do not make much demand upon the valuable intellect of Mr. Punch. One night the Commons took it into their heads to sit until about five in the morning, putting out the gas, and again letting sunlight in upon themselves. This sounds patriotic, but the fact is that the nights were so awfully hot, that a cool public building (with the opportunity of a water-side lounge and smoke, and iced drinks) was pleasanter than bed. Mr. Punch regrets to have to state this stern truth, but it is his duty. LORD STRATFORD DE REDCLIFFE moved an address about the Greek Brigandage, but Government declared that they were doing all they could do, so the motion was withdrawn. The Education Bill has been the great piece of resistance in the Commons, but you do not want details. MR. TREVELYAN explained that he had left the Ministry, at the risk of being thought squeamish and Quixotic, because he could not approve its course in regard to Denominational schools. The water in the Regent's Park is offensive, and is to be deepened-of course a mistake, it ought to be made to flow more rapidly. If MR. AYRTON will send a commission to examine the ducks, they will tell him all about it, and he may have more confidence in them than in any cognate birds who advise the absurd course suggested. The" Lectionary "we beg LORD SHAFTESBURY'S pardon the "Table of Lessons" Bill offended some by recognising Convocation, but LORD SHAFTESBURY ridiculed "hobgoblin arguments," and by 60 to 24 the recognition was maintained. The valuable Benefices Bill (affecting parsons who don't pay their debts) was passed by the Lords by 29 to 18.

Truck system, supposed to be put down, was shown by MR. MUNDELLA to be in full force and virtue-we mean vice. Why do not the artisans take this up, by means of their Unions? There is to be a Commission. LORD HARTINGTON apologised for telegraphic shortcomings, and made a good case. There is no doubt that the PostOffice telegram has become an Institution.

monly shabby. The Commons, after seeing the sight, took one (excuse the hideous vulgarity) at SIR WILFRID LAWSON, and threw out his Bill for Permissive Prohibition of Liquor, except to those who have cellars. But MR. BRUCE again promised a Bill for reducing the number of Public-Houses.

On Thursday the MARQUIS OF SALISBURY caused the University Tests Bill to be sent to a Select Committee, which of course means its fate. Said not Mr. Punch so by means of that fatal-Dash, last week? Some Bishops spoke wisely and liberally.

Friday night's chief business has been told. The Lords discussed the Commons' amendments on the Peers' amendments, assented to the most important, but held to some others, and the Commons Supplied in the morning, and at night were Counted Out, for their minds, like those of all the rest of us, were full of the news from Paris, and of the Crime which the two great Continental nations were on the eve of perpetrating. That night we had a fierce thunderstorm. Well wrote BYRON

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BY JOHN THOMAS, SENIOR.

ALARSE, in fashionable talk

I mawn a pitiful decline,

'Tis now no longer, I remawk,

Refined, as 'twas, in hauld lang syne,
In Sawvants' 'All when we peruse
The 'igher hordas' goings on,
We see those hordas, in the news,
No longer called the élite of ton.
Alliance matrimonial they

Enounce no more on the tapis:
The breakfast now as recherché

Described you scarcely ever see.
Plain breakfast the repawst is named;
Their elegance they so forget,
They don't, to speak it I'm ashamed,
Say déjeuner à la fourchette.
Among the haute volée; that phrase
Has also quite gone out of date,
The cawse repawter in these days
Ne'er chronicles a fête champêtre.
The world is getting so ill-bred

66

That garden party" 'tis the go
Of that tawm to employ instead.
Low tawn, low language, very low!

I fear, befaw my soul, released,

Have left below these calves of clay,
An evening party will have ceased
To bear the name of a soirée.
Do the superior classes blushi

To talk what I distingué call?
Farewell, soon, épaulettes and plush,
Cockades and buckles, pumps, and all.

AN AMERICAN EXAMPLE.

AN American Correspondent of the Times says that "the Income-tax is doomed," the Senate having "stricken by a decided vote all the sections providing for its collection out of the Tax Bill." The provisions for the collection of the Income-tax in the United States must have been very cleverly contrived if they in any measure answered their purpose. Fancy a Yankee confessing the amount of his income in order to have it taxed. The machinery required to make him do that must, one would think, be of a material nature. How much conscience money, on an average, is the American finance Minister accustomed to receive in the course of a year?

r

Not More Free than Welcome.

"A FREE breakfast table!" sighed Mr. Punch, as he laid down his On Wednesday the QUEEN was to have opened the Thames Em-newspaper and chipped his second egg, "Ah, that will be when one is bankment, but HER MAJESTY'S health forbad this, so the Heir-Apparent free to eat one's breakfast without having to wade through a Parliaand the charming PRINCESS LOUISE performed the ceremony, the Mem-mentary debate!

A MAYOR'S GAUNTLET.

NTIQUARIANS doubt
whether Kingston
(on Thames) derives
its name from the
Stone which may be
seen there, and on
which Kings have to
sit when they visit
the place. They find
this difficult now,
because the stone is
surrounded by high
railings; and unless
the official who has
the key of the gate
be in the way, Ma-
jesty must climb,
which is not digni-
fied. But whatever
way Kingston may
get its name, there
can be no difference
of opinion as to the
skill of its most dis-
tinguished inhabit-
ants in applying
names to one another.

Here is a portion of a report, from the Surrey Comet, of a recent scene at a Town Council meeting; and Mr. Punch, who adores Town Councils for their wisdom, decorum, and philanthropy, gladly presents his readers with the following gems of oratory.

The question was about certain paving, and

"ALDERMAN GOULD was proceeding to speak of the durability of concrete in the basements of some of his houses, when

"MR. Fox told him to cut it short.'

