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Queen, something between MRS. SIDDONS as LADY MACBETH and A PASTORAL TO MR. MACKONOCHIE & CO. Queen Anybody.you-like in one of the old Lyceum Extravaganzas.
Club Man (altering his opinion again). O, it is an extravaganza. From the Eastern (Central) Archi mandrite Punch, greeting :
Lounger from " the Rag.” There's not much fun in it. (Yawons.)
(Club Man and Lounger begin to look upon the piece as a sort of Health, Happy New Year, and a Merry Christmas to you, Gentlemen,
theatrical firework with the bang taken out.] and Dear Brothers all. It wounds our paternal heart to see you, Brothers, Gentlemen, and 4 surly old man, Mr. Rogers, and a cheerful old man, Mr. BRAJD, Scholars sheltering yourselves under such paltry subterfuges as no
holding some official positions at Court only to be found in the
Palaces of Extravaganza, talk a little ; then a Prince and Prin. men of honour, not ecclesiastics, would, in their ordinary dealings with
cess talk a great deal. one another, for one moment either adopt, defend, or tolerate. Gentle. men, be honest, fearless of consequences (when you are as sure as you
Club Man (with some uncertainty). It's—it's blank verse, isn't it? can be that you are right) and be outspoken. Do not style yourselves, Lounger (listening). Yes, I think so; at least (giving his standard of or allow yourselves to be styled "Fathers," that title having been long judgment) it seems to be uncommonly flat. And (arrives at this conclusince dropped by the English Church, is, as genuine" wholly Romans sion after half an hour of Act I.) there are no puns. will tell you, only properly applicable to what they call Religious. Indignant Amateur (of the pre-Raphaelite-microscopic-detail-and-recon
Gentlemen, Gentlemen, don't humbug yourselves and your congre- dite-humour school, overhearing the above remarks). Puns ! bah! why, gations.
it's like an Arthurian poem. It's charming. So subtle. Such Your loving Archimandrite is for freedom of opinion everywhere, and delicate touches. outside the pale of the Thirty-Nine Articles you can think an do what Charles (his Friend, who "dabbles" in studios. Simply). Yes. Nothing you please, but you have no more locus standi aut genuflectendi in the vulgar. English Protestant Church, as by Law (by Law, Gentlemen, observe) Enter Azéma, a coquette. She has nothing to do with what there is established, than have Drs. MANNING and Newman, MR. SPURGEON,
of a plot. MR. BRADLAUGH, or any members of the Irvingite, Wesleyan, Shaker, Quaker, or Jumping Methodists' Connexion.
Azéma. I am not modest, though I seem to be, &c., &c. And, 'Gentleman, you know this as well as your loving Archimandrite [Business, of showing her foot and ancle ; she makes a few more broad does.
remarks, an assignation and then retirés. You are playing a game-a game dangerous to your own morality
Pit. and that of your party-spirited followers, who almost believe in your Maie Stalls. } Bravo! Capital ! infallibility.
[Some Ladies in Private Boxes smile knowingly on one another. You do a great deal of practical good, and are hard workers, no doubt, among the poor; so also are the Plymouth Brethren, notably;
Some others (and there are Ladies and Ladies) raise their fans.
Perhaps the Theatre is a trifle warm. The men chuckle. All but, brothers, they are not paid by the Established Church as you are,
subside into their former decorous state on recommencement of the nor have they given their solemn assent to the Anglican formularies
stately blank verse. as you have.
High Art Amateur. Really charming. Ponder these words, and, if you cannot become wholly Roman or
Charles (his Friend). Yes. wholly Greek, set up for yourselves, but do not remain the ecclesiastical
High Art Amateur (speaking to a Lady). Such an utter absence of mermen you are at present.
anything like vulgarity. Wishing well to you, brother Mack, and all other Thirty-Nine Lady avoiding the point). Yes it's very nice. Very pretty indeed. Articled clerks, we remain Your loving Archimandrite,
[She says this much in the way that Sam WELLER told one of the
Bath footmen that he "liked his conversation much; it's werry PUNCD.
End of Act II.
Elderly Habitué (thoughtfully). I should think it would be better to
read than to see acted. If it wasn't for BUCKSTONE, it would be a The Palace of Truth.”
Lounger (stretches himself). Ya-as. The girl—the coquette's not bad. Club Man (who comes to Eh? Rather Frencb, eh? Where shebe amused); Do you know anytbing about this piece ?
[Chuckles. His Friend chuckles. They all then chuckle. They Elderly Habitué. No, or
look round at the house through their opera-glasses, and talk else I shouldn't be here.
about beauty and the other theatres, and what's doing generally. (Quite annoyed.) I hate
War News avoided. knowing what a piece is Pit (going out for refreshment). I like to see BUCKSTONE in something about before I come.
as makes you die o' laughing. When I comes out I like to have a His Friend (exhibiting good laugh. We've enough ť other way in regʻlar every-day work programme). But they print (refreshes himself). the argument in the bill. High Art Amateur (at the conclusion of the piece, to his friend CHARLES,
Elderly Habitué. Hate who has ventured to observe that he had not been quite so much amused as arguments. Have enough he had expected). My dear fellow, this is a sort of thing over most of 'em at home. Don't people's heads. (CHARLES is flattered.) You don't want always to be want 'em at the theatre. on the broad grin. (CHARLES is more flattered than ever, and tries [Consoles himself with to look philosophic.) The stage has a higher aim than merely to
the remembrance that excite spasmodic laughter by grinning through horse-collars.
companion. At present he does not press his High Art Comhis lorgnette.
panion to stay, but remains himself, to thoroughly enjoy the Young Lady (to Friends
genuine fun of '“ Uncle's Will," admirably played. House in whom she has just met). ED
roars. ROGERS in great force. Success generally. WARD was here the other day, and he said we ought to see Will! The other—I don't know what it is-(yawns)—but think it
Club Man and Lounger (going off arm-in-arm). Capital ! the Uncle's it, so I got Papa to come.
[Exeunt, smoking. [She says this as if apologising for being there. wanted music. Come along. Papa. Yes (grumpily). I very seldom move out now, on account of the cold. (More cheerfully, after looking at programme) Ah! I'm
Misleading. glad to see BUCKSTONE's in this.
(Laughs by anticipation. Several other people having discovered that BUCKSTONE is in it, also smile. journey to the British Museum, to inquire about the “Swiney Lec
CATTLE Show" Exhibitors are hereby cautioned against making a The Fairy Comedy commences.
turer," his subject being Geology-not Pigs, Club Man (making a discovery). Why it's an extravaganza. (After a little time he alters his opinion). No, it isn't an extravaganza.
Not FORBIDDEN BY THË Rubric.-One more boro for MR. MACROEnter BUCKSTONE as a King in burlesque. MRS. CHIPPENDALE as a NOCHIE. He is required to bow to the decision of the Privy Council.
INVITATIO A LATERE.
WHO WOULD WISH TO READ THEM? IMITATION has been termed the truest form of flattery; hut we doubt if many authors would feel themselves much flattered, if their literary successes were found to be suc. ceeded, at the hands of other writers, by imitative sequels such, for instance, as the following :Sweet as a Nut: a Sensation Story, written for the readers
of Bitter is the Rind. The Mouser's Mission, a stirring Tale of Feline life: for the
amusement of those who have been pleased by The
Cať s Pilgrimage.
as a pendant to Cups and Customs,
the novel Beyond these Voices. Purchased for a Song : a Sequel to the Story of Bought with
a Price. Meandering 'mid Malachites : a book of foreign Travels, by
a student and admirer of Zig-zagging among Dolomites. Printed and Published to Amuse : a companion Story to
follow Bound to Please, Born with a Blessing : a Novel to be read after Baptised
with a Curse.
A VERY GREAT MAN.
MAN OMA AIN-JEEMES WATT, THE INVENTOR O' STEAM."
will have become a plain old thing. Indeed, the wonder now is, that FOOD FOR THE FEMALE MIND.
Britain still preserves any beauty at all, what with the tall chimneys, DEAREST PUNCH,
and one horrid object and another, and some of the brick-and-mortar
spots on Britain's face, are dreadful! I wish PROFESSOR HUXLEY You know of course that PROFESSOR HUXLEY is delivering a would direct attention to those blemishes on the “Physiography” of series of lectures at South Kensington for the instruction of women Britain. His lectures are so interesting, they make one think, as you in science and art, it is so kind of him, isn't it? One of these lectures see from the letter, which I conclude by signing the name of on the subject of " Physiograpby," was published in a newspaper, out
Your ever affectionate of which I clip what follows:
LOUISA. “ The Thames carries down to the sea not less than 14,000,000 cubic feet of solid material, either dissolved or as mud, every year; at the present rate
P.S. I am so fond of mental food. Chocolate isn't to be compared of denudation the whole basin would be washed down to the sea level in with it for a moment. It is so nice. 1,000,000 years, and the surface of Britain would everywhere be washed down to a plain level with the sea in less than 5,000,000 years.” How awfully old the world will get, if it lasts long enough! And
STAGGERING ADVENTURES. what a terrible age it is of even now! Everyone who is not a very great Stupe must be able to understand as much as that from the end
O MR. DAWSON BURNS! O Reverend Sir! Surely you, and the of PROFESSOR HUXLEY's lecture:
United Kingdom Alliance, and the Temperance League, must have
been scandalised by, if you bave seen, the announcement, for pub“ As to the length of time which it may have taken to scoop out the basin lication early in December, of a new
work under the disreputable of the Thames, PROFESSOR HUXLEY suggested that some idea might be title of :gathered from the fact, that two thousand years would not probably have made more than three inches of difference on the general elevation of the “ ZIGZAGGING AMONGST DOLOMITES. By the Author of 'How we Spent surface.”
the Summer : or a Voyage en Zigzag in Switzerland and Tyrol."" Of course so clever a man as PROFESSOR HUXLEY must know all How much alcoholic liquor did the party of tourists who went zigabout the Thames basin and the,"Physiography” of its contents, and zagging amongst the Dolomites usually take at a sitting to make them there can be no doubt that, by looking into it, and examining them, be zigzag? What kind of liquor was it; beer, wine, spirits, of what is able to make some calculation, as above, of the age of the Earth. sorts, or a mixture of liquors of all sorts ? Truly their tour, a zigzag Now, therefore, poets and other writers, will have to leave off applying tour, must have resembled the tour of "Dranken BARNABY. Did no to the Earth a word they are very fond of. It will not do for them to accidents come of zigzagging in such dangerous places as the mazes call it Mother Earth'any more, because although Mother may be proper of the Dolomites P Perhaps the voyagers
en zigzag." exemplified enough, meaning old, yet in that sense it makes out the Earth to be an the adage, according to which such travellers are celestially cared for. old Woman. Now, no woman, young or old, ever tells her age; but Let us hope their number included no ladies; for the condition the age of the Earth, up to some millions of years at least, has been wherein people go zigzag, bad enough in a man, is unpardonable in a told by the Earth itself to PROFESSOR HUXLEY.
woman. Wandering amongst the Dolomites, zigzag, they must now How sad to think that in 5,000,000 years' time Britain will every- and then have had occasion to ask the way, and then perhaps the where be washed down to a plain level with the sea! It will be a very simple mountaineers of whom they inquired,
sometimes answered, “as plain level indeed. In 5,000,000 years one can well imagine Britain straight as you can go."