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Sir John. Well. I sent fifty guineas to COLONEL LOYD-LINDSAY's train. Lint and things. Now, DERSINGHAM, read out that fight. fund.
I said I wouldn't hear any more about the war, but it's awfully Lady Jane. Did you? That was right. But I did not see your name interesting. in the list.
Captain Dersingham. What'll it be when they begin to shell Paris ? Sir John. No, I distributed the money impartially among four I wish you'd arrange for editions by each train. initials, those of the four children. But tell us about this last scrim- Sir John. A good idea, and I will
, too. James, let nothing prevent mage, DERSINGHAM.
that box going; take the dog-cart, if there's any difficulty. Now, Mrs. Theydon. I don't want to hear it. Would it be of no use for DERSINGHAMthe QUEEN to write to the KING, and beg him to stop the war?
Captain Dersingham. The Prussians wanted to storm some heights The Colonel. Hardly the thing, you see.
by Neidelmanbaussen, or somewhere, no matter, and-stop, that's not Mrs. Theydon. The thing! and it might prevent thousands of poor interesting—there did I see-yes, read :—“The shells crashed into creatures from being slaughtered ?
the wood, and as the trees went down, the enemy was revealed to our The Colonel. Don't see how the King can be asked to stop. He marksmen below, who picked them off in scores, and the killed and didn't begin.
wounded came rolling down into the bright little river, which was Captain Tynne. No, but he was precious ready to go on.
soon choked up with bodies. We continued to rain shells, directed The Colonel. Well, would you have had him as unprepared as our with beautiful precision, until a tremendous explosion occurred, and fellows leave us ?
we instantly saw heads and limbs flying in the air, and" Captain Lynne. Don't believe we are unprepared.
Well done! That was the time to go in and some chance of our not meddling in other people's quarrels.
give it 'em hot. Sir John. I am as great a lover of peace as any man, but I must
Captain Dersingham. So they did. “Up went our noble fellows;
[The Ladies all walk away. Mrs. Theydon. Of course, I know. That we ought to be enlisting the bayonet came into play, and hundreds of soldiers, building thousands of ships, arming every Volun
Lady Jane. There is not one of those men, my dears, who would not teer with a mitrailleuse, and sticking up cannons at the end of every run under fire to save a wounded soldier, and yet how they gloat over
those stories. street-Income-tax three and sixpence in the pound-what do men care, if they once catch the war fever?
Mrs. Theydon. My opinion, LADY JANE, is that men are not accountSir John. Which reminds me, (calls) JAMES ! JAMES! Mind that able beings, so it doesn't matter what they do or say. big box, directed to St. Martin's Place, London, goes off by the 3:30
Miss Cookham. I have long been of that opinion also.
say that if
“ taken a
A black-and-tan mouse was killed on Tuesday last, by a small terrier
lay on, Mac- trove. In sawing through the trunk of an elm-tree, the base of which
for their insipidities) of the Avon. Several persons have endeavoured to shoot it, but without old
Officers of the Mendicity effect.
The rhinoceros in MR. Lyons's menagerie last night presented the elephant with a fine foal. This is the first instance on record of a pachydermatous hybrid, which, should it fortunately survive, will
doubtless prove no small attraction to zoologists. MORE RIGHTS FOR WOMEN. The following proposals of legislature on the Rights of Women will, it is understood, be discussed at the Social Science Congress as
Cries and Thiers. soon as it meets :
“Numbers embraced each other, in the streets, weeping for joy."- Telegram 1. The Establishment of a female Parliament, with a House of from Paris. Ladies, for the purpose of making and revising all laws which concern
O FRIENDS, don't “Blub” without a reason : women. The strong-minded woman by whom this subject will be
Let flags, not mouchoirs, be in sightintroduced will not fail to suggest that in each of the Houses of the
Keep the weak Tears for sitter season, Women's Parliament there shall be a Gentleman's Gallery.
Heed the brave Thiers who bids you fight.
Dear Old Soul!
papers about the Serpentine mud. She read that though this had been A JOKE FOR GARIBALDI.
removed to dry, more than a year had passed, and “the mess was not It is whispered on 'Change that the German success will probably be yet Friable.” She cannot express her disgust at the idea of frying a Nice thing for Italy, with Savoy to Boot..
such a thing.
A TYRANT. Nurse. “I CAN'T PEEL YOU ANY MORE SHRIMPS, MASTER ARTHUR. YOU'RE GETTING VERY TIRESOME ; AND I DO WISH YOUR HOLIDAYS WAS OVER."
