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Considering the effect, which, as in the case above related, the bag.

pipe is capable of producing, a musician must wonder that at the STEAM has worked many wonders, many more has electricity,

higher class of Concerts, we are never gratified by a performance on Which were expected greatly to increase mankind's felicity,

that tuneful instrument. Why should it not be introduced into the And Chemistry of marvels has accomplished a variety

Monday Pops” immediately, and next season into the Philharmonic ? 'Twas hoped they'd much conduce to the advancement of Society.

Suppose a Bag-pipe Oratorio, the orchestra playing the accompani.

ments to consist exclusively of bag-pipes, were produced at Exeter We're many faithful likenesses effected by Photography,

Hall. It might be entitled "St. Andrevo." HANDEL having approAnd even lovely woman now is learning Physiography;

priated “Judas McCabeus.
We've all sorts of conveniences, and comforts, and facilities,
Invented and contrived by men of curious abilities.

Successive wars and bloodshed, upon land and upon ocean,
Have been immensely furthered by our means of locomotion,

In a letter to the Times, describing his aërial voyage from Paris in a Cheap Press, magnetic telegraph, and rapid information,

balloon, M. DE FONVIELLE relates that, in passing over the Prussians, May we derive more profit from extended education !

he was hotly fired at by them from below. "Firing,” he says, did not prevent the balloon from continuing its way, and ascending to 3500

yards, when firing ceased. It is more brave than wise to fire at an A PLEA FOR THE PIBROCH.

enemy's balloon. By throwing out ballast the aëronaut can soon rise

out of range. But suppose that, for ballast, he has taken up a quanOn the 30th of November, being St. Andrew's Day, of course the tity of grape-shot, and, when he wants to ascend above the reach of his friends of the Scottish Hospital Corporation celebrated their anniver- foes, drops some of it on their heads. He is beyond the range of their sary festival. The haggis, and collops, and brose, and parritch, with a missiles, but they are within that of his, and the higher he rises the variety of other creature comforts, and likewise the Farintosh and the heavier his shot must come down upon them. Glenlívat, not to mention the Chambertin, and Lafite, and Château D'Yquem, were served up to the assembled brother Scots and Freemasons at the Tavern of the latter. The MACCALLUM MORE, other.

Verses by a Vestryman. wise called the DUKE OF ARGYLL, presided, and proposed the health of his Royal Sister-in-law that is to be with his usual felicity. The

This here Education Board interest creates : toast of the evening was, "The Scottish Corporation,” and setting

One thing I knows; it'll heighten the Rates. aside the banquet, we may, having a reasonable ear for music, present the following as an account of the treat:

PUZZLING HER TRADESMEN. "The DUKE OF ARGYLL'S piper made the circuit of the room several times during dinner, playing 'The Campbells are coming,' and other appropriate

The other day MRS. MALAPROP rather astonished the Chemist with airs, in a duly boisterous and highly applauded manner. The band-boys of whom she deals by asking him for some mitigated spirits of wine the Caledonian Hospital also roused the enthusiasm of the company by their (for her egg-boiler). It was some time before it dawned upon him clever manipulation of the Scotch national instrument."

that she meant "methylated.”

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answers. An adequate number of influential Ratepayers should be FIGHTING AT FOOT-BALL.

requested to attend, to prevent copying, and to enforce the strictest

silence-any lady or gentleman failing to observe the regulations would A

SURGEON" in the Times, ani- be at once disqualified for office for three years.
madverting on a practice I will now, Mr. Punch, submit to you the questions I have drawn
called hacking,”. gives an up :
inventory of certain injuries 1. Give the dates of the following events :—the execution of CHARLES
thereby occasioned. Whether TAE FIRST, the battles of Trafalgar and Waterloo, Gunpowder Plot,
they were or po, it is noto- the Accession of GEORGE THE THIRD, the Great Fire of London, and
rious that such injuries are the birth (within twenty years or so) of NAPOLEON, SHAKSPEARE,
wont to be. He says :- MILTON, and SIR ISAAC NEWTON.

