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MONDAY, June 20. EARL RUSSELL proposed that the Lords should ask Her Majesty to appoint a Commission to inquire into the means best fitted to guarantee the security of every part of the QUEEN'S dominions. He thinks that LORD GRANVILLE snubs the Colonies. Also, he showed his reading, thus:

"In one of DRYDEN's plays a man and his wife came upon the stage, and stated that, having loved each other as long as they could, and lived together so long as was pleasant to both, they had determined to separate. But that was the immoral sentiment of an immoral poet, and was not a proper guide for the colonial policy of this country."

We had not heard that the works of "glorious John" had been selected as the text-book for the Colonial Office, but we entirely agree with EARL RUSSELL that the above sentiment is decidedly improper. We should not call DRYDEN an "immoral poet," but a noble writer who sometimes ceased to be a poet, and stooped to immorality. The motion was resisted. Somebody has well said that the Commission desired by the Earl already exists, and the Commissioners are known as Her Majesty's Government. Finally, after a pleasing little debate, which ended in time to enable the Peers to dress for "a late 8" dinner (as Lothair says), the proposal was withdrawn.

SIR H. HOARE asked MR. AYRTON to state "with his usual courtesy," what he meant to do about that unfortunate Kensington Road. MR. AYRTON promised the courtesy and the explanation on another evening. We may as well say that he redeemed his promise, and gives up the plan. Hence learn a lesson. What all the sarcasms and violences of political opponents failed to obtain from the right honourable gentleman was thus gained by Mr. Punch's exquisitely gentle but perfectly irresistible Representation of the undesirableness of MR. AYRTON's course.

DOCTOR DENISON, as we may now call him, apprised the House that he had been invited to go to Oxford, to receive from the new Chancellor, LORD SALISBURY, the degree of D.C.L. He requested a brief holiday for that purpose. MR. GLADSTONE and MR. DISRAELI begged that he would go, and might have sung from Cox and Box

"Saying, 'Dear Sir, you'll oblige us and honour us,
If you'll accept this as your holi-day.'

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of debate, while the SPEAKER went to hear himself addressed in very choice ancient Italian.

Education-Obstruction was then resumed. MR. RICHARD, rising from MR. BRIGHT's seat in old days, but not rising to the level of the argument, as MR. BRIGHT would have done, placed himself in antagonism to the Government, and moved an Amendment, to the effect that Grants to the present Denominational Schools should not be increased,

Attendance should be everywhere compulsory,

Religious instruction should be supplied by voluntary subscription. Now, on this sectarian Amendment the House debated this night, and on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. But Mr. Punch, having embodied his idea of the whole business in a Cartoon so suggestive and so subtle, that while the simplest mind can comprehend it, the profoundest must admire it, has no intention of wasting typography upon a resumé of the hundred-times-urged arguments. He records his approval of SIR JOHN PAKINGTON's sentiments. That gentleman declared that he would support the Bill in two ways-by his vote, and by not occupying precious time with long speeches. MR. FORSTER announced that Government had come to the end of their concessions. On those who delayed the Bill should rest the responsibility. Admirable was one of MR. FORSTER'S sentences, and it told. "It is not of the poor little children that we are thinking.". In the course of debating, LORD R. MONTAGU said that the Denominationalists lost more than they gained, but that they wished to settle the question. MR. DIXON, of the League, complained that he and his friends were attacked, for they were the quietest people in the House, and seldom spoke, but represented a great mass of opinion outside. MR. HENLEY, but in no bigoted way, stood up for the Catechism, as teaching the great truths dear to almost all.

On the last night, there was some good speaking by MR. MUNDELLA, who asked how spiritual instruction was to be refused unless we withheld MILTON and other religious poets from the schools; MR. W. H. SMITH declaring, from his large personal knowledge, that the artisan class was hostile to the exclusion of religion; MR. WALTER confirmed that testimony, and believed the Bill a wise one, because tentative; MR. HORSMAN galloped over everybody, but himself came

It was therefore arranged that MR. DODSON should dispel the Fogs a moral cropper, and MR. GLADSTONE finished with a fine and vigorous

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answer to all antagonists-the result being that the Seculars went out only 60, and the united Conservatives and Liberals 421. MR. RICHARD'S defeat is a matter for as much congratulation as Mr. Punch can offer on this subject, while disputants block the child's way to school. Tuesday. MR. SOMERSET BEAUMONT (Wakefield) proposed that no Bishops, hereafter to be consecrated, should sit in the House of Lords. Needless to say that a motion of this kind brought out some smart and sharp sayings from the enemies of the Mitre. But MR. GLADSTONE rose up and executed judgment upon them. He thought that the presence of the Prelates in the House of Lords was very valuable, for they were men who had risen by their merits. He reviewed episcopal history, and showed that the Bishops, though they might often have been wrong, had manifested independence and a readiness to suffer for principle:

"ARCHBISHOP LAUD went gallantly to the scaffold, and no man, I believe, ever behaved better upon it. Every Bishop of the Church of England took contentedly the spoiling of his goods, and in that respect proved himself to be a successor of the Apostles. What happened in the reign of JAMES THE SECOND, when the Bishops made themselves the leaders of the people on behalf of liberty and law? (loud cheers.) What happened in the reign of WILLIAM THE THIRD, when a large number of Bishops-wrongly as I think, but with spirit, independence, and disinterestedness, and because of the scruples which they entertained as to the title of the King to the Crownabandoned their temporal advantages, and descended into obscurity, if not beggary? (cheers.) Let us do justice in this matter. The Bishops of the Church of England may have their faults-no doubt they have, like every other body of men-but they have eminently been a body distinguished by independence and regard for character."

Contrary to his custom (not that he binds himself by the faintest rule)

"Disposing men and things His Own Majestic Way."

Mr. Punch quotes the above passage, and requests that all antiGladstonian Clergymen will read it aloud to their families on Sunday next, at breakfast, and "without note or comment," save what may be silently made by conscience. MR. BEAUMONT said that he was a supporter, not only of MR. GLADSTONE but of MR. BRIGHT, who had used exceeding strong language condemnatory of the presence of Bishops in the House of Lords. He regretted, especially "this week," the absence of "our distinguished leader." The motion was rejected by 158 to 102.

opposed to the principle of the Bill, Mr. Punch may assume that his friend, MR. GLADSTONE, will find some means of convincing the Peers that his scheme may be best left intact. LORD O'HAGAN lost no time in making his maiden speech in the Upper Chamber, supporting the Bill, and thanking "a noble nation" for attempting the reparation of


But what is life without fun? LORD CLANCARTY proposed that no compensation should be given to an evicted tenant who had exhibited to his neighbours an example of habitual drunkenness, vice, or misdemeanour. But LORD SALISBURY was sarcastic on this attempt to make Irishmen virtuous through the agency of draining and fencing, and inquired whether the judges would have to take into consideration the question whether the tenant had paid such attention to his neighbour's wife as should attract the unfavourable notice of LORD PENzance. The remarkable proposal was withdrawn.

Punch has said how the Commons were occupied, but must add his tribute to SIR R. KNIGHTLEY, who declared, pityingly, that MR. GLADSTONE laboured like a galley-slave at the oar-trusted he would have stamina to carry him through the Session, but added that if the PREMIER succumbed, it might be recorded on his tomb that he was, like Acton (can SIR R. K. have looked into that legend lately ?) torn to pieces by his own dogs.

Punch was pleased with MR. PETER TAYLOR, the other day, for agitating in favour of making the Reporters more comfortable. But why won't he keep in our good books? Why did he say that the Gun-Tax was intended to deprive the People of Arms? If this meant anything, it meant that the People might want arms to shoot at the Executive. Now, MR. TAYLOR, is there any use in such nonsense? By the way, the Licence is reduced to ten shillings.

Friday. The Lords disported themselves with the Irish Land Bill much as on the previous night, and Mr. Punch refers to the words in which he has described the former proceedings as exactly descriptive of the latter also. LORD SALISBURY Compendiously stated the principle of the Bill as being that "it is better to pay compensation than to be shot," and LORD GRANVILLE thanked the CHANCELLOR OF OXFORD for putting his disagreeable things into epigrammatic form, instead of saying them in a diffuse manner. LORD GRANVILLE's ingenious courtesy could not be better illustrated than in such a compliment. The LORD CHANCELLOR hinted at pettifogging alterations, and this aggravated the DUKE OF RICHMOND, who indignantly denied that he was inclined to pettifoggery. Many noble Conservatives would not obey their nominal leader, and divided against him as well as against Government.

Mr. Punch has already stated what happened in the Commons, and only adds that MR. MUNDELLA, in alluding to MR. BRIGHT, quoted the Laureate's exquisite little lyric

"O for the touch of a vanished hand!
And the sound of a voice that is still!"

MR. GILPIN made complaint of the late hours kept by the House. One Member said that such hours were all very well for bachelors who had no home-charms to attract them. Another very properly said that able and leading politicians used to accept dinner invitations for Wednesdays and Saturdays only-now the rule seemed to be to accept whatever invitations were given, and throw the House over, until ten or eleven. These be truths. MR. GLADSTONE thought no rule could well be made, but promised to try not to bring on "opposed" business after 12 30. The House divided twice, and then MR. GILPIN withdrew Which quotation was "poetically pretty, but historically false," as his motion. But more must be heard on the subject. It is nonsense to say that it is the business of Parliament and not of the public. It is GILBERT A'BECKETT wrote. Mr. Punch rejoices to know that MR. because the business of the public cannot be done well in what a BRIGHT's hand probably holds a very good cigar, and that his voice is For which relief much thanks to "the Monster Member (recollecting NANTY EWART, perhaps) called the Small Hours, still-as fine as ever. that we wish it done in the great ones. Nothing but dancing, flirting, Head of Orme," and the demesnes that there adjacent lie. and eating lobster-salad can be performed well after midnight, and even those things had best be let alone, especially the last.

Wednesday. The only matter of interest was a Bill for doing a little justice to the Medical Men who look after the poor. DR. BRADY said that these gentlemen were liable to be called out at any hour of the day or night, to go great distances, in all weathers, for a remuneration which he justly described as truly disgraceful to those who tender it. So will everybody say when told that in 239 Unions the average monthly pay of the doctor is from eightpence to three shillings a case, and in 384 from three shillings to seven shillings a case. This bill to provide a superannuation scheme, enabling the Unions to give the retiring medical man a small allowance. He gets less, said MR. MUNTZ, for attending a large district than Members pay their butlers. Yet he voted against the Bill, as did 27 others, but there were 139 for it.

SIR GEORGE JENKINSON wants to establish a Court of Appeal in the case of Capital Sentences, but his plan was declared by the ATTORNEYGENERAL to be ill-considered, and it was withdrawn. MR. BRUCE defended himself for having reprieved a murderer who was so curiously constructed that his execution by the cord would have been difficult, and said that the commutation had been made to avoid a public scandal, and had nothing to do with the pain which carrying out the sentence might have caused to the assassin.

Thursday. The House of Lords was crammed with Peers, anxious to debate or hear debates on the Irish Land Bill. But as Mr. Punch's readers have probably heard as much as they desire to hear of the details of this Bill, it shall suffice to say that (new LORD O'HAGAN, Irish Chancellor, having taken his seat, with graceful compliment from Grace of Richmond) a variety of Opposition Amendments were put, discussed, and carried against Government. They may be described as having been made in the Landlord interest, and as some of them are


"The Law Lords were yesterday occupied in hearing arguments in a cause which has already come before two tribunals in Scotland, and is now brought on as an appeal before their Lordships' House. The question at issue affects the ownership of a triangular piece of ground, about eight square yards in extent, and estimated to be worth about 5s. The LORD CHANCELLOR'S WESTBURY, and COLONSAY sat to hear the case, in which, amongst other attendance was required at a Cabinet Council, but LORDS CHELMSFORD, counsel, the LORD ADVOCATE OF SCOTLAND, SIR ROUNDELL PALMER, and MR. MELLISH are engaged."-Daily News.

After reading the above highly instructive paragraph, which is not taken from a work of fiction, describing the habits and practices of an imaginary nation, but from a newspaper informing its readers of what goes on in this advancing country and in these enlightened times, can any perplexed Paterfamilias, puzzled to know what he shall do with his numerous sons, hesitate for a single moment to bring them all up to the lucrative profession of the law?"

Oxford and Origin of Species.

THE University of Oxford has evinced liberality in offering MR. DARWIN, who is a Cambridge man, and a scientific naturalist, the honorary degree of D.C.L. They might have proposed to create the great Doctor of Development a D.D., which, of course, nobody could suppose to mean Doctor of Divinity.


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O all and singular,
individually and col-
lectively, Boompje!
The history of the
Boompje Club re-
sembles that of most
other great and flou-
rishing institutions.
It has been develop-
ed successfully out
of small beginnings.
Such remarks as
appear here are

banging of doors in the passage; then a creaking of a door, some-
where, at intervals. So that when the man didn't walk, the doors
banged; when the doors didn't banged, the door craked; and when I
was going to ring my bell violently, and say to the waiter, "For
Heaven's sake, stop this inf- "the noises ceased, and, passing my
hand through my hair, I once more set myself to find line No. 3 for
A Fisherman of Schevening,
His little boat was havening,
a storm
When a bell

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Arrival of a party, and "would I mind letting a lady see the rooms?" With pleasure: I'm going out. On with hat; off with self. Boompje ! Coming to think of it, I don't know anything more remarkable than the way in which we suddenly struck on the title. Came down, as it were, whop upon it, Boompje!

