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THERE

"YOUR ADVICE AS A MAN OF THE WORLD, Gus. WHICH OF THE TWO MISS WILSONS SHALL I TAKE IN TO SUPPER? THEY ARE BY THE MANTEL PIECE.'

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"WELL, IF YOU TAKE THE HANDSOME ONE, YOU'LL HAVE TO FLATTER HER; IF YOU TAKE THE OTHER, SHE'LL FLATTER YOU. TO A MAN WHO DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY, LIKE YOURSELF, I SHOULD RECOMMEND THE FIRST, AS BY FAR THE LESS DANGEROUS OF THE TWO."

HOME AND FOREIGN POLICY.

Now Treaties are torn up and thrown to the wind
By nations regardless of justice and right.
Our faith to maintain those engagements is pinned;
That is, if we're certain of having the might.
Let them alone, let them alone,

When they fall out we shall come by our own.
Vienna's arrangements were stamped under foot;
NAPOLEON France chose to avenge Waterloo.
Ourselves in a frenzy we then might have put,
And plunged into war-but we didn't so do.
Let them alone, &c.

For many a year, by superior strength,
France Italy kept out of Italy's Rome;
To break German unity seeking at length,

Her Chassepôts recalled to work wonders at home.
Let them alone, &c.

And now an Italian is monarch of Spain

About Spanish Marriages we might have fought.
We didn't fight-LOUIS PHILIPPE's schemes proved vain,
And, left to themselves, came completely to naught.
Let them alone, &c.

We have at this moment enough on our hands-
That let us do well, and not try to do more.
Our own self-defence all our effort demands,
From foreign attack to secure Britain's shore.
Let them alone, &c.

When we have done that, on extraneous beat
Police we can send to quell thieves, if we please;

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"On Saturday morning Her Majesty the QUEEN... left Windsor Castle at a quarter past two o'clock, on a visit to LADY CLARENDON."-Times. WHAT an excellent example of early rising the QUEEN sets her subjects! And on these dark mornings, when it requires an immense effort to be up and stirring even at eight! But as we read on we get bewildered, for we are told that Her Majesty was back at Windsor "at 155 P.M. precisely," and that the trip "only occupied three hours and thirty-five minutes." Calculations of time must be very different at Windsor Castle (or in Printing House Square) from what they are in Fleet Street; and it would be more satisfactory if some learned Society, such as the Astronomical or the Horological, would help puzzled readers to solve this perplexing problem.

Spilt Milk and Worse.

THE saying that there is no use in crying over spilt milk applies to all fluids of which the waste is deplorable. Journalists disregard this saying when they lament bloodshed, and they equally ignore the ad monition it implies when they aggravate the bray and the cackle which tend to war.

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—DECEMBER 5,

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STRAWBERRY LEAVES.

destroying noxious animals. He could not see this, nor can I. But how a rat is killed is not so much to the point as what the persons SELECTION FROM THE VERY LATEST LETTERS OF THE HONOURABLE should be done with who pay to see and who enjoy such a spectacle.

HORACE WALPOLE, OF STRAWBERRY HILL.
PRIVATE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM.

To SIR HORACE MANN.

FAVOURED BY OUR

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I HOPE that you have not felt uncomfortable all the week. I should prize such a proof of your sympathy with your friend, but he would regret any discomfort to you. I have had some gout, I believe, and am glad to believe, for you know I regard gout as a remedy, not a disease. Therefore, I merely take pains to prevent its being more disagreeable than is necessary. I am not such a fool as to try to cure it of doing me good. But if I could have been tempted into the folly, it would have been by a charming request which I received from a lady friend to try a French medicine she was so good as to send me. Her brotherin-law, she said, had long suffered from the gout, but had taken the medicine for three years. Now he swears by it. Previously," she adds, "he swore differently." Was it not clever, and worth having the gout for? Don't you wish her brother-in-law's name was Mann ? My poor dear Paris! Do not ask about it, for I have no heart to write on the subject. Imagine that once brilliant city without any gas at night. I think that must be the most depressing feature in the whole horrid business. Paris without light! But now we hear that all is prepared for a hideous illumination, and that Notre Dame is marked out as a target for the bombs. I will not believe it, but I can give you no reason for my unbelief, except that the idea is too shocking. Of course, I easily reason myself into conviction that we have nothing to do with the matter-tu las voulu, Georges Dandin; but secretly I feel as if I were some kind of accomplice in a crime. Luckily, London is in no danger of such a state of things. We have no fortifications, and, as Lord Ellesmere said, if the enemy should march in at one end, the best thing the Guards could do would be to march out at the other.

You insist on having our twopenny local news, though what you do with it is as great a mystery to me as that which the old bear Dr. Johnson's satellites found in his collecting bits of orange-peel. Can you comprehend such trash being written down, by the way? Yes, you may, for in these days ten thousand times worse twaddle is written as biography of men who have not a quarter the old bear's title to respect. Apropos of bears, I may as well say, that we are not going to fight Russia because her circular was ill-mannered. Between poor fanatic Cowper and myself there is not much in common, but he wrote good verses, and here are two very much to the purpose :

"Am I to set my life upon a throw,
Because a Bear is rude and surly? No."

Chief Justice Cockburn is an admiration of mine. Seldom more so than when he snubs an absurd jury. There has been a tremendously long libel case before him-a philanthropic attorney-there are such beings, it seems, to prove to us that Hamlet was right about Horatio's philosophy-published vehement things against the ex-master of a workhouse. Justification was pleaded, and it was sought to show that the ex-official deserved the comments. The Chief Justice dwelt strongly upon the alleged cruelties in the workhouse. But the jury gave the master £600. 'I shall stay execution," said Sir Alexander. If the jurymen understood-but how should they understand-all that his Lordship meant, they might not have snored comfortably that night. But "a wise man's speech sleeps in a juror's ear.'

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Your friend was at a wedding the other day. I could not help it, of that you may be sure. You do not know the people, but you can understand a somewhat elderly and plain young lady, with Sir Hugh Evans' "good gifts" multiplied by twenty at least, wedding a dashing young horse officer, who had not previously shown himself blind to beauty. That happens often, you will say. Your remark is just, Sir Horace. But it does not often happen that a perfervid young wedding guest, from Cambridge, inspired by goblets of high-coloured champagne, and the smiles of bridesmaids (coloured or not I could not say) should insist on supplementing a toast with a song, and should shout forth a canticle known as the Bold Dragoon, a story of a soldier who having nothing but his boldness and his long sword, saddle, bridle, whack! did marry a rich woman, and speedily bury her, and touch ten thousand pound. The poor lad was far too exalted to comprehend the situation he had created, but the family butler fainted into an ice-pail, as the singer smote his manly limb, and cried "Whack" with a voice that made the glasses ring. I thought the young Cantab took his pons asinorum in style. Ever yours,

EPISCOPAL COOKERY.

HORACE WALPOLE.

COOKERY is a solemn-but we have hitherto scarcely regarded it as a sacred thing. For those who lower the Great Art to a level with Music, Painting, Oratory, and so forth, we have nothing but pity. But the line must be drawn somewhere. We did not expect to receive an Episcopal certificate to the merits of a Cork artist. Yet here is one, taken from an Irish journal :

THE OPENING AND CONSECRATION OF ST. FINN BARRE'S NEW
CATHEDRAL, CORK.

THOM
HOMAS J. *****, Practical Cook and Confectioner, having had
the honour of fulfilling a prolonged and important engagement with the
LORD BISHOP OF CORK and MRS. GREGG, who have entertained in a style of
munificent elegance the highest dignitaries of the Church, the elite of the
county and English metropolis, previous and subsequent to the opening of the
above noble and magnificent edifice, respectfully announces his return from
the Palace, Cork, to his residence, &c., &c.

But I was going to tell you that our London School Board has elected a Chairman, and you know him, so do millions. Sir, the exGovernor-General of India, Lord Lawrence, was chosen by a great majority. He was reasonably safe, being a Lord, but I was afraid that the additional qualification of being a noble, simple-hearted, highminded man, with great administrative power, might tell against him. It would have done so in most assemblies, but this Board is a picked Parliament. He is a staunch Churchman, so they chose a staunch Dissenter as Vice-Chairman. India seems triumphant. That Metropolitan Board chose Colonel Hogg, son of Sir James, as their chief. He has always been a favourite with them, and when he rose at the "REMEMBER, REMEMBER, THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER." same time as another speaker, there was invariably a shout of "Ear Ogg." I hope Bashan will be loyal and obedient to its King.

I see that in America they have been playing As You Like It, and by way of strengthening the cast have put in Mr. James Mace, pugilist, as the Wrestler. But Orlando throws him, to the exceeding rage of the rowdies, who attend only to behold the bruiser. It is suggested that to please them, the manager should let him have another adversary, whom he might maul terribly, and thus please everybody. Of course, no manager has any knowledge of Shakspeare except from the Sixpenny Acting Edition, or the course would be clear. Charles, the wrestler, before the struggle with Orlando, has thrown three brothers, maiming them for life, and their father is described as wailing over them, and making the bystanders weep. This might be shown. I should be sorry to see the name of Mrs. Scott Siddons, a lady of merit, mixed up with such a "revival "-if anything in this world mattered.

The dear old Pope is amusing himself characteristically. There are about four thousand doors in the Vatican, and he amuses himself, quite harmlessly, by pervading the place, and unlocking and locking the doors for hours. I suppose this is to persuade himself that he has still the power of the keys.