“One boy with his collar- 2. Who were the Queens of JAMES THE FIRST and SECOND, and
bone broken, another with a wbat was the fate of each of HENRY THE EIGHTH's wives ?
severe injury to the groin, a 3. Explain briefly the following historical allusions :-the Massacre
third with a severe injury to his of St. Bartholomew, the Arrest of the Five Members, the Trial of the
ankle, a fourth with a severe Seven Bishops, the Revocation of the Edict of Nantes, the Fall of the
injury to his knee, and two Western Empire, the Wars of the Roses, the Declaration of Inde-
ought to be sufficient to call the pendence, the Rye House Plot, the Cato Street Conspiracy, the Seven
attention of the Head Master to Years' War, the Hundred Days, and the Middle Ages.
the culpable practice of hacking; 4. Who wrote Don Quixote

, Sir Charles Grandison,, Absolom and practice which has nothing to do Achitophel, The Dunciad. Orlando Furioso, The Vanity of Human Wishes, with the game, but which fre- Lycidas, She Stoops to Conquer, Timon of Athens, Wilhelm Meister, The quently injures for life, and is a Decameron, and Peter Plymley's Letters ?

licence for a malignant grudge." 5. Give a short account of any one of these processes :-brewing, The Head Master above referred to is the Head Master of Rygby : tanning, paper-making, cotton-spinning, or the manufacture of gas or the game is that of foot-ball. But for the mention of him and it in the china. foregoing passage one might imagine the letter in which it occurs to 6. How is the electric telegraph worked have been written at the seat of war, and to relate to wounds received 7. Explain the terms, "atmosphere,". "electricity," oxygen, in action.

eclipses,” “tides," "latitude," " longitude," "equator," equinox, "Hacking," however, does not mean smiting with the edge of the "aorist,

,"" "decimals," and the "North Pole." sword, but, we are informed, is a synonym of kicking, which, when 8. What is the geographical position of the Suez Canal, the Black performed with a heavily-tipped boot, is capable of causing er worse Sea, the Dardanelles, the Straits of Gibraltar, the Apennines, the injuries than those ordinarily inflicted by a cutting instrument. Cotswold Hills, Middlesborough, Paisley, Belfast, and the Caledonian This "hacking," we are further informed, in foot-ball

, is permitted Canal ? by the "Rugby Rules," which are the generally received laws of that 9. Write out the following arithmetical tables :-Troy, Avoirdupois, game. These regulations render a player liable, under certain circum- and Long Measure, stances, to be kicked when down on the ground, and, as the account of 10. It seven men can dig a trench sixty feet long, three deep, and the “BURGEON ” above quoted shows, in any part of the body. His five wide in thirteen days, how many days will eleven men be digging opponents are permitted to force the ball out of his clutch by any a trench one hundred feet long, four deep, and seven and a half wide ? means other than fisticuffs.

11. What was the “Lancasterian system of instruction, and Is it not advisable to amend this rule by simply reversing it, and that known as the "Madras," or Dr. BELL's? Who was PESTALOZZI, directing that it shall be allowable to get the ball away by no greater and what do you understand by,“ Kindergarten ?." violence than that of blows with the fist, and those only when the ball- 12. Correct the spelling of the following sentence :-"On sevaral holder is on his legs? Then will the manly game of foot-ball be so far succesive days seperate parties came greatly exhilirated, and were humanised as not to exceed in brutality the noble art of self-defence as recieved in an agreable manner by the new veterinary surgeon, MR. normally practised in the prize-ring. If there is to be fighting at foot- BARTHOLEMEW WHITE, who had that moment returned on his poney ball, let it be fair.

to a home where, posessed of independant means, he spent his lesure surounded with all the elegances of life, wbich, however, he could not

appreciate, because of his vaccilating temperement, inherited from his SCHOOL BOARDS.

father, the well-known apothecery, whose life was once in iminent MR. PUNCH,

danger from the falling of a neighbours' wall."

IGNORAMUS. My thoughts, this last week, have been travelling from Bootle to Birmingham, from Southwark to Swansea, dwelling on the important events happening there and in various other places in London and

THREE CHEERS FOR THE LADIES. the country. The School Board Elections, present and to come, set me thinking on a grave question-not whether education should be

Miss GARRETT the highest voluntary or compulsory, secular or religious, free or on payment of

For Marylebone Board, fees—but what guarantee the Ratepayers have that those they select

And Miss EMILY DAVIES to be Guardians of the ignorant and untaught, are themselves fairly

For Greenwich, have scored ! acquainted with the ordinary branches of knowledge.

