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BETTER DAY, BETTER DEED.
NEW CURIOSITIES OF LITERATURE.
14th of February with interest the little personal articles, of use or ornament, that А. was St. Valentine's have belonged to the great men and great women whose works we Day.
admire and whose memory we worship. What a neat and Who can survey, without emotion, Pope's toothpick, which, begraceful tribute to queathed by the poet in the last codicil but one to his Will, to ARBUTHNOT, the anniversary is free from legacy duty, is now amongst the most treasured possessions HER MAJESTY's of the College of Dentists in Glasgow ? What are our thoughts when gracious message permitted to handle the penwiper MALTHUS used the morning he comto her loving Com- pleted his Essay on Population, within sight of the towers and steeples mons, printed in of Bethnal Green ; or to take into a reverent palm NEWTON's tobaccothe Parliamentary stopper, formed out of a fragment of the apple-tree under which he was paper of the day- sitting in September, when the Yorkshire codling fell at his feet, and that she means to unfolded to him his grand discovery of the laws of good society ? give directions, as MRS. BARBAULD's goloshow, worn by her that memorable and rainy the Commons evening when she accompanied her step-father to drink tea with his mean to provide stockbroker, who was afterwards in reduced circumstances, and there the cost, for “ob- heard the news of the capitulation of the Island of Formosa to the serving the transit allied fleets, under the command of COMMODORE TRUNNION, C.B.; the of Venus" in shoestrings CowPER tied the day the thought first struck' him, as he 1874. For besides was watching the company leave the London Tavern, of writing his these extraordi- best known poem, The Flask ; the only pocket-handkerchief of MILnary transits of Ton's extant, which after remain ng as an heirloom in the family of his Venus, the obser- laundress for many generations, was parted with by her sole surviving
vation of which descendant, under pecuniary pressure, to the Smithsonian Institute at needs public grants to pay for, and CAPTAIN Cooks, SIR JOSEPH Washington; Fox's brush, now in the Hunterian Museum in Lincoln's BANKSES and SIR JOHN HERSCHELS
to carry on, we have the annual Inn Fields; Mrs. SIDDONS's favourite false tooth, BENJAMIN FRANKtransit of Venus, which is observed by the whole corps of letter- LIN's egg
boiler, John Wilkes's roasting jack, Miss EDGEWORTH'S carriers, at the cost of the pennies of the million, and that is the garden-roller,
FANNY BURNEY's curl-papers, BURNS's shoehorn, the passage of love-letters through the post on the 14th of February. tassel of JOHNSON's nightcap,—these and a thousand other cherished
relics and mementoes, to be found in our various public and private collections, can never cease to be objects of veneration alike to the
dwellers round St. Paul's and the Wrekin, and the enthusiastic pilSECRETS IN THE AIR.
grim who bends his steps hither, with letters of introduction and a FAn ingenious member of the Royal Irish Academy, DR. GEORGE return ticket, from the weltering shores of the Mississippi or the blue SIGERSON, has been using the microscope to make the air we breathe waters of the far Hydaspes. give up its motes. He has analysed in this way, sea breeze," and
country air,” and “ drawing-room air," and "city air,"—if the name The unaccountable partiality of great writers for those of their must be given
to the foul mixture of mucus, granite dust, quartz works not held in the highest estimation by the best Judges (including spiculæ, cotton fluff, soot particles, epithelial scales, and crystals of the Courts of Law now sitting) has often been the subject of wonder.. ammonia, which the wretched inhabitants of cities are forced to inhale ing remark. It was not his Inquiry into the Sublime and Beautiful, nor by way of lung-pabulum.
his Reflections on the French Revolution, nor yet his Speeches, that filled No air, we find, but may be made to render up its secrets. The sea EDMUND BURKE with just pride, but the little Cookery Book to which breeze shows us its health-giving crystals of chloride of sodium and he devoted
all his leisure moments, when permitted to retire to the sulphate of magnesia, its visible traces of iodine and bromine, if we villa near Wolverhampton, where REYNOLDS and SIR JOSEPH BANKS push our questioning far enough. The country air reveals to us found him, in a nankeen suit and wide flapping straw hat, feeding his its fragrant treasure of daisy pollen and fungus spores, its plant turkey, poults with Indian corn, at luncheon time. crystals, its moth scales, its spermatozoids of ferns, its ova of ani Similarly SMOLLETT was indifferent to the praises bestowed on malcules, its very dew-drops, one, says DR. SIGERSON, "with
a Humphrey Clinker and his other novels, but tell him of your admiration lively monas disporting in it," within two hours of its gathering in of his Suggestions for the gradual diminution of the National Debt by its leaf-cup.
Hydraulic Pressure, and you found your way to his heart and his
dinner-table, immediately. The idea is worth developing. Why, if the ordinary microscope can show us all this in the material motes of the air we breathe, should not for his Ode on the Vanity of Testamentary Expectations, over The Pro
Amongst our poets, the extraordinary preference shown by GRAY a more powerful instrument, and a more delicate analysis, carry us a gress of Pottery, the Elegy written in a Country Workhouse, and all his stage further, and enable us to detect in the air its subtler qualities say the proportions of weariness, worldliness, and worship, that make led DRYDEN to depreciate
everything he had done in exaltation of his
other compositions, is a matter of history; and the same strange bias up the air of Church; or the elements of patriotism and pomposity, Rake's Progress and Don Cæsar de Bazan. vanity and verbosity, the filaments of red tape, and the dry dust of precedent, that blend in the air of the House of Commons ? How interesting to have the air of Convocation analysed, before and after in his habits yet always ready to lend an ear to operatic music, sound
Simple in his tastes yet careful of his personal popularity, penurious odium theologicum and latent zeal-heat, or to reduce the atmosphere in his understanding and on his feet, of great discrimination in the that gathers like a fog over Exeter Hall platform into its chief constit choice of friends, but without
the least discernment of the different tuents, bitters of bigotry, and dust of declamation, and to have made joints of butcher's meat, pleasant and pock-marked, garrulous and palpable, through all these,
that small modicum of salt of Christianity garish, with nothing false about him but his teeth, and no expectations which keeps the mixture sweet enough not only for bare breathing corpulence, his industry, his indifferent digestion, his universal knowworks. Think of the value
of an analysis
to the carative board-room, side by side with one of a St. Pancras sick-ward-the properties of sarsaparilla, never passed a day-no not even in the embodied emanations of guardian selfishness and penny wisdom by Gustibus non disputandum, which has elicited the eulogiums of such rival
busiest period of his life, when engaged on his greatest work, De those of pauper sluttiness, starvation, and suffering ! Surely, we might all learn something to our advantage from such a without taking refreshment.
scholars as the great SMECTYMNUUS and the incomparable BENZINEmaking visible of that which goeth out of us, such a palpable mani. festation of what spirit we are.
THERE are certain clever folks performing at Drury Lane called the
VOKES Family. The name of VOKES suggesteth Jokes. If they were HARD Frost. No hur g. The Eccentric Statue in Leicester all bad whist players, they might be called the Re-vokes family. Square got a severe fall some weeks ago in attempting, it is now said, to leap the railings. The poor gentleman has entirely lost his nerve, NEW ARABIAN NIGHTS' TALE BY THE HOME SECRETARY.-
Acabby and cannot be persuaded to remount.
and his Wonderful Lamp.
A SAVAGE PASTIME; OR, THE MORALITY OF FIELD SPORTS.
My MissIB SAY SHE CAN'T KEEP UN IN DUCKS AND EGGS NO LONGER, AND THIS ERE BE LAST O'TH' HENS !”
ROME AND RAMSBOTHAM.
CUT IT SHORT.
WITHOUT pretending to be weather-wise, we may venture to predict although
all Roman Candlesticks profess great reference for the bark papers, for months to come, will be fall of prolix Parliamentary of PETER, and of course all the Carnivals and every Roman all over speeches on the question, already settled in everybody's mind, of the the world glories in being
in the same boat. My nephew, who belongs Irish Land Bil. We must also expect to be bored with an enormous. to the Ulster Riddleist party in England, and is almost a Candlestick quantity of dreary jaw on the immensely important, but equally dry, himself, says the bark is holy: "Well,” says I, “then how about the subject of Education. Why can't the measures of Government, I can't write much now, as I have been laid up this week with respecting, both this, and the other thing, universally approved of, be
passed without gabble? If our representatives will spare us their Romeytism in the wrist, which I couldn't use at all if I didn't rub in customary talk, they will enable Ministers to get through the work imprecations every night. Some people suggest using appledildoc, which MR. GLADSTONE
and his colleagues want, and the country wants but I prefer the above remedy. One medical man recommends a them, to do; and will preclude an awful massacre of Innocents. peculiar sweet ornament which he has repaired; but on asking a When it is clear that a Bill must pass amid tremendous cheering, lyrical chemist he gave it as his opinion that the complication which Members might
as well say at once to Ministers—“We will leave it was his invention was only hearthstone-and-oil after all.
to you, gentlemen.”
"A few voices of refinement wanted (ladies and gentlemen only), for a
The wording of this invitation leaves it doubtful, whether by“ re-
finement” is meant the quality of the voice, or the quality" of the HIS MAJESTY THE KING
OF PRussia, in his Speech from the Throne vocalist. Until this uncertainty is cleared up, we shall not give the addressed to the North German Parliament, expressed his great
“really aristocratic choir” the advantage of our splendid organ. And
Hard to Accomplish.
of office,” we invariably find ourselves wishing that some one would M. LEVERRIER has been dismissed from the Imperial Observatory, deliver us from those Sticks in office still to be found in the Public Paris. M. LEVERRIER's star is clearly not in the ascendant.
He speaks ;"plus bas,” he says, whereupon, after thinking for a few MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS.
seconds what he means, I take up my position one step lower. I
can imagine a very nervous man being thoroughly frightened by the I FEEL that I ought to be dreadfully, unbearably, hot, but I'm not. next proceeding, which is to take you, quite unawares, by the leg. There seems, as I lie on my back, bound down by sheets under a huge Somehow it's the last thing any one would think of. It seems to me feather bed or two, to be a sort of infernal jingle of a rhyme in my that the Doucheman has no settled plan, but that after considering head.
the patients for a few minutes, he is suddenly seized by a-
Happy Thought.—“Take him by the left leg ” (vide poem about the
infidel Longlegs) and pummel his foot.
The noise of the water rushing through the pipe on to my leg preLike Der andere Mann.
vents conversation (it is Niagara in miniature), otherwise I should like Who is this Andere Mann ? I've never seen him. Perhaps he is to talk to him about the art of douching, and what is his idea of the parin the next cell me. Wish I could sleep. Should like to, but ticular benefit to the subject. In a moment's pause, that is, before he mustn't; at least CaSPAR says it's bad to do so. Must stay in for forty gets hold of my other leg, I collect myself for a question in French, minutes. Impossible to read, even if one had a books: Why don't they added, "I never did anything unkind to you!”
Why do you do this?” It sounds piteous, I fancy, as if I had invent some plan of fixing up a book before you? Wish FRIDDY were here : she'd read to me. Devoted wife, reading to vapour-bathed hus
He answers that it is " pour faire rouler le sang,” and begins kneadband. I am not very warm. Wonder if it's doing me good ? or harm ? ing my instep. Bath-man looks in. He takes a towel, and wipes my forehead:
Happy Thought.-A kneaded friend is a friend indeed, or, a friend apparently without any satisfactory result, as he is more disgusted who kneads is a friend indeed. with me than ever.
Think it out, and put it down to SYDNEY SMITH. Nein," he says, “ nix varm.” Then in a tone of expostulation, Douche on my hands, arms, chest, everywhere. Der andere Mann much varm : sveat der andere Mann."
Happy Thought.-All round my bat. Happier thought, on expandI am getting angry: I feel it. I am annoyed. What do I care ing my chest to the full force of the water, "All round my heart." about Der andere Mann's state of heat ? I wish I knew the German Niagara on my back. Squirt, rush, whizz, sky-rockets of water at for “ comparisons are odious," I'd say it. All I do is to restrain my me. I am catching it heavily over the shoulders. impatience, and merely say, Oh, very odd. Twenty minutes," by Happy Thought.-Should like to turn round suddenly, and see if which I mean that in that time I will leave this bed, whatever happens, the Doucheman is laughing. I daresay it's very good fun for him, much varm or not. Begin to think I've had enough of it.
Sort of perpetual practical joke. Capital employment for MILBURD if Țen Minutes after the above.-Interval of thinking of nothing, except he ever wants a situation. trying to recollect poetry, and failing. Bath-man enters. He is In twenty minutes it is all over. puzzled by my comparative frigidity.
Happy Thought.-Write a description of it all in some cheap form. Der andere Mann," he begins again, much varm : sveat, der Call it “Twenty minutes with a Doucheman.” Telegraph the idea to andere Mann, much sceat.” This in a loud tone, and as if at a loss to POPGOOD AND GROOLLY. They haven't replied to my other telegram. find terms to make me comprehend the admirable conduct of this Fresh water is turned on up to 30° Réaumur, and I sit calmly mediinfernal Andere Mann; “but,” he goes on, more in sorrow than in tating on the stirring events of the last half hour in the tranquillity of anger at my utter failure,. 11 you, nix varm, nix sveat; nutting," and the ordinary bath, the Doucheman having resumed
his nightgown and he consequently, comes with towels rather before his time, having wished me bon jour. decided upon giving me up as a bad job. He shakes his head dejectedly, as he goes through the mere formality of wrapping me up, and Sing it myself. Stop on remembering that if Der andere Mann is in
Happy Thought.-—"Oh that a Doucheman's draught should be," &c. rubbing me down, to preserve me from sudden chill, and soon leaves me the building, this will encourage him to begin his operatic selections. as unworthy of further attention, probably to report my extraordinary conduct to the Andere Mann, and to praise him in fulsome language
Back in my Room at Hotel.-Never felt so well. Premonitory for his exemplary bearing in and out of the vapour bath.
symptoms of gout have come out and gone. Telegraph to POPGOOD
How about * Try again another day," I say to Bath-man, as I leave. But he AND GROOLLY.. Say, “Premonitory symptoms gone. has no reply for me: he is dejected. There are only two men, who, now theory-origination ?' Will you? Wire back.” the season is over, come to these baths. One is myself, and the other is Der andere Mann, and the first is, in the Bath-man's opinion, beneath contempt as a “Dampf-shifter.”
A QUESTION OF THE DAY. English party here, small by degrees, and beautifully less ;, which DEAR MR. PUNCH, quotation also applies to the gouts, and rheumatisms, and other ills the flesh is heir to, under Dr. Caspar’s treatment and application of raneous history is a part of education. This is partly obtained by the
EDUCATION is the Great Question of the Day. Contemposulphur waters. System in my case undergoes a change. Besides the vapour bath, interests of true civilisation, would it not be better if the full reports
study of the newspapers. But, Sir, in the interests of morality, in the where after several ineffectual attempts I never can come up to the of the Divorce Court could be reduced to the very minimum of intemperature of Der andere Mann, I am now douched.
formation ? The Douche.- The Doucheman, I mean the man who gives you the Publicity in such cases as come within LORD PENZANCE's jurisdicdouche, appears dressed in a sort of nightgown and nightcap. I get tion, is, as experience teaches, no deterrent from crime, but may, too out of his way at first, under the impression that he is an elderly lady, often, suggest precedents for the avoidance of discovery. who has mistaken her compartment in the bath. He beckons me.
Yours thoughtfully, PETER FAMILIAS. hesitate, under the above-mentioned impression, naturally. He smiles, and beckons me again. Happy Thought.-Not unlike Hamlet's Father's Ghost. “His custom
A GOOD LOOK OUT FOR LODGERS. always of an afternoon.'
Another Happy Thought in the same line. -"Lead on, I follow." He HERE is an earthly Paradise for Lodgers-at least, so the Adverdoes lead on, and I do follow. To a cell with bath,
similar to the others, tiser very likely thinks :only with a large water-pipe in it, coming down the back wall, above where your head would be if you sat under it.
PARTMENTS FURNISHED, to be Let. * * Close to Railways AP
and Omnibuses. Terms moderate. * * No cat. We are both silent. He shuts the door. There is something unpleasantly mysterious in these movements. Feel that I must be on Considering the screams and screeches_they emit, proximity to rail the defensive. (Nervous system a little out of order, or else why be ways
may be questionably pleasurable. But what a world of comfort, afraid of a Doucheman, who, I know, will not do me any harm ? Shall and what saving of one's marmalade, cigars, odd coppers, and cold refer this to CASPAR, who will feel my pulse, which of itself is an opera- mutton is to the lodger's mind implied by those two little words tion that disturbs me considerably until the Doctor speaks, when I “No Cat!” invariably feel relieved, whatever he says.) Doucheman suddenly takes off his bathing-gown and appears something like an acrobat who is going to support another acrobat on a pole. I am the other acrobat.
A Very Serious Plague. Wish I knew the German for“ acrobat.” He speaks French, so I try
EVERYBODY has his pet plague of Irish land tenure. Punch has an Acrobar." I say, “ We are two Acrobars,". pleasantly. He nods idea that the great curse of landed property in Ireland is the slugs. (he is now standing in the bath, doing something with the mouth of In other countries they destroy the green crops, in Ireland they destroy the pipe), smiles, and turns the water on to himself, just to see how the landlords. he likes before he tries it on me.
He is satisfied with the waterworks, and again imitates the Ghost in AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION. — The unmarried woman is rated “Hamlet.” I descend the steps. “ Speak! I'll go no farther.” herself. The married woman's rating falls on her husband.
MR. ROBERT SMITH WRITES TO STATE THAT HE 18 NOT THE GENTLEMAN OF THAT MISS JANE ROBINSON, THAT SHE 18 Not THE LADY OF THAT NAME WHO (AS AN NAME WHO WAS CHARGED AT BOW STREET WITH HAVING ASSAULTED FIVE POLICE- ANONYMOUS FRIEND INFORMS HER) BRINGS AN ACTION AGAINST A CORNET IN THE MEN, AND BEATEN THEM BLACK AND BLUE WITH HIS Fists.
DRAGOONS FOR KISSING HER AGAINST HER WILL IN A RAILWAY CARRIAGE.
MR. ADOLPAUS BROWN (GOWER STREET), THAT HE IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF AN
" WORKHOUSE MR. PEROY JONES, THAT HE'S NOT THE PERCY JONES WHO WAS CONVICTED OF REFORM," AND SIGNED A. BROWN; IN WHICH THAT GENTLEMAN EXPRESSES HIMHAVING FRAUDULENTLY OBTAINED GOODS FROM VARIOUS WEST-END TAILORS BY SELF VITUPERATIVE AND PERSONAL RELATIVE TO THE ST. PANCRAS BOARD OF PASSING HIMSELF OFF AS THE Hox. PERCY PLANTAGENET DE HOWARD.
Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middleses, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in theCity of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, February 26, 1870.