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Bangles and breadstuffs were what we principally received in exchange EXTRACTS FROM MY COMMON-PLACE BOOK, from the Western coast of Africa, but the supply of cocoa had hardly (N.B. The Authorities will be kept till called for.)
at that day begun to assume the enormous proportions to which it has
since attained. An acquaintance with Geology is much more common than is generally supposed : we all know chalk from cheese.
FAL-LALS AND FINE ART. The melancholy to be traced in every portrait hitherto discovered of the CHEVALIER BAYARD, 'notably in the one by SALVATOR DEL PIOMBO,
NDEED, dear Punch, except hanging in the Assize Court at Bodmin, had a romantic origin. He
Le Follet, the Queen, and suffered a disappointment in early life when serving with the Saracens
the Englishwoman's Domesin the Azores. The lady was young, beautiful, accomplished, well born,
tic Magazine, and you, of and a capital housekeeper, with a profusion of fair hair, but poor; and
course, as a rule I never BAYARD's great aunt, from whom he had considerable expectations,
read anything but the novels opposed the match so violently that he was compelled to return the
of the day. Newspapers I Signora's likeness and letters, and never saw her again. In after
detest, unless when there is years she married the Admirable CRICHTON (at Dumfries), and, strange
a trial or something else vicissitude of fortune! one of their descendants died, at an advanced
particularly interesting in age, within the walls of Marylebone Workhouse, towards the end of
them; but the accompanythe French Revolution.
ing slips were sent to me
in a note by a satirical The cromlechs which are scattered about the northern districts of
Stupe, as if they signified, the Isle of Ely in plentiful abundance, decisively confirm PAYNE
but I only laugh at such KNIGHT'S supposition, first put forth in the Chirurgical Quarterly, that
ridiculous remarks. One of the ancient Druids possessed many of the appliances of modern civilisa
them is out of a lecture on tion. There have been found in them tobacco-stoppers, toothpicks,
Greek Art read to a Society half-emptied bottles of hair-dye, shoe-buckles, walking-sticks, double
the other day by MR. H. eyeglasses, and the insignia of the principal orders of Chivalry. A
C. SELOUS, praising up very considerable collection of these curious relics of a bygone age may
those frightful statues you be seen, during the winter months, in the gardens of the Ashmolean
see at places like the BriMuseum at Oxford, on sending in your carte de visite to the Heads of
tish Museum and Crystal Houses in Convocation.
Palace, more than a hun
dred years old, some of The marriage customs of different nations are an interesting study to
them :the political economist as well as to the disciple of COMTE. Our prac
“ He concluded with some tice of throwing old slippers after the happy carriage and pair, is only
remarks on the great peran imitation of a usage long observed by the first settlers in Amsterdam, who flung bootjacks, made of some soft material, at the bride- nation; their intellectual love of the beautiful, and adoration of the human
sonal beauty of the Greek groom the first thing in the morning, after a substantial breakfast at form, which he contrasted with the present senseless shapes, so destructhe principal hotel in the place.
tive of perfect form and motion-high heels and waspish waists, that Nature HUMBOLDT knew of no race of people, however savage and swarthy, abhorred quite as much as a vacuum." which did not keep up the custom of saluting the bridesmaids on the return of the wedding-party from church, except amongst the Mongols,
Senseless shapes, indeed; no shapes are as senseless as some obserwho tattoo them, instead, with
true lovers' knots and the monogram of vations, I think. the bride and groom interlaced, in red ink, at the chemist's.
The other piece of nonsense is this :There are full particulars of the speeches made at the wedding- « BEAUTY SPOTS.' — It is a poor rule that won't work both ways.' Report breakfasts of five of the leading Roman Consuls, but, unfortunately, says that many of the coloured ladies ' of New York may be seen promenading they are only to be found in the missing books of Livy. We know, Broadway on a fine afternoon with countenances ornamented with a patch of however, that HORACE was particularly happy on these occasions, and white court-plaster. If white faces can be made to see the absurdity of wearthat the toast of “The Bridesmaids !" was almost always placed in ing black patches, some good will be accomplished.”—Lady's Own Paper. his hands. The younger PLINY made a neat and appropriate reply, What a silly idea, when everybody knows that black patches set oft and pulled a cracker with CLEOPATRA after resuming his seat amidst a fair complexion, and make it look better, but white can only make general applause.