It's a wonderful word. "Boompje!! If any one doubts me, let him try it as applicable to all sorts of occasions.

You talk of your acquaintance, the DUKE OF UPSHIRE, as "UPSHIRE" made in my capa-him at the corner of a street. This is Boompje. or "old UPPY," after being introduced to him, and saying good-bye to

city of Secretary,
and on my own per-
sonal responsibility.


You rise in the morning; out of bed at last. Boompje!

You bound along the pavement, buoyant, light-hearted, and happy. Boompje !

See the rollicking carelessness of the porters in dealing with your No man is a portmanteau and trunks at Dover and Calais. Boompje principles. Boompje all Boompje!



This must be borne in mind, because we didn't, as a Club, begin by being Boompjes. We, as it were, awoke one morning in a new country to find ourselves Boompjes. One of our party-we started as a party and continued as a Clublooked out of the Hotel window at Rotterdam, by the river-side, and says he, gravely,

Do you know where we are?" There was a pause, and he conWe are on the Boompje." tinued,

Thereupon, somebody said, Let us be Boompjes," and somebody else said," Let's," and the motion was carried nem. con.

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[On investigation we found he was right. We were on the Boompje. "The steamers," said our friend, appealing to the infallible Murray land their passengers on the fine quay called the Boompje." *** The philosopher BAYLE ended his days in one of the houses on the Boompje." This was enough.] We find (so runs the extract from the Boompje diary of that memorable day) that we have hitherto been Boompjes without knowing it. This is evident on examining Boompje principles.

Boompje Principles.

Examples.-To say at ten A.M. "I'm off!" and to be off to Anywhere (America, for example), before eleven, is to act upon Boompje principles. A man may act on Boompje principles, unconsciously, and without being a member of the society, as that gentleman did, who marched up and down his room for one hour and a quarter, overhead, while I was trying to write the first stanzas of my poem, The Fisherman of Scheveningen. I had begun :

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It was a Fisher of Schevening,

Who went out in the evening,

but at this point one of our party (the names will be given soon)
knocked at the door, on Boompje principles (ie, he did it so sud-
denly that I started up-boompje'd-from my chair), and informed
me, when I asked him "if it wasn't pretty," that "evening wasn't a
rhyme to Schevening, because Schevening was pronounced Skayven-
ing: and then, having only come in to ask me what time it was
(which I couldn't tell him), he walked out also, on Boompje principles,
i.e., banging the door violently. So, when I set to work again, I saw
no prospect of a rhyme te Schevening, as pronounced, unless the poem
could be supposed to be written by an Irishman, who would pronounce
evening" as avening," which I rejected, after dashing it off on one
Boompje impulsive principle, and tearing up the paper on another.
It was a Fisher of Schevening
Something about "hunger" here. On second thoughts it occurred
to me, that if you could talk of "stabling a horse," why couldn't
poet speak of "havening a boat?"
"Oho!" I cried, inspired, "the Boompje!!" and forthwith wrote:-
A Fisherman of Schevening


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His little boat was havening,


You are sad, despondent, and depressed. B-o-o-mp-je.
You are up again. Boompje!!

You go out for a ride, in Rotton Row, on a mettlesome charger, at so much an hour, and tell a friend that you are trying a horse with a view to purchase. Boompje! Boompje!

You have all your electro-plate out and silver too (if any) for a leg of mutton and potatoes. Boompje!

In short, if the intelligent reader will but give his mind to it, and just try the word on every possible occasion, he will find it not only suitable, but exactly appropriate to all possible occasions. In short, Boompje is everywhere in some form or another. In due course, as we proceed, I will give you the Hymn of the Boompjes.

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mode of pronouncing or giving effect to the word Boompje. It is two Note.-The mystery or secret of the Boompje Association lies in the syllables; the first (it is scarcely necessary to add) being Boomp, while at liberty to say on this subject to those whose destiny has not as yet the second (it is important to notice) is je. All that the present writer is may be gathered by coming down heavily, as it were, on the first, namely, led them to be Boompjes, is, that something of the force of the words the Boomp, and coming up, lightly and sharply, on the je. Boomp on one side of an ordinary see-saw, and Je on the other, will convey some idea of this mysterious word to the uninitiated. In any case the Je is to be Je up. Allons!


The Boompje Party prior to Boompjeism.

