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sistible desire to dance it. I feel at the same time a shyness which THE BOOMPJE PAPERS.

whispers Don't.” I feel immediately afterwards a voice which says

“ This is pride, false pride. Dance ! Boompje, dance !” Think to AT THE EVENING PARTY (continued)-A PLUNGE-THE MAZURKA. myself that I should like to try it alone in a side-room first. Of course

to ask for this accommodation is out of the question. ECIDEDLY not. A uniform is some

I look around. Yes, there is Miss Millar near her mother. She is thing to be respected, like the British

not dancing. Come desperation lend thy furious hold.” Faint heart flag. (Boomp-je!) Let them find

never danced fair Mazurka. out what I am. (Begin to wish I was

Froggey would a-dancing go, whether Miss MILLAR's mother in bed.)

wouldn't or no.
Gooch disappears. Bund is with
people I don't know. Maullie has I come up and

say, “May I have the, &c. &c.," mumble, mumble.

All these quotations, adapted, oddly enough flit through my mind as been introduced to some Dutch

She declines. I rush on my fate and exert pressure. She declines artists, and everyone else is dancing, again, feebly. I become impassioned, nay, determined, as the chance talking, or walking. I fix myself by a door, and begin possess a wonderful dramatic power, facially, as it was my last look at

of dancing becomes fainter and fainter. She accepts. '[N.B. I must to indulge in bitter thoughts of the her made her change her mind, and accept me. Must now use more world at large. What an ass I was facial expression, and look supremely happy.] She astonishes me by (I think to myself) to be persuaded to informing me that she can't dance the Mazurka very well, and hopes come in uniform. It's my con- I won't be very angry with her. founded good-nature. Dear me!two ladies from England, whom I've it isn't very difficult; and I sincerely hope it isn't.

I reply, encouragingly, that "she will soon pick it up.” I add that met before. Miss HOWKER, quite the belle of I beg pardon. Must hook it up. Do so. Commence again. Sword

We commence picking it up together. My sword joins the dance. the ball, and Miss MILLAR with her too heavy. The start is a difficulty. Two steps totally unconnected mother. Miss HOWKER quite surprised to round. Apology from me.

with any known dance whatever, and a bump from a couple coming

Stare from them. Two steps more. see me here. She is talking to a Another bump from somebody turning, apparently, the wrong way.

French gentleman with a red riband Slight apology from me. Anathema I fancy from them. A couple and an 'order in (his button-hole; she goes 'on talking after she has starts behind us; their starting puts my starting out. I frown on them, said she is so surprised. Can't enter into their conversation, as I don't and observe to my partner, that

it is astonishing people can't keep out know what it's about. All I can do is to smile on them, patronisingly; of the way in a ball-room. She says, The distinguished foreigner is evidently puzzled ; so is she. I stupid.” I agree with her. I propose going to another part of the

Yes, some people are so smile again ; I don't know why, but rather as if to say, “ Isn't

this room and commencing again. We go there. It is certainly clearer funny, isn't this just like me P” That is if she views my uniform in until we commence our steps, when everybody seems suddenly to arrive that light.

I feel that many eyes are upon me, and eye-glasses too. The general in the attempt. We take two steps with what feet I don't know. I opinion (I also feel this from little things I hear said in various feel a sort of galvanic tremor, from my boots upwards. Then one quarters) is that I am an eccentric Englishman connected with the Post foot will stick down, while the other comes up out of time. We Office," and that the uniform is common enough in London. One do something which is intended for a hop, and turns out a jump. We French lady explains to a German that I am an alderman. MUNTLEY, struggle together, with clasped hands, somehow, as if we were trying the Lord Mayor

, and bowing obsequiously. I beg him not to play the strength of our wrists, and we manage to turn round in a sort of unfool. He leaves me. I hope he won't go and spread it about that easy jig, like ecstatic organ figures, and then I come down with a I'm the Lord Mayor.

decided stamp on somebody's train. There is an undoubted Englishman in the corner with large whiskers having listed it to do the hop. Apology scarcely acknowledged. I hear

A sharp crisp sounding tear. I apologise with one leg in the air, and moustache eyeing me indignantly; I return his look with indig- mumbled words like We shall have words, before," as Gooch would say, “I can dance," and so forth.

gauche, 'stupid,” doesn't know how to nation. wink my eye,” if I don't take care. I tell Miss HOWKER about the Contingent, which, I am bound to say, (Boomp-je!). No, we'll have another turn round.

