PUNCH'S ESSAYS.

II.-LORD MAYORS.

"The Lord Mayor knocks. Welcome."-Richard II1. WHEN JULIUS CESAR laid the first stone of the City of London on a Saturday half-holiday, he expatiated in his speech at the banquet which followed the ceremony, on the blessings to arise to civilisation, commerce, and cookery, from the office of Lord Mayor, then recently instituted by his predecessors, and predicted in glowing colours, amidst the cheers of a sympathising audience, careers of epicurean happiness and prosperity for those who should be elected by the Livery to wear the robe and polish the chain of London's Supreme Magistrate; intimating at the same time his intention to leave sufficient funded property to supply a copy of his Commentaries, handsomely bound, and containing an appropriate inscription, to each successive occupant of the Mansion House.

Many years have elapsed since that memorable day, and of all those who were present none survive except the venerable twin brothers, Gog and Magog; but the anticipations of JULIUS have been rather more than verified by experience, and gratitude has embalmed, in the appellation of one of the most beautiful of the many beautiful suburbs of the Metropolis, and in the title of not the least meritorious of those social institutions which are the pride, and boast, and striking feature of the nineteenth century, the names of two, at least, of London's Lord Mayors, who have shed brilliancy and lustre on the curule chair, and raised it to the highest pinnacle of lofty distinction.

To these illustrious examples tradition has added numerous wellauthenticated instances of poor boys who travelled to London from Yorkshire on foot, arrived at their journey's end with a florin in their pocket, began life by putting up the shutters of a small shop in the Poultry, and ended it by taking down the Blood Royal to dinner in the Guildhall, and amassed, during a long and honourable career, principally devoted to drysaltery, as much money as would have paved one of the streets of London (particularly one of the very narrow ones) with that gold which was the glittering bait that drew the enthusiastic youth to seek his fortune and ruin his digestion in the marts of wealth and commerce, and at City feasts and civic banquets, in the capital of England and Wales.

Little did he dream in his father's humble home of the splendid destiny in store for him in meridian life-of the state coach (panels painted by CIPRIANI) and the state barge; of princes, and peers, and plenipotentiaries as his guests, and MR. HARKER as his toastmaster; of the mace and the sword, the loving cup and the astonishing furry cap; of the pale moonlight of knighthood, and the broad sunshine of a baronetcy; of such honoured names as STAPLES, and BIRCH, and RING and BRYMER; of Recorders and Ale-conners, Common Sergeants and Bridgemasters, Secondaries and Water Bailiffs, Remembrancers and men in armour; of escorts of Life Guards and parties of glee-singers; of swan-hoppings and Epping hunts; of presentations to the Lord Chancellor, and all the other delicacies of the season.

Yet these and many more blessings, too numerous to particularise even in the smallest type, have fallen in the lap of the plodding, the persevering, the painstaking-of him who when first he saw "the light of London flaring like a dreary dawn” hardly knew how to meet the expenses of a night's lodging for his weary limbs, but wrote a capital hand, and was quick at accounts.

local historians, although they have been out in all weathers, have failed to identify them with the Proconsuls under the Empire, they do not come within the range of this disquisition.

NEW POSTAGE STAMP FOR FRANCE.

ERY significant is the question thus raised by a Correspondent of the Times:

"It is officially announced that postage-stamps with the effigy of the Republic will not be put into circulation until those bequeathed by the Empire, of which it appears there is a large stock on hand, shall have been used up. When NAPOLEON'S familiar features shall disappear from our letters, who can tell what there may be in readiness to replace them? Nous en avons vu tant d'autres."

France has tried almost every conceivable form of Government. But there are two forms which she has not yet tried. One of these is a Triumvirate. What if the head of NAPOLEON on the French postage-stamps shall be replaced by a tripleheaded monster formed of the COUNT DE CHAMBORD, an Orleans Prince, and, say M. ROCHEFORT; imaging the fusion, in their persons, of Absolute Monarchy, Constitutional ditto, and the Republic?

But there is yet another form of Government which France has never yet tried upon herself, though, for the last twenty-one years until the other day, she upheld its trial on a neighbour.

