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siderable trouble at first, as we now find he has taken all the tickets THE BOOMPJE PAPERS,

viá his own route) and asking him if we go near Lille. BUND we elected Commodore, Commander-in-Chief, and President of called out of bed at short notice, and dressed himself in a hurry. He

Jömp, when questioned, always gives one the idea of having been the Travelling Society, whose object was to be the pioneer of civilisa. collects his scattered senses by passing his hand forwards and

backwards tion to Dutchland. He wanted to bring his violoncello with him, but over his head several times, and murmuring something, partially uninthis was objected to by the entire party. There were still a few pre- telligible, still in his character of a man not quite awake. liminaries to be settled. As to expenses, that is a matter generally *Lille,” he is understood to murmur vaguely, vell—um-um.” ignored as mere detail ” on Boompje principles.

It should be mentioned that Jömp is, it is supposed, of Swiss origin, Hallo!” says Gooch,

“Who talks Dutch?” He generally pre- and possesses such a knowledge of languages as is enough to render faces a question or an observation with “Hallo."

him generally unintelligible in any particular tongue. It was explained to him, by the Secretary, that Hollanders generally

Lille," he replies, considering, “ Lille-vell-um-um-um! Oh talked Dutch.

yes !”--this he gives in the tone of a permission-"Oh yes, you can go “No, no,” says he;" look here, you fellars”; (another formula with by Lille," wherewith he shrugs his shoulders, as if to give us to underhim), “I mean which of you talks it. I don't." No one did. MAULLIE thought it wasn't necessary., The Secretary to mention the entire derangement of his own plans.

stand that such a détour will put the train to considerable trouble, not thought it was; but suggested that French would do, to a certain

“ Yes.” But Bund puts it in a barrister-like style. “Do we go extent.

there or do we not?BUND asked if he was commander-in-Chief or not? Yes, he was.

Vell,” says MR. Jömp, after polishing his head slowly, preparatory “Very well, then," says he, “ we'll have a Courier."

to taking his cap in both hands, and holding it behind him, "Vell It was carelessly objected that this course might be expensive. It was statistically proved by Bund that it couldn't be anything of suddenly, as an afterthought, which is to take us by surprise, “ If you

you can go by Lille-oh yes-de train pass true dere.” Then he adds the sort. His answer was, simply, “No, not a bit of it."

go that vay. It was mildly opposed by the Secretary; while Gooch, whose proclivities are swellish, but whose means are limited, halted between two mapped out to the satisfaction of all parties.

It is finally decided that we won't stop at Lille. And the route is opinions. Boompje, however, prevailed. MAULLIE said that he'd once travelled with a Courier, and the plan have got down to Milan, or spent the time in Switzerland, instead of

BUND says confidentially to the Secretary, that he should like to was delightfully luxurious, He had just sold his picture, as I have Holland. already hinted, for a sum which would have purchased a wilderness of

MAULLIE takes an early opportunity (when we subsequently come Couriers. (Boompje adaptation of Shylock.) Bund offers to be Paymaster-General, and settle with everyone at up with him at Antwerp) of informing me that he gives way to the

majority, but for his part he should like to have made Dort his chief the end of the time. The Secretary and Gooch immediately agree to this plan, foreseeing who is always ready with

an argument from Murray, points out that

place, and stopped there. Maullie's one idea is to go to Dort. BUND, the convenience of a distant settlement, and place themselves entirely his authority says, " There is nothing to detain the traveller at Dort." in Bund's hands, MAULLE yields, on condition that he is to map out what we ought is sure that Dort is the most interesting place in Holland. Jömp says,

Maullie says that it is only true after you've seen everything. He

'Oh yes, um-um-um, you can stop at Dortrecht-um-um.” Then, Bund knows a Courier, and the thing is done. Our reasons for going to Holland may be individually stated thus :

as an afterthought, "if de steamer go dere.” On the whole, we keep Bund goes because he's seen the picture galleries once, and for. Dort in reserve for Maullie, if he won't go on without it. First

Boompje sonnet by MAULLIE :gotten all about them. MAULLIE, because he knows all the pictures by heart, but has never

To judge by report, seen them.