Miss MILLAR thinks we'd better stop. I think so too, but I won't.

We try: and come she does not believe, and I add that I am going to Alderslot to join sharply backwards on Gooch and his partner. They are laughing. the Rifles for drill. (Boomp-je !)

At me. I know it. Should have done this turn well but for that. As Gooch, coming up at this moment, says;, all the good in it is I finish my next attempt at a hop and a slide by kicking Miss the world, old fellow; fine you down a bit.

I smile at Gooch pityingly, to give Miss HOWKER the idea that I MILLAR. We stop. I beg a hundred thousand pardons, a million. only tolerate him, and that I don't want "fining down." The Mazurka Good gracious. I didn't mean-heavensstrikes up: Shall I (not knowing the Mazurka except by having taken to her Mamma. I protest

“It doesn't matter-it was an accident,” she replies, and asks to be

gainst this. While I am protesting seen it) risk it with Miss HOWKER, and so cut out Gooch, or not? Miss Howker and myself. But still. ... Boomp-je! ... Yes. I being finally landed near'a sort of mantel-piece, on which we both lean, If I do, it will probably terminate amicable relations for ever between we are bumped three times in different directions, and are finally

cannoned into the crowd, where we do more struggling and tumbling, might boompje through it.

GOOch says, when I have just got the words on the tip of my tongue,
"May I, Miss HOWKER ?” and Miss HOWKER

consulis her card, and
I apologise again for kicking her. Quite an accident, I say; of

Won't finding she has at least six names down for this one dance, settles the course, she didn't suppose I only took her out to kick her.

she have any refreshment." difficulty by accepting Gooch.

No, she'll go to her mother, please. I smile disdainfully as they leave me, laughing. At what are they

I feel what she 'll say to her mother of me. laughing? At whom? MUNTLEY, passing me at this moment with a French lady on his arm, bows, and says, J'espère que vous étes

I take her back. She bows distantly, and I know that henceforth

mountains separate me from Miss MILLAR. heureux, mi lord Maire." I frown. I hate such tomfoolery. Will speak

I retire gradually, and join a convivial party (MAULLIE among the to him alone, seriously. There are some moments when, if I looked in the glass, I should number) in the supper-room.

“Dancing, old boy !” asks MAULLIE. expect to see myself pale and haggard, with dark dank hair hanging about anyhow. I do look into the glass and I see—but no matter.

"No," I reply, carelessly; "at least only just one turn, Too “ Time writes no wrinkle on thy something brow," as the poet says

crowded.” of

We sup, and return to the hotel, where we discuss our next move. the sea : and as he did say it of the sea, he might as well have written “winkle" instead of "wrinkle”

a notion that I shall put forward in my earliest collection of Boompje Poems.

" Sweet Remembrancer.” 'I watch the Mazurka. A great man has said, we can always learn something from somebody. Which means, we can always learn any.

“MERE boys are sent to the War.” Happy English lads, be thankful thing from anybody. Now here are a lot of anybodies and somebodies that the only

Campaign you are allowed to share is Elecampane and

moral-Don't eat too much of that. teaching me, unconsciously, the Mazurka.

It seems to me, observing this, that you must go a little back like a wave on the shingle (Poetical Boompje) with a view to coming well

A THOUGHT ON THE TWELFTH. forward again like (also) a wave (same one) on the shingle. That you then hop-or jump-and then slide. Watching the different couples, I Just now some people are thinking of the Teutons, others of the can't make out whether you hop first, or slide first. I feel an irre-Gauls, and a third and not inconsiderable number of the Moors.

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' IN FORMÂ PAUPERIS." Young Hopeful (to Papa, who is sending off his Beloved Belongings to the Sea-side). “LOOK HERE, ’PA. (Holding up Pourfenny Piece.) Paterfamilias. “WHAT NOW?" Young Hopeful. “ WHAT COBBLER'S IMPLEMENT DOES THIS REPRESENT, 'PA ?”

Paterfamilias (impatiently). “ ASKING RIDDLES NOW !(Perceiving, and forking out.) “OH, THAT'S YOUR ALL, IS IT? THERE ! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE TO BE OFF!"

