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BETTER DAY, BETTER DEED.

NEW CURIOSITIES OF LITERATURE.

LL know that the Ir it is a weakness, it is a pardonable one, which leads us to regard 14th of February with interest the little personal articles, of use or ornament, that was St. Valentine's have belonged to the great men and great women whose works we Day. admire and whose memory we worship. What a neat and Who can survey, without emotion, POPE's toothpick, which, begraceful tribute to queathed by the poet in the last codicil but one to his Will, to ARBUTHNOT, the anniversary is free from legacy duty, is now amongst the most treasured possessions HER MAJESTY'S of the College of Dentists in Glasgow? What are our thoughts when gracious message permitted to handle the penwiper MALTHUS used the morning he comto her loving Com- pleted his Essay on Population, within sight of the towers and steeples mons, printed in of Bethnal Green; or to take into a reverent palm NEWTON's tobaccothe Parliamentary stopper, formed out of a fragment of the apple-tree under which he was paper of the day-sitting in September, when the Yorkshire codling fell at his feet, and that she means to unfolded to him his grand discovery of the laws of good society? give directions, as MRS. BARBAULD'S goloshes, worn by her that memorable and rainy the Commons evening when she accompanied her step-father to drink tea with his mean to provide stockbroker, who was afterwards in reduced circumstances, and there the cost, for "ob- heard the news of the capitulation of the Island of Formosa to the serving the transit allied fleets, under the command of COMMODORE TRUNNION, C.B.; the of Venus in shoestrings COWPER tied the day the thought first struck him, as he 1874. For besides was watching the company leave the London Tavern, of writing his these extraordi- best known poem, The Flask; the only pocket-handkerchief of MILnary transits of TON's extant, which after remain ng as an heirloom in the family of his Venus, the obser- laundress for many generations, was parted with by her sole surviving vation of which descendant, under pecuniary pressure, to the Smithsonian Institute at needs public grants to pay for, and CAPTAIN COOKS, SIR JOSEPH Washington; Fox's brush, now in the Hunterian Museum in Lincoln's BANKSES and SIR JOHN HERSCHELS to carry on, we have the annual Inn Fields; MRS. SIDDONS's favourite false tooth, BENJAMIN FRANKtransit of Venus, which is observed by the whole corps of letter- LIN's egg-boiler, JOHN WILKES's roasting jack, MISS EDGEWORTH'S carriers, at the cost of the pennies of the million, and that is the garden-roller, FANNY BURNEY'S curl-papers, BURNS's shoehorn, the passage of love-letters through the post on the 14th of February. tassel of JOHNSON's nightcap,-these and a thousand other cherished relics and mementoes, to be found in our various public and private collections, can never cease to be objects of veneration alike to the dwellers round St. Paul's and the Wrekin, and the enthusiastic pilgrim who bends his steps hither, with letters of introduction and a return ticket, from the weltering shores of the Mississippi or the blue waters of the far Hydaspes.

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SECRETS IN THE AIR.

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FAN ingenious member of the Royal Irish Academy, DR. GEORGE SIGERSON, has been using the microscope to make the air we breathe give up its motes. He has analysed in this way, sea breeze," and country air," and "drawing-room air," and "city air,"-if the name must be given to the foul mixture of mucus, granite-dust, quartz spiculæ, cotton fluff, soot particles, epithelial scales, and crystals of ammonia, which the wretched inhabitants of cities are forced to inhale by way of lung-pabulum.

No air, we find, but may be made to render up its secrets. The sea breeze shows us its health-giving crystals of chloride of sodium and sulphate of magnesia, its visible traces of iodine and bromine, if we push our questioning far enough. The country air reveals to us its fragrant treasure of daisy pollen and fungus spores, its plant crystals, its moth scales, its spermatozoids of ferns, its ova of animalcules, its very dew-drops, one, says DR. SIGERSON, with a lively monas disporting in it," within two hours of its gathering in its leaf-cup.

The unaccountable partiality of great writers for those of their works not held in the highest estimation by the best Judges (including the Courts of Law now sitting) has often been the subject of wonder-. ing remark. It was not his Inquiry into the Sublime and Beautiful, nor his Reflections on the French Revolution, nor yet his Speeches, that filled EDMUND BURKE with just pride, but the little Cookery Book to which he devoted all his leisure moments, when permitted to retire to the villa near Wolverhampton, where REYNOLDS and SIR JOSEPH BANKS found him, in a nankeen suit and wide flapping straw hat, feeding his turkey poults with Indian corn, at luncheon time.

Similarly SMOLLETT was indifferent to the praises bestowed on Humphrey Clinker and his other novels, but tell him of your admiration of his Suggestions for the gradual diminution of the National Debt by Hydraulic Pressure, and you found your way to his heart and his dinner-table immediately.

The idea is worth developing. Why, if the ordinary microscope can show us all this in the material motes of the air we breathe, should not for his Ode on the Vanity of Testamentary Expectations, over The ProAmongst our poets, the extraordinary preference shown by GRAY a more powerful instrument, and a more delicate analysis, carry us agress of Pottery, the Elegy written in a Country Workhouse, and all his stage further, and enable us to detect in the air its subtler qualities other compositions, is a matter of history; and the same strange bias say the proportions of weariness, worldliness, and worship, that make led DRYDEN to depreciate everything he had done in exaltation of his up the air of Church; or the elements of patriotism and pomposity, Rake's Progress and Don Cæsar de Bazan. vanity and verbosity, the filaments of red tape, and the dry dust of precedent, that blend in the air of the House of Commons? How interesting to have the air of Convocation analysed, before and after Simple in his tastes yet careful of his personal popularity, penurious BISHOP TEMPLE'S explanation, for a determination of its quantities of in his habits yet always ready to lend an ear to operatic music, sound odium theologicum and latent zeal-heat, or to reduce the atmosphere in his understanding and on his feet, of great discrimination in the that gathers like a fog over Exeter Hall platform into its chief consti- choice of friends, but without the least discernment of the different tuents, bitters of bigotry, and dust of declamation, and to have made joints of butcher's meat, pleasant and pock-marked, garrulous and palpable, through all these, that small modicum of salt of Christianity which keeps the mixture sweet enough not only for bare breathing; but even for supporting healthy existence, and propagating good works. Think of the value of an analysis of the air of a St. Pancras board-room, side by side with one of a St. Pancras sick-ward-the embodied emanations of guardian selfishness and penny wisdom by those of pauper sluttiness, starvation, and suffering!

Surely, we might all learn something to our advantage from such a making visible of that which goeth out of us, such a palpable manifestation of what spirit we are.

From Leicester Square.

HARD Frost. No hunting. The Eccentric Statue in Leicester Square got a severe fall some weeks ago in attempting, it is now said, to leap the railings. The poor gentleman has entirely lost his nerve, and cannot be persuaded to remount.

garish, with nothing false about him but his teeth, and no expectations corpulence, his industry, his indifferent digestion, his universal knowfrom distant relatives, that amazing scholar, ISAAC CASAUBON, with his ledge, ranging from the private life of the Troglodytes to the curative properties of sarsaparilla, never passed a day-no not even in the Gustibus non disputandum, which has elicited the eulogiums of such rival busiest period of his life, when engaged on his greatest work, De scholars as the great SMECTYMNUUS and the incomparable BENZINE— without taking refreshment.

Great Cards.

THERE are certain clever folks performing at Drury Lane called the VOKES Family. The name of VOKES suggesteth Jokes. If they were all bad whist players, they might be called the Re-vokes family.

NEW ARABIAN NIGHTS' TALE BY THE HOME SECRETARY.-Acabby and his Wonderful Lamp.

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A SAVAGE PASTIME; OR, THE MORALITY OF FIELD SPORTS.

Cruel Old Countryman, to Heartless Destroyer of Foxes. "PLEASE, SIR, I HOPE AS YOUR HOUNDS 'LL GET RID O' THAT ERE FOX TO-DAY. MY MISSIS SAY SHE CAN'T KEEP UN IN DUCKS AND EGGS NO LONGER, AND THIS ERE BE LAST O' TH' HENS!"

ROME AND RAMSBOTHAM.

DEAR MR. PUNCH, It's a curious fact, but true, that the POPE has no Navy, although all Roman Candlesticks profess great reference for the bark of PETER, and of course all the Carnivals and every Roman all over the world glories in being in the same boat. My nephew, who belongs to the Ulster Riddleist party in England, and is almost a Candlestick himself, says the bark is holy. "Well," says I, "then how about the leeks?" which quite upset his arguments. I can't write much now, as I have been laid up this week with Romeytism in the wrist, which I couldn't use at all if I didn't rub in imprecations every night. Some people suggest using appledildoc, but I prefer the above remedy. One medical man recommends a peculiar sweet ornament which he has repaired; but on asking a lyrical chemist he gave it as his opinion that the complication which was his invention was only hearthstone-and-oil after all.

Well, Lent is now coming on, and we shall soon be in the season of pennants and fortification. Adieu.

Yours ever, LAVINIA RAMSBOTHAM, JUN.

A National Criminals' Act.

HIS MAJESTY THE KING OF PRUSSIA, in his Speech from the Throne addressed to the North German Parliament, expressed his " great gratification" on account of the completed preparation of a penal code for North Germany. That, no doubt, is a good job, and one not concluded too soon for North Germany and the Prussian Sovereign. Before a penal code had been devised for North Germany, Denmark had been robbed of her Duchies.