Master Arthur. “I TELL YOU WHAT, MARY, YOU DON'T HALF FAG FOR A CHAP! WHY, AT SCHOOL I CAN ALWAYS HAVE A FELLOW TO WAIT ON ME—LACE MY Boots, AND DO EVERYTHING I TELL HIM !”
nations has provided to slaughter those men in a manner that is hardly A PROTEST AT BICESTER.
credible did we not know it was so." BICESTER has long been famous, on account of the extraordinary There ! People may observe, cynically, that it is of no use to say such occurrence which has been commemorated by one of our poets :- things. Perhaps it is not of much use, but it is fit that protest against
this infernal war should be incessant, and it has been well made in the There was an old Tailor of Bicester,
above simple straightforward language of one of the truest of English He went out to walk with his sister, When a bird called a Jay
gentlemen. It were well if officialism would condescend to say someTook the lady away,
thing of the same kind, in the name of this nation. Before the old gentleman missed her. In this poem, one of the choicest of its class, is preserved the memory of a kindly, but careless individual of the sartorial persuasion, who
A NEW TERROR IN WAR. good-naturedly took his relative for a walk, but omitted to pay her enough attention to prevent her falling a victim to ornithological cupi; sends us this (from the Pall Mall Gazette) begging that we will de
We have no desire to dwell on painfal matters, but a friend of ours dity. Some commentators think that the Cupidity refers to Cupid," and that the Jay was a gaily-attired chattering young officer, whose uniform nounce it as the most brutal thing that has been said during the War:and rattle fascinated the sister. But this interpretation savours of the “ When it was necessary to sign certain documents in connection with the teaching of a school already too potent, and we prefer to hold by the capitulation, no generals could be found. The Prussian Commandant retext.
marked, 'Gentlemen, I cannot do everything ; your generals know the duties All this, however, has nothing whatever to do with what we are imposed on them by the situation, but your generals are always asleep. It going to say, except that we have to mention Bicester. We merely appears to me that, under the circumstances, they might get up at six in the desired by means of our quotation to invite attention to a passage in
morning.' speech just delivered in the above town, by the Right Hon. JOSEPH Our friend who, when energetic gets up at 11:30, wants us to preach HENLEY, whose sentiments-malgré his honest Toryism-are always a sermon on the cruelty which is taught men by war, but we content sensible, healthy, and English. Said MR. HENLEY:
ourselves with leaving the tale in its nude and appalling shape. “Gentlemen, it is no matter whether it is gospel or not to talk about it, but everybody here and everywhere talks and thinks about the War, and nothing but the War; and I am sure at the present moment, living as we do
The Pipe and the Needle-Gun. in an age when Europe boasts itself to be learned, scientific, civilised, and above all other professions to be Christian, it is a terrible thing to see, as we
THE consumption of cigars and other tobacco by the German army have done within these past two months, how the
very matters that were con- is enormous. What has the Anti-Tobacco Society to say to it! Contrived for the comfort of mankind
have enabled nations to bring together sidering what shots the Germans are with their arms of precision, one suddenly immense masses of men, and employ the weapons which the skill of may observe that their fire is fully equal to their smoke.
ANOTHER turn of Fortune's wheel,
That lifts so high, that lays so low; Of Life's strange cards another deal, Of Destiny's
dark dice a throw :
Methinks, the last!
None ever lived before he came.
" Jeu ne vaut pas chandelle".
What if the candle's nigh burnt down,
Grows smoky, guttering, and dim ? Life's candle-end may cost a crown, That end must still be saved by him.
A light thence has been lit-
That pale and sorrow-stricken lad,
Too soon baptised with tears and fire. Why make his sad young life more sad ? Why so soon sever son and sire ?
For love, though it be pain,
But wrong not always conquered, more
Than right could always wrong defeat:
The false man Hugo drew
To us was true.
To wish him up out of the dust;
The rotten stay she sinned to trust.
Unloved, must break.
And, blending, blur themselves in him, To draw men round him was his loss, Who were all dark when he had dim
The most base most his friend :
And this the end !
Jackal-like at his flying wheels,
Shall they the hand assail
That made them quail ?
Lift mouths to hoot him into shade.
But those who would not bow,
Should buffet now!
France, that obeyed him, what is she?
But Paris held aloof
Lo now, the Proof!
Vive! what? What but la République.
What was up is pulled down
Smash Bees and Crown!
Kiss, curse, laugh, cry, rave, dance and sing,
Up with Left! Down with Right !
Swift change, light mood, and whirling will;
Who knows? There may be time in store
Short time most like, but calm and still;
Can he not teach, and muse,
And watch the news ?
Death, that smote many, passed him by :
Perhaps he always knew, or thought,
That it would come to this at last, Whene'er to test of blows were brought Truth's marble and sham's plaster-cast.
He knew, the ware that sold,
Does not the workman shape his tools,
Or choose the tools his work that fit ? While his task needed knaves and fools, The knaves and fools were there for it.
But bard war put him out,
And them, no doubt.
All dead in him but lust and lie-
Jove-Scapin, Grand Monarque MACAIRE, -
Caricature-how large so'er
The outline, masterly the hand; Strong colour, yes : hate's hues may glare, But truth's white light are weak to stand,
And this was not the man
Of Hugo's plan.
And in this miserable hour,
Robbery-Bobbery. RASCALDOM finds time to invent new phrases for old rogueries. Putting water into the milk can, in lieu of more valuable liquid previously stolen, is now called “Bobbing the Milk.”. “It is the custom," muttered a milk-thief who came last week under the unfavourable notice of a Beak. Could not Bobby do something against Bobbing ? We might give him a Lactometer, and bid him use it during early lounge. If it revealed adulteration, let him avenge the milk-can by a dig in the bread-basket. This would be a good specimen of provisional Government.
Lying (not) like Truth.
If they attenuate stroke of ill ?
"French troops won't fly, and canards will."
The bounds, perhaps, of false and true
In that dark mind were blurred and worn,
Right and wrong fought in him
MELANCHOLY. The year shows signs of burning itself out when we see the first ember-Sept-ember.