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EXTRACTS FROM MY COMMON-PLACE BOOK. (N.B. The Authorities will be kept till called for.)

AN acquaintance with Geology is much more common than is generally supposed: we all know chalk from cheese.

The melancholy to be traced in every portrait hitherto discovered of the CHEVALIER BAYARD, notably in the one by SALVATOR DEL PIOMBO, hanging in the Assize Court at Bodmin, had a romantic origin. He suffered a disappointment in early life when serving with the Saracens in the Azores. The lady was young, beautiful, accomplished, well born, and a capital housekeeper, with a profusion of fair hair, but poor; and BAYARD'S great aunt, from whom he had considerable expectations, opposed the match so violently that he was compelled to return the Signora's likeness and letters, and never saw her again. In after years she married the Admirable CRICHTON (at Dumfries), and, strange vicissitude of fortune! one of their descendants died, at an advanced age, within the walls of Marylebone Workhouse, towards the end of the French Revolution.

The cromlechs which are scattered about the northern districts of the Isle of Ely in plentiful abundance, decisively confirm PAYNE KNIGHT'S supposition, first put forth in the Chirurgical Quarterly, that the ancient Druids possessed many of the appliances of modern civilisation. There have been found in them tobacco-stoppers, toothpicks, half-emptied bottles of hair-dye, shoe-buckles, walking-sticks, double eyeglasses, and the insignia of the principal orders of Chivalry. A very considerable collection of these curious relics of a bygone age may be seen, during the winter months, in the gardens of the Ashmolean Museum at Oxford, on sending in your carte de visite to the Heads of Houses in Convocation.

The marriage customs of different nations are an interesting study to the political economist as well as to the disciple of COMTE. Our practice of throwing old slippers after the happy carriage and pair, is only an imitation of a usage long observed by the first settlers in Amsterdam, who flung bootjacks, made of some soft material, at the bridegroom the first thing in the morning, after a substantial breakfast at the principal hotel in the place.

HUMBOLDT knew of no race of people, however savage and swarthy, which did not keep up the custom of saluting the bridesmaids on the return of the wedding-party from church, except amongst the Mongols, who tattoo them, instead, with true lovers' knots and the monogram of the bride and groom interlaced, in red ink, at the chemist's.

There are full particulars of the speeches made at the weddingbreakfasts of five of the leading Roman Consuls, but, unfortunately, they are only to be found in the missing books of LIVY. We know, however, that HORACE was particularly happy on these occasions, and that the toast of "The Bridesmaids! was almost always placed in his hands. The younger PLINY made a neat and appropriate reply, and pulled a cracker with CLEOPATRA after resuming his seat amidst general applause.

The Pelasgic ladies did not wear orange-blossom in their bonnets, but the common bindweed; and Stephanotis, which is now almost exclusively the emblem of widows, was seized by the police under the Merovingian dynasty.

The priests of Isis performed the marriage ceremony gratuitously on the second Tuesday in every month, at a quarter to eleven, in the vestry; the Norse women held it lucky for the best man to have the nail of one little finger less than the other; no Albanian girl ever thinks of being married unless the barometer is at "Set Fair;" and the dwellers in the heart of the Andes were the first to send "No Cards."

History affords no brighter example of devotion to duty under pecuniary difficulties than is presented in the story of the abdication of CHARLES THE FIFTH after the Battle of Lepanto, when he retired to the Monastery of St. Bernard, with only a fourpenny-piece in his pocket and one shirt collar. The dogs which accompanied him through the snow on that memorable night have, by their descendants, made the monastery celebrated in the periodical literature of all the nations of the West; and the exciting competition for the Emperor's collection of clocks and watches, when they were dispersed and sold by order of the executors at CHRISTIE'S, is still remembered by many of the oldest inhabitants of Little Britain.

CAGLIOSTRO, in consultation with DR. DEE, prescribed Jesuits' bark for CHARLES, but none was to be had nearer than Port Royal, and the heavy duty upon it at that day (this was before the Treaty of Commerce was signed at Verona) prevented its importation in sufficiently large quantities.

The Commerce of the Heptarchy rose to its greatest height under ETHELWOLF. The quarterly returns of the exports and imports are still preserved under three locks and keys in the Jerusalem Chamber, and show conclusively that our hardware had even then penetrated as far north as Lapland, and much farther south than the Balearic Isles.

Bangles and breadstuffs were what we principally received in exchange from the Western coast of Africa, but the supply of cocoa had hardly at that day begun to assume the enormous proportions to which it has since attained.


NDEED, dear Punch, except Le Follet, the Queen, and the Englishwoman's Domestic Magazine, and you, of course, as a rule I never read anything but the novels of the day. Newspapers I detest, unless when there is a trial or something else particularly interesting in them; but the accompanying slips were sent to me in a note by a satirical Stupe, as if they signified, but I only laugh at such ridiculous remarks. One of them is out of a lecture on Greek Art read to a Society the other day by MR. H. C. SELOUS, praising up those frightful statues you see at places like the British Museum and Crystal Palace, more than a hundred years old, some of them :

"He concluded with some remarks on the great personal beauty of the Greek

nation; their intellectual love of the beautiful, and adoration of the human form, which he contrasted with the present senseless shapes, so destructive of perfect form and motion-high heels and waspish waists, that Nature abhorred quite as much as a vacuum.'

Senseless shapes, indeed; no shapes are as senseless as some observations, I think.

The other piece of nonsense is this :—

"BEAUTY SPOTS.'-'It is a poor rule that won't work both ways.' Report says that many of the 'coloured ladies' of New York may be seen promenading Broadway on a fine afternoon with countenances ornamented with a patch of white court-plaster. If white faces can be made to see the absurdity of wearing black patches, some good will be accomplished."-Lady's Own Paper.

What a silly idea, when everybody knows that black patches set off a fair complexion, and make it look better, but white can only make black look so much the uglier. Of course one sees that it is very absurd to wear white patches on a black face, and any one capable of seeing that, with a grain of common sense must see that wearing black on a white face is just the reverse. I suppose those stupid artists, and lecturers, and writers about the fashions, which they don't understand, think they can persuade one that black is white.

As to the "adoration of the human form," and contrasting it with "the present senseless shapes," I am sure there is more sense in those shapes than there is in the heads of people who adore a marble Venus with no shape at all to speak of, and they don't hinder motion in the least, but on the contrary look nice, especially in dancing, and say what you like about high heels they are very much worn, and small waists too; so it's no use talking, for what is the reason why anything is pretty and becoming? Because it is generally considered so at the time, and there's an end of it. The same applies to chignons, and all the other fashions that are taken off and caricatured so by Sillies, which only keeps them up longer for the very reason because they aggravate and provoke men, especially those artists and authors who set themselves up for judges of dress when they had better mind their own business, they are so conceited.

I am sure if those horrid statues were dressed in the costume of the day, they would look much better, they need be, some of them-talk about the ballet and evening parties! Then those dreadful old antique things would be bearable to look at, and a sculpture gallery would have something like the attraction of MADAME TUSSAUD'S. And the fun of it would be, it would make all those professors and old fogies so cross. Do, dearest Punch, recommend this to the Royal Academy, or whoever it is, and oblige Ever yours fondly, Wednesday.


Exchange Heavy Against France. FRANCE sends to England THIERS, a welcome lodger; England (that's BEALES) sends France (don't laugh) GEORGE Odger!

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By customarily holding demonstrations, relative to the question of the day, at present the War for instance, in Hyde Park, the workingmen, or to speak more definitely the handicraftsmen, are at any rate setting an example to all other classes. If it were generally followed, the clergy, the lawyers, the members of the medical profession, the civil engineers, the Press, and all the other sections of which the community is made up, would each of them hold its particular meeting in Hyde Park. The men who work in special departments other than the Vocation of manual labour have just as much reason to put themselves forward in the character of distinct political bodies as the latter. But the example set by the working-men is followed, and likely to be followed, by no other classes than the dangerous classes, which makes it a nuisance.

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VERE ish de Sharman Loafersband?

In shquares und crescents do dey shtand, Mit horn, und drumbet, und bassoon, Und blay de harmony und tune? Potstausend, no, it cannot pe;

De Deutschers' band not dere you'll see.

Vere ish de Sharman Loafersband?
Near Biggadilly or de Shtrand?

Or troo Pelgravia do dey go,

Und sharm man's ear in Bimlico ?

Der Teufel, no, it cannot pe;
Dey don't pervorm in Belgravie.
Vere ish de Sharman Loafersband?
By de zea-zide upon de sand?:
To Margate do dey give delight?
To Prighton, or de Isle of Fveit?
No, no, by tam, it cannot pe;
No Sharman's band blay py de zea.
Vere ish de Sharman Loafersband?
Not anyveresh in English land.
De place vor dem not now is hier,
Vor all man drink das beste bier.

No no, poor loafers dough dey be,
Dey're gone to shtrike vor Sharmany.

Thanks, Mr. Dryden.

A FENIAN paper describing the reception of the French news by the American Fenians, says, It was noble to behold the flashing eyes of exiled heroes as they scanned the telegram." Doubtless.

"Transported demigods stood round."

An Orthographical Error.

Ir is remarked that Cæsarism has a second time failed in France. This is a truth to speak, but a mistake to write. It is not Cæsarism which has come to grief in France, but Seizerism.


WE neutrals ought to learn some lessons from the War, even in such matters as equipment of our soldiers. Criticism specially has been directed to their foot-gear, which is declared to be immensely inferior to the French. The easy-fitting shoe and gaiter of their infantry weigh half as much as the thick, clumsy, galling boots we give our troops. Soldiers very quickly learn where the shoe pinches when they are on a march; and a bad boot very speedily deprives them of the power to put their best leg foremost. Troops may readily be crippled by the galling of their foot-gear, and a military movement may be brought in this way to a lame conclusion. The British soldier ought to have the very best of boots, in order to enable him to walk well into an enemy; and for this substantial reason we desire with all our heart and sole to see the British Army put upon a better footing.

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may have occurred unto many a jaded Londoner, after suffering the social tortures of fashion's son, that life might be enjoyable if it were not for its civilities. For instance, just consider what amount of time and toil are annually wasted in paying morning calls, and in the like ridiculous performances, which to so many are a nuisance, and are of use

to nobody. As one reflects upon the precious leisure that one spends upon these profitless observances, one feels inclined to envy the Ojibbeways or Hottentots, or other noble savages, who manage somehow to exist and to pursue their path in life, without the civilised necessity of carrying a card-case.

As a measure of relief, we should wish to aid the passing of a social Act of Parliament, for abolition of the usage of making calls in person, and substitution of an easier and less time-wasteful method of exchanging such civilities. People even now are bold enough in certain fashionable circles to make a morning call without descending from their carriages: merely handing in their card to the servant at the door, with an inquiry for the bodily well-being of the inmates. Nay, some folks do not even give themselves the trouble to do so much as this but content themselves with sending round their footman with their card-case, and thus discharge by deputy their duty to society, with little inconvenience or sacrifice of time.

Further to facilitate this interchange of pasteboard, which is held to be equivalent to making morning calls, we would throw out the suggestion of a social Card-Exchange, or Central House of Call, where morning calls might be exchanged with even more celerity and ease than now is possible, even to those persons who avail themselves of proxies in the mode above described. Here the representatives of people owing morning visits might meet, say once a week, and thus be spared the needless work of walking here and there to leave a bit of pasteboard with my LADY NOODLE or my LORD TOM NODDY. As a still further economy, a clearing-house might be attached to the establishment, where, at the end of every season, all the cards therein distributed might be returned, like cheques, and then be sorted out in heaps, and re-delivered to their owners, to be anew made use of, when the recurrent season comes for making morning calls.


the liberality of the ratepayers thus repaying itself. What a totally different character from that which it bears would St. Pancras have, if in its Union economy it were to take pattern from Southampton !



"VIVE, vive la République !"-Pardon!
How do you reckon the life-rate
Of Eighty-Nine, or-allons, donc !-

Its murdered bantling, Forty-Eight?

Had but your Emperor won the Rhine,
La République had waited long:
'Twas not her frown that hurled him down,
But that his fated cards went wrong.

To make La République needs men :

France has some men: has she enow?
Has Italy? Spain? England? When

Will French wits weight to facts allow ?
Nay, 'tis no sneer: a plain JOHN BULL,
Fact's stupid, solid ground I seek:
To talk and logic both he's dull-

But show me a live La République?
The Union? Let her thank God's gifts
Of various blood and virgin land:
And answering her pulse-falls and lifts,
Her Federal States' elastic band.

Yet she so went to fisticuffs,

North against South for Sambo's chain,
Potomac's wave and Georgia's bluffs
Almost saw the Republic twain.

Switzerland! Let her thank her Alps,
Bare rocks, scant means, temptations small:
Or even from those snowy scalps

La République might fear a fall.

Nay, snow-bound, small, poor as she is,
But for the tourists' £ s. d.,
Besides her rifles, much I wis,
She owes to Europe's guarantee.

It is Geography makes both,

And manners more than minds of men: I'll shout "La République!" not loath, In time and place-but where, and when? Needs sharp curb, stern hand, and strict law, To discipline our restive souls, Ere the Republic men can draw 'Twixt Right's and Duty's even poles. But you, France, Paris, is it mind

Or morals, needs but ask yourselves, That fits you round your brows to bind The red cap? Put it on your shelves. And take instead the fool's-cap down, And all its bells a-gingling, so,

And kiss, shout, dance, smash N. and Crown, And change your front before the foe.


SOUTHAMPTON is a place which has the rare credit of maintaining a workhouse whereof the arrangements are humane. Paupers tempo- THERE be too Greek words, signifying respectively a "heart" and an rarily received into that asylum, but having a settlement elsewhere," odour." Combined, they might indicate a Cordial Perfume. But are said to greatly object to being removed. Knowing that much, what is the use of guessing, when we are to be told the grand secret, nobody will be surprised to read the subjoined notice, recorded in the perhaps before these lines see the day f Hampshire Independent, under the head of "Cricket


"CRICKET.-Southampton Union v. Beaulieu.-Played on Saturday, on the ground of the latter, the Union winning on the first innings."


FRANCE, appealing to Neutrals to help Paris. "O succour it!"


It is pleasant to think that there is one workhouse in England
whereof the poor inmates not only enjoy charitable accommodation,
but are also permitted to beguile their leisure with the manly game of
cricket. All work and no play, in workhouses, is the general rule;
but a gratifying exception to it is presented by Southampton, of course
making JACK a bright boy instead of a dull one. The girls in the
Southampton workhouse, doubtless, are indulged with recreation
corresponding to that granted to the boys, and allowed to amuse them-
selves, at, and during, reasonable hours, by the healthful exercise of
playing croquet, whose salutary effect keeps them out of the infirmary; A Milkman with moustaches seems to me an anomaly.

THERE is no truth in the rumour that a Royal Academician has lately bought a residence at Battle, near to Hastings, for the sake of being chronicled in the local guide-books as

"Battle's magnificently stern R.A."

OUT OF SEASON NOTE.--How seldom one sees a Cabman in spectacles.

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