I always thought Gooch, because he has never heard of or seen the pictures.

That we ought The Secretary, because he has never seen the pictures, but heard of

To stop at Dort. some of them vaguely. The Courier, because he's taken.

BUND thinks it stupid! Gooch says that Dort doesn't rhyme to Coincidence which I notice at Rotterdam after the Boompje title ought ; and MAULLIE likes it himself, and reads it to me privately. has been adopted, viz., that our Courier's name is Jöme, pronounced

Gooch hopes [before we start] that we shall push on to Brussels, Jump; and, therefore, the very name for a leader and guide of the and “ see some fun.” No one knows exactly what he means, except, Boompjes.

apparently Jömp, who says, “Ob, yes-um-um, you can do someting On we go to Holland, viá France and Belgiam; and back again, via at Brussels,” which is the fullest information he can offer us on the Belgium and France. Boompje!

subject. Yes," cries Gooch, as we were carrying it off jauntily on the quays

We start. of Rotterdam, with hearts both light and merry (with which “hey

A broiling hot day. Goocu thinks that there won't be a ripple on down derry” is to rhyme in The Miller and his Men, vide opening the water in crossing. chorus)," here we are regularly out on the spree."

BUND is of opinion, having had something to do with nautical affairs returns Professor MAULLIE, sweetly rebuking his junior,

his time, that it may be " blowing freshish outside.” The men“ do not say 'on the spree;' say that we are out on the Boompje."

tion of outside exercises an unpleasant influence over Gooch.

He stations himself as near the centre as possible, and won't rise from START OF THE BOOMPJES-LILLE-GHENT-THE BOOMPJE

his seat.

MR. JÖMP, with admirable forethought, places the coats and bags HATS.

on our seats, which he secures for us several minutes before the boat MAULLIE is to meet us at Antwerp, which we are to pass through on starts, in such a position that we get the sun in our eyes, the blacks our road to Rotterdam, but where we do not wish to stop, as three from the chimney, and the heavy moisture from the steam valve pipe. of the party " know it by heart.”. MAULLIE being of an independent On being remonstrated with by BUND, who points out to him (BUND Boompje nature, sets off by himself.

once had a thirty-ton yacht off Erith, which he thought resembled the From the moment of our concluding arrangements with Jömp, the French coast without the nuisance of having to learn a foreign Courier, all trouble is supposed to be taken off our hands. We merely language) that when the wind is SS. by EE., and the sun is at meridian, tell Jömp where we want to go to, Jöme knows the place, of course, also when a boat is steering from SE. by NW. then, if you want to keep intimately, and he could find the way there blindfold. So Jömp out of the sun, you must get into the shade, Jömp replies, with an arranges our route. We propose, Jömp disposes. Jöme gets all the admirable readiness, which shows him equal to any emergency. necessary tickets, and we are to be oblivious of everything until we Vell, yes-um-um-you can move the things." find ourselves at our first halting place, Ghent.

Gooch, finding that there is no chance of being inconvenienced by The only inconvenience about this plan, we find, is that we change the voyage, now becomes hilarious, and ventures upon pale ale and a our minds, and Jömp doesn't. We decide that we ought to go viá cigar. He regales us with anecdotes of himself in various towns of Antwerp first. Then having decided that, we decide again that Europe, chiefly Boulogne and Paris. He begins to air bis French, and Antwerp oughtn't to be taken at all, but begin with Bruges.

points out two or three people on board who he assures us, on his own Goocu exclaims, "Look here! Í say! Why not stop at Lille for a experience, are regular foreigners," and who turn out to be comnight?”

mercial travellers from Liverpool. Boompje! No one knows exactly why not, but it being discovered that there's At Calais he rejoices in being on the shores of France once morenothing to be done at Lille at night, " except go to bed, that's all,” la belle France he exclaims—as if he'd been born or brought up there. says Jömp, disparagingly,the proposal is dismissed as unworthy of notice, He exhibits the soldiers, the douaniers, and the French people to us and Gooch says,

Hang it: he thinks you might listen to some of his generally with this preface, “Look here, you won't see this sort of suggestions.”. As this looks like breaking up the party before it starts, thing in England, you know. We can't do that,a summing up we compromise by calling in JÖMP (which would have saved us con- generally in depreciation of his own country.

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At the Summer Meeting of the London Amateur Athletic Club, held last Saturday at the Little-bridge Grounds, West Brompton, heading the list of sports which then came off, there took place a pedestrian contest of a somewhat remarkable denomination, namely, a "Race by Novices.” This may be imagined to have been an interesting combination of athleticism and asceticism. On that supposition it must be supposed to have taken place permissu superiorum; and credit will accordingly be given to the superiors for their liberality and disposition to meet the times. But, on further perusal, finding that “the first heat resulted in favour of PERCY SPURLING,” the reader has probably discerned that the Race by Novices was at any rate not a foot-race between young ladies in their novitiate ; which deprives it in a measure of the interest it would otherwise have possessed.

Sport and Game. THERE is something in the argument that, as pheasants and other game have come to be bred and fed like domestic poultry and live stock, they should now by statute be declared to have ceased to be fere natura, and to have become property. To abate the prejudice which objects to this proposal, perhaps, as the slaughter of tame animals is no sport, the landed poulterers

will discontinue shooting. THE ECHOES AT KILLARNEY. Captious Lady-Tourist. “ BOATMAN, WHY DO YOU PLAY THAT AIR OUT OF TONE !!”

A New ERA.-In Greece it is not the Golden Boatman. “ MUSHA, ME LADY, HOW CAN I HELP IT? SAURE, THAT'S THE WAY THE Age, nor the Silver Age, nor the Iron Age, but FAIRIES PLAY IT ON THE MOUNTAINS! JIST LISTEN TO THIM !”

the Brigand-Age.

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works of the human heart! Listen to a few of his gems. "Never THOUGHTS OF GREAT MEN.

lend your horse. Seem, rather than be. Build your garden wall (Now first Collected.)

higher, if your neighbour can look over it. Tread warily, if your path

is strewn with broken bottles. Be ready to do small kindnesses—always HAT a comfort to thousands have have postage stamps in your pocket, and Metropolitan time-tables, and these precious words of JEAN the finest Eau-de-Cologne that money can procure. PAUL's been ! Happiness sits Mark what LAVATER said to WILLIAM TELL, when they were coming on your front-door step. You home in the dawn from a post-mortem, over the Bridge of Sighs, and need not even go round the talking about the Revenue Returns. Put a good face on the matter. corner to look for it. It can If troubles rise, stare them out of countenance. We all wear the same stand a rade blast and a rough uniform-only the facings are different. The richest man cannot fall, and is warranted to keep escape the toothache, and the poorest may enjoy a sunset and a salad. in the hottest climates. Trea: Be content, and fill up your Income tax paper with conscientious sure it, preserve it, pickle it, fidelity, and you will be scheduled with the soft but call no man happy, who

Golden words these of BACON'S: “ The weaknesses of men are often goes to rest with a single bill the strength of states, and the favourites of princes have before now unpaid.”

become the shuttlecocks of vengeful Fortune. Some men are born and How sublime is this thought others die; but none can escape either the one day or the other. of GOETHE'S ! * The Ocean of Between the beginning and the end there lie many intercalated Existence has never yet been Stations, where we may rest and recreate, and gather strength for hydrographed, and its deepest the ventures that Fortune hath yet in her wallet. Blind as she is, secrets are past dredging

for. she sometimes drops the bandage and catches the SPEAKER's eye ; but We gather a few tender tinted shells, a few tufts of bright

weed, and her myrmidons are a host,"and her followers a great army, and to be sup off costly molluscs ; but the Sea and we are still Strangers, we victorious, over Fortune your weapons must be keen, well-tempered, and the Sea make no progress, and Life sinks behind the horizon before and bright, your arms strong and resolute, your courage dauntless, the Bud of Acquaintance has burst into the Bloom of Friendship. your endurance martyr-like, and your wife's relations unexceptionable." Walk by the Margin, and listen to the Waters moaning their strange Secret to the sympathising Stars, and take another cigar before you turn in.”

