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PRIVATE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM.
said Burns, but this is too much to expect. Dios me libre de hombre STRAWBERRY LEAVES.
di un libro?
I have no politics for you. The Liberals have been trying to eject A SELECTION FROM THE VERY LATEST LETTERS OF THE HONOURABLE Douglas Straight, a rising young barrister, whom the Conservatives HORACE WALPOLE, OF STRAWBERRY HILL, FAVOURED BY OUR got in for Shrewsbury. The proceedings were a farce; there was no
sort of case against him. Whig as I am, I am glad of the failure, for
the Liberals lost the election by their own blundering, and sought an To SIR HORACE MANN.'
unworthy revenge. In the present state of parties, my good Sir, we
can afford to be dispassionate. You and I remember other days in We have snow! Come, my dear Sir, do not pretend not to under- Shropshire, when all its twelve Members were returned by that amiable stand the word. An Italian of my name has told you something about Indian philanthropist, Lord Clive, and were irreverently called his it. Take him out of my friend Theodore Martin's book (as charming apostles. The county has not distinguished itself much of late years. a rendering of Latin poetry into English as we shall see)
Disraeli was the last notable elected by the proud Salopians. “ Enough of snow, enough of direful hail
I have looked at your friend B- -'s book. I am not much illumiHath Jove in anger showered upon the land."
nated, though bis puffs, like those of old Vauxhall, announced that we
were to have twenty thousand additional lamps. He would reduce I used to like it, but labuntur anni. This year, moreover, I regard everything to the standard of reason. Bon. But when I find he it with abhorrence, for I think what this weather means to the poor means the standard of his own reason-adieu, Mr. B- I have lived wretches who, by the will of Kings and Republics, are lying hideously in a better Arcadia. He will do no good, but neither will he do any wounded. I send you the Times newspaper. Be pleased to read, if harm, but pray don't tell him this latter fact, as it will put him into the you can bear to read, a Correspondent's account of what he saw after greatest of rages. Why is it that nobody likes to be called what all the great sortie. Translate it to your Countesses who prate of glory, should seek to be, namely, harmless ? I wish that there were some way of disclaiming one's share in this world's wickedness. I would go to London, even in this weather, and met an Arctic friend of mine the other night at a crush. . Despite the
A very great man—that is to say a Duke, which means the samewith my gout, to sign the deed. But would it be enrolled in the weather, the room was awfully
hot. Ah! Captain supreme Chancery !
Duke, "this is more like the South Pole than the North, ehp" I People speak of Christmas. It has long ceased to be anything but told it to a lady friend of his, who did not smile. I remarked on this. a word, and a disagreeable one
for me. But I am glad to help those to "I ought to smile,” she said, "for I am really pleased to hear that he enjoy the season who cạn. The Day falls on Sunday, and my old knows there are two poles."' I think he must have refused her somehousekeeper, Margaret, is indignant, and accuses the Government thing, she is generally honey on velvet. If she has missed anything of some kind of mismanagement in allowing this. I have seen as well. (you know her) it was not for want of asking. She would stop a founded charges made against Mr. Gladstone. Folks,“ whose talk jockey in the finish for the Derby, and ask for a lock of his hair
, if it is of bullocks," tell me that the Beast Show is the best that has ever occurred to her that she could get anything by giving it to somebody. been held. Í wish an Aladdin's magician could fly away with the Miss V- likely to be looking out for bridesmaids ! My dear whole, and set it down in the middle of Paris.