Do you ever amuse yourself with rat-fighting? O, my dear Sir, you need not look so indignantly, though your sister says it becomes you so well. We fight rats in London. Mr. Knox, the excellent magistrate at Bow Street, had a case before him the other day, and was asked to consider that turning a hundred rats into a pit, that they might bite and be bitten by a poor bewildered dog, who had to be fomented and cherished up to his work, was a legitimate way of

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To an observant reader the daily catalogue of Marriages in the Times presents many amusing peculiarities, such as the enumeration of the various Clergymen employed-particularly if an Ex-Colonial Bishop chances to head the list the disclosure of the bride's pet name in the family circle, the notice of the bridegroom being the great-greatnephew of the late SIR BRIEN MACTAFFIE, KNT., and so on; but nothing, perhaps, of late years has surpassed the oddity of a newly arrived announcement of a colonial wedding having taken place on Guy Fawkes Day." We could have understood a young couple selecting Lady Day, or May Day, or Valentine's Day, for the celebration of their nuptial rites, and giving it special prominence in the advertisement; but why anybody should feel proud of being married on Guy Fawkes Day is hard to understand, unless the connection of that amiable conspirator with matches explains the difficulty. Perhaps, after all, the whole thing is a hoax-a squib-and will receive a positive contradiction.

Our Best Foreign Policy.

MRS. MALAPROP, having heard of the Russian difficulty created by PRINCE GORTSCHAKOFF's Circular, remarked that she hoped Government would concoct no more of those good-for-nothing Treatises with Foreign Powers.

SENTIMENT BY AN OLD-FASHIONED MUSICIAN.-"The Music of the Future," and long may it stop there!

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WHATEVER CAN PLANTAGENET BROWN HERE BE THINKING ABOUT? WELL, THEY ARE GOING TO DANCE SIR ROGER DE COVERLEY, AND HE'S TRYING TO WORK THE PROBLEM OUT MENTALLY HOW HE SHOULD PLACE HIMSELF IN THE FIGURS WITH REFERENCE TO LUCY JONES, SO THAT HE SHOULD FIND HER AT HIS OPPOSITE CORNER. (N.B. The Mistletoe hung in the middle.

SOME APROPOS QUERIES.

MR. ODO RUSSELL (says DR. RUSSELL) was told by the CROWN PRINCE, at Versailles, "that nearly all the arms taken from Frenchmen in the late actions on the Loire were thought by the men to be of English manufacture," and "bore English words and marks." His Royal Highness expressed deep regret at the fact, and at the feelings it would excite in the Army and in Germany.

Query the facts, whatever we may think of the feeling. Query the possibility of a German's distinguishing English, as written by JOHN BULL, from English as written by his American Cousin

JONATHAN?

Query, whether for one rifle bought from JOHN, scores, if not dreds, have not been "traded" by JONATHAN?

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SUSCEPTIBLE STUDENTS.

A MEMORIAL, Complaining of the admission of ladies to the classes certain teachers in the School of Surgery, signed by sixty-six medic students, has been presented to the Royal College of Surgeons, Edi burgh. The memorialists allege, amongst other grievances:-"That the presence of women at the classes of Anatomy and Surgery, and in the dissecting-rooms of the College, gives rise to various feelings which tend to distract the attention of the students from important subjects of study." The youths who make this statement, speaking for themselves, doubtless say what is true, but it is difficult to imagine what the various feelings," occasioned by the presence of women in dissecting hun-rooms, and at anatomical and surgical classes, and tending to distract men's attention, can be. Admiration of female minds superior to frivolity, and occupied in high and useful studies, ought to be one of the feelings thereby occasioned. But that would hardly distract male students' attention. As to any more ardent emotion of a specific kind, if they are affected with that by the presence of female students in dissecting, and anatomical, and surgical lecture-rooms, so probably they are also in hospital-wards by the presence of sisters and nurses. What very susceptible young men they must be! How will they ever manage to learn their profession?

Query, whether, though this fact be beyond doubt or dispute, it will go far to prevent WILLIAM and BISMARCK from doing their best to pick a quarrel with JOHN, and to avoid one with JONATHAN?

Query, whether one man mayn't steal a horse, while another mayn't look over a hedge?

Query, whether, in this matter, JONATHAN hasn't been stealing horses, while JOHN BULL has been doing little more than looking over hedges ?

Query whether JOHN BULL be not the most "benevolent neutral" going, having subscribed some half a million, in money and stores, to relieve the sick and wounded on both sides, to say nothing of his efforts of all kinds to stave off starvation from the wretched French peasants, and provide seed-corn for the fields, which he saw as he looked over the hedge?

Query, whether JOHN BULL has got, or will get, any thanks for all this P

Query, whether JOHN BULL does mind, or ought to mind, that? Query, whether JOHN BULL hasn't even stinted his charity to his own wretched, to give it to those who can't find as much as a good word for him in return?

Query, whether JOHN BULL be more of a fool for his pains, after the world's reckoning, or of a Christian, after the New Testament's?

Horse and Donkey.

ON Wednesday last week a telegram from Berlin announced that the Prussian Diet was opened on that day. It may be remarked, for the notice of blatant agitators, who call enforcing the cession of security on repelled invaders aggression, that if the French invasion of Germany had prospered, Prussia would now be suffering what France complains of, and the diet of Berlin might be as bad as that of Paris, which Vain-glory, for being reduced to eat, has to thank itself.

THE FORCE OF HABIT.

OUR Coachman, when he waits at table, always commits the same fault: he whips away the plates too soon.

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