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FRANCE, SEPT. 4, 1870.



The "Marseillaise."

Sir John. Well. I sent fifty guineas to COLONEL LOYD-LINDSAY's train. Lint and things. Now, DERSINGHAM, read out that fight. fund. I said I wouldn't hear any more about the war, but it's awfully interesting.

Lady Jane. Did you? That was right. But I did not see your name in the list.

Sir John. No, I distributed the money impartially among four initials, those of the four children. But tell us about this last scrimmage, DERSINGHAM.

Mrs. Theydon. I don't want to hear it. Would it be of no use for the QUEEN to write to the KING, and beg him to stop the war? The Colonel. Hardly the thing, you see.

Mrs. Theydon. The thing! and it might prevent thousands of poor creatures from being slaughtered?

The Colonel. Don't see how the KING can be asked to stop. He didn't begin.

Captain Lynne. No, but he was precious ready to go on.

Captain Dersingham. What'll it be when they begin to shell Paris ? I wish you'd arrange for editions by each train.

Sir John. A good idea, and I will, too. JAMES, let nothing prevent that box going; take the dog-cart, if there's any difficulty. Now, DERSINGHAM


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Captain Dersingham. The Prussians wanted to storm some heights Neidelmanhaussen, or somewhere, no matter, and-stop, that's not interesting-there did I see-yes, read:-"The shells crashed into the wood, and as the trees went down, the enemy was revealed to our marksmen below, who picked them off in scores, and the killed and wounded came rolling down into the bright little river, which was soon choked up with bodies. We continued to rain shells, directed

The Colonel. Well, would you have had him as unprepared as our with beautiful precision, until a tremendous explosion occurred, and fellows leave us?

Captain Lynne. Don't believe we are unprepared.

Lady Jane. I hope we are indeed, I hope we are. Then there is some chance of our not meddling in other people's quarrels.

Sir John. I am as great a lover of peace as any man, but I must say that if

Mrs. Theydon. Of course, I know. That we ought to be enlisting hundreds of soldiers, building thousands of ships, arming every Volunteer with a mitrailleuse, and sticking up cannons at the end of every street-Income-tax three and sixpence in the pound-what do men care, if they once catch the war fever?

Sir John. Which reminds me, (calls) JAMES! JAMES! Mind that big box, directed to St. Martin's Place, London, goes off by the 3:30


OME, all of you, and listen.
Mr. Punch, begs leave to ac-
knowledge (without thanks)
827 jokes, literary or picto-
rial, on the word "Sedan,"
in connection with the mis-
fortunes of the ex-Emperor:
239 ditto on the "Cost of
the War-a Napoleon" or
"two Napoleons": 134 (in
addition to 553 previously
acknowledged) on Napo-
leon having left Eugénie
for Nancy": 1354 on the
King's having "taken a
Nap: " 72 on "Metz and
Steinmetz": and 36 on
"Laon" 'lay on, Mac-
duff" He gives notice that
after the publication of this
paragraph, the names and
addresses of the Senders of
any more facetia on the
above topics will be placed
in the hands of the Police,
and (as regards Parties who
have had the amazing effron-
tery to request "guerdon
for their insipidities) of the
Officers of the Mendicity


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THE following proposals of legislature on the Rights of Women will, it is understood, be discussed at the Social Science Congress as soon as it meets :

1. The Establishment of a female Parliament, with a House of Ladies, for the purpose of making and revising all laws which concern women. The strong-minded woman by whom this subject will be introduced will not fail to suggest that in each of the Houses of the Women's Parliament there shall be a Gentleman's Gallery.

2. The immediate enactment of a statute which shall render women liable to serve on juries, so as to place them on an equality with men as to the privilege of being tried by their peers.


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we instantly saw heads and limbs flying in the air, and Sir John. Well done! That was the time to go in and Captain Lynne. Mr. Theydon. give it 'em hot. Captain Dersingham. So they did. the bayonet came into play, and

those stories.

"Up went our noble fellows; [The Ladies all walk away. men, my dears, who would not

Lady Jane. There is not one of those run under fire to save a wounded soldier, and yet how they gloat over Mrs. Theydon. My opinion, LADY JANE, is that men are not accountable beings, so it doesn't matter what they do or say. Miss Cookham. I have long been of that opinion also.


LORD GORMANDALE, on the 31st ult., gave a pleasant pic-nic in his Lordship's grounds, at Grubwood. By way of novelty, an ox was roasted whole.

A hen, belonging to MR. SPROUT, maltster, a short time ago, laid a single egg, of rather unusual magnitude. Yesterday, a brood of six chickens chipped the shell. Both the little birds and their mother are doing uncommonly well.

SIR FONCER BULLFINCH, out shooting on the first of September, at Bramshaw, fired, as he supposed, at a hare in cover, and shot a fox. Although the act was purely accidental, the misfortune of having been the author, even by inadvertence, of vulpicide so preyed on the Hon. Baronet's mind, that he took to his bed, and did not leave it till yesterday, having in the mean time, received from the members of the Horsey Hunt their unanimous condolence, and exoneration from all censure.

A black-and-tan mouse was killed on Tuesday last, by a small terrier of the same colour, at the flour-mill of MESSRS. HOPPER.

We have this week to record a somewhat singular case of treasuretrove. In sawing through the trunk of an elm-tree, the base of which was destined to form a chopping-block for the use of MR. BLUEBELL, butcher, of Bousfield, the workmen employed at MR. CHIPPS's timberyard found their implement impeded by a hard substance, which turned out to be a halfpenny piece, of the reign of his Majesty, GEORGE THE THIRD, lodged in the centre of the tree. How it got there nobody knows.

A popular dance-tune received a droll illustration on Friday morning. A weasel, pursued by a poodle-dog, made for refuge to the shop of MR. GLOBES, pawnbroker, where it ascended the spout.

A Swan with two necks has appeared in the river at Stratford-onAvon. Several persons have endeavoured to shoot it, but without effect.

The rhinoceros in MR. LYONS's menagerie last night presented the elephant with a fine foal. This is the first instance on record of a pachydermatous hybrid, which, should it fortunately survive, will doubtless prove no small attraction to zoologists.


Cries and Thiers.

"Numbers embraced each other, in the streets, weeping for joy."-Telegram from Paris. O FRIENDS, don't "Blub " without a reason:

Let flags, not mouchoirs, be in sight-
Keep the weak Tears for fitter season,
Heed the brave Thiers who bids you fight.

Dear Old Soul!

MRS. RAMSBOTHAM is much offended at an observation in one of the papers about the Serpentine mud. She read that though this had been removed to dry, more than a year had passed, and "the mess was not such a thing.

It is whispered on 'Change that the German success will probably be yet Friable." She cannot express her disgust at the idea of frying a Nice thing for Italy, with Savoy to Boot..

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BICESTER has long been famous, on account of the extraordinary occurrence which has been commemorated by one of our poets :

There was an old Tailor of Bicester,
He went out to walk with his sister,
When a bird called a Jay
Took the lady away,

Before the old gentleman missed her.

In this poem, one of the choicest of its class, is preserved the memory of a kindly, but careless individual of the sartorial persuasion, who good-naturedly took his relative for a walk, but omitted to pay her enough attention to prevent her falling a victim to ornithological cupidity. Some commentators think that the Cupidity refers to Cupid, and that the Jay was a gaily-attired chattering young officer, whose uniform and rattle fascinated the sister. But this interpretation savours of the teaching of a school already too potent, and we prefer to hold by the text.

All this, however, has nothing whatever to do with what we are going to say, except that we have to mention Bicester. We merely desired by means of our quotation to invite attention to a passage in a speech just delivered in the above town, by the Right Hon. JOSEPH HENLEY, whose sentiments-malgré his honest Toryism-are always sensible, healthy, and English. Said MR. HENLEY:

"Gentlemen, it is no matter whether it is gospel or not to talk about it, but everybody here and everywhere talks and thinks about the War, and nothing but the War; and I am sure at the present moment, living as we do in an age when Europe boasts itself to be learned, scientific, civilised, and above all other professions to be Christian, it is a terrible thing to see, as we have done within these past two months, how the very matters that were contrived for the comfort of mankind have enabled nations to bring together suddenly immense masses of men, and employ the weapons which the skill of

nations has provided to slaughter those men in a manner that is hardly credible did we not know it was so."