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illuminated letters, which traversed the sky from the Pleiades in the

direction of the Great Bear, and ultimately formed themselves into the In the present dearth of all news but war-news, the subjoined par

word Ozookerit. ticulars of diversified intelligence may not be without interest corre

A BLACK RAIN.-The sequestered village of Quagbrook was yestersponding to that which Romance would possess if substituted, under day visited by a shower of leeches, many

of which attached themselves the stress of circumstances, for History,

to the horses and cattle in the neighbourhood, exerting their powers of A LIVE ANTEDILUVIAN.—Some workmen on Monday last, engaged sanguisuction, it is feared, not without some injury to the

poor animals. in the excavations going on at Great Gulston in the oolite, disinterred

NOVEL EFFECT OF LIGHTNING.-Bishop's Hokey, this morning, a Pterodactylus longirostris, in a state of suspended animation. This suffered a severe; storm of thunder and lightning. The electric fuid hitherto supposed to be extinct saurian measured six feet in length. struck the house of our talented townsman, MR. SPARKES, surveyor On being placed in the sun it revived in a few minutes, and expanded and auctioneer, and, passing down the chimney on to the meat-jack, its wings, of which the extent from tip) to tip must have been at least glanced off to the dresser, peeling, ; in its course, a number of potaten feet, and immediately flew away over the ocean, whither nobody toes, which the cook had just removed from the saucepan, Cookey, knows.

though she experienced some little alarm, was gratified on discovering ORIGIN OF SPECIES:—A' sow in the possession of MR. MANGOLD, that the levin brand had saved her trouble. farmer, of Snorton Suis, produced, on the 24th inst., a farrow of nine

A VERY RARE VISITOR.-The Hon. FELIX POPPER, of Cramstead, piglings, one of which has a snout terminating in a proboscis similar to a few day; since, shooting wildfowl, brought down, among a flock of that of the elephant, only of smaller size. This aberrant little pachy. puffins, what he took to be some strange

bird, but which proved to be derm presents an illustration of the Theory of Development which may a flying-fish. It has been deposited in the County Museum. be acceptable to MR. DARWIN.

A NARROW ESCAPE.-The earth in the garden of MR. FIBBS, of Fudgely, suddenly, on the afternoon of Wednesday last, opened and

Song of the Cockney Sportsman. swallowed a summer-house. Only an instant before MR. F. and a

How happy could I be in heather, party of friends had vacated the spot, where they had been smoking cigars and imbibing brandy-and-water ; so that their escape may be

At the grouse gaily blazing away!

But then, somehow, I can't touch a feather, regarded as remarkable, if not miraculous.

So 'tis better at Brighton to stay. À CREDIT TO ITS SPECIES. - PROFESSOR PODGER has a goose which, having reared it from the shell, he has succeeded in teaching to talk better than any parrot. The Professor has refused the offer of enor. mous sums, by persons desirous of purchasing this uncommon bird for

A COINCIDENCE À LA DUNDREARY. purposes of exhibition.

DUNDREARY writes to ask whether the Prussians being si Bar-leAN UNUSUAL METEOR was witnessed by a correspondent o the Duc, means that they have barred "le Duc DE MAGENTA Walkerstown Observer. He says that it presented the appearance of junction with MARSHAL BAZAINE ?

33 from a


(Sung by a Volunteer).
RAMBOD, wherewith I still
Do exercise at drill,
'Tis time that we did part,
For obsolete thou art

Fare thee well!

ANIMAL WATERS. THERE is something well worth seeing and tasting in America just now. Tourists, warred out from Baden and Homburg, may be glad to know that,

“ A hot spring has been discovered in Nevada, from which flows, if not chicken soup, something so like it, when properly seasoned with pepper and salt, as to make it impossible to tell one from the other. Three pounds of beef boiled in the water of this spring will yield as much broth as twelve pounds boiled in ordinary water. Nor is its usefulness confined to this, for it has been discovered to possess a property, not found, we believe, in other chicken soup, of perpetuating itself, so to speak, by hatching out the eggs of its chief constituent."

