Page images
PDF
EPUB
[graphic][merged small]

THE MOORS: No. 2, But, OWING TO SOME MISTAKE, AFTER SEVERAL MISSES, ALL THE BARRELS GO OFF AT ONCE, AND SHE (THE MITRAILLBUSBY KICKS out RIGHT AND LEFT AND ALL ROUND (General Contusions /) AND FLIES INTO PIECES ! THE DOGS WERE NEVER SEEN AFTERWARDS !

POETA NASCITUR.

HOHENZOLLERNS AND HARD NAMES. SINCE the beginning of the war, (and that is less than a month

M. EDMOND ABOUT, in the Soir, calls the Germans “Teutonic —from Saarbruck to Sedan) Mr. Punch has received war-poems

vermin," and says that “France must sweep away the HOHENZOLenough to make a new Iliad. He has sternly refused to publish any of LERNS and their feudal followers” by next New Year's Day. This these. But the genuine inspiration and exquisite diction of the follow. I talk is homogeneous with the caricature which represented the KING OF ing masterpiece, (its acrostic character introducing a playful element) Prussia's

troops as mice marching upon a cheese ; but if the Germans seem to warrant him in publishing it, the rather that it is much better are mice, what are the people who sing “Rataplan”

but other mice ? than the vast majority of the efforts of his volunteer Correspondents : - We will not say " rats," for more reasons than one ; an intention to

pun might be imputed to us by some of our correspondents who send THE WAR.

us puns of their own. How would M. About represent HOHENZOL

LERNS if he were to draw them in the shape of vermin? Perhaps he (An Acrostic.)

would delineate the typical HOHENZOLLERN as a cockroach, or some FROM beginning Prussia's held the sway,

extraordinary beetle. The "Teutonic vermin," however, would be Ruin's almost wholly met l'Empereur every way,

more aptly depicted as hornets brought by M. ABOUT's countrymen A las ! what will the end of this great struggle be ?

themselves about their own ears.
No other Power can I think, make P,E,A,C,E,
Cold and lifeless thousands, lie upon the Battle Plain,
E ngland ! thou art neutral, and will I trust remain.

CERTAINLY NOT.
A non a serious issue may appear,

NEVER before has Mr. Punch had to complain of his delightful and N one can but hope, that some end is near,

instructive Contemporary, Notes and Queries. But look here :D ear ones at home, have shed many a Tear!

What is wanted is a dictionary which shall trace back every English P ride yourselves Britons, that our "Land of the free,” word or group of words to the Earliest Radical in existence." Rejoices in Peace, and in Neutrality, U nless she's obliged by an Usurpation,

This is too bad. The Earliest_Radical! DR. JOHNSON (not in his S he will not altercate with any Nation,

dictionary) bas explained the Earliest Radicalism, which he called S hout then with joy that Peace, Plenty, prevails,

Whiggery. But we do not want our whole language traced to that In lieu of Bloodshed with its horrid details,

source. Enough that a Frenchman has called it “diabolical." A gain then rejoice, that we keep from those "Gales.”

"Rue with a Difference." REMEMBER, THESE ARE NOT CONTRABAND OF WAR. — Alms for the Can it be true, as 'telegraphed, that the Avenue de l'Empereur is Wounded. And remember No. 2, Saint Martin's Place, London, henceforth to be called the Rue Victor Noir? A bad omen! Suppose (An appropriate locality, by the bye, for it was St. Martin who tore the “ Black Victor"-the Prussian Eagle-should really fly into Paris his cloak in halves and gave half to a sick man.)

that way!

Printah, Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of Bt. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Onices of M-971. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard

[graphic]

GOOD BYE TO GLORY.

AIR– Marlbrook,"
It is the old, old story!
Athirst they were for glory,
Obtained by battle gory,

They therefore chose their Chief.
Now he has come to grief

They abuse him like a thief;
Denounce him and disown him,
Dismiss him and dethrone him,
In effigy stab and stone him

In whom they had vain belief.
They are a noble nation,
(To quote an observation)
And now, by tribulation,

May they at last be schooled ;
Their martial passion cooled :

May they be wisely ruled,
Return to peaceful labours;
With Chassepôts and with sabres
Ne'er more assail their neighbours,

And be no more befooled.
Untaught by their example
Of retribution ample,
Should bullies, fain to trample

An equal, climb his wall
Without a cause or call,

May those invaders fall!
Mere glory if fools pursue in
Fell war, reap they their due in
Fit ridicule and ruin :

Confound such numskulls all !