Let the “Woman's Rights" Flag. I have not heard or read that candidates for seats at Education

Be triumphantly shown, Boards have been examined by the Civil Service Commissioners or the

From the Polls' head at Greenwich, College of Preceptors : I fear that this desirable preliminary has

And Mary-le-bone ! been entirely overlooked, and that we have no proof of the competence of the Governors to govern; and as I am one of those who

Each thing has its place: suspect that ignorance rages amongst the middle and higher, as

High is still GARRETT's goalwell as the lower classes, I have uncomfortable misgivings as to

Be't a-top of a house, the qualifications of some of the members of these new Election

Or a-top of a poll. Parliaments.

And to solve School-Board riddles, It is, of course, now too late to rectify this error in those places

Let EMILY, greedy puss, * where Boards have already been chosen; but, for the future, I hope

Claim, as her special title, MR. FORSTER will insist on candidates answering-to his and your

“Davies sum, if not (Edipus.” satisfaction, Mr. Puncha few easy, simple questions, before they are

• So she must be; since, not satisfied with founding and presiding over the allowed to publish addresses, make speeches, and hire vehicles for the Ladies' College at Hitchin, she now insists on a place at the Metropolitan conveyance of Voters to the poll.

School Board,
I have prepared a specimen paper containing only twelve questions
in all, and I shall be curious to hear, either from you or the Vice-
President of the Committee of Council on Education, whether the

In Appropriate Binding. answers prove that I am right in my estimate of the amount of common One of the Times' Correspondents

notices the publication, at a little knowledge possessed by those classes who will have the working of the town in Baden, of the Hinkende Bote Kalendar-the Limping Mesnew Act.

senger Almanack", but omits to mention that it is issued bound in If my suggestion is adopted, the Candidates might assemble in a cloth limp. convenient room in the Town Hall, or other suitable public building, be supplied with writing materials, but no books of any description, and Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM is delighted to observe announced " Antiseptics." have from ten to four allowed them for the preparation of their She says they are much wanted in these free-thinking days.




Arisen from Prussia's King!
Some glory, if not gain, to thee

This dismal war will bring-
To thee and Fritz, thy valiant son,

If o'er he mount thy throne;
To whom besides, when all is done,

The truth if thou wilt own?
He who, survivor of the

Lives, having lost a limb,
That loss what shall repay him for ?

Will glory comfort him?
What's to console the widow, left

In desolate estate,
And all the fatherless bereft

O what can compensate?
United Germany! That's good

For all mankind to see,
Thereby if human brotherhood

At all advanced may be.
Meanwhile mankind doth march, not on,

But quite the other way;
Thy people will be taxed anon;

That's all that we can say.
Full well and bravely have they fought;

Whereby what will they get ?
As far as eye can get see, nought

Except a load of debt.
The plight of France will be the worse,

Agression's righteous due;
But Germans will partake the curse

Of war, severely, too.
Victorious Germany, of France

Will be avenged, no doubt;
But for her murderous advance

On Denmark gets paid out.

There is a Nemesis that metes 'NO SUCH LUCK.”

Oat justice, oft, to crime;

So that some warriors rue their feats

Here, on this shoal of Time.
Street-Sweeper (overhearing, and misapplying). “HERE Y' ARE, M188 ! RIGHT

O pious Prince, that Heaven dost praise YOU ARE! I JEST AM" (Ahl but it was Pido she was speaking to I

For thy permitted deeds,
Their meed, perhaps, just Heaven delays

To life which this succeeds.

For all thou wilt receive below

Is that Imperial Crown “The last struggle [at the Cattle Show] lay between the Devon heifer and the shorthorn

Thou must,

at longest, soon forego, steer which had been the crack beast of Birmingham Show, and this fine steer was decreed

Thou soon mayst have plucked down. the victor. This is MR. PULVER's great winner of the year, which, having carried off £121 worth of honours at Birmingham, £124 worth of prizes before that, now takes £110 more; making in all £355 of winnings. It has been sold to a butcher of Gloucester for £100,"

THREE BRITISH BLUNDERS. This is sad. After all its honours and prizes, after being admired, and extolled, the United States Government respecting the Alabama

We made three great mistakes in our conduct towards and decorated, at Birmingham and in London and other applauding. places, after flattering notices in the public prints, and beautifal portraits in illustrated affair. In the first place, we should never have admitted papers and on omnibus panels,

after drawing all London and half the country to that we might possibly have been to blame at all. In the gaze on its handsome form and perfect proportions, after being discussed and next, on the contrary, we ought to have complained to criticised by the best judges of cattle-flesh in England, and patted and stroked them for not having agreed with us to abolish privateering. by some of its fairest, softest hands—to be bartered

for a poor, paltry hundred in the third, we should have sent them in a tremendous pounds, to be sent, in cold blood, by its ungrateful owner-for whom it has won so

bill on account of the loss which we had to sustain in much money and glory, making the name of PULVER for one whole week as consequence of the Cotton Famine. These are the things familiar to thousands and tens of thousands as BISMARCK or GAMBETTA—to the which, had our places been reversed, they would certainly butcher! It is hard.

have done themselves. 0, PULVER, PULVER! We do not envy you your feelings, and cannot trust

Warning to War-Makers. ourselves to think of the heart-rending separation between the doomed ox and its faithful herdsman. Poor short-horned and short-lived steer! thy fate, we fear, is

M. CHAUDORDY has issued, for European perusal, a irrevocable;. but can no plan be devised to save thy rosetted successors in years to circular setting forth in detail the ravage, pillage, concome at Islington from the shambles and the slaughter-house? The Smithfield flagration, slaughter, insult, and humiliation which the Club, the Royal Agricultural Society, the Royal Humane Society, the Society of German troops, acting, he alleges, systematically under Arts—will not these and other bodies co-operate to guarantee future champion orders, are inflicting upon France. Horrible atrocities. Devons and Herefords an honourable retirement and a happy old age? We only Let us hope the French people will never, by abandoning plead for them, but it is not without a struggle that we are mute on behalf of the themselves to Napoleonic ideas, and being led to invade leading sheep and the more eminent amongst the pigs.

their neighbours vaingloriously, draw the like upon them

selves again. Her New Lobby.

INTELLECTUAL TREAT INDEED. MRS. MALAPROP is collecting autocrats, and will be grateful for any specimens If you 'd like a first-rate intellectual supper, of the hand-writing of extinguished characters.

To St. James's Hall go, and hear TUPPER read TUPPER. DR: MANNING ON RIGHT AND WRONG.



MR. PUNCH, RCHBISHOP MANNING is always I AM sorry for him. He has my pity, my commiseration, my contributing to public amuse- sympathy. Perhaps he did not foresee what he would have to undergo; ment. “He has issued a Pas- perhaps he does not even yet realise the seriousness of his position. toral protesting against the Was there no one at hand to warn him, to point out to him all the occupation of Rome by the Go- consequences of the step he was taking! I fear it is now too late ; vernment of Florence.” This but that he may not hereafter say he went to his fate without a single reasonable manifesto contains friendly caution, I will lift the curtain, and display to his startled these words :

gaze what there is awaiting him in the coming future. “ It is not, then, in the power, All his life long he will have to raise his hat. because it is not in the right, of His autograph will be in great request: possibly there may be a any nation to destroy that which is demand for portions of his bair; perhaps some very, enthusiastic the joint inheritance of all. Nei- admirer will pay a large sum for the glass out of which he drank, ther is it in the right of any people, when he “ for the gratifying of political aspi, Shardlemere.

alighted for refreshment” at the Nonpareil Hotel, rations, to destroy the fundamental order of the Christian world. To

He must make up his mind to go to the Royal Academy and see do so, is to apostatise from that himself on the walls in the Highland garb, in full evening dress, in the

Christian order; and no nation bas robes of the Order of the Garter, and in the Windsor uniform. a right to apostatise from the laws or the civilisation of Christianity. It is He will have the pleasure of reading biographical sketches of himheld, indeed, by certain modern politicians that a people has a right to self, and examining his own face and figure engraved on wood in the choose its religion. But the right to choose carries with it also the right illustrated papers. to reject; and no nation has a right to reject Christianity. It may, indeed He will be a lucky man if he escapes being "interviewed” by the have the power to apostatise, but it can never have the right.”