child, you don't read my letters, or don't heed what I tell you of The Eclipse philosophers have gone forth to seize the precious two marryings and givings in marriage. Why, she, by her long-worn minutes. Ladies are with them, I suppose to dust up the sun and name of matron, is looking out for godmothers, and I hear that she moon and make them fit
for inspection. Doubtless the expedition has has pounced on your friend Mrs. * * *** I know no one more a wonderful object, but I decline to incur the beadache which would capable of instructing a godchild, as enjoined, " in the vulgar tongue.” be the price of my understanding it. A little girl asked me why the Her vulgarity is natural, but I am not sure that some of her ignorance sun and moon were made round and not square, and I told her that if is not assumed. There was astronomical talk the other night at Sir they had been square their corners might have been knocked off in Wrock Tapper's (the geologist), and he offered to fetch a spectroeclipses. I believe the Government dawdled terribly, in giving the scope. She desired him not to bring such a thing into the room, she assistance which the astronomers required. The Americans showed a hated ghosts and all their belongings. By the way they tell me that hundred times more zeal and sense, of course, as they always do. instrument, or no I believe it's another called a polariscope (bless their They reverse the religious and gracious King Charles's rule, seldom jargon), reveals whether light be original or borrowed. If such a talk wisely, and never act foolishly. They will annex us one of these thing could be invented for the benefit of a book critic, who usually days, and then there will be some hope for this worn-oạt old island. I knows nothing of a subject but what he learns from the work he is hope they will let me keep Strawberry, even at the price of knocking patronising or abusing ! out all my poor painted Kings and Queens, harmless as such folks
When I have got down to her and to critics, you will say that it is are-in glass.
time to get a little lower, and sign myself I did not mean to allude again to the horrid war, but I could not
Yours affectionately, help thinking, the other day, of M. Thiers. The forts about Paris
HORACE WALPOLE. were, you know, his work. They bellowed and roared so hideously in the last affair that Russell
, was reminded lof Sebastopol. Can't you
MEMS BY A MUSICIAN.
(Driven wellnigh mad by an overdose of WAGNER,)
Waggoner, won't I warm your brought out by Garrick, and he was impertinent about it, I defended coppers for you! them. But then they knew good plays from bad.
Mem. Boiled fiddlestrings and buttered trumpets are the best subThe Scotch are going to hold festival on the hundredth anniversary stitutes for lemonade at breakfast. of the birth of Sir Walter Scott. This is right enough. I have an Mem. Did you ever hear the sound of a codfish? Its natural pitch interest in Scotland. My father, "old Sir Robert" (would I had is in deep C, but its diatonic scales are suited to B sharp. half his sense and goodness), paid the Scotch Members ten guineas a Mem. O if I had some one to love me, I would make her a present week during the Session, and by a singular coincidence they all thought of the Music of the Future ! him a very great man-during the Session. I hope that the affair will Mem. Did you ever troll for turnpikes? Mind you troll an air of not be muddled, as was the case with the Burns and Shakspeare WAGNER's when you want to worry them. Centenaries. It would be an agreeable
variation from Scotch rule were Mem. Next time I meet a bagpipe, I'll ask him if he plays the music it solemnly announced that none of the orators should quote from the of Tannhäuser.
NO SENTIMENTAL PERSON NEED APPLY.
SCIENCE IN A GOVERNMENT OFFICE. “
ANTED, by a Steady Widower, with a good home, aged 40, with children, WHAT an accommodating widower! How humble, how easily satisfied ! He only wants "a suitable woman” to act "as Head Servant or Wife.” She may undertake either the one post or the other, whichever she pleases-there is little or no difference between them in the valuation of her intending employer or husband. Each is a place, a situation, to be taken and filled ; and if the woman lucky enough to be engaged, after a month's trial or so, “ does” for her "steady widower” to his satisfaction, gives him comfortable meals, keeps the children in order, and proves a careful tidy body, her title, at all events, will be changed, although her position in the household may remain much the same—the "head servant" will become the second wife, and there will be a plain, a very plain wedding, probably celebrated by the Registrar, with no superfluities of bridesmaids, or bells, or new garments, or marriage gifts, or ridiculous luxuries.
As wife she must not expect to have the control of much ready money, for we would wager the "steady widower" will purse-bearer, and not given to opening it too often or too wide; nor hope to exercise more power and authority than she possessed when "head servant ; ” and as for love, affection, endearments, and the like, what business has a man of forty with such encumbrances, especially one who is indifferent whether he takes "à suitable woman" into his kitchen as servant, or into his bosom as partner.
There will be a multitude of applicants, and they will send their characters and references, and some their photographs. We should like to see their letters, their portraits, and, before all, themselves; and if Mr. Punch thought the advertising widower could care for such a vanity as personal appearance, a comely face and a comfortable figure he would affectionately urge him not to engage any one of the competitors either as domestic or consort, without a personal interview, the "party" chosen for inspection, of course, to pay her own travelling expenses, and to remain at a respectable public-house in the neighbourhood, at her own charges, during approval.
Is there : not some permanent Committee or Convention which looks after Woman's rights and wrongs ? Mr. Purch lays this case before them at their next meeting, with the deferential expression of his opinion, that if a deputation composed of two or three of the very strongest-minded of the members could wait upon the “Widower,” they might, by tract and argument, at all events, induce LOOK DOWN TO THE CORNER ON THE LEFT, FOR THE him to withdraw his ungallant advertisement.
OBJECT OF A SCIENTIFIC PROCESS.
A GREAT DAY. THERE have been grand doings at Windsor, at the South-Western Railway Station, in celebration of the return visit paid by the EMPRESS EUGÉNIE to HER MAJESTY at the Castle. No doubt the EMPRESS has addressed an autograph letter of thanks to the Directors and officials, in aeknowledgment of the extraordinary preparations they made for her reception, with a disregard of expense (and coal) which even in this country of pomp. and display has rarely, if ever, been equalled. For what do we read? That the “suite of Royal waiting-rooms opposite the arrival platform were in readiness, and fires. had been lit in order to insure the comfort of the visitors."
We have emphasised, by the aid of the italic letter, the words last quoted, because it may not occur to all readers that the day of the EMPRESS's visit to Windsor was Monday the 5th inst., when a fire was considered an indispensable necessity by everybody who could afford a scattle of coals. The next dividend of the South-Western Railway is not likely to suffer through any reckless profusion on the part of the Company in receiving their Imperial visitor.
Strange Food in a Siege.
"Bargees," in days gone by,
Asked who ate Canine Pie?
Might now, no taunt inane,
Be answered on the Seine.
Loss and Gain.
Why are the beaten candidates for the School Board like the World P-Because they are depressed at the polls !
Printed by Joseph Smith, 119, Holforl Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of million at the printing Office 1 Youni Rradhar Benim Tomhord
SCHOOLING FOR SAVAGES. ELEVEN garotters at Leeds,
Were flogged on last Friday in gaol; Each reaped the reward of his deeds,
Whilst howls rode aloof on the gale. Henceforth, when they rob, to garotte,
Likewise, they will probably cease : Beneath twenty-five were the lot
They had twenty lashes a-piece. E'en ruffians have feelings of touch,
Affections whereon whipcord tells ; Those same it affected so much
Some fainting were borne to their cells. Then, if you garotters would win,
Appeal to their tenderest part; Teach papils like them through the skin
The sole way of reaching the heart.
Domestic Teachers. It used to be said, with truth not meant, “The Schoolmaster is Abroad." He proved to have gone, not only abroad, but astray. The number of ladies who have been placed on the Education Board suggests the hope that the Schoolmistress will do better than the Schoolmaster. Then, perhaps, we shall be enabled to congratulate the British Public in saying that the Schoolmistress is at Home.
MRS. MALAPROP is very proud of her
youngest son, who has a poetical turn. One Lady (who is rather plain). “MY DEAR. CESIL, WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR PAOTOGRAPH evening lately, she excused bis absence from TABEN, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GO TO A GOOD PLACE, WHERE THE MAN 18 AN ARTIST. MINE DONE THE OTAER DAY, AND IT IS QUITE BEAUTIFUL /"
I HAD the family circle by saying that he was busy
apostatising the Moon.
WATKINS IN EXCELSIS.
(AN ODE.) "MR. JOHN WATKINS, of Parliament Street, had the honour of attending at Windsor Castle on Saturday last, and taking several photographs of PRINCESS LOUISE, the MaBQUIS OF LORNE having previously given sittings to him. MR. WATKINS is also engaged on portraits of the eight peers' daughters who have been distinguished by selection as the Royal bridemaids."
Hail, well-starred WATKINS! well-starred WATKINS, hail !
No more obscura shall thy camera stand !
For dealing out in packs, about the land,
Of one affirmative the force attain :
A part, alone, for glory and for gain-
The nine-day lease of shop-front life defy:
Ten millions of affirmatives supply-
And shown, since lords have been for Bull to love :
A Royal Princess, still remained to prove,
You call John's loyalty, our fancy seems
Region of Flunkeydom's divinest dreams,
Where happy Snobbishness, awe-struck, agape,
Crawls, prone, to Rank's shrine, with its offered pelf, And bows it down to Majesty's pet ape
Drest in the robes of Majesty itself,
Of snobbishness and loyalty combined,
On JENKINS' roll of Fame sball stand entwined, And when the eigbt peers' daughters thou hast ta'en, Die, WATKINS ! What holds Earth for thee to gain ? "Forbear, irreverent scoffer!.” At my ear
JOHN BULL's indignant voice I seemed to seize,“How dare you mock what you, as I, hold dear?
Who but Punch has been Laureate to LOUISE !
The majesty of gracious maidenhood,
Unto the woman, gentle, fair, and good, Graced with all arts, and, chiefest among these, Endowed with woman's master-art-to please, I'll waive the charge of snobbishness, and say,
“Let John BULL and his Punch, companions vowed, At the same shrine manly allegiance pay,
High in humility, in meekness proud-
From Wigmore Street. A BIRMINGHAM hair-cutter advertises "Private Wigs.” What horrible thought for the bald that ere may be such tbings as Public Wigs ! It is enough to make their hair (if they had any) stand on an end.
THE FIRST KNIGHT OF MALTA.-Sir John Bsirleycorn.
FRESH FACTS ABOUT CHRISTMAS.
their serfs having been accustomed all to drink out of the steaming bowl in common at Christmas-tide.
There is a very ancient illuminated receipt for plum-pudding amongst the MSS. in the Ambrosial Library at Milan. Its antiquity is proved by the fact that candied peel is not mentioned as one of the ingredients, and candied peel we know, from OPSONIUS and other contemporary authors, was introduced into cookery long before the present era.
There were enactments about Snapdragon at a very early period (see the laws of Draco), and the charming story of St. George and the Snapdragon is closely interwoven with this favourite but perilous amusement of young and old, rich and poor, light and dark, when assembled at a Christmas party.
Mince-pies were first introduced at the Council of Nice.
F. S. A.
“FROTH” AND “DREGS.”
When of our Army late I read
With rushing strides of storm and flame, -
Women saved, done all they could do,
For Death up at attention" drew. hogany was then only to be found in great houses) with poor relations, and placed an envelope containing a bank-note for a considerable
Nature her coat cuts by the cloth : amount in the folds of each of their napkins. After dinner, MERLIN,
Could it be "dregs” that thus shamed "froth ?” his poet laureate, stood on a stool covered with wild oats, and recited
Or if 'twas "froth” such order made, the principal events of the year in iambics, and then the guests snow
Could it be “dregs” that so obeyed ? balled each other till it was time to go. ARTHUR never went to bed, but roamed about "the wild woods of Broceliande ” all the rest of the
When England's few, through snow and rain, night singing madrigals to a theorbo, in a velveteen jacket.