ARCHBISHOP MANNING has just exercised his "Liberty of Prophesying" by the publication of a Minute relative to the situation at Rome, wherein he thus testifies :—

"Let no one imagine that the temporal power of PIUS THE NINTH is over because a King has invaded Rome and spoiled the Pontiff of his rights. Rome will see many changes yet; but there is one which will never changethe See of St. Peter and the voice of the Vicar of Christ."

As regards the future, DR. MANNING may be a true seer; but the present he does not seem to see exactly as it is. He apparently sees less than the truth. Perhaps he does not see what he does not wish to see. He sees indeed, and says, that a King has invaded Rome." But he does not see that the King whom he means is a King at the beck as well as head of a people, and that the people and King, invading Rome, are welcomed by the Romans, who have voted that they will have the King of Italy, and not the Pope King, to reign over them.

Both the archives of the Corporation and the publications of the day are obstinately silent on this head, but on the other hand, they revel in interesting details as to the remarkable privileges which are the LORD MAYOR'S perquisites. For instance, the ratepayers are bound under heavy penalties to find him a new set of teeth if he requires them during his term of office; he is entitled to the first bushel of sprats which come into the market after the_fashionable season has commenced; whenever Royalty passes under Temple Bar he can claim a white hat from the Crown; he has all the patent medicines at a great reduction; his footmen are exempt from serving in the Coastguard; he is patron, ex officio, of the Society for the Relief of Cooks in Distress; he has a free admission for himself and his family to MADAME TUSSAUD's exhibition; and the LADY MAYORESS is allowed to gather the flowers in Victoria Park without any interference on the part of the police.

There are other Lord Mayors, of Dublin and York, but as the

As regards the future, DR. MANNING'S language is obscure; his vision may be hazy. But what he seems to predict is that Rome will never cease to be the See of St. Peter. A great controvertist, however, on the side of DR. MANNING, namely BISHOP MILNER, Correcting what he considers a misapprehension, declares it to be the opinion of some of the most learned Romanist commentators "that before the end of the world Rome will relapse into its former Paganism." If DR. MANNING thinks that this may be, and yet the See of St. Peter remain unchanged, then, so far, prophets and prophetic doctors do not differ. The POPE will carry the See wheresoever he goes. Couldn't he carry it to Paris? France has yet to try a Theocracy. Now, for a Theocracy, there is the POPE disengaged, and, according to her own faith, as well as his own assertion, the very man. What could be more natural than for the Holy Father to throw himself into the arms of his Eldest Daughter? Let both the French Constituent Assembly, when convoked, and his Holiness, consider this suggestion. That is to say unless the successor of St. Peter can make up his mind to be content with a peculiar telegraphic wire and a private post-bag, and bring himself to agree with the KING OF ITALY upon a modus vivendi other than the life of cat and dog. Or else, the Triple Hat, with the Pope's head in it, and the Cross Keys under it, might replace NAPOLEON's effigy on "the French postage-stamp.

CHARADES

For Evenings in Drawing Rooms.

No. I.-Two Syllables in One Act.

JUST VENGEANCE.

THIS is from the Daily News. The Correspondent at Metz writes:"I was much amused by an item in last night's orders from PRINCE FREDERICK CHARLES's head-quarters. It was to the effect that, whereas an unprincipled rascal of a Hamburgh cigar merchant had been selling boxes of

This word is simply-A Dinner.

No. II.-The Four Seasons (as played at the Colwell. Hatchney

Academy)

First Season.-Curtains open and show Somebody making a spring. [Moral. Though "one Swallow cannot make a Summer," one Tiger can make a Spring.

Second.-A Boy adding up figures on a Slate. This is Sum-mer. Third Seasonable Tableau.-Two Persons discovered. Dialogue:First Person (positively). They ought.

Second Person (derisively). O! ought 'em?

This means 66 Autumn."

[Curtains close.

Fourth Tableau.-Curtains open and discover a Gentleman in skates. He is well wrapped up in two great coats and five comforters. There is snow on his hat. He wears snow-shoes and shakes with cold. If this doesn't mean "6 Winter" nothing ever will. Besides, if the audience has already guessed the other three, they won't have very much difficulty about this last.

A Hint to the G.P.O.

THERE is a good custom established of publishing a weekly return of telegrams, showing (generally) a progressive increase in the number dispatched. An equally good custom would be to give a return of the time they occupy in Transmission, showing (perhaps generally, too, the increase, as compared with the old system.

lower ones were unmitigated trash, the military authorities of any place where this astute gentleman should present himself, were enjoined to lay hold of him, and transmit him to PRINCE FREDERICK CHARLES'S head-quarters at Corny."

Surely, the most vehement anti-German (if he be a smoker) must admire the Prince for this noble action. It is a brave "protest against Shams.' Such outrages as that of the Hamburgh cigar merchant are every day committed in England, but we, alas, have no means of serving the sinners out. We hope the fellow will be caught, and that his epitaph will state his crime for the edification of all other wicked tobacconists in the world.

Change of Nomenclature.

YOUNG CHESNEY ROLLESTON, who is not scientific, has heard so much of the Aurora the last week, its probable causes and effects-luminous vapour, electricity, action on the telegraph wires, &c.-that he is utterly weary of the phenomenon, and thinks it ought to be called the Aurora Boreallus'. His AURORA is quite of a different description-blue eyes and brown hair, with small hands and feet, and an income of her own.

University Intelligence.

AWARE of her own defective training, MRS. MALAPROP is very wisely giving her family an excellent education. One of her sons, she informs us, has just passed his vice versa examination at Oxford, with flowing colours.

"No one."

CIGARETTE PAPERS.

PAPER II.-MY AUNT'S GREAT POLICE CASE.-Continued.

I TOLD her that being "summoned" only meant that she was to attend at a police-court.

"Good gracious!" exclaimed my Aunt; "and be in the papers next day, with only my Christian name, and nothing before it! Besides," she added, as if seeing it in a totally new light, "one doesn't know what sort of account they 'll give of it."

I informed her that there were twenty or thirty ordinary summons cases occurring every day which were never reported.

I don't think she liked this mode of summarily dismissing a matter of all-absorbing interest.

"Which am I," she asked, "the Prosecutor or the-the-what is it ?-Prisoner?

"

"No, not exactly Prisoner," I said. "She was," I explained, putting it as palatably as possible, "the Defendant."

This seemed to alter her opinion of the importance of the summons, as her next question was, "I suppose I must attend at the Court?" It appeared that she had some idea of being represented by her maid. This, I informed her, was impossible.

Perhaps, then, I'd better have a Barrister." I foresaw that she had in view, as usual, the interest for her hundred pounds paid to my legal tutor, the Conveyancer, and was firmly determined to resist any such proposal as that of my going into Court on her account.

Barristers, my dear Aunt, are not required in such a case as this." But," she argues, evidently considering my information as merely given evasively and for a selfish consideration, "but some nice points of law might arise, you know; and then if I wasn't prepared, you know, the Cabman might win, merely on a quibble. Such things do happen, my dear," she added seriously, seeing me smile. "I'm sure you read of them every day in the papers, and goodness knows I don't want to argue the case myself, and perhaps be carried up to higher Courts, and go over it all again before a Lord Chancellor, merely for the sake of thirty shillings, for that's what he claims."

I assured her that her fears were perfectly groundless. "Indeed!" she exclaimed, triumphantly. "Then why do we read of Mr. Somebody, the Magistrate, reserving a point, and sending it up to a higher Court?"

I began an explanation of "why the Magistrate"-but, failing to make it intelligible, in consequence, I admit, of not myself distinctly knowing why he did anything of the sort, I fell back upon my old position, that this was one of those cases in which no point of law was likely to be raised.

My Aunt could not see this. This police case had given a new impetus to her placid existence, and she was so bitten with a sort of Law fever, that, had there been a chance offered her, she would, I believe, have then and there gone down to the first Police Court, and requested to be heard, ex parte, on the merits of her own personal and private view of the case.

Ladies do conduct their own cases," she observed, with dignity; "because I know there's a Miss Somebody who's always coming up, over and over again, and speaking for years in the House of Lords; but I think," my Aunt added more to herself than to me, "that at the end of every four days she's generally put out of Court by the Usher."

This reminiscence came opportunely, as my Aunt had no fancy for figuring in such a scene as being "put out of Court" represented to her mind. Struggling with the Usher, and hitting him over the head with a blue bag full of legal papers and red tape was the least that could be done (so she evidently thought) in defence of her right, in the event of such an 'ungentlemanly order being made by the Lord Chancellor."

"It comes off," she informed me, "to-morrow and I'm to be there about twelve. Talking of 'twelve,' I suppose." she said, as if rather proud of her legal knowledge, that I shall be able to object to the jury if I don't like them?”

Once more she was disappointed at hearing from me that at & Police Court there was no jury. She had always thought that all trials were by jury. After a silence, during which she was considering this extraordinary defect in the British Constitution, she startled me by exclaiming, suddenly,

And no wigs?

39

My shaking my head depressed her immensely: it brought home to her the fact of "no wigs" in the liveliest manner. She was getting more and more astonished at every revelation concerning the administration of justice.

"But," she asked, in a tone of remonstrance, as much as to say, "Come, this won't do, you know; I can't really believe you if you deny this"-" surely the Magistrate wears a wig?"

I really wished he did, for her sake. She looked so utterly aghast on my replying, "No, Aunt, he doesn't. No one wears a wig." "No one ?"

"It's very extraordinary," she remarked, in a musing tone, after a pause; "I always till now thought they wore wigs. I fancy I've seen pictures of them in wigs."

Not finding me in a humour to question this effort of her imagination, she looked at her watch, and reminding me that I had to come and fetch her punctually at eleven ("so as to be in time, for one may have to push through a tremendous crush, and I hate a crowd," she said), she walked down the garden, with the step of an early martyr going to the stake in the cause of Truth; and shaking my hand solemnly (still in the same sort of character as some historical personage bidding some other historical personage farewell the night before the execution) she entered her fly (driver quite sober this time), and drove off in it, viewing it, probably, as a sort of triumph, and herself as an aristocratic MARIE ANTOINETTE driven to her doom at the instance of a Revolutionary Cabman.

AUTHORITIES of the Post-Office, mind what you were told at the Mansion House, by the late LORD MAYOR. The advantage of the New Post-Cards, mark you, is open to be, and is in fact, abused by evil-disposed persons. An Act of Parliament empowers the POSTMASTER-GENERAL, from time to time, with the approval of the Treasury, to make arrangements for the prevention of this abuse, by not forwarding any cards, or other missives of an objectionable kind. Just see, all of you who are in a position to see, that this Act is acted on. Nothing can be easier in most cases; but there is one way in which a Post-Card may be misused, so as to elude your vigilance. Accustomed to read only respectable newspapers, perhaps you are unfamiliar with the names of Advertising Quacks. You will find them in provincial journals commonly, and in the baser part of the London Press. All Post-Cards used by Quacks to distribute their Advertisements are grossly abused. All such, my Lord POSTMASTER-GENERAL, do you, by the authority which the Legislature has committed to you, direct your subordinates in the sorting department to detain. Respect this.

SOCIAL SCIENCE IN PRUSSIA.

THEY manage things better, to some extent, at Königsberg than they do in places elsewhere; for instance, perhaps, in a metropolis where the Government allows the Roughs to hold menacing demonstrations. According to a recent telegram from the better-managed city :

"A royal order has been issued, releasing HERR JACOBY, HERR HARBIG, and six other persons who are confined in Loetzen. The Socialist Democrats are, however, to remain in prison."

The release of DR. JACOBY and his companions in quod for free expression of fair opinion, was the correction of a blunder; but there can be no mistake about the detention of Socialist Democrats. In a

branch, at least, of Social Science, BISMARCK and his King are evidently much farther advanced than the British Association.

THE HEADLESS GIRL.

THE Young Lady, who, on hearing of a rival's excellent match, hid her head in the sofa cushions, has, since then, entirely lost it. But she is entirely unconscious of the fact, and her friends don't notice it.

MORE POSTAL DODGES.

THE BISHOP OF GLOUCESTER uses Postal Cards for his addresses to his Clergy, and writes in Latin. Quite the cheese, Your Grace, Double Gloucester. But wouldn't Greek do better? Viz:

Δεὰρ Τομμὶ, διννερ 'ατ θῆ κλῦβ. Δο νὸτ τελλ ̓ θῆ Μίσσυς. Λαρξ τὸ νιτε. Γρέατ φυν.