How delightful_is all this ! an ever-flowing, natural tureen of chicken broth! Patients only required to bring their own pepper and salt. Nutritious beef-tea and fresh-boiled eggs on the premises. We are not told who had the distinction of first discovering these invaluable culinary waters, but he must have been a broth of a boy. Around them we can picture a handsome city already springing up, to be known far and wide as Chickenbad. Soon, too, there will be seen in our own shop-windows an announcement of Bottled Chicken Soup, newly imported

from America. A friend, whose weak point is certainly not credulity, observes that he has a suspicion, just a soup-con, that the whole thing may turn out a hoax, and that, fond as he is of adventure and novelty, he does not intend to go out to Nevada on such a chicken-hazardous expedition.

THE STANDARD OF NEUTRALITY. HOLDING, as we do, that it is not the business of newspaper folks to attack each other, but rather to unite for the general confusion of mankind, we seldom refer to a contemporary, except in the way of graceful recognition of his merit. In that spirit Punch begs cordially to compliment the Standard, not only in professing the most complete neutrality of sentiment on the subject of the present

war, but on practising such neutrality in the most fearless manner. That such practice seems to involve self-stultification is a trifle compared to the assertion of a noble principle. For instance, on Saturday morning the Standard had two beautifully written leading articles on the peril of Paris. They came. close together, and at the end of the first it was exquisitely said:

“ If Paris is only as true to its duty as the army, there should be little fear but that this evil hour may be safely passed ; BUT ON PARIS HANGS (sic) THE DESTINIES OF FRANCE.'

Then came the other leading article, and about fifteen lines after the above declaration we read :

“ TO-DAY PARIS WOULD BY NO MEANA DRAG AFTER IT THE REST OF FRANCE, and the situation of affairs in 1870 resembles far more that of 1792 than of 1814 and 1815."

Now this we call true neutrality, and though it may puzzle the country parsons, it is delightful to those who like to see the British Press taking its proper position.

Because Britannia's sons!
Require breechloading guns,
In case a foreign band
Invade their native land.

Fare thee well!
Go, Ramrod, go thy way,
For thou hast had thy day.
Go, after gun-flints, go,
Like matchlock, arrow, and bow-

Fare thee well!!
No more the raw recruit,
Thee, at review, shall shoot
Off, by mischance, among
The British Public's throng-

Fare thee well!
Once trusty rod of steel
In thee, alas ! I feel
That I must cease to trust;
And thou art doomed to rust.

Fare thee well!
Unless, in after years,
With partizans and spears,
Kept burnish'd thou may'st be
In antique armoury.

Far, thee well!
But wherefore do I stand,
Still grasping thee in band,
Leave-taking o'er and o’er,
And sighing, yet once more-

Fare thee well ?
Because I'm made to wait,
With fire-arms out of date,
For warfare tools unmeet,
So, therefore, I repeat-

Fare thee well !
O, that I could outright
Armed for effectual fight
At instantaneous call
Say, Ramrod, once for all,

Fare thee well!

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BOOKLETS. Good Catholics may be of opinion that the Pope has handselled his Infallibility by offering to mediate between KING WILLIAM and LOUIS “Of the making of books there is no end." Did not SOCRATES, or NAPOLEON. That may be doubted by others, who, nevertheless, con- SCIOPPIUS, or SARDANAPALUS once say something like this? Whoever sider that in so doing his HOLINESS has done a good action and no it was, he would have been greatly astounded had he lived in these mistake. The Daily Telegraph lately remarked in an article on the times, and seen the daily multiplication of volumes, and the alarming Roman question :

spread of that fatal epidemic, cacoëthes scribendi. Everywhere band“The pear is almost ripe, and its fall cannot be delayed many years."

books, manuals, introductions, guides to the smallest, as well as the

most important of the many businesses of life; one of the latest being By "the pear” our contemporary means the Temporal Papacy. But The Book of Dinner Serviettes, the author of which was certainly deterthe present Incumbent of the Popedom may be called a pear too. mined not to fly too high in his search for a subject. By his endeavour to put a stop to the war now raging in civilised

We look forward to seeing many more useful manuals of (the same Europe, the Holy Father has clearly proved himself a Bon Chrétien."

class, such as The Book of Dressing Table Pincushions, The Book of

Bedchamber Watch-Pockets, &c., and sincerely hope that they may com-
Bloated Armaments.

mand as large a sale as they deserve.
"Si vis pacem, para bellum,"
All's not true engrossed on vellum.
Now instructed man alive is

Our Reserve Force.
Bellum para bellum si vis.