On the storm-swept Crimean plain, For many generations on the evening of the 24th of December the
Front to the
foe, back to the sea, Druids who belonged to the old county families-rather Odd Fellows
Faced War, Plague, Want-grim allies three : in their way, and Bachelors by compulsion of the Canon law-danced round their Christmas-tree (the oak with its hanger-on, the mistletoe)
When Balaklava's "thin, red line" for three-quarters of an hour, without intermission or refreshment, to
'Gainst sweep of shot and sabre-shine, the Music of the Past in the moonlight, and then had bun and ale in
A handfal to a host, stood fast, their own private apartments. On the last day of the year they con
While the Russ war-waves broke and past : cluded the evening with quoits and good resolutions for the future. The Scandinavian races steep the yule-log in British brandy, before
When in the balance India hung, they hurl it on the hearth-fire with a look out of the corners of their
A myriad native tulwars flung eyes; and such of the women as are unmarried, after streaking their
'Gainst onr few swords to weight the scale, cheeks with red ochre, proceed to knock up the constable of the
And England's star looked dim and pale, parish, to present him with a bowl of farmety spiced with ambergris : meanwhile the Scalds sing carols through their noses till he puts his
Who, sorely strained, but ne'er o'erthrown, head out of the window and gives them largess to stop. The Scandi
Through Delhi's leaguer held their own, navians make a point of having frost and snow at this season; and
Checked mutiny, and treason stayed before civilisation, with all its baneful results, was thrust upon them,
Brave of the brave-our black+ brigade. the tradesmen never thought of sending in their accounts.
Could they be "dregs”-the rank and file, Holly rhymes with jolly, and was supposed to banish melancholy
That stood, fought, died so, all this wbile; long before the invention of printing, the old chroniclers telling us
Or they “froth” that these dregs so led, that the Anglo-Saxon maidens decorated the churches with its polished
To gain ground, living,-hold it, dead ? leaf and berry (under the superintendence of the curate), as far back as the stream of history is navigable. PETRARCH first saw Laura, when * Who, having read, has forgotten, or can forget, how the troops, passhe was twining a wreath of laurustinus, with a piece of string, round sengers on board, saved the Sarah Sands and went down with the Birkenone of the serpentine pillars in the great church at Amsterdam.
head?” The oldest and largest wassail bowl in Christendom is preserved in
† The Rifle Brigade bore the brunt of the siege at Delhi, which broke the the vestry of the Vatican. It is never used except when the Pope has neck of the Indian Mutiny. the entire College of Cardinals to supper. On this occasion all formality is laid aside, and etiquette is consigned to the tomb of the
Commercial. CAPULETS. The Pope himself roasts the apples, and the two youngest Cardinals make the toast and grate the nutmeg, while hunt the Pope's THE fluctuations of trade are remarkable. When Archery Clubs Slipper and other sports are freely indulged in till midnight. "Was were first established in England, with their luncheons and dinners, sail” is merely a corruption of "vassal," the great Saxon lords and the importation of arrow-root increased enormously.
AMERRIMAN TO THE RESCUE!
BEAUTY AND THE BADGER.
Master of the Horse at for the improvement of the female mind at South Kensington, had
MR. MERRIMAN, one of It does no damage whatsoever, beyond eating a few partridges' eggs,
OUR NATIONAL AND PERSONAL ENEMIES. has talked a good deal of fun at public meetings; for the suggestion that the Government of our Constitutional Monarchy should plunge Too sensitive Englishmen need to be reminded that the malignant into war on behalf of the Republic of a future in nubibus, to please sneers which foreigners are always casting at this country are exactly the International Democratic Union, is a high joke.
like the language in which scamps are wont to abuse a respectable man Also MR. MERRIMAN has written a letter to the Times, resenting its with whom they happen to be connected. They hate him because he description of him, between inverted commas, as “MR. MERRIMAN of won't bet, won't gamble, keeps out of scrapes which they get into, Queen Street ;” and showing that the MERRIMANS are no mushrooms, won't countenance their rogueries: and, although he has done them good but an old civic family. Very likely indeed they are. Perhaps, like offices, because, when they try to cheat him they find they can't. the Slys, they “came in with RICHARD CONQUEROR." Their arti- There is one difference, however, between the respectable man and quity, no doubt, was higher than that of the merry men associated in JOHN BULL. The respectable man will not endorse the scamp's ballad and legend with Robin Hood. For, in fact, we do not call bills. JOHN BULL does, in effect, as a matter of form, for the sake of them the Merrymen, which would be as ridiculous as calling Mussul- peace; and when the bills are dishonoured, declines taking them up. mans Mussulmen.
