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paper to the sorriest end, they also A TITULAR ON SPILLS.
expose along with it much more
paper, covered with what the Roman Of course the Right Rev. Dr. Goss, Roman Catholic Bishop of Liverpool,
Catholic Bishop of Liverpool must conis dissatisfied with the Education Act.
sider most objectionable print; here
tical translation. Few, if any, eccleReferring to that enactment in a pastoral which he has lately issued, the
siastics of Dr. Goss's cloth would not Right Reverend Doctor complains that
rejoice to see every scrap of such where the Catholics have no schools,
printed paper burned, and DR. Goss or not as many as they want, the Pro
may console himself with the hope that testant version of the Bible may be
all that paper will ultimately be used read and commented on by the school
to light fires; an end for it which must
be the sorriest he can contemplate. teacher; a provision which "places the Catholics of England in a position of peculiar hardship.". and, adds his
Just a Little Fishy. Right Reverence, involves us in difficulties of which our fellow-citizens
A MATHEMATICAL young lady, being have little or no share.” Little or no
asked to give a definition of an acute conception, his Right Reverence might
angle, described it to her governess as have said, for the hardsbip consists in
an angle for a husband, which was the obligation to contribute here and
sharp enough to hook a hundred there to a rate for the education of
thousand pounder. children who do not belong to thtm, or whom they have not looked after,
Two-Edged Device. in 'some degree of religion other than their own; and the only difficulties
A FIRM of eminent Brewers adverwherein they can be involved will be
tise their beer by means of a pictorial summed in the difficulty of paying the HERE HE IS, REMARKING, CONFIDENTIALLY, THAT THAT device in the centre whereof is placed rate. DR. Goss signifies “the degradaGINGER-PEER IS APOUT THE PEST HE EVER TASTED."
their trade-mark, in the shape of a tion and profanation to which the
hand turned towards the spectator. Bible will be exposed by being used as a class-book” in the following This symbolises open-handedness and fair-dealing, and is no idle vaunt. sensible and suggestive remarks :
But it would also suit the recreant Bong, when, for the good bitter "In the hands of thoughtless children it cannot escape the common fate
ale brewed by those gentlemen, he Palms off bitter bad beer. that awaits all used-up schoolbooks. Mahommedans reverently put aside every scrap of paper bearing the name of God; but parliamentary Christians
The Bottle for Bores. are willing to expose it to the sorriest end, provided they can force it on an unwilling people."
“METHINKS,” said Bottom, “I have a great desire to a bottle of
hay." Considering how Bottom was translated ” when he uttered the Protestant Bible shall be read by non-Catholic children, parliamentary can imagine
a wish for the same bottle expressed by any honourable Everybody must see at a glance how true
it is that, in providing that that aspiration, and what sort of a bottle it was that he wanted, one Christians will, as Dr. Goss says, force a scrap of paper such as he men- Member of Parliament who intends, next Session, to propose a Liquor tions on an unwilling people. But if they thereby expose that scrap of Bill.
MEDITATIONS ON THE EVE OF MICHAELMAS.
BY A MAN OF FEELING.
It is the hour when 'mid the trees
“He seems in good spirits, and distributes_his cutting bon-
It is to be boped that his modus divendi as a Pontifical
convenience, but otherwise (with large endowment of the
jocular faculty of which he is accustomed to make such Ticket Collector. “THIS YOUR BOY, MUM? Hx's TOO BIG FOR A 'ALF TICKET !” no doubt whatever about the one spot where the Holy
brilliant displays as the pun above-quoted) there can be Mother (down upon him). “O), IS HE? WELL, P'RHAPS HE IS now, MISTER; Father should seek an asylum; and we can assure him BUT HE WASN'T WHEN WE STARTED. THIS ’XCURSION'S EVER 80 MANY HOURś of a cordial welcome and profitable employment in Fleet BE’IND TIME, AN' HE'S A GROWIN' LAD! SO NOW !" [Exit in triumph. ( Street.