TOTAL ECLIPSE.

M. LEVERRIER has been dismissed from the Imperial Observatory, Paris. M. LEVERRIER's star is clearly not in the ascendant.

CUT IT SHORT.

the speedy commencement of a long season of drought. The newsWITHOUT pretending to be weather-wise, we may venture to predict speeches on the question, already settled in everybody's mind, of the papers, for months to come, will be full of prolix Parliamentary Irish Land Bill. We must also expect to be bored with an enormous quantity of dreary jaw on the immensely important, but equally dry, subject of Education. Why can't the measures of Government, respecting both this and the other thing, universally approved of, be passed without gabble? If our representatives will spare us their customary talk, they will enable Ministers to get through the work which MR. GLADSTONE and his colleagues want, and the country wants them, to do; and will preclude an awful massacre of Innocents. When it is clear that a Bill must pass amid tremendous cheering, Members might as well say at once to Ministers-"We will leave it to you, gentlemen."

High Notes.

"A few voices of refinement wanted (ladies and gentlemen only), for a really aristocratic choir."

The wording of this invitation leaves it doubtful, whether by "refinement" is meant the quality of the voice, or the "quality" of the vocalist. Until this uncertainty is cleared up, we shall not give the "really aristocratic choir" the advantage of our splendid organ. And a voice of such power as ours would be of immense assistance to them, for of course they can never intend to sing anything low..

Hard to Accomplish.

WHEN, from time to time, we read in the Court Circular that So-and-so was introduced to HER MAJESTY and delivered up his "stick of office," we invariably find ourselves wishing that some one would deliver us from those Sticks in office still to be found in the Public Service.

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Who is this Andere Mann? I've never seen him. Perhaps he is in the next cell to me. Wish I could sleep. Should like to, but mustn't; at least CASPAR says it's bad to do so. Must stay in for forty minutes. Impossible to read, even if one had a book. Why don't they invent some plan of fixing up a book before you? Wish FRIDDY were here she'd read to me. Devoted wife, reading to vapour-bathed husband. I am not very warm. Wonder if it's doing me good? or harm? Bath-man looks in. He takes a towel, and wipes my forehead: apparently without any satisfactory result, as he is more disgusted with me than ever.

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Nein," he says, "nix varm." Then in a tone of expostulation, "Der andere Mann much varm: sveat der andere Mann.'

I am getting angry: I feel it. I am annoyed. What do I care about Der andere Mann's state of heat? I wish I knew the German for "comparisons are odious," I'd say it. All I do is to restrain my impatience, and merely say, Oh, very odd. Twenty minutes," by which I mean that in that time I will leave this bed, whatever happens, much varm or not. Begin to think I've had enough of it.

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Ten Minutes after the above.-Interval of thinking of nothing, except trying to recollect poetry, and failing. Bath-man enters. He is puzzled by my comparative frigidity.

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Der andere Mann," he begins again, much varm: sveat, der andere Mann, much sveat." This in a loud tone, and as if at a loss to find terms to make me comprehend the admirable conduct of this infernal Andere Mann; "but," he goes on, more in sorrow than in anger at my utter failure, you, nix varm, nix sveat; nutting," and he consequently comes with towels rather before his time, having decided upon giving me up as a bad job. He shakes his head dejectedly, as he goes through the mere formality of wrapping me up, and rubbing me down, to preserve me from sudden chill, and soon leaves me as unworthy of further attention, probably to report my extraordinary conduct to the Andere Mann, and to praise him in fulsome language for his exemplary bearing in and out of the vapour bath.

"Try again another day," I say to Bath-man, as I leave. But he has no reply for me: he is dejected. There are only two men, who, now the season is over, come to these baths. One is myself, and the other is Der andere Mann, and the first is, in the Bath-man's opinion, beneath contempt as a "Dampf-shifter."

English party here, small by degrees, and beautifully less; which quotation also applies to the gouts, and rheumatisms, and other ills the flesh is heir to, under DR. CASPAR's treatment and application of sulphur waters.

System in my case undergoes a change. Besides the vapour bath, where after several ineffectual attempts I never can come up to the temperature of Der andere Mann, I am now douched.

The Douche.-The Doucheman, I mean the man who gives you the douche, appears dressed in a sort of nightgown and nightcap. I get out of his way at first, under the impression that he is an elderly lady, who has mistaken her compartment in the bath. He beckons me. I hesitate, under the above-mentioned impression, naturally. He smiles, and beckons me again.

Happy Thought.-Not unlike Hamlet's Father's Ghost. "His custom always of an afternoon."

Another Happy Thought in the same line.-"Lead on, I follow." He does lead on, and I do follow. To a cell with bath, similar to the others, only with a large water-pipe in it, coming down the back wall, above where your head would be if you sat under it.

We are both silent. He shuts the door. There is something unpleasantly mysterious in these movements. Feel that I must be on the defensive. (Nervous system a little out of order, or else why be afraid of a Doucheman, who, I know, will not do me any harm ? Shall refer this to CASPAR, who will feel my pulse, which of itself is an operation that disturbs me considerably until the Doctor speaks, when I invariably feel relieved, whatever he says.) Doucheman suddenly takes off his bathing-gown and appears something like an acrobat who is going to support another acrobat on a pole. I am the other acrobat. Wish I knew the German for "acrobat." He speaks French, so I try "Acrobar." I say, "We are two Acrobars," pleasantly. He nods (he is now standing in the bath, doing something with the mouth of the pipe), smiles, and turns the water on to himself, just to see how he likes it before he tries it on me.

He is satisfied with the waterworks, and again imitates the Ghost in "Hamlet." I descend the steps. "Speak! I'll go no farther."

He speaks; "plus bas," he says, whereupon, after thinking for a few seconds what he means, I take up my position one step lower. I can imagine a very nervous man being thoroughly frightened by the next proceeding, which is to take you, quite unawares, by the leg. Somehow it's the last thing any one would think of. It seems to me that the Doucheman has no settled plan, but that after conside ring the patients for a few minutes, he is suddenly seized by a

Happy Thought.-"Take him by the left leg" (vide poem about the infidel Longlegs) and pummel his foot.

The noise of the water rushing through the pipe on to my leg prevents conversation (it is Niagara in miniature), otherwise I should like to talk to him about the art of douching, and what is his idea of the particular benefit to the subject. In a moment's pause, that is, before he gets hold of my other leg, I collect myself for a question in French, Why do you do this? It sounds piteous, I fancy, as if I had added, "I never did anything unkind to you!"

He answers that it is "pour faire rouler le sang," and begins kneading my instep.

Happy Thought.-A kneaded friend is a friend indeed, or, a friend who kneads is a friend indeed.

Think it out, and put it down to SYDNEY SMITH.
Douche on my hands, arms, chest, everywhere.

Happy Thought.-All round my hat. Happier thought, on expanding my chest to the full force of the water, "All round my heart." Niagara on my back. Squirt, rush, whizz, sky-rockets of water at me. I am catching it heavily over the shoulders.

Happy Thought.-Should like to turn round suddenly, and see if the Doucheman is laughing. I daresay it's very good fun for him. Sort of perpetual practical joke. Capital employment for MILBURD if he ever wants a situation. In twenty minutes it is all over.

Happy Thought.-Write a description of it all in some cheap form. Call it "Twenty minutes with a Doucheman." Telegraph the idea to POPGOOD AND GROOLLY. They haven't replied to my other telegram.

Fresh water is turned on up to 30° Réaumur, and I sit calmly meditating on the stirring events of the last half hour in the tranquillity of the ordinary bath, the Doucheman having resumed his nightgown and wished me bon jour.

Happy Thought.-"Oh that a Doucheman's draught should be," &c. Sing it myself. Stop on remembering that if Der andere Mann is in the building, this will encourage him to begin his operatic selections.

Back in my Room at Hotel.-Never felt so well. Premonitory symptoms of gout have come out and gone. Telegraph to POPGOOD How about AND GROOLLY. Say, "Premonitory symptoms gone. theory-origination? Will you? Wire back."

A QUESTION OF THE DAY.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,

raneous history is a part of education. This is partly obtained by the EDUCATION is the Great Question of the Day. Contempointerests of true civilisation, would it not be better if the full reports study of the newspapers. But, Sir, in the interests of morality, in the of the Divorce Court could be reduced to the very minimum of information ?

Publicity in such cases as come within LORD PENZANCE's jurisdiction, is, as experience teaches, no deterrent from crime, but may, too often, suggest precedents for the avoidance of discovery.

Yours thoughtfully, PETER FAMILIAS.

A GOOD LOOK-OUT FOR LODGERS. HERE is an earthly Paradise for Lodgers-at least, so the Advertiser very likely thinks:** Close to Railways

APARTMENTS FURNISHED, to be Let.

and Omnibuses. Terms moderate. No cat. Considering the screams and screeches they emit, proximity to railways may be questionably pleasurable. But what a world of comfort, and what saving of one's marmalade, cigars, odd coppers, and cold mutton is to the lodger's mind implied by those two little words"No Cat!"

A Very Serious Plague.

EVERYBODY has his pet plague of Irish land tenure. Punch has an idea that the great curse of landed property in Ireland is the slugs. In other countries they destroy the green crops, in Ireland they destroy the landlords.

AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION. -The unmarried woman is rated herself. The married woman's rating falls on her husband.

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Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. HolfordSquare, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell. in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co.. Lombard street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in theCity of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, February 26, 1870.

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