It would be better if he did not endorse their bills. Foreigners might The more the pity, then, that the good old name of MERRIMAN hate him I no less than they do, but would not perhaps despise him (originally, perhaps, MIRAMANT) should, by its mere sound, be liable quite so much-if that is of any consequence. to be associated with the idea of a Circus fool. It ought not to be so sounded. A name of the same high order as the names of CHOLMONDELEY, GROSVENOR, and the like, it should manifestly be abbreviated, as they are, in speaking. MERRIMAN is the analogue of MARJORI
AUDACIOUS, IF NOT INSPIRED? BANKS, evidently, and ought to be pronounced MERMAN. So indeed the MERRIMANS themselves, the Nobility and Gentry, pronounce it, for with the POPE, ARCHBISHOP MANNING asserted that :
At the meeting lately held in St. James's Hall to express sympathy aught we know.
Chivalry merits a chivalric style of name. There is perhaps more “Divine Providence had solved the question of how States should be related chivalry than wisdom in MR. MERRIMAN's enthusiastic republicanism. to the Church, by investing the Head of it with a temporal sovereignty.” There is something heraldic in the idea of a Merman ; the monster so called figures in some coats of arms, and, although a monster, is not a
Doubtless Dr. MANNING is incapable of saying the thing which is ludicrous object like the zany whose image is suggested by the not knowing it not to be. Nor is he to be supposed capable of saying unmodified name of MERRIMAN.
that a thing is, especially a thing which is, if it is, a solemn truth, unless he knows, or thinks he knows it, to be. We should, therefore, conclude that, at least, he thinks he knows that which he, as above,
affirms. He must, then, think himself highly favoured among menA SCHOOLMASTER AT HOME.
a spiritual medium of the genuine kind and the highest order. THE Education Act is already doing great good. It is exciting In the meanwhile, the Head of DR. MANNING's Denomination has and developing the energies of men who aspire to improve their gene- been divested of the temporal sovereignty wbich DR. MANNING declares ration. Here is proof in a letter addressed to a friend of Mr. Punch. him to have been divinely invested with. DR. CUMMING might say The writer ought certainly to come under the favourable notice of that the Power, which Dr. MANNING says invested him with it, divested LORD LAWRENCE :
him of it. How are we to decide when such Doctors disagree? “SIR—It is possible that a little reccomendation now that Village Scolemasters are likely to be in requisition, might be a great benifit to Me. As a reador of my own language I would Challange Norfolk. “ Geography."
A Noisy Clergyman. “ Arithmetic." “Grammar” “Scripture Biography.”. History. “Natural History.” Even a little Astronomy if it were needed if the possession of a
ACCORDING to an article in the Echo, the Rev. A. H. STANTON, little of all Branches of useful Education not only in the Theory.” but in Curate of Șt. Alban's, while speaking at a meeting of the English Extensive Practice be any use. I beg an interest in the influence which you Church Union, on the MacKONOCHIE case, said that if the Privy possess and shall remain
“Gratefully your's Council "should take everything from him, his money, and even his
clothes, he would remain a priest nevertheless." Mr. Punch's advice Gratitude, which is said to be a lively sense of future favours, is to the Privy Council is to leave this Reverend Gentleman his clothes, pleasingly exemplified in the penultimate word ; and, on the whole, but to take away from him his gown. Punch thinks the epistle worth insertion in our Educational Annals.
DEFINE the difference between "ARISTOPHANES" and "ARISTOTLE." In the eyes of a?thoughtful Confectioner, the ground covered with - One was a Playwright, and the other a Stagy-rite. snow resembles nothing so much as a huge bridecake.
"THE FIVE GREAT POWERS.”—Love, Money, Ambition, Revenge, MOTTO FOR RABBIT POACHERS.—“Not particular to a Hare.” and a Good Dinner.