Should this meet the feminine eye it will be puzzled. Thanks to Your Grace for the suggestion.

Τελλ Συσαν ἤ ἀρε ὄρφ τὸ α μισσῖοναρι μεετιν ̓, ἀνδ βῆ έρε φορ Συππὲρ πύκτυαλ. Αλλ'ς φᾶιρ ἴν Λοῦε ἄνδ οὗαρ.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

(The Questions may be had, price Five Guineas each, on application at the "Punch" Office.)

1. Because he is a pestle-lent fellow.

2. Because it is a cat-erect.

3. Because he knows the valley of Sham-money.

4. Because they have a proper esprit de caw.

5. The one is a beery 'un and the other is an alien.

6. Because he's mokes in it.

7. Because there is a ham-at-your performance there. 8. Because its 'oney (sunny).

"We Likes to be Despised."

OUR martial neighbours on the Continent call us a nation of shopkeepers. So indeed we are, and as such feel ourselves to be very ignoble-in their eyes. We are as much ashamed as we ought to be that we cannot subsist, in our present magnitude as a people, but by the pursuit of commerce. Shopkeeping is our vocation; it is not a lofty one: but do our martial and predatory neighbours not think it rather more respectable than shoplifting?

LADY-LATIN.

THE Ladies besiege Mr. Punch with supplications for his interference with the POSTMASTER-GENERAL about the Parcel Post. The new rule seems to have inflicted great annoyance upon those whom LORD HARTINGTON would be very sorry to disoblige. But no representation that has been sent to Mr. Punch equals in eloquence one that has been made by a Norfolk lady through the columns of our friend the Standard. She says:

"I doubt if a single individual could be found in Her Majesty's realms who would not express thanks and delight over and over again at once more seeing restored to us the former parcel postage rate, which was really in many instances almost the very vade mecum of one's existence."

If the Marquis can withstand this classical appeal, he is not the cultivated nobleman we take him to be.

66 Que Diable allait-il faire dans cette Galere ?"

FOR piteousness upon a parity,

Two ancient warriors pain my soul

Old BELISARIUS sunk to charity,

Old GARIBALDI driven to Dole.

OUR UNRESERVED CORRESPONDENTS.

THE papers, of late, have been abounding with long letters about our Army and Reserve. The writers of these communications candidly inform foreigners that we have a very small Army, without any Reserve at all.

THE LORD LIEUTENANT OF THE FUTURE.-The newspapers tell us that the MARQUIS OF LORNE has a connection with Ireland through one of the beautiful GUNNINGS of the last century. Better so, than through one of the ugly Shootings of the present.

VOL. LIX.

LOOK BEFORE YOU BUY.

66 Hints to Stockowners" is another instance of a book with a misleading title, for it does not give a fund of information about Consols, but about-Cattle.

IN NUBIBUS.

THE Colonies have distanced the Mother-Country. Canada is doing what England has at present only joked about doing. We say this because it is recorded in the Money Article of the Times-the last place in all literature where such a profanity as a jest would be toleratedthat "the Great Western Railway of Canada have announced an issue of £750,000 sterling bonds, for the construction of the Glencoe line of 146 miles (the 'Canada Air Line Railway'), having twenty years to run," &c. This is a project which only wants airing to succeed, and we hope no cloud of suspicion will ever rest upon it.

LINES FOR A LADY'S ALBUM.

(To be inscribed on the Occasion of her asking me to Dinner, and feeding me with Turtle Soup.)

THE poets say that Cupid's blind,
And hath a pair of wings behind:
Ah! if thy charms he could but see,
How quickly he would fly to thee!

If Liebig-Big-lie.

"LIEBIG'S Extract," we see, is one of the articles most abundantly supplied to our ambulances at the seat of war. We should have thought that, what with the journalists and GAMBETTA, the French had a superabundance of that article.

GALLANT THOUGHT.-We grieve to hear that our dear PRINCESS LOUISE has sprained her knee. If the MARQUIS OF LORNE had sprained his, one could understand it.

THE BLACK COUNTRY.-Colorado.