"ALDERMAN GOULD thought when gentlemen did not attend Council) meetings above once or twice in three months, they ought to exercise a little patience, and not interrupt with any impertinent remarks, whether it be to cut it short or cut it long.

"MR. Fox. It is not an impertinent remark. I have wasted whole nights here through you.

"ALDERMAN GOULD. There is not a man in the Council who has attended less to public business; and then you come to interrupt."

After this skirmish, debate was resumed, and"ALDERMAN WILLIAMS really thought that gentlemen should pause, and wait for better times. They could not help the shops.

"MR. M'INTYRE. You would at one time have helped the shops. "ALDERMAN WILLIAMS. I want none of your personalities, MR. M'INTYRE. If you throw stones, I will throw them too."

and, having brought the Council to a point at which he can gaze on them with pride and glory, he leaves them to pick up the glove of the valiant Mayor.

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SONG OF THE WASHED-OUT VOLUNTEER.

(Apropos of Monday Se'nnight's Downpour.)
AIR-"A Wet Sheet and a Flowing Sea."

A WET sheet and a wetter shirt,
And a rain that falleth fast!
A foot of water in my tent,

And the "lights out" bugle-blast!
The "lights out" bugle-blast, my boys!
And all dark, though at sea!

Away my luggage floats, and like
A drowned rat leaves me!

"What joy, in camp oneself to find!"
I heard a fair one cry:

But give to me a two-pair back,
With bed-clothes warm and dry!
With bed-clothes warm and dry, my boys,
Prosaic though they be-

This world of water 's not our home,
Nor merry men are we!

A red eclipse snuffs out the moon,
And lanterns aren't allowed:
So damp and dark, poor Volunteers,
Blow the consoling cloud!
Blow the consoling cloud, my boys,
While the rain runneth free:
A wet-through tent no palace is,
With the Common like a sea!

SPARRING AT THE STATION-HOUSES. THE Commissioners at Scotland Yard, we are glad to hear (through the Pall Mall Gazette) have issued sets of boxing-gloves to the Police at the various station-houses, and the young constables, we are assured, take kindly to the exercise in spite of the hot weather.

The Police, in popular opinion, are overprone to punch other people's heads. It is to be hoped that any such disposition there may be will work itself off through the opportunity now afforded them of punching each other's.

The use of the gloves will, at least, tend to ensure our finding the younger and livelier members of the Force "on the beat," even when off duty.

We would suggest that the constables who show themselves handiest with their maulies should be formed into a "P. R. Division; " and

"Throwing stones was a very proper image when a paving question that from this division should be selected the men for duty in those was on. But subsequently-.

"MR. BARRATT said, that several of the Highway Committee were connected with the Spring Grove Estate; and they should find some fine morning "MR. MINTYRE. You go and hang yourself about Spring Grove! The Spring-Grove people have got more money than you have got. Saying this, MR. M'INTYRE rose and left the room, slamming the door after him.'

that some of those footpaths would be done also.

parts of the town where Roughs most abound. In this way the ruffians
meet with their match; and the public may occasionally have the
who know no better sport than "milling a Bobby," will be likely to
instructive and improving spectacle of a Rough handsomely thrashed
by the Police, instead of the converse sight now more common. The
Roughs will be all the better for a little polishing off; and nothing
polishes like "elbow-grease."

arms painted on it, and be called a staff!
Bunch of fives against bludgeon any day-even if it have the royal

Mr. Punch does not quite understand MR. M'INTYRE's advice to MR. BARRATT. There are trees in Spring Grove; but a gentleman could hardly hang himself "about" a place, though he might decorate to the charges so often brought against him of turning the Police into This issue of boxing-gloves may be COLONEL HENDERSON's answer a single tree in the way suggested. But to this Mr. Punch would Soldiers. Henceforth, the Force will have so many fewer men on the object, because the spectacle would be an unpleasant one for the pupils Staff as it has more on the Spar; and by so much the more milling, of the admirable International College which has made the fame of by so much the less drilling. Hitherto the complaint has been that Spring Grove. On the whole, Mr. Punch is glad to notice, in a later the Police has been "under-manned." Let us hope that the next report, that MR. BARRATT has declined to accept the M'Intyrish complaint may not be that it is "over-sparred." counsel, and remains alive and well. But, to go on.

"ALDERMAN GRAY said, as far as he was concerned, he did not intend to attend the Highway Committee any longer. He could not stop there to be insulted and abused in all sorts of ways. MR. ALDERMAN WELLS was also grossly insulted, and so was the surveyor. He could not sit with a body of men who, in case of a difference of opinion arising, treated him with such a volley of abuse that it was quite impossible for him to act."

Well, disagreeable if not impossible, certainly, Alderman; but since when have Town Councillors grown to be particular in such matters? Finally

"MR. JONES, having asked which of the Members of the Council was bold enough to get up and declare a vacancy,

"The MAYOR, who had just arrived, said it devolved upon him in his official capacity to throw down the gauntlet."

"Throw down the gauntlet!" That is a dash of chivalry, at last;

A Liquor Law Logician.

THE Speech which SIR WILFRID LAWSON inflicted on the House of Commons, in recommendation of his intended local liquor law, he might much better have made before in opposition to another measure. It mainly consisted of an attempt to prove that education cannot be expected to abate drunkenness. This would have been an argument much more to the question if it had been urged against the Government Education Bill. If education will not abate drunkenness, what vice of any kind whatsoever will it diminish, and what good at all will it do to recompense us for the rates which we shall have to pay for it?

"THE RAW MATERIAL."-Underdone Steak.

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