« THE MEANEST MAN OF MEN.”
fore, we thank the Times for reproducing the honest and straight
forward utterances which expressed the feeling of our fathers, in days
(Wordsworth, of Napoleon I.) when sentimentalism was not allowed to mingle in the rough business The leading journal has been publishing a very interesting and well. successful. Treachery indeed is a mild word when we read in the
of the world,
and when treachery was not condoned because it was timed reprint of certain passages from its articles written at other same articles that NAPOLEON seized hundreds of English civilians who times, when Paris was, as she is now, “isolated from all the rest of the had visited
France on the faith
of peace being maintained, and that he world.” (Strange words to pen concerning the supposed capital of the kept them in his fortresses as prisoners of war” for eleven years, universe.) readers. It is the announcement of the escape of the First NAPOLEON campaigns.
To one extract Mr. Punch begs leave to call the attention of all his an act dictated by spite alone, for it could have no influence on the from the mild comfinement in which he was placed by those who recent events have done much to that good end, and it is well that this
Napoleonic ideas” are not yet quite crushed out of France, though miraculously retained a belief that he could be trusted.
British protest should be recollected. Mr. Punch has more than once On the 11th March, 1815, the Times writes thus :
had hard words used to him because he has always invited his readers
fortune to agree with
but we may corthe time of his cowardly abdication affected an aversion to the shedding of dially endorse on the Times testimonial of '15 the Professor's verdict in blood in civil warfare, has been engaged during the whole
time of his residence '69 ; namely, that there is “hardly a baser name in history." at Elba in carrying on secret and treasonable intrigues with the tools of his former crimes in France. At length, when his plots were ripe, he sailed from Elba with all his guards, on the night of the 28th ult., and landed near Fréjus, in France, on the 3rd inst."
The Italian Capital. The result was, as everybody knows, the horrible carnage of Waterloo,
The reunion of Rome with Italy may give occasion for the remark and the transportation of the "hypocritical villain” to an island where respecting VICTOR-EMMANUEL, that success has at last crowned the he was kept very safely until this world was relieved of one of the worst venture of an enterprising capitalist. May the capital acquired by the men who ever defaced it. His life was again spared by the Sovereigns, Italian Kingdom conduce to an immense improvement in its financial and this time it was well. For his later years were beneficial to man
affairs. kind. They revealed the base 'nature of the man so completely that any admiration which his military genius had inspired was speedily
NOT LIKE THOSE FOREIGN COUNTRIES. forgotten in the revelations of his falseness and meanness. But of late MRS. MALAPROP hopes she will never live to see the day when all the years there has been some affectation of regilding the brazen image, fine young men in this happy country will be turned into soldiers by a and of worshipping the Brute Force of which he was the type. There- Subscription. She vows she will not distribute a sixpence towards it.
VILLAGE OF BROEK.
ward anxiously to Broek, or “Brook," as it is pronounced. BUND THE BOOMPJE PAPERS.
quotes Murray about Broek. He says, Such an accumulation of
pavilions, arbours, summer-houses, pagodas, bridges, and templesA VISIT TO THE CELEBRATED PLEASURE GARDENS OF THE MODEL Gothic, Grecian, Chinese, and Rustic-are nowhere else to be seen.
“By Jove !” exclaim MUNTLEY and FINTON simultaneously. BUND Drive to Broek. Objects of tells us that here we shall see wooden figures moving by clockwork to interest, windmills, canals,
a tune played by some invisible instrument. Here he pauses and sighs, ditches,'flat country bearing for his thoughts are upon bis violoncello at home, and he never ceases a family resemblance to that to regret that he did not bring it with him. He believes it would have cheerful swamp on either enlivened us as we drove about, or, at all events, have kept us awake side of the line between after dinner. Fenchurch Street and Til
GOOch has a proposal for him. It is that he might have his violonbury, cattle, and peasants cello made portable : the handle to take in and out, the back to open, who touch their hats vaguely and the inside might serve as a portmanteau," from which,” says to anybody in a carriage. Gooch,“ you would only have to remove your stockings and things This touching custom does when you wanted to play.” not aim at the traveller's The consideration of this novelty oceupies us till we reach Broek. pocket, for there are no Our driver stops at an inn outside the village. vagrant beggars in Holland. “Why doesn't he drive into the village ?” asks Gooch, who likes to In the Jew's quarter, on make an imposing entry. our coming out of the syna- JÖMP explains, “He cannot drive into the village-um-umgogue, we were assailed, it because dere is no road.” is true, by a noisy crowd Bund corroborates this from Murray. of female mendicants (why We enter the village path; paved in the centre with tiles, like a back not say womendicants ?), all kitchen. There is a row of little houses on either side, not very unlike daughters of Israel, or rather those meteorological toy-cottages, in which the little old-fashioned lady grandmothers of Israel, to and gentleman never could live together under any circumstances,
judge by their appearance, except perhaps something going wrong with the pivot on which their who held out their ms and sbrieked for largesse. Jömp, who lives turned. was frightened by this demonstration, threw coins among them We are pounced upon by an elderly syren lady in a satin dress (a (to be charged to Bund the paymaster in a future account), and "Mature Syren," Sat. Red.) who with various blandishments induces climbed on to the box of the carriage as quickly as possible. This was us, all more or less objecting, to enter her abode. the only instance of begging that we encountered during our sojourn In her front parlour the Lowther Arcade, the penny bazaar of in the Land of Boompje.
Oxford Street, Margate and Ramsgate shops, and those unique empoOur driver, with whom we could not argue in any language, had us riums on Brighton pier have poured out their choicest treasures. Here completely in his power on the road to Broek. A flourish of his whip are "trifles from Broek” in Dutch, pen-wipers inscribed "Broek,” and a jerk of his hand towards a turning to the right indicated that he views of Broek (Shanklin, Isle of Wight, I believe, with Broek written intended leaving the straight road in order to drive through a pair of under it) in glass paper weights; knives with wooden handles, on open iron gates.
which is carved the magic name of Broek, as if it was that of a " What's he doing ?” asks BUND.
Sheffield cutler. Japanese stores innumerable, as if Broek had once JÖMP answers with his usual characteristic readiness and love of been to Japan, and brought all these things away; or as if the Japanese truth, “ Vell-um-um-he is going through the gates."
had fled from Broek, leaving valuables at hap-hazard behind them. “ Where to ?” inquires MAULLIE.
Then the old lady must needs show us her autograph-book and her Jömp looks about bim from bis perch of observation, and having photograph-book. The former contained the signature of the EMPEROR thought the matter out replies, " Vel-um-um-I don't know," which, NICHOLAS, who seems to have visited Broek, and "expressed himself of course, is highly satisfactory.
much pleased,” as the visitors' books have it. It turns out, however, that we are being
taken up to a Model Farm. We escape from the elderly show-woman (leaving JöMP in her "Useful thing," observes MAULLIE R. A., for Artists." He clutches) glad to get away from her at any price. makes a note to the effect. I believe that when he returns to England A troop of children follow us, most objectionable children, evidently he will propose to the Governing Body of the Academy the institution jeering. Maullie injudiciously makes a face and shakes bis umbrella of a Model Farm, or a Farm for Models, where Artists shall be able at their ringleader, and from that moment we are mobbed by the to call and make their own selection.
children of the Model Village. The Model Farmeresses are at the door of their cottage. Two of Where are the gardens so celebrated by Murray? Jömp insists upon them. There are no Model Farmers visible. Bund informs ns (on what a turning to the left being the direct road. This induces us at once, authority we do not know, as there is nothing about it in Murray) that and instinctively, to choose the right. the Dutch are very fanciful about their cattle, and decorate the cows' Jömp takes bis road : we ours. The children follow us. tails on Sundays and holidays with bunches of ribands.