reporters for the Press. No, certainly not. The right of the Pope, as the Vicegerent of He will have to make the acquaintance of Mayors and Corporations, Omniscience and Omnipotence, to reign absolutely over the Roman Proyosts and Baillies ; to receive

addresses, and to return suitable people, is with evident justice regarded by DR. MANNING as "the replies; and to dance the first set of quadrilles with the Lady joint inheritance of all” Christian nations. So he naturally says, “We Mayoress. look with amazement and fear at the apathy and silence of the Govern. He will have to head subscription lists, to visit Bazaars and Fancy ments of Europe." As to the inheritance of an absolute Pope-King of Fairs, to preside at public dinners and propose the toast of the evenRome, doubtless, the Governments of Europe too truly represent the ing, to attend the meetings of Associations, to sit on Royal Compeoples. Strange to say, they do not appear at all disposed to vindicate missions, to inaugurate Exhibitions, to deliver speeches at distritheir inheritance! At this indisposition Dr. MANNING may well look butions of prizes, to lay foundation stones and make bows in acknow.

with amazement and fear." He cannot look on it without fear, and ledgment of one hundred and seventy-five purses, and to be conducted that on his own account, if he expects to be the next Pope. In that over gaols, hospitals, infirmaries, lunatic asylums, museums, reformacase he has the strongest reason to fear that he will not be allowed to tories, ruins, sailors homes, and all the other places of local interest. govern unwilling subjects with his nod. His amazement is itself not He will become K.G., K.T., D.C.L., P.G.M. (he must of necessity at all amazing. No wonder Dr. MANNING does not see that Govern- be a Freemason), and F.R.S.; a High Steward, an Honorary Colonel, ments and peoples must naturally consider that the less secular power an ex officio Trustee, a Patron 'of the Anniversary Meeting of the a Priest who claims Infallibility can wield, the better. Of conrse they Charity Children at St. Paul's, an Elder Brother, a Lord Rector, a would think the more he had the better, if they did think him really Bencher of the Temple, a Doctor of Civil Law, a Governor of the infallible, as DR. MANNING believes him.

Charter House, a Freeman of the Cities of London, Edinburgh, and Our titular Archbishop's notions of right are admirably sacerdotal. Glasgow, and a Member of the Fishmongers' and Merchant Taylors? He admits no distinction between political right and theological right. Companies ; and it will be his duty to purchase and wear in public all No nation, he says, has a right to apostatise from Christianity. Theo kinds of antique and extraordinary uniforms, dresses, robes, costumes, logically this is indisputable by Christians. But a Turk might also and decorations. say, No nation has a right to apostatise from Mahometanism. Theo- He will go to and fro escorted by Rifle Corps and Yeomanry Cavalry, logically, this would be equally undeniable by Mahometans. Let the and be received by a Guard of Honour of the Honourable Artillery Turk be anathema. Christianity and Popery, in Dr. MANNING's view, Company. are synonymous. Protestantism was an apostacy; the Protestant

He will be constantly in the Court Circular. denominations have no right to exist. But they, like heretics as they

He will have poems, plays, essays, and Christmas Books dedicated are, think they have; then how is the question to be settled, except by to him; and essences and perfumes, waltzes, galops, and quadrilles fighting it out ?

called after his name. On the Continent "there is only a little fighting now going on. Couldn't it be considerably extended P Nations fight for prestige.” and acrostics.

He has been, and will be, the subject of thousands of conundrums Can't they also fight for the Pope ? Oughtn't they ? Ought there not to be a European war at present raging for the purpose of replacing

And lastly, but not leastly, he will be the prey and victim of photothe Pope on his temporal throne ? What if it should prove another graphers at all times

of his life, at all seasons of the year, and in all Thirty Years' War?

sorts of attitudes and costumes. Already the epidemic is raging

“MARQUIS OF LORNE. Beautiful carte The only alternative to a religious war is the recognition, for the LORD LORNE (just out).”

According to the sake of peace, of the altogether to be condemned principle that Chris- portrait

, in Highland costume, 1s. Id. by post." tians shall have the political right to turn Jews, if they like, and, if Glasgoro Herald, a photographer in that city has received orders from discontented with their existing form of government, to change it for MESSRS. SWAMP & SwUMP have had the honour of taking an admir

a London House for 60 000 photographs of the MARQUIS OF LORNE.” another, even should they choose Mr. Moses or MR. SOLOMONs to able photograph (carte de visite size) of the future husband of H.R.H. have such apostates delivered over to a secular arm under ecclesiastical the Princess Louise,” &c. guidance. And thinking, as he must, that the only right system of

I conclude, Mr. Punch, as I began, by saying I am sorry for himgovernment in the world is the Papal, no doubt he would, if he could, for the MARQUIS OF LORNE. allow of no Jews anywhere but in a Ghetto.