A Probable Papism. WHAT will the Pope say when his temporal dominion is confined to the “Leonine City ?” Perhaps he will compare himself to Daniel in the Lions' Den.

1

FULL !
Inebriated Ostler (showing our Artist his Bedthe only one unoccupied in the
hotel), “ TAISHERE BE MOINE, AN' TOTAERUM BE YOURN!”

OUR IGNOBLE INSULARITY.
WHEN Europe is satisfied, England is tranquil.

WHO KNOW HOW TO DIE.”

WORD-PAINTERS AT THE WARS.
MR. PUNCH, who means to read his friend MR. CARLYLE's Thirty

OUR Own Correspondents at the seat of war, some of them, have got
Volumes every year (especially now that the

Thirty will present them themselves into trouble, having been arrested because they were selves in a readable type, and with the author's

latest annotationis came the future, by rendering the nature of their mission obvious to all

mistaken for spies. To secure them against any such misfortunes for for the Six Hundred of Marseilles “ who knew how to die." He-Mr! beholders, it might be advisable that they should wear some distinctive Punch-is tired of seeing it said that "History repeats itself,”

though badge or costume. The representative of each newspaper could go the fact be so. But as France is invaded, and by other than a Bruns- about with the broadsheet of his particular journal affixed to his wick who was shaking himself (s'ébranle) at Coblentz, and who was shoulders, or walk in a sort of tabard, formed by a couple of its billsubsequently saved the trouble of performing that act for himself, and boards. This would be a near approach to a Press uniform; perhaps as the Hymn has been a good deal heard of lately, Mr. Punch tran- which would be unsuitable to the literary merit of gentlemen whose

rather a too near approach to a "foolscap uniform turned up with ink," scribes the celebrated Carlylean lines :"The Thought which works noiseless in this black browed mass, an inspired and devoid of trivial details, are as interesting and instructive as they

narratives, for the most part replete with facts of consequence,
Tyrtæan Colonel, ROUGET DE LILLE, whom the earth still held in 1836, has
translated into grim melody and rhythm: into his Hymn, or March of the are pithy and concise.
Marseillese, luckiest musical composition ever promulgated. The sound of
which will make the blood tingle in men's veins, and whole Armies and

ADULTERATION AND OAKUM.
Assemblages will sing it, with eyes weeping and burning, with hearts defiant
of Death, Despot, and Devil.”

The County Bench at Shrewsbury, the other day, fined five rogues, The Hymn has again resounded all over France and has even been whom, unhappily, they had not the power to sentence to imprisonprofaned by theatrical singers who, with rouged faces and melodramatic ment and hard labour. Four of those rogues were beerhouse gestures, shout or squall it at boxes, pit, and gallery. And many from thirty to thirty-six grains to the gallon. The fifth rogue was

keepers, who had sold beer adulterated with salt in the proportion of others have sung it very loudly who will probably sing very small when the hour of fighting comes. But the fierce Hymn,

like JULIUS CÆSAR, a grocer, convicted of selling stuff called tea mixed with iron filings. is "mighty yet.”. The only thing is that circumstances have changed, In consequence of chemical decompositionand that one of the three enemies whom hearts in '92 burned to defy,

All who did drink exists not for France. And it is due to Frenchmen to say that

His tea, drank inkthey have never been much-perhaps never sufficiently afraid of the a draught which does not cheer if it may be said to possess the negative other two. But it is a noteworthy thing that eighty years-a revolu- recommendation of not inebriating. The salt beer sold by the other tion of SATURN—have brought round the old time again, and that the rogues must have had an effect greatly the reverse of cheering on those history of the present hour in France may be read in the splendid page whom it inebriated, the rather that it inflamed instead of quenching of THOMAS CARLYLE.

their thirst. It is to be regretted that the wounded French and
Germans cannot bave the benefit of a substitute for lint, in the form of

a very large quantity of oakum picked by those five rascals.
VICTOR HUGO is in Paris !!!! He has come back arm-in-arm with
the Revolution !!!!! Le Roi s'amuse,

THE PROPER PLACE FOR HUNCHBACKS.-Humpstead.