ONE morning BUND comes to me and says, "I want to make a party to go abroad." As a commencement, we went out for a walk together, and called on MAULLIE, the eminent artist, who had just finished his great picture of Home Again-(subject: a young cavalier has rushed into an Elizabethan drawing-room to meet his wife or somebody-represented by nobody being there-and through the door, which in his haste he has left open, are seen five interiors in perspective, one after the other, with the hall-door open in the distance, and a very little perspective man taking down a very little perspective portmanteau from a little perspective coach-sold for something over four figures, on the honour of a Boompje)-and was anxious to get away for a holiday. "Now," says BUND, who is an enthusiastic musician, and an amateur of the violoncello, "Here's the party: Painting, Music, and Literature." I was Literature," and deputed to keep a diary. Somebody suggested that Three wasn't "company," and while we were debating this point, enters to us DICKY GOOCH. Look here,' says he," you fellars: if I come with you," making it a favour, "I must be back in ten days, because of the London season.

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This being an imputation upon our social status, we all asserted that not only must we be back in that time or less, but that we experienced the utmost difficulty in tearing ourselves away from the crowds of parties, balls, concerts, teas, drums, &c., to which we had been invited at the rate of five a day for the next two months. (Boompje!) [Boompje note.-GooсH had managed (I afterwards discovered) with some difficulty to get an invitation for a private operatic performance at the house of somebody whom he didn't know, and this represented his engagements for the season. But a genuine Boompje of London

And here the man above began to walk about. Then there came a Society would rather die than own such a melancholy fact.]

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EVERYBODY knowS HORACE WALPOLE's receipt for dressing a cucumber. Buy it, wash it, slice it, add oil, vinegar, and pepperand then fling it out of the windows."

Our military authorities seem to have adopted a similar rule for dealing with our soldiers, in the late hot weather. It is true that a full private costs a good deal more than a cucumber. But the full private is among the human fruits of civilization what the cucumber is among vegetables-one of the most costly. He is said to cost JOHN BULL, on an average, £100 a year,-taking him with his appurtenances, the extensive and expensive machinery for buying, washing, slicing, oiling, vinegaring, and peppering him.

This expensive and wonderful product, in his shiny shako, tight stock, close-buttoned coarse woollen tunic and trousers, contract boots and belts, with his sixty-pound load of great-coat, mess-tin, knapsack, rifle and cartouche-box, we set to execute long marches of from twelve to eighteen miles, over dusty roads, in the full heat of the hottest sun that has shone for years! The strongest men suffer, but struggle on; the weaker fall out; the weakest drop and die.

If that isn't flinging the cucumber out of window, what is it? Yet this is what our sapient "military authorities" have been doing last week. We read in the Globe:

"On Wednesday last, which was one of the hottest days we have had for years, the head-quarters of the 2nd battalion of the 9th Regiment, with the depot of the 2nd battalion of the 10th Regiment, marched from West Ham to Kingston-on-Thames; and on the same day the 94th Regiment marched from Guildford to Aldershot. The distances were not unusually long-nineteen miles in one case, and about eleven in the other-so that they might easily have been accomplished, in the latter case, either between four and nine o'clock in the morning, or between the same hours in the evening; and in the former case, the distance might, without inconvenience, have been divided between those periods.. 'Private Maloney, 9th Regiment, fell on reaching


Kingston, and died at twenty minutes past ten o'clock the same night.' The 94th Regiment had not marched more than three miles on the way from Guildford when a corporal fell from sunstroke and died at eight o'clock the same evening. The marches were made in heavy marching order. On the Tuesday's march of the same detachments of the 9th and 10th Regiments, from. Warley to West Ham, a sergeant fell out from the effects of the sun, who is since reported to have died."

To say nothing of common humanity, economy is at stake! JOHN If this be true, it is simply monstrous. Who gives such orders? BULL has a right to know who is the ass in office who is allowed to fling his costly cucumbers out of the window in this way.

SING O the weather and the crops!

With a 'mather, woo't? and a way, gee wo!
A shower were pearls and golden drops
To the husbandmen, by my faith, I trow.
But Swithun will anon be here;

It will come down then, or it may before;
Old ale is better than table beer:

And there raineth no rain but it aye doth pour.

In harvest time an skies be wet,

So there sprout no grain, why the corn may swell; Drought never bred dearth in England yet;

And the best of all burdens is ding, dong, bell!

Cabman's Quest Law.

IF MR. HADDAN's Alphabetical System of Progression ever becomes the Law of the Metropolis,. Cabbies will have to mind their P's and Q's.






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