We find ourselves in a dilapidated ragged garden, cut up into various The elder Model Farmeress shows us her neat dairy, the milk-pans, narrow paths, full of weeds, bordered by straggling bushes, and milk pails, and cheeses in various stages. It is all scrupulously clean exhibiting no signs of the gardener's care and attention for years past. and tidy. She explains to us, that is, we imagine she is explaining to It depresses us. This,” says MAULLIE,"cannot be the garden.". us, the process by which milk is made into cheese, and we are much "No," exclaims Gooch, with an attempt at assurance (all Boompje!) obliged to her. We are led into the cowhouse, but the cattle are in the "didn't you say," referring to BUND, “that there was a mermaid here, fields, so we don't gather much from this inspection. She then shows and many swans, and mechanical figures, and a lake?” us the family beds. These curiously illustrate ths semi-canal life of Bund had ventured upon this, relying upon Murray. We stop in the Dutch, for they are berths made up in cupboards in the wall. the middle of a path. The children behind us jeer. We are losing our Perhaps the house itself bas no foundations, but only a keel, so that in amiable tempers. An old crone comes towards us, bent with age. She case of unexpected inundation, the entire farm would rise from its can only laugh and chuckle, and jingle some keys she has in her hand. moorings, and sail about doing business with other farms and villages From her signs we gather that she is the Guardian of the Art Treasures. (similarly provided), just as if nothing had happened out of the Maullie makes a sketch of her for his new picture; The Lancashire ordinary course of events.
Witches. She only wants a broom to be the very thing : only if she Noah must have been a Dutchman; and if Ham hadn't gone as a had a broom we shouldn't see any more of her, as nothing could prevent colonist to Africa, Van Ham would have been a peculiarly Datch her flying away on it to & “Sabbath” somewhere in the neighbourname.
hood. After seeing Holland one prostrates oneself before that Grand Ro- She is full of chuckles, evidently at the idea of any party of people mantic Genius who could so far shake off the trammels of fact, as to being such fools as to waste their time in visiting Broek. conceive such an improbable character as the Flying Dutchman. The She takes us to the lake, points out the pavilion, where a wooden Swimming Datchman, the Diving Dutchman, the Floating Dutchman, man, sometime mechanical, is now lying on the ground with broken legs the Sculling Dutchman, the Punting Dutchman, all these would have and arms, and the paint washed almost entirely off his face by the rain occurred to the ordinary mind, but the Flying Dutchman is, so to through the roof, and she points out the mermaid. speak, the result of such a flight of imagination as to command our “That!” we all exclaim. Yes, there is no doubt of it. On the top admiration and excite our wonder.
of a ruined summer-house (everything is in ruins) is perched a little The idea might have been suggested by the contemplation of the zinc or tin mermaid, about eight inches high, intended to serve as a Flying Fish, which ought to be, if Nature were only consistent, a weathercock, only this being Broek) of course it is out of order, and Dutch Herring.
won't move. Quitting the Models, we drive on to Broek. Gooch is looking for- Gentlemen,” says MAULLIE, seriously, addressing us vely,
we have come all the way from England to Holland, have endured with toys of children as at the seaside, Cremorne on a wet Sunday in much, and have travelled night and day in order to see a broken October, Shoreham Gardens (including its lake) without tea and weather-cock in the shape of a diminutive mermaid !”
shrimps, waiters or visitors, people the place with a few old battered The crone shows us two mechanical figures which do move on being ships' figure-heads from the works by Vauxhall Bridge, throw in a wound up. The children follow us, and are delighted. It is a melan- tenth-band rustic arbour or two from some suburban villa to be sold choly performance, and only the model children of Broek could find a bargain, and you will have some faint idea of the appalling desolation pleasure in such an entertainment,
of the Pleasure Gardens of Broek. The two mechanical figures look as if they'd been rejected by Broek, to be true to itself, and to save travellers time and money, MADAME Tussaud's Committee of Selection for the Chamber of should be spelt and pronounced "Broke.”. Horrors.
The immortal advice once given by Mr. Punch to mankind with Finally, there is a cuckoo-clock, which the old woman is very proud of. regard to those
about to marry, may be well repeated here :In fact, imagine our Golden Square in autumn unswept, and strewu Advice to those about to visit Broek :-Don't!