CRITICISM AND KINDNESS. MILTON well knew that the experience of all middle-aged men would amply corroborate this chain of corollaries :

Nought of the dead but good. Forbearance kind. “Never exceed your income.

Disparagement can hurt them now no more,

Injare in credit, or affect in mind; “Never exceed the bounds of decorum.

Praise after death him you traduced before. Always brush your hat when you take it off. “Be careful how you interfere with another man's fire.

Sprinkle his grave with flowers of purple hue; “Do not sit in damp clothes.

For 'tis an office to perform inane. " Study the polity of the State, and be at your post, although of

Throw roses for the dirt you sometime threw.
the meanest order, when the walls of the Republic are

No longer they can please, or it give pain.
The true Citizen never omits to have his boots properly blacked

Him, whomsoe'er defunct, extol; be sure
every morning."

No better for your praises he can be.

Assail the living, those who yet endure, How thoroughly that wise old heathen, EPAMINONDAS, knew the

And may be harmed, or vexed, by obloquy.

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We cannot look into ourselves but LAMB's joke seems apropos, CONSTANT CLERICAL DISABILITIES. “If dirt were trumps, what splendid hands too many of us could

show !”
ou must see that there are
clerical disabilities which There's the dirt of dirty money, that sticks to hands and hearts :
neither the Bill now before There's the dirt of dirty dealings, that infects our shops and marts :
Parliament nor, perhaps, any There's the dirt of dirty labour, that darkens the light of day;
other that may become law, There 's the dirt of dirty pleasure, that poisons our rare play:
will ever remove. No Cle-
rical Emancipation Act that with the dirt of uncared-for bodies we sap life's strength and spring;
can possibly be passed will The dirt of uncared-for dwellings we as plague-seed broadcast Aling;
enable a curate in a rural With the dirt of speech, God's birthday gift to the first create of
district to wear a bird's-eye men,
neck-tie, or, in some parishes, We foul the waters of knowledge and life, by dint of tongue and pen.
where old women abound, There lis human dirt as there's household dirt-a dirt that eats and
any other than a white one.

The disability to dance is
one to which a clergyman

A life that festers in our streets, as the filth in our sewers seethes : will generally be subject Refuse, still swept by the besom

of the Force, with its “Come, move under such penalty as his To the hideous human dust-hole, where too much, ere this, has gone. anile parishioners may it in their power to inflict some of this dirt, in mercy to it and to ourselves, upon him, either in a social We dispose of, small and early, where the baby-farmer delves : or pecuniary way., So is Sowing the small starved corpses,

laud'num-sodden'd, here and there,
the disability to play any Under railway-arches-in rabbish-heaps—just out of the gaslight's
game at cards, from un.
limited loo to a round game

of " speculation” at Christ- But baby-farmers are few, and the life in human dirt is tough,

Disability to hunt And in spite of cold and hunger and kicks street-Arab grows into

and shoot, notwithstanding rough; legislation, will remain imposed on every Minister of the Church of And human dirt accumulates—dirt-babes born to dirt-wives England who does not happen to be in independent circumstances. Till it swells our rates and cumbers our gaols, and perplexes as out of

our lives.

And all the while this human dirt's but " matter out of place". SEWAGE-FARMING IN BOTH SORTS.

The matter of immortal souls, reduced to this evil case !