THE MAN WITH THE EYEGLASS. P.S. How fortunate it is that the PRINCESS LOUISE having lived so

much in Scotland has grown accustomed to the melody of the Critical Reporting.

Bagpipes ! TAE Bristol Daily Post, in giving a report of a political dinner, says, a certain toast having been proposed,

Episcopal Expedience. “MR. replied, and misquoted four lines from Marmion."

“At the foundation of a New Church by the BISHOP OF WINCHESTER, That's all. Mr. Punch heartily approves of this style. Generally about £250 was collected on the spot: no small amusement being caused by adopted, it would save readers from boredom, and orators from the Bishop putting a practical end to the ‘Bag v. Plate controversy, by pass, blundering,

ing round his own Collegiate cap for the purpose of receiving the contributions."

Some pious folks have nurtured mental qualms,

If it be fit in plates to gather alms ;
The Green Bushes is again being played at the Adelphi. This piece

Wise WINTON, of their qualms a modest quencher, is so perennial that it might fairly be called The Evergreen Bushes.

Not to be dished, sends round his humble trencher.




believe, knowing PIPKIN (he was to have been a Captain-perhaps he is ; indeed, I fancy that I have heard him say so at one period of a

long evening, but he is a trifle silent on his Militia exploits, as a true NO. VI-MY MILITARY ACQUAINTANCE-BEING MEMOIRS OF PIPKIN. hero always should be)-the tailor, so the legend runs, knowing our

friend PIPKIN, requested money for the uniform in advance, which E is five feet five and somewhat disgusted this tremendous warrior, and he resigned his coma half in his slippers, mand, after paying for one week's hire of military costume from and five feet seven NATHAN's-period unknown. in his boots, when His term of endearment is “Old Man,” for any one from eighteen new. As his boots to forty. I should say he knows very few men past forty; they know get older SO bis him by that time. The older PIPKIn becomes, the younger must be his martial height dimi- intimates. nishes. He, as it I see him from the Club window, lounging down Pall Mall

. were, lowers the Here come his little legs, looking as symmetrical as a Punch doll's, standard.

encased in tightish trousers, half ring-man, half trainer, with not the I don't know any slightest trace of the cavalry officer in either legs or boots, which look man more military as if they'd been picked up second-hand and widened out at the toes looking—for his size with a glove-stretcher. Even his trousers seem as if they'd been left and circumference. him by a friend. Every one knows of the absurd conditions annexed

I mention circum- to certain wills; some men have to drive a four-in-hand every day for ference because he a hundred thousand a-year; others to wind up a watch twice in an prides himself (at his afternoon, or visit the Monument after dark, or anything else equally tailor's) on having a absurd and ridiculous. I think little PIPKIN must be enjoying a legacy very big chest. Ac on condition of wearing one pair of trousers, or never coming out in cording to his own anything but secondhand clothes and boots, the second gloss well on description he is the former, and the latter past polishing He is dingy by daylight, but all chest, develop- as they say, "lights up well at night.” Indeed, to see Pipkin

in a stall at ing the farther you the theatre, sealed mind you, is a real imposition. Pipkin, in a stall, as get from chin down- a half-length portrait, has a military bearing. One glance at PIPKIN, wards. But, after all

, full length, dispels the illusion. He eschews gloves, except at evening anatomical nomen- parties, and then his gloves and tie can be done well at eighteenpence clature is arbitrary, the lot, and a profit to the cheap haberdasher. His hands are in 80, why shouldn't keeping with his

military tone generally, and are, so to speak, uniform

little PIPKIN call it with it, being of an emphatic and undisguised red. chest if he likes? By every law he has a right to do what he likes

For his moustache he uses a great quantity of some horrid stuff with his owny, nay even to performing the Japanese Tommy Trick called (I believe) “ fixature,” which makes both little stubbly points of the Happy Despatch with his own sabre---if he had one. His stand out as far as they'll go, like a clipped Louis NAPOLEON. They whiskers are a kind of regalation clip, not unlike a pair of worn-out have about as much point as PIPKIN's jokes, which, indeed, are of the hairbrushes after coming out of the soda-water wash, and of about flattest' kind. Apparently he melts down the fixature and washes in that brilliancy of colour. He is shaved late in the day, down some it—as a made-up beauty is said to do with some sort of paste-as he remote alley, for twopence-the Barber putting a penny, on to his has for the most part a gummy appearance, as if a postage-stamp usual charge on account of the respectability of the connection. Being shaved, as I have said, late in the day, there is, up to about would adhere to his cheek affectionately propria motu, and without any

external emollient aid. three in the afternoon, a gentle tinge of blue about the lower part of

Yet have I heard ladies ask, "Is MR. PIPkin in the army?” and I his expressive countenance, which, being of a settled sunset hue (I confess to a pleasurable feeling in being able to answer in the negative. mean it never gets below a certain point of colour), looks, on the But for all this he is my Military Acquaintance. whole, like a sort of Perpetual Perambulating Providential Promise of fine weather to-morrow. He would make an excellent sign for the Rain

(To be resumed with our next Cigarette.) bow Tavern in Fleet Street, whenever that ancient hostelrie may require an advertisement. Indeed, it would pay PIPKIN to have bis likeness taken in brilliant oils, and sell replicas of it to various public-houses.


Junior, in any uniform, he would be invaluable to no end of landlords up and down the country from

SAYS GENERAL FAIDHERBE, in his Proclamation to the "Army of Land's End to the North Pole. In previous states of existence he the North” :must have been a lobster boiled, then a rabbit, then a guinea-pig, and “M. GAMBETTA has declared that, to save France, he requires from you then he appears in the present stage of progression. But what he will three things—discipline, morality, and contempt of death.” be-except found out a humbug-it is impossible to speak with any- How can contempt of death be bred except by familiarity? When thing like certainty.

a man has died he may feel contempt for death, if he exists better off. My Military Acquaintance, from having passed the greater part of Before death, to contemn death, if he thinks, he needs to be sure that his life in some place where there were barracks perpetually chang- death is contemptible. ing their occupants, has, himself, a really large circle of Military Acquaintances, of whom he talks, individually and collectively, as his bosom friends; that is when he is pretty sure that the person be

Hyems and Eymen. is addressing is not well informed on the subject. This is a peculiar The marriages continue to be vastly out-numbered by the births and trait-among other peculiar traits—in the character of my Military deaths. One day last week the Times, announced eighteen births and Acquaintance; every one is “a capital fellow," or "a first-rate chap."

as many as forty-one deaths, but only seven marriages. The cold Do you know CHIPTON, of the Forty-first ?” Pipkin will ask you. weather may co-operate with the Married Women's Property Act. The If you do happen to know Chipton intimately, and if CHIPTON be at sea-side is now not eligible for the honeymoon. Young couples would all likely to turn up, then Pipkin will be guarded in his statement be likely to catch cold there, and then, if they took the most agreeable respecting CHIPTON, of the Forty-first, and will merely say that "he of remedies for that affection, their honeymoon would become a rumknows him," without a qualification of any sort, except a sort of a and-honeymoon. knowing look, meant to imply that he could say something about CHIPTON if he liked, but he won't. In this case it is most likely that

The Irish Papists' Petition. he has once met CHIPTON at the Regimental Mess, to which he has at some time or other induced one of the youngsters to invite him,

THE Irish Church you severed from the State; where he perhaps sat next to CHIPTON, or remarked to him before

Choose their own rule, you say, let foreign Powers : dinner that it had or had not been a fine day. For on the strength of

Now, then, impose the reign which Romans bate as much as this, PIPKIN would ask CHIPTON to do him a favour, and

On Rome, because the Pope's religion's ours. think nothing of it. If, on the other hand, CHIPTON, of the Forty-first, being the subject

“ UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH." of conversation, is in India, then little Pipkin will be sure to "know him very well-intimately, his dearest friend, best fellow out-old Even in the realm of Nature all is not natural. The influence of our CHIPTON !” and here he will break off, as if words failed him (which, artificial state of society seems to be felt in scenes where it might indeed, they often do, specially good ones), to express all CHIPTON'S have been thought all would be simple and unstudied, for in the last immense merits.

monthly history of the weather in the Times, we are surprised by the Martial ardour once led little PIPKIN into the Militia. The tailor, I intrusion of "the conventional black cloud.”

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