On the other hand, it ought to be noticed that although EXTRACTS FROM MY COMMON-PLACE BOOK.
the potuto disease followed the Great Plague, there was (N.B. The Authorities will be kept till called for.)
no similar epidemic in the vegetable districts of Ireland
after the Municipal Corporations Bill received the Royal STONISHING are the Assent. phenomena of sundry, dreams, even Those were the palmy days of the British Drama, when to Members of the every hand in the theatre was raised to applaud good actors British Association ! and good acting. DR. PARR told LORD NELSON, a day or The evening was calm and collected. The artisans had two before the Bat- ceased their labours at the Breakwater. The last belated tle of the Nile, that puffin had flown home to his nest on the Mew Stone. he constantly dreamt The boom of the gun from Drake's Island” he was chasing the borating the local Almanack in its assertion that the Greek article up the sun set at 6:40 P.M. The green sward of the Hoe at backstairs of the Plymouth was crowded with all the rank and file of the Trafalgar at Green. West, when tidings of the Spanish Armada having been wich ; after a supper sighted by the coastguard on the Cheviots were suddenly of stewed mush- brought by a mounted horseman, in breathless haste, in rooms and hot elder a sealed packet, from the Warden of the Stannaries to wine, well spiced, DRAKE, and RALEIGH, and Hawkins, and HUMPHREY ALEXANDER CRU- GILBERT, and stout old FROBISHER, and John Knox, all DEN was sure to go intent on a game of bowls with the Corporation and to sleep and dream resident Clergy. Without a quarter of an hour's hesitation, of correcting inter- they flung down the implements of amusement, snatched minable proof-sheets up their rapiers, left the Port Admiral to pay the reckoning, of Bradshaw ; JOHN- hurried down the steps waving their pocket handkerchiefs, SON records in his and crying “ St. George for old England !” took to their diary, that on the galleons and their grog, and sailed away, amid tokens night of Michaelmas of universal respect, to achieve one of the most glorious Day, 1774, he dreamt enterprises enshrined in the glowing pages of Home and
he was entertaining SMOLLETT. the young Princesses with Banbury cakes and Guinness's stout in the Tower, while What a subject for a painter ! BURKE amused the PRINCE OF Wales and his brothers by, allowing them to ride round the room on his back; if his digestion was the least out of order, LORD STOWELL invariably imagined himself to be a porter, loading a railway
AN ANGLICAN APERY. carriage at Newcastle-upon-Tyne with heavy luggage in a snow-storm; once, when PETRARCH was staying with the Machiavellis from Saturday to Monday, be THE friends of “Father IGNATIUS” have surely abanawoke the wbole house, including the children, with a loud" Tally-ho!" -he doned him again. According to the Times :fancied he was hunting with LEO THE TENTH's beagles in the Campagna ; regularly as quarter-day. came round, LUTHER used to dream he was a journeyman baker
“The monastery founded by the Rev. MR LYNE (Father in the Victualling Yard, making French rolls for MADAME DE MAINTENON wear. Ignatius) is now in course of erection, and the exterior walls ing a white satin apron fringed with silver bells; and, if CARDINAL Wolsey are already raised many feet in height. It is situated in a most took more than three glasses of sack negus before going to bed, be paid for his I of the Brecknockshire Black Mountains,' at a place called
remote spot at the top of the secluded vale of Ewilas, among spurs indiscretion by dreaming he was selling ANNE BOLEYN a pound of Oxford Capel-y-fin-the Chapel of the Boundary of three counties, sausages on the Capstone at Ilfracombe, and that she got out of the shop before Brecon, Hereford, and Monmouth.” he found she bad given him a bad half-crown. The Lacedæmonians had no dreams, except in boisterous weather and at the
The monk-house of Father Ignatius and his monks Equinox, and the Albigenses only indulged in them every other year. Amongst will not be within easy reach of visitors. It is not, howthe ancient Carthaginians it was considered lucky to dream of a gingbam umbrella ever, nor would it, or any other such simious institution with a horn-bandle in the spare bed-room; but most unfortunate, if a black setter be, too far off if it were at Jericho. That consideration preran down the gravel walk and met an old woman in a red cloak returning from the vents us from complaining that the distance from Fleet dentist's.
Street to "the secluded vale of Ewilas" will be a long way Dreams were not known earlier than the old red sandstone period, and to this to go and see our poor relations." day there is no mention of them in the cheap editions of Domesday Book. "History repeats itself”—so writes CARDINAL RICHELIEU in a letter to CALVIN,
Musical and Melancholy. and no one bas thought it necessary to contradict him-indeed the extraordinary MAY a conductor who beats time to an “ Op.” of Bach coincidence of a lunar rainbow having been seen on board ship, both after the or Beethoven be reasonably regarded by the audience as Battle of the Frogs and Mice and the glorious Victory of the First of June," an Op-timeist ? appears to strengthen this'axiom of the wily Minister of PETER THE GREAT. Again, the milkman went his rounds as usual the morning after the Battle of
RHYMES FOR THE “RECORD.” Waterloo, and the same phenomenon was observed by the reviewers, before the news of the fall of the Byzantine Empire had been circulated twenty-four hours in
Has a vial been poured on the Seat of the Beast ? the coffee-houses of Stamboul. We know, too, by the testimony of intelligent
We know not. Things look very like it at least. bystanders, that it was a beautiful evening the night of the passing of the first Reform Bill, people walking about in Parliament Street without their hats, and
A FILIAL REMARK. the Milky Way unusually brilliant: the weather was equally auspicious when MONTGOMERY, accompanied by bis black servant, made his first balloon ascent "Time hangs heavy on my hands," as the son said, when from the terraces at Versailles, in the presence of the King and the entire Corps he became the possessor of his father's large old-fashioned diplomatique.
BLIGHTED HOPES ! Extract of Letter from Laura to Lillie :-"I DECLARE, DEAR, I NEVER GAVE THE ABSURD CREATORE THE SLIGHTEST ENCOURAGEMENT. I DID SAY, ONE EVENING, I THOUGHT THE LITTLE SANDY COVES ABOUT WOBBLESWICK WERE CHARMING, ESPECIALLY ONE. THE IDEA /-OF AIS THINKING I WAS ALLUDING TO HIM!"-&c., &o.
Not only; but thy fortitude serene, And conscience daring on itself to lean, The couch of mortal danger did attest.
Thou would'st let no priest's menace intervene Between thee and thy country; self-possessed And steadfast of resolve formed in a true man's breast. Long mayst thou sit upon the Cæsars' throne,
What never Cæsar was though thou shalt be. When Cæsars were, no liberty was known:
Thy subjects will be citizens as free
As Rome of old did Romans ever see.
Which GARIBALDI bled to do for thee,
and Italy is one.
ITALY AT ROME. KING HONESTMAN, lo, rival Powers fall out
And Italy and thou come by your own!
Vain, base, brute force by force yet greater strown,
Her bayonets propped old feeble Priestcraft's throne.
And trample on the weak; but she needs must, In arrogant intolerance of a peer,
Assail a stronger, underweighed. Her lust
Of glory has been humbled to the dust;
In deadliest arms she put too fond a trust":
Through faith o'erweening in their murderous fire.
They have accomplished Italy's desire ;
The Eldest Daughter of a doting Sire,
Of patience and high courage; valour seen
A BISHOP'S ROD. News from Salmonia says, that, one day last week, “ The BISHOP OF ROCHESTER killed no fewer than six fine salmon."
Who will say that his Lordship is not a lineal (ha! ha!) successor of the Fishermen ! We heartily rejoice to find an excellent hierarch enjoying himself so rationally; and when he is making his next distri. bution of fishes, he may remember that though 85, Fleet Street, is not exactly in his Lordship’s diocese, Mr. Punch is above parochialism, and likes Salmon,
The Fortune of War. The French private soldier is often told, for his encouragement, that he carries in his knapsack the bâton of a marshal. Nobody ever tells him that he is much more likely to be carrying a wooden leg.