The life that should flow through England's veins, for strength of work « THE CHICHESTER TRAINING-SHIP.-Once a year, in commemoration of the establishment of a nautical refuge for destitute boys picked up in the

and play, streets of London, a meeting is held on board the Chichester, lying of Green. Lest in sever-slams to fester, or in plague-streams soak away. hithe. During the three years that have elapsed from the establishment of the

home up to December, 1869, no fewer than 546 boys have been admitted So closely holds the parallel 'twixt dirt in matter and man on board ; and of these, after a training of upwards of two years, 350 have 'Twixt the foul contents of the scavenger's cart, and the load of the gone to sea as sailors, or taken other situations. A party of about 250 prison-vanof the friends and supporters of the training-ship went down in the Petre! That 'tis as true of the streets above as of the sewers below, yesterday: Early in the afternoon the EARL OF SHAFTESBURY arrived Two streams of precious matter, misplaced, to waste are let'to flow : accompanied by LADY VICTORIA ASHLEY, MR. J. M'GREGOR, and others, and was received by the Committee, and CAPT. THURBURN, Commander of the Then bless the strong stomachs and kindly hearts and far-seeing heads Ship. His Lordship having taken the chair, the boys were put through of those several of their sailors' duties, such as furling and reefing sails, all of which That from either foul and festering stream have not stopped or turned were performed with cheerful alacrity and seaman-like promptitude. To encourage deserving boys, the system of the Royal Navy is adopted of con. But have said to the misplaced matter, “Thy right place take again," ferring good conduct badges and stripes, and appointing a certain

number as Do good work and breed blessing, not waste and plague, for men. leading hands and corporals, with some privileges. At the meeting yesterday, the prizes were presented to the successful boys by LADY VICTORIA God bless our sewage-farmers, be it dirt of man or mire ASHLEY." —Daily Telegraph, June 30th.

They take to turn from filth to food, from ill to good desire ; “SEWAGE CROPS.—The local authorities of Blackburn, in Yorkshire, and Whether unto the fields they give what from the fields was ta’en, Reading, in Berkshire, are endeavouring to obtain Parliamentary powers for Or in what once showed God's image bring God's image out again. utilising their sewage by, irrigation. Yesterday a practical proof was afforded to the Private Bíll Committee, in the Reading case, of the agri- Whether they turn to yellow corn, green rye-grass, juicy root, cultural value of the process. On Mr. W. Hope being

called as a witness Or vegetable
succulent, or luscious-berried fruit

in support of the bill, that gentleman produced a number of samples of
crops reared by the application of town sewage. From the Lodge

Farm, at The sewage that pollutes our streams, or festers at our gates, Barking, fertilised by the sewage of the metropolis, came a fine specimen of For the fattening of fevers and the ripening of rateswheat, the stalks about five feet high, and with ears of great length, the whole characterised by a healthy and vigorous green colour. The wheat in question Or culture into self-respect and train to useful toil was stated to be the last in a series of four successive crops of the same cereal. The pestilent Street-Arab that lived by sin and spoil ; A quantity of very fine strawberries also made their appearance. From the That knew of Law nought but its gripe, of Justice but her sword; Lodge Farm there came a large and fruitful currant-bush, which gave to the Whose good was ill, whose right was wrong, Hell a jest, and God a committee-room & singularly rural aspect. This bush was said to be a fair sample 1

word. of hundreds growing

at the same spot. In addition were specimens of fruits and flowers from Breton's Farm, fertilised with the sewage of Romford. Yes, God bless our sewage-farmers, I say and say againThe fragrance of a splendid bouquet of roses seemed to be much appreciated by Bless their tillage-be’t of cereal, or be 't of human grain ! LORD LIFFORD and his colleagues; and interest was excited by the display of For their every seed there's a blessing the more, and a curse the less, sewage-grown lettuces, carrots, spinach, peas, and Italian rye-grass."

under the sun : Standard, June 30th.

Each new-tilled span of field or man to God's use is re-won.
Of all the truths that PALMERSTON in his long life-time spoke,
And they were many and grave ones too, for all their jaunty cloak,
He never spoke a truth it more concerns JOHN BULL to face,

Croquet and Chivalry.
Than when he once defined * us dirt” as

matter out of place.”