HOW KING WILLIAM TAKES IT.

ING PROSPECT.

“ Hats

[ocr errors]

principle to take precious good care of Number One, and let Number THE BOOMPJE PAPERS.

Two look out for himself ?

We know by this time that the meaning of “Dam No. 2" is nothing AT AMSTERDAM-THE BOOMPJE MOTTO-THE NEW GUIDE-AN EXCIT- more than, for instance, "No. 2, Portland Place,” or “No. 2, Fleet

Street,” but the look of the words in this aspect, and their sound when EEMS to me, after visiting as the motto for the Boompje Club.

given in the true Boompje-ish manner, recommend them at once to us various Churches in Hol.

When we separate and return to England, 'each 'member will take land, that to take off your this motto back to his own house, and when in doubt," as directions hat in a church is rather) a for whist have it, he will then act on the above Christian sentiment, sign of irreverence: than and be a happy and virtuous Boompje. otherwise. As the fashionbooks would say,

We won't see the Palace, but we pass through its hall in order to

ascend a tower (MAULLIE will go up a tower wherever there is one), in are much worn in church."

order to see the bird's-eye view. At Amsterdam. New

“Now,” says BUND, on the second day, "as Jömd never knows anyGrand Hotel some distance thing about

any place, I have hired a regular Amsterdam Guide." out of the town. We have

We applaud the Commander, and the Amsterdam Guide appears. it all to ourselves.

He is a young man with a fresh complexion, and a Hebraic nose, Why," says our Com- dressed in a brown coat, bright check trousers, yellow waistcoat, blue modore to JomP, "We're tie, and a white wideawake, being the only living creature I ever rethe only people in the hotel. member to have seen in any way realising the coloured frontispieces of How's that?

the Music-Hall songs. If the Amsterdam Guide had suddenly thrown We listen; expecting to himself into an attitude, and announced himself as having been hear the cause of the con christened "Champagne Charley” by his godfathers and godmothers, ors, something about dulī none of us would have been more than slightly astonished.

After the following conversation, which I will here recount, we come season, or want of funds, to the conclusion that he is Jömp's nephew :or whatever else may ac- Ourselves. Is there much to see in Amsterdam ? count for the emptiness of

Guide. Plenty. Full. a Grand Hotel. We look for

Ourselves. What is there? this, seeing that Jömp has

Guide. Vell (uncommonly like Jömp this)—'ave you zeen de Canals ? been half an hour in the

As nobody could walk two steps outside any door in Amsterdam S

hotel, conversing down without seeing the canals, this question does appear somewhat pointstairs with the proprietor less. We reply, naturally, that we have seen the canals.

and hall-porter. “What's the reason,” asks BUND, "of our being the only people pauses, and then resumes). 'Ave you zeen de shoops (shops)?

Guide (who, to our astonishment, is rather taken aback by our answer, here, eh?”

Ourselves (somewhat impatiently). Yes, we've seen the shops. Jömp shrugs his shoulders. It is, evidently, to his mind, too absurd to put such a question. The fact, he thinks, speaks for itself. How. too many for him). Vell

, den, you ’ave zeen the quays ?

Guide (looks round at the party, as if we were evidently going to be one ever, he replies, “Vell—um-um-you are the only people 'ere--0 yes; because-you see-um-am- _” here he finishes thinking it out as

Bund, (snappishly). Yes, of course we have.

Gooch (aside). Comme il est béte! (kindly translating.) What an ass usual, “you see,--dere is nobody else in de place."

the fellow is ! MAULLIE'delighted. Galleries of pictures. He spends his first day with JAN STEEN, REMBRANDT's Night Watch, and VAN DER HELST's as much as to convey to us the idea that he could have done just as

Jömp, in the background, watches the Guide with a patronising air, City Guard of Amsterdam, what portrait-painting is until these marvellous pictures have been is evidently prepared to hear us exclaim, rapturously, It seems to me, speaking inartistically, that one doesn't understand well as this Guide--only you would have him!”

Guide. Ah! (taking a new line), den you must zee 'de tower. (He

Show us the studied.

tower !") Why,” says Gooch, meditatively, “can't they paint groups of

Maullie (shortly). We've seen the tower ? portraits now-a-days, this size ? "

Guide (faintly). And de Palace ? MAULLIE gives as the probable reason for there being so many

Muntley Right through the Palace to the tower. grouped portraits, and so, comparatively, few "portraits of single

[Jömp smiles, and looks towards us, deprecating our engagement gentlemen,” that individually the Hollanders were not rich enough to

of this Guide. have a picture every man of himself to himself, and so they clubbed together, " The artist,” says MUNTLEY, “making a reduction on taking

Guide (coming out with a trump card). You 'ave zeen de Bazaar?

Finton. No. We passed it yesterday. a quantity.” We all visit MR. Sıx's collection, and enthusiastically admire the pic

Bund (quickly).

And we don't want to. tures of Burgomaster and Burgomistress Six, painted by REMBRANDT.

Chorus. No. Hang the Bazaar! We drive about the town. The whole party, except MAULLIE, who

Guide (staggered). De-de-Hôtel de Ville ? prefers taking a sketch of the market-place from the carriage, visit the

Bund. Seen it. large church, Nieuwe Kerk (first cousin to Scotch Kirk, evidently), and

Guide (almost gasping). De New Church ?

Maullie. Went all over it. on returning therefrom we find MAULLIE in a great state of excitement.

Guide (despairingly). De Jews' Synagogue ? "Here! Hi!” he exclaims, vociferating and waving his umbrella

Everybody. O yes! Yesterday in the Jews' Quarter. and sketch-book.

Guide (tries to collect his thoughts, his memory fails him, he looks Good heavens!” says Goocy, considerably scandalised, "he wildly round the room, then suddenly composing himself he shrugs his needn't do that. We shall have a crowd round us again."

And shoulders resignedly, and says) " Vell, den, you 'ave seen it all." dreading this, he hurries on towards the carriage.

Jömp, too, shrugs his shoulders and nods first at the Guide, then at I say, your fellows !” cries Maullie, excitedly, "I've got the us, as much as to say, There, you see, I told you how it would be; motto for the Boompje Club. Look up there!”

better trust your own Jömp." With his umbrella he points upwards, towards the other side of the

We have engaged the Guide, at least we suddenly discover that open Place. At first we see nothing except the tall houses closely Jömp has engaged him, for the whole day. What are we to do with him wedged in between one another, as if they'd come late to see a per- for the twelve hours ? formance and there was only standing-room for them.

Gooch positively objects to walk about in company with a Dutch “Don't you see?” he asks. We do see, but, clearly, not what he

Champagne Charley." wants us to fix upon. That inscription--there!” he urges, prodding

“ Hang it,” says he, "one can't go about with a sort of a 'Lion the umbrella upwards always in the same direction, as if he could touch Comique. Fancy, if we meet any one we know

!" the spot to which he is drawing our attention.

MAULLIE wants to see a Private Collection. The Guide knows it, and There are names of shopkeepers , of trades, of houses, all in large offers to conduct Maullie thither. Offer

accepted. We watch their letters, and we, more or less incorrectly, read them. “Now," he cries, departure. "Sure such a pair !" quotes Gooch. "the next one,” and Bund reads aloud an inscription, high up over

And when they return,” says BUND, who is settling down to the second storey of one of the tallest houses, the letters of which are

Murray, we'll go to the village of Broek. It's the thing to see. painted in a decided undeniable black on a white ground,

A wonderful place.' And forth with he reads an extract from Murray

concerning all the marvels to met with in this unique village. “Dam No. 2."

We all wish MAULLIE would make baste and return, so that we "There !” says he,"isn't that the motto? Isn't the Boompje I might hurry off post haste to Broek, where there are model farms,

[graphic]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

cease.

model dairies, model houses, model peasants, model roads, pleasure grounds, a mermaid, talking mechanical figures, temples, groves, and,

THE “ CAPTAIN" FOUNDERED generally speaking, it is a place where, apparently, wonders never

On Wednesday, September 7, 1870. “Hurrah for Broek!” we all cry, enthusiastically. “ JÖMP,” cries BUND; “isn't Broek well worth seeing?”