“The annual inspection of the 4th Administrative Battalion of the
Rifle Volunteers took place yesterday evening on the drill-ground. After

falling out, the men were served with supper in the drill-shed.” ABSENCE OF MIND.

SORRY to hear it. These are not times for Volunteers to be falling MRS. MALAPROP is certainly a most religious woman. Passing down out. We feel sure all Biflemen will fall in with our views on this Great Portland Street last Sunday morning, on her way to church, she point. However, as the men took supper together, we hope there was expressed her surprise to her bosom friend, MRS. RAMSBOTHAM, that no great harmı done; but we trust such a state of things (with the the new Jewish Synagogue was not open for service!

exception of the supper) will not occur again.

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Self-made Man (examining School, of which he is a Manager). “Now, Boy, WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF 'OLLAND ?"
Boy. AN 'H' SIR.”

and cry,


contest either of armed fools with armed fools, armed thieves

with armed thieves, or armed thieves with armed policemen. In THE Germans, gallant heroes are, and so the French are too. the latter case only does war clear the fmoral atmosphere. Then it What daring deeds the former, and the latter likewise, do! clears the moral atmosphere of blackguardism in proportion to Whichever may be victors we, in PATRICK's pbrase, may say,

the magnitude of the policemen's victory over the thieves, and That matchless valour these and those did equally display.

the amount of the butcher's bill the thieves let themselves in for.

Otherwise, it clears the moral atmosphere no more than the physical. Thrice is be armed, sings Avon's Swan, that hath his quarrel just. On the contrary, it equally obscures the one and the other. It throws There's something to be said for both, in candour grant we must. back civilisation for many years. Familiarising people with carnage What's past is ended, bygones to be bygones, then, allow- and destruction, it comes to be regarded by them with levity, at least Divide pure admiration 'tween those mighty nations now. until they finally draw it down upon themselves. It increases brutality

among the multitude, and it gives occasion to the malignant portion of A grand old Chief is Prussia's King, in truth a King of Men.

the educated classes to sneer at pacific counsels with tongue and pen, And BISMARCK's a sage councillor, of vast and varied ken.

Ridiculous are the Peacemakers." The fire and smoke with NAPOLEON, heretofore, has been our true and fast ally,

which it loads the air we breathe bodily, correspond to the heats and And yet may live with power to harm or help us by-and-by. the darkness which it engenders in that which our minds inhale. War, Say nought about ambition, now, or vanity and pride.

unless when just and successful, can clear the moral atmosphere only

by clearing it of morality.
Inhuman cynicism forbear to charge on either side.
As quoth PROFESSOR JACKSON with philosophy immense,
A civil tongue keep firstly in your head for self-defence.

Wait till the British Army, Line, Militia, Volunteers,

THERE was a young man called M‘KENZIE Shall , organised, have rid us of invasion from all fears.

Whom bagpipes sent into a frenzy ; Wait till the British Navy, shall secure have made our shore :

Sagacious M DOUGAL Then we can speak our mind out as we did in times before.

Suggested a bugle,

And played him a tune from Rienzi.

A native of Northern Kentucky

Was esteemed by his friends very lucky; “SIR," writes a correspondent of Public Opinion, signing his name

His coat was pea-green. THOM. S. PASSMORE, “MR. CH. COOKE, in your last issue, most sen

His collars were clean, sibly and truly says that 'War clears the moral atmosphere, as

And bis boots never known to be mucky. thunderstorms do the terrestrial one."" No, MR. PASSMORE. MR. CH. COOKE's observation has very little truth in it, and no sense at all. War may, now and then, clear the moral atmosphere, but generally CITY TELEGRAM (July and August, 1870).—“Any day. Any time. thickens it. For war, friend PASSMORE, look you, must needs be a I Stocks and Shocks."

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Arndt this good ?
What is the Briton's Father-Land !
Is 't where unfinished Paul's doth stand,
Is't where BOYNE WILLIAM, stern, doth frown,
Or where SIR WALTER, calm, sits down?

O no! O no! Because, you see,

His Father-Land must greater be.
What is the Briton's Father-Land!
Is 't little Wales's mountains grand,
Is 't where Australia's cattle grazes,
Or where Maöris fight like bluzes ?

O no! O no! Because, you see,
His Father-Land must greater be.

What is the Briton's Father-Land ?
No fellah seems to understand :
Is 't where VICTORIA 's gentle sway
Makes Indian millions, pleased, obey !

O no! O no! Because, you see,
His Father-Land must greater be.

What is the Briton's Father-Land ?
Is it the grim Heligoland *
Whereof Tom CAMPBELL took and wrote
A ghastly song about a Boat ?
O no! O no! Because, you see,
His Father-Land must greater be.

What is the Briton's Father-Land ?
Is it the brave Canadian strand
Whereof Tom MOORE he took and wrote
A pleasing song about a Boat ?
O no! O no! Because, you see,

His Father-Land must greater be.
What is the Briton's Father-Land ?
(My patience drops its final sand)-
'Tis known by báton and by hunch-
'Tis where all good folk read their Punch-
Where Punch is seen in every band,

There! there's the Briton's Father-Land!
Bad rhyme, Mr. Poet.--Ed. Same as in original, Sir.- POET.


as usual, a banquet to the Corporation, he should give a hundred guineas to THE ADVANTAGE OF A STATE OF SIEGE.

the Sick and Wounded Fund. May his example spur on others to go and do, We have no decided wish to be in Paris just at present; indeed, we in some measure, likewise ! thank our stars decidedly that we are here in London. Still, in some A Mayor giving a hundred guineas for the relief of sick and wounded respects we own that Paris is just now in an enviable state, although a foreigners, instead of giving a dinner to his own Corporation and countrystate of siege at first thought may seem anything but enviable. But men, is likely to be regarded by the majority of his compeers, as a only fancy this as one of its advantages :

person who, so far from being imitated, ought to be taken care of by “A decree of General Trochu orders the expulsion from Paris of every devoted to a sick and wounded fand, is better employed than it would

his friends. Mankind in general may say that a sum of money, individual having no honest means of subsistence, and whose presence is a be if spent upon what some of them possibly denominate a gorge, Nor danger to public order, and to the safety of persons and property."

can this view be reasonably denied ; although, no doubt, if MR. UNDERIf this be a result of living in a state of siege, one really can't

help wood, the Mayor, in preference to relieving the sufferers under wounds wishing that London were forthwith declared in that condition. What and sickness, were to feast the Corporation, City Officers, Dean and a blessing it would be to all its peaceable inhabitants to get rid of all Chapter, College Warden, and Fellows of Winchester, he would do an the burglars, and the beggars, and the blackguards, who endanger now act of charity, at least inasmuch as he would feed the hungry, though the safety of our persons and our property! We often pride ourselves not the starving. upon our insular security, and delight to think that we are therefore safe against invasion, and that no one from abroad can venture to assail us. But we forget the many enemies who are daily in our midst, and nightly

Prelates carefully Preserved. ready to attack us. We should be glad to declare London in a state PUBLICITY ought to be given to the fact, not perhaps generally of siege to-morrow, if MR. BILL SIKES and his brethren could for ever known,

that the British Museum possesses a most interesting collecso be banished; but we sadly fear those gentlemen would return to tion of stuffed archbishops, several cases in one of the Natural History their old haunts directly that same state were announced as being Saloons being devoted to “The Primates." ended.


The Force of Habit. In a summary of memorable affairs at Winchester, the Hampshire business, that when he pays a compliment even to his wife, he always

We know a City gentleman who is so extremely methodical in Independent records a manifestation of benevolence on the part of a will insist on taking a receipt. municipal dignitary, which, to most municipalities, will probably appear very eccentric. Worshipful Mayors and Aldermen at large are informed, no doubt to their astonishment, that :

The Mayor's MUNIFICENCE-of which we have already had evidence on several occasions, is again shown by the fact that on Tuesday, after the meet

MRS. MALAPROP says that every one ought to contribute as handing of the Town Council, a meeting of the Committee in aid of the sick and somely as possible to the fund for the relief of the wounded, because Wounded in War was held, and his Worship then said that instead of giving, that will be acting like a good Sanitarian.


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