THE Croquet Tournament at Wimbledon did of course not want a There's dirt of many sorts about, as we all know too well,

Queen of Beauty, nor did that Sovereign lack subjects of the most By witness both of soul and sense, of sight and touch and smell. resplendent charms, but what sort of knights were the gallants who

figured in the lists Accustomed to distinguish themselves principally * LORD PALMERSTON was not the real author of this definition, though

it Croquet may be, they must, for all their prowess, be regarded as carpet

on the field which is carpeted with turf, doughty as the champions of owes its currency to his having first given it circulation by adoption into one of his speeches. The real authorship of the definition belongs to MR. F. o. knights. WARD, the author of another saying hardly less pregnant—"The rainfall to the river: the sewage to the soil."



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Though 'tis to welcome a message dispatched ere the striking of mid

night : "A gathering of 300 of the notabilities of rank, science, art and fashion So doth the spark of our wires outpace e'en the fleet foot of Chronos! took place yesterday at the mansion of Mr. John PENDER, Årlington Street, Miracle-workers are we-sitting here in the mansion of PENDER, Piccadilly, to celebrate the completion of submarine

communication between Gossiping thus, at our ease, over Continents, Hemispheres, Oceans, London and Bombay, by the successful laying of the Falmouth, Gibraltar, and Saying to space, Be no more," and to baffled Time,"Get thou Malta, and the British Indian cable lines.”—Court Journal.

behind me!”

Yet one achievement remains—who among us will see it accomplished ? WHERE Piccadilly's ablaze, in the height and the heat of the season, Only to turn this power, with the ends of the earth of conversing, Rises a gaily-hung tent, in the yard of the mansion of PENDER- So to account, as to use it for wise talk, talk to the purpose, Mansion belit and bepictured and crowded with stateliest swelldom, Talk that shall lessen earth's evil, and make its good larger and larger : Swelldom that, down from blood royal, in Wales and in Cambridge Talk that the ends of the world into brotherhood's bondage shall gather embodied,

Talk that shall forward his work, who guideth the path of the lightning! Flows through the pipes of the Peerage-Diplomacy-Ministers

Thence to the Magnates of Money and so to the syndics of Science.

Ample Accommodation.
Ceaseless the buzz and the bowing, the flashing of stars and of garters,
Ceaseless the mopping of brows and imbibing of cooling refreshments,

“Two or three furnished rooms to let in a private family." Endless the glare and the glitter and gossip-the wealth

and the wittles.

MS. in shop-window. What have they met to accomplish, these leaders of fashion and science ? What is it brings them together, before the small syphon that, waving, viduals who are said to have the upper story unfurnished; but we doubt

What a curiosity this family must be! We have all heard of indiScatters its fine jet of ink in accord with the pulses electric, So making plain to the eye what the spark through the wires is con- nished rooms being found in one family.

whether there is any other instance on record of two, nay, three furveying? What is transacting to-night in the tent of the mansion of PENDER ? Lo, 'tis BRITANNIA stretching invisible hands under ocean,

“HUNGER is the best Sauce;" ergo, the Hungriest is the most saucy. Bringing the farthermost East and the uttermost

West into contact;' Hearing and answering words from the height of the far HimalayahsHearing and answering words from the White House across the

A LAWN PARTY.-Convocation. Atlantic, Hearing and answering words from El-Khasr, and Divan of Khedive : THE RIGHT PLACE.—Antiquaries and historians are agreed that in Hearing and answering words of Portuguese Luiz at Belem; ancient Babylon all the executions took place in the hanging gardens. Quick as next-door neighbours a question could ask and could answer. Sending the VICEROY OF INDIA a greeting of wifely affection, Rousing him out of his bed, at four minutes past five in the morning, ADVICE TO PERSONS WHO HAVE "FALLEN IN LOVE."-Fall Out. Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing omces of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard

Btreet, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, la the City of London, and Pablished by him at No. 86, Fleet Street, in the Parish of Bt. Bride, City of London.-BATURDAY, July 9, 1870.

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