O TIDINGS, sad as true, “ Vell,” returns JÖMP, “O yes-um-um-it is vorth seeing-O

Of grief, BRITANNIA's share, yes!” Then he adds, with his usual profound regard for the truth,

The Captain and her crew
I’ave never been dere.

Gone down off Finisterre !
The finest ship we had,

The finest on the sea,
A BABOO ON BEAUTY.

Which now, strong Ironclad,

Sweeps o'er thee !
'Twas but the other day

When we rejoiced, at length
That England had a stay

Found in that tower of strength,
That matchless turret-ship :

She crossed the salt sea foam,
Ne'er, from her trial-trip,

To come home.
Her consorts, where she rode,

Had marked her overnight.
Returning daybreak showed

No Captain to their sight.
A floating spar her tale

Related but too well.
The winds they had heard wail

Were her knell.
Some few survivors'told

How, from the squall's side-blow,
Her prompt Chief, when she rolled,

Cried "Topsail sheets let go!”

In vain ; before the blast
S you are doubtless aware,"my dearest Punch," the

She toppled, overthrown,

Sank to the bottom, fast, other night, at the Hanover Square Rooms, a farewell soirée was given

Like a stone. to the BABOO CHUNDER SEN, who, having been going about here lecturing, is about to return to India. You must have been amused

Down with her to the deep by reading a speech MR. SEN made, in which after having said that

Went all the wealth she cost, both men and women were liable to commit errors and make mistakes,

A loss which would be cheap he went on to say what I now copy out of a paper :

If that were all we lost. “ There was, for instance, the Girl of the Period. (Laughter.) He hoped

But with her went the brave, that she would never make her appearance in India. There were two things

Heaven rest their gallant souls ! he particularly objected to in the ladies' dresses he saw in England. These

BURGOYNE beneath the wave; two things were their heads and their tails. (Roars of laughter.) With regard

COWPER COLES. to the ladies' heads, the women of England and of European countries generally seemed to have, at first sight, much longer hair than the women of

Her Architect went down, India. Why, then, the huge protuberance at the back of the head?

With her his art had planned, So much for our heads; but Mr. Sen omitted to mention his objec

And he, of bright renown, tion to our tails, by which I suppose he means our skirts; but he didn't

Who held her in command. say what he meant, which people not understanding naturally made

Wreck never yet so sore them burst into roars of laughter. We are not mermaids, and have no

This England did betide, more of a tail than a Baboo, nor so much as a Baboon. A train is the

Such treasure ne'er before only sort of tail that any of us ever wear, and no sensible girl, unless

Sea did hide. her feet and ankles are exceptionally ugly, now goes about in long dresses, so as to be draggle-tailed, but she wears short, which do not

There's iron enow to close, sweep the street, and therefore, lasting all the longer, combine economy

The gap in England's wall. with elegance. On the latter point perhaps MR. SEN has his own

Wbat shall we do for those opinions, which may be peculiar, and he can enjoy them if he likes.

Departed past recall As to our heads, it may be true that chignons are rather fantastic,

Bereaved, we all deplore and to use a man's word, grotesque; and to hide a good forehead with

Defenders of our coast; ragged hair may be as great a mistake almost, as it is to wear a dress

But some, who miss them more, too long; but how can one alter the fashions ? She cannot help

Mourn them most. following them, whatever they are, so long as they last. It is quite true what my Uncle WINK says. We are under a necessity of doing so';

To those we owe a debt,

The due of ample aid, we can no longer change what is worn at the time than a cab can

Which Britons should not let change its colour. He admits it is no fault of ours. I have heard him say so-his words were these :-“The persistence of women in

Remain a day unpaid. ridiculous or injurious modes of clothing does not prove that, as a

Their country now, at large, shallow jester has observed, they are, like facts, stubborn things. To

Stands in their parents' stead : say it proceeds from a swinish obstinacy would be to use coarse

Her bond she will discharge

To the dead. language in making a mis-statement; its cause is simply a vis inertia akin to that of inanimate matter." I like men who speak with consideration of women, as Uncle WINK does, and not satirical creatures like that disagreeable Baboo. I am sure the way in which you speak

From Our Poet. about us, my dearest Punch, is always most delightful to

"'Tis the first fire of winter :"-I can get no further, and so I stop Your ever sincerely enthusiastic admirer,

BELLA, with a coal on. (If you 're inclined to faint away at this respectable

joke, then revive yourself with a bottle of eau de coal on!!!) Old Saw Re-set. “Does your mother know you 're out ? ” would have more force if EXPLAIN THIS TO YOUR MA' AND SISTERS.- The best 'Bus for a set thus-"Does your mother-in-law know you're out ?”-A WICTIM. Man who ought to take more Exercise-Pedi-bus.