There! People may observe, cynically, that it is of no use to say such things. Perhaps it is not of much use, but it is fit that protest against this infernal war should be incessant, and it has been well made in the above simple straightforward language of one of the truest of English gentlemen. It were well if officialism would condescend to say something of the same kind, in the name of this nation.


sends us this (from the Pall Mall Gazette) begging that we will deWE have no desire to dwell on painful matters, but a friend of ours nounce it as the most brutal thing that has been said during the War :

"When it was necessary to sign certain documents in connection with the capitulation, no generals could be found. The Prussian Commandant remarked, Gentlemen, I cannot do everything; your generals know the duties imposed on them by the situation, but your generals are always asleep. It appears to me that, under the circumstances, they might get up at six in the morning.'

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Our friend who, when energetic gets up at 11:30, wants us to preach a sermon on the cruelty which is taught men by war, but we content ourselves with leaving the tale in its nude and appalling shape.

The Pipe and the Needle-Gun.

THE Consumption of cigars and other tobacco by the German army is enormous. What has the Anti-Tobacco Society to say to it? Considering what shots the Germans are with their arms of precision, one may observe that their fire is fully equal to their smoke.

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But wrong not always conquered, more
Than right could always wrong defeat:
Fair face still to our land he wore,
Nor e'er foul blow proved fair face cheat.
The false man HUGO drew

To us was true.

But not for pity can we turn
To wish him up out of the dust;
France has done well aside to spurn,
The rotten stay she sinned to trust.
Whom the time's need proves weak,
Unloved, must break.

However good and ill might cross

And, blending, blur themselves in him,
To draw men round him was his loss,
Who were all dark when he had dim-
The most base most his friend :
And this the end!

But shall this pack that yelps and howls,
Jackal-like at his flying wheels,

Pays off base smiles with baser scowls,
And, as it slavered, snaps his heels-
Shall they the hand assail
That made them quail ?

Let those in France that scorned his sun,
Lift mouths to hoot him into shade.
Not those whose swift steps vied to run,
With necks low for his footstool laid:"
But those who would not bow,
Should buffet now!

If of mixed metal he was wrought,
France, that obeyed him, what is she?
After he struck, her votes he sought;
Twice to his yoke she bowed the knee.
But Paris held aloof-
Lo now, the Proof!

A bas! with whom, but with L'Empereur.
Vive! what? What but la République.

A day-an hour! La joie fait peur—
Shout, though it be with tongue in cheek!
What was up is pulled down-
Smash Bees and Crown!

Whirl, Paris, round from pole to pole;

Kiss, curse, laugh, cry, rave, dance and sing, Forget the Prussians and their goal;

Give Revolution sweep and swing;

Up with Left! Down with Right!
To-morrow fight.

As yesterday so runs to-day

Swift change, light mood, and whirling will; Abiding never in one stay,

And still be-fooled, and trusting still;

While the foe at thy gate

Strikes swift and straight.


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RASCALDOM finds time to invent new phrases for old rogueries. Putting water into the milk can, in lieu of more valuable liquid previously stolen, is now called "Bobbing the Milk." It is the custom," muttered a milk-thief who came last week under the unfavourable notice of a Beak. Could not Bobby do something against Bobbing? We might give him a Lactometer, and bid him use it during his early lounge. If it revealed adulteration, let him avenge the milk-can by a dig in the bread-basket. This would be a good specimen of provisional Government.

Lying (not) like Truth.

To Gaulois, Figaro, what shame,

If they attenuate stroke of ill?

This is the rule that guides their game,

"French troops won't fly, and canards will."


THE year shows signs of burning itself out when we see the first ember-Sept-ember.

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