black look so much the uglier. Of course one sees that it is very The Pelasgic ladies did not wear orange-blossom in their bonnets, absurd to wear white patches on a black face, and any one capable of but the common bindweed; and Stephanotis, which is now almost ex- seeing that, with a grain of common sense must see that wearing black clusively the emblem of widows, was seized by the police under the on a white face is just the reverse. I suppose those stupid artists, and Merovingian dynasty.
lecturers, and writers about the fashions, which they don't understand, The priests of Isis performed the marriage ceremony gratuitously on think they n persuade one that black is white. the second Tuesday in every month, at a quarter to eleven, in the
adoration of the human form," and contrasting it with vestry; the Norse women held it lucky for the best man to have the "the present senseless shapes," I am sure there is more sense in those nail of one little finger less than the other; no Albanian girl ever shapes than there is in the heads of people who adore a marble Venus thinks of being married unless the barometer is at "Set Fair ;” and with no shape at all to speak of, and they don't hinder motion in the the dwellers in the heart of the Andes were the first to send "No least, but on the contrary look nice, especially in dancing, and say what Cards.'
you like about high heels they are very much worn, and small waists
too; so it's no use talking, for what is the reason why anything is History affords no brighter example of devotion to duty under pecu- pretty and becoming ? Because it is generally considered so at the time, niary difficulties than is presented in the story of the abdication of and there's an end of it. The same applies to chignons, and all the CHARLES THE FIFTH after the Battle of Lepanto, when he retired to other fashions that are taken off and caricatured so by Sillies, which the Monastery of St. Bernard, with only a fourpenny-piece in his only keeps them up longer for the very reason because they aggravate pocket and one shirt collar. The dogs which accompanied him through and provoke
men, especially those artists and authors who set themthe snow on that memorable night have, by their descenda made selves up for judges of dress when they had better mind their own the monastery celebrated in the periodical literature of all the nations business, they are so conceited. of the West; and the exciting competition for the Emperor's collection
I am sure if those horrid statues were dressed in the costume of the of clocks and watches, when they were dispersed and sold by order of day, they would look much better, they need be,
some of them-talk the executors at CHRISTIE's, is still remembered by many of the oldest about the ballet and evening parties! Then those dreadful old antique inhabitants of Little Britain.
things would be bearable to look at, and a sculpture gallery would have CAGLIOSTRO, in consultation with DR. DEE, prescribed
Jesuits' bark something like the attraction of Madame TUSSAUD's. And the fun of it for CHARLES, but none was to be had nearer than Port Royal, and the would be, it would make all those professors and old fogies so cross. heavy duty upon it at that day (this was before the Treaty of Commerce was signed at Verona) prevented its importation in sufficiently large ever it is, and oblige
Do, dearest Punch, recommend this to the Royal Academy, or who
Ever yours fondly, quantities.
NINA. The Commerce of the Heptarchy rose to its greatest height under ETHELWOLF. The quarterly returns of the exports and imports are still preserved under three locks and keys in the Jerusalem Chamber,
Exchange Heavy Against France. and sbow conclusively that our hardware had even then penetrated as FRANCE sends to England THIERS, a welcome lodger; far north as Lapland, and much farther south than the Balearic Isles. I England (that's BEALES) sends France (don't laugb) GEORGE ODGER!
As to the "
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[SEPTEMBER 24, 1870.
WHERE IS THE GERMAN LOAFERS' BAND?
VERE ish de Sbarman Loafers band ?
De Deutschers' band not dere you 'll see.
Der Teufel, no, it cannot pe;
Dey don't pervorm in Belgravie.
No, no, by tam, it cannot pe;
No Sharman's band blay py de[zea.
No no, poor loafers dough dey be,
Thanks, Mr. Dryden. A FENIAN paper describing the reception of the French news by the American Fenians, says, “It was noble to behold the flashing eyes of exiled heroes as they scanned the telegram." Doubtless.
“ Transported demigods stood round.”
PUT YOUR FINGER IN, AND LOOSEN THAT FOURTH Hook."
An Orthographical Error. It is remarked that Cæsarism has a second time failed in France. This is a truth to speak, but a mistake to write. It is not Cæsarism which has come to grief in France, but Seizerism.
THE LOGIC OF DEMONSTRATION.
OUR MILITARY UNDERSTANDING. By customarily holding demonstrations, relative to the question of We neutrals ought to learn some lessons from the War, even in such the day, at present the War for instance, in Hyde Park, the working- matters as equipment of our soldiers. Criticism specially has been men, or to speak more definitely the handicraftsmen, are at any rate directed to their foot-gear, which is declared to be immensely inferior setting an example to all other classes. If it were generally followed, to the French. The easy-fitting shoe and gaiter of their infantry weigh the clergy, the lawyers, the members of the medical profession, the civil balf as much as the thick, clumsy, galling boots we give our troops. engineers, the Press, and all the other sections of which the commu- Soldiers very quickly learn where the shoe pinches when they are on a nity is made up, would each of them hold its particular meeting in Hyde march; and a bad boot very speedily deprives them of the power to put Park. The men who work in special departments other than the their þest leg foremost. Troops may readily be crippled by the galling vocation of manual labour have just as much reason to put themselves of their foot-gear, and a military movement may be brought in this way forward in the character of distinct political bodies as the latter. But to a lame conclusion. The British soldier ought to have the very best the example set by the working-men is followed, and likely to be fol- of boots, in order to enable him to walk well into an enemy; and for lowed, by no other classes than the dangerous classes, which makes it this substantial reason we desire with all our heart and sole to see the a nuisance.
British Army put upon a better footing.
LITTLE FINES FOR GREAT OFFENDERS. Sites and Sounds : a Treatise on Cod-fishing. By a Senior Angler.
HERE is a scrap of news which, with some slight variation, appears Every Man his own Bootjack : by the Author of "Easy Lessons on the Shoe Horn” for beginners. Six tunes in each volume. Terms
so very often that it might as well be stereotyped :Cash, and lots of it.
“Sixty-four small tradesmen have been fined in all £77 158., for possessing Con Amore: a Tale of Irish Life.
short weights and measures.” The Daughters of the Grecian Bend. By the Author of " The Fathers of The fines here barely average above a pound a head, though many of Greek Philosophy."
these small tradesmen have doubtless been great rascals. The penalty
of having but a sovereign to pay can hardly be a sovereign preventive Comestibles, perhaps ?
of cheating. Perhaps, were larger fines imposed, we should hear of
smaller numbers of these petty cheats appearing at the petty sessions. His HOLINESS says that he has no objection to receive KING VICTOR's soldiers, provided they do not arrive cum animo commorandi. MRS. RAMSBOTHAM's nephew tried to explain, but the fixed idea of his
Natives of Paris. good aunt is, that the POPE wants no visitors who mean to be Cormorants-and she thinks he is quite right, and she hates that sort of So we have lived to see Louis NAPOLEON an ex-Emperor! The droppers-in who only pay their devours to your combustibles. Parisians have been smashing his busts and pictures. They break
their idol. Is not the same proceeding wont (to be adopted under
analogous circumstances by certain inhabitants of the West Coast of THE UGLIEST SPOT IN EUROPE.— The Battle Plain.
the liberality of the ratepayers thus repaying itself. What a totally A CARD-EXCHANGE WANTED.
different character from that which it bears would St. Pancras have,
if in its Union economy it were to take pattern from Southampton !
“ VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! ”
“VIVE, vive la République !”-Pardon !
How do you reckon the life-rate ing the social
Of Eighty-Nine, or-allons, donc !-
Its murdered bantling, Forty-Eight ?
Had but your Emperor won the Rhine,
La République had waited long: joyable if it
'Twas not her frown that hurled him down,
But that his fated cards went wrong.
To make La République needs men:
France has some men: has she enow? what amount
Has Italy ? Spain ? England ? When
Will French wits weight to facts allow !
Nay, 'tis no sneer: a plain JOHN BULL,
Fact's stupid, solid ground I seek : ing calls, and
To talk and logic both he's dull-
But show me a live La République ?
The Union ? Let her thank God's gifts
Of various blood and virgin land :
And answering her pulse-falls and lifts,
Her Federal States' elastic band. are of
use to nobody. As one reflects upon the precious leisure that one spends
Yet she so went to fisticuffs, upon these profitless observances, one feels inclined to envy the Ojib
North against South for Sambo's chain, beways or Hottentots, or other noble savages, who manage somehow
Potomac's wave and Georgia's bluffs to exist and to pursue their path in life, without the civilised necessity
Almost saw the Republic twain. of carrying a card-case.
Switzerland! Let her thank her Alps, As a measure of relief, we should wish to aid the passing of a social
Bare rocks, scant means, temptations small: Act of Parliament, for abolition of the usage of making calls in person,
Or even from those snowy scalps and substitution of an easier and less time-wasteful method of ex
La République might fear a fall. changing such civilities. People even now are bold enough in certain fashionable circles to make a morning call without descending from
Nay, snow-bound, small
, poor as she is, their carriages : merely handing in their card to the servant at the
But for the tourists' £ s. d., door, with an inquiry for the bodily well-being of the inmates. Nay,
Besides her rifles, much I wis, some folks do not even give themselves the trouble to do so much as
She owes to Europe's guarantee. this : but content themselves with sending round their footman with their card-case, and thus discharge by deputy their duty to society,
It is Geography makes both, with little inconvenience or sacrifice of time.
And manners more than minds of men : Further to facilitate this interchange of pasteboard, which is held to
I'll shout “ La République !” not loath, be equivalent to making morning calls, we would throw out the sug
In time and place—but where, and when ? gestion of a social Card-Exchange, or Central House of Call, where morning calls might be exchanged with even more celerity and ease
Needs sharp curb, stern hand, and strict law, than now is possible, even to those persons who avail themselves of
To discipline our restive souls, proxies in the mode above described. Here the representatives of
Ere the Republic men can draw
'Twixt Right's and Duty's even poles. people owing morning visits might meet, say once a week, and thus be spared the needless work of walking here and there to leave a bit of
But you, France, Paris, is it mind pasteboard with my LADY NOODLE or my LORD TOM NODDY. As a
Or morals, needs but ask yourselves, still further economy, a clearing-house might be attached to the estab
That fits you round your brows to bind lishment, where, at the end of every season, all the cards therein dis
The red cap? Put it on your shelves. tributed might be returned, like cheques, and then be sorted out in heaps, and re-delivered to their owners, to be anew made use of, when
And take instead the fool's-cap down, the recurrent season comes for making morning calls.
And all its bells a-gingling, so,
And change your front before the foe.
Guess. workhouse whereof the arrangements are humane. Paupers tempo- THERE be too Greek words, signifying respectively a "heart” and an rarily received into that asylum, but having 'a settlement elsewhere," odour.” Combined, they might indicate a Cordial Perfume. But are said to greatly object to being removed. Knowing that much, what is the use of guessing, when we are to be told the grand secret, nobody will be surprised to read the subjoined notice, recorded in the perhaps before these lines see the day! Hampshire Independent, under the head of " Cricket
Another. “ CRICKET.-Southampton Union v. Beaulieu.—Played on Saturday, on the ground of the latter, the Union winning on the first innings."
FRANCE, appealing to Neutrals to help Paris. “O succour it ! ” It is pleasant to think that there is one workhouse in England whereof the poor inmates not only enjoy charitable accommodation,
Artistic. but are also permitted to beguile their leisure with the manly game of THERE is no truth in the rumour that a Royal Academician has cricket. All work and no play, in workhouses, is the general rule; lately bought a residence at Battle, near to Hastings, for the sake of but a gratifying exception to it is presented by Southampton, of course being chronicled in the local guide-books as making Jack a bright boy instead of a dull one. The girls in the
“Battle's magnificently stern R.A.” Southampton workhouse, doubtless, are indulged with recreation corresponding to that granted to the boys, and allowed to amuse themselves, at, and during, reasonable hours, by the healthful exercise of OUT OF SEASON NOTE.--How seldom one sees a Cabman in spectacles. playing croquet, whose salut any effect keeps them out of the infirmary; A Millman with moustaches seems to me an anomaly.