[graphic]
[graphic][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors]

MASTER OF THE SITUATION. HULLO! THE PRINCE IMPERIAL ! No, ONLY A TELEGRAPHIC DESPATCH-BOY IN THE VICINITY OF A NEWSPAPER OFFICE. TAE

POLITENESS OF THE NEWSPAPER ROWDIES IS UNBOUNDED !

A WORD TO THE WISE.

GEMS FROM A FRENCH JOURNAL. HOMER again! Who forgets the glorious conclusion of the Odyssey ? AMONG the multitude of extracts quoted from the French papers by Ulysses, aged, wise, valiant, and supported by his son, the brave and our own, here is at last a passage which evinces human reason. It good TELEMACHUS, is driven to make war upon those who in his occurs in Le Figaro : absence, had invaded his home. His arms are blessed with conquest, and the chiefs who were his enemies have fallen. But their followers this double question - Is peace necessary? Is peace possible? To which we

“The Figaro was the first, or at least among the first, to tackle resolutely maintain the strife, instead of submitting, and the old King and the replied, yes. It shows no cowardice, but rather courage, to break away from young Prince resolve on further vengeance. All goes down before the longing for vengeance and the heroic resolution to hold out which cause them, and

the heart of France to throb. The time of florid phraseology to the sound of “ Before the Father and the conquering Son

the trumpet and the drum has ceased.”
Heaps rush on heaps, they fight, they drop, they run.
Now by the sword, and now the javelin, fall

"O bravo, Figaro, bravo bravissimo!”
The hostile race, and death bad swallowed all—"

The reasoning Figaro adds :But a higher agency interposes to prevent a needless carnage, and

Paris and the departments are no longer willing to intoxicate themselves WISDOM, in the person of her Goddess MINERVA, comes down to check with words, shouts, and trumpets.” the victors, and to prevent their abusing their triumph.

It is very greatly to be hoped that this statement is as true as the " Descended from the Gods ! ULYSSES, cease :

observations preceding it are rational. And let us trust that, if France Offend not Jove: obey, and Give THE PEACE.”

and Paris (especially Paris) have in truth been brought to their senses The hero of Divine Right, the Wise King, is too pious not to listen by military disasters incurred through vainglorious frivolity, the wisdom to such a warning, and having taken guarantee that his household shall which they will have purchased by experience will not desert them when not again be disturbed, he grants the peace.

experience has discontinued its teaching. As soon as they are restored Does Poetry as well as History repeat itself? Behold the Cartoon! to prosperity-and the sooner the better- let them set to at dancing

again with all their soul, and toe and heel, and teach Europe to dance

as heretofore, that is to say, formerly, and not of late; for they latterly A Word of the Past.

taught people to dance the cancar, and have been violently carried ROUIER said, when he shouted "Never !.”

away from grace in the character of dancing-masters. But may we find A thing with plaudits hailed as clever.

that they have finally left off talking about la gloire, and will never Italy goes to Rome, however.

again be heard shouting. " A Berlin!or A” anywhere else, or singing " Rataplan !Having thoroughly realised the consequences

of breaking the peace, may they show that they have grown wiser than Experientia Docet.

wantonly to break it again, and then be as merry as they have become PARISIAN journalists continue to talk about " the gravity of these wise ; that is to say, much merrier than ever. events,", and the “gravity of the situation.” Pity that experience should have been necessary to convince people of the gravity of a situation and events that have resulted from the mistake of regarding EUROPEAN POLICE QUESTION.- The French want peace; butsinto war, which has caused them, with levity.

what sureties will they enter to keep it ?

« PreviousContinue »