MR. TOLL should be instituted to succeed MR. CALCRAFT, the Herald's College should furnish him with a fitting coat-of-arms, whereunto the motto might be "Tollere Vitam."

Dean Stanley. I am delighted to see your Grace here. (Passes some and matutinal contemporary Greek wine to the Archbishop.)

does not enable us to state Archbishop (knowingly, in most modern Greek). a vw DavкU. 'Ikаvyeт
the amount of retiring penetrar@ou. Hopтpopμe. (The Guests drink Greek wine out of compliment
sion which will be awarded to their visitor.)

to the ex-Executioner; but Ebor. After luncheon a few friends are going to present you with an
we trust it will be sufficient address on behalf of the English Church. It's the same sort of idea
for the maintenance of the
as the Provincial Mayors and Mayoresses giving that present the other
dignity suitable to a Peerage, day to the KING OF THE BELGIANS in the name of England.
should HER MAJESTY be
advised to confer that honour
on a gentleman who, by his
steady and unflinching vin-
dication of the law, through
out a lengthened career,
has achieved renown so

Mr. Purchas (from Brighton, on his knees). Will your Holiness permit me to kiss the hem of your robe? (Is permitted, and carefully examines it. Aside to himself:) My! What a beauty, I'll get my congregation to subscribe for a suit of dittos like this for me. (Takes a mental photograph of the material and cut. Aloud:) I thank your Holiness in the name of the English Branch of the Catholic Church.

Dean Stanley (laughing). Branch! Yes, MR. PURCHAS, it strikes me that you've rather lately been, as the oral have it, "Up a tree." (To the ARCHBISHOP OF SYRA.) May I assist your Grace to a little more? The undercut?

Archbishop of Syra. Ἰφυ πλῆς. Ἀρδιννερς ἄρε ἔξελλεντ. Μα ἴβη περμTTED T'άokpop ouμ TOPTEP LOTED op te ПoрT.

Dean Stanley. Tauías! I mean, here waiter, the tankard to his Grace. Dean Alford (after dinner). Permit me, in honour of our distinguished visitor, to propose a toast. My Lords and Gentlemen, let us drink the health of "LIDDELL and SCOTT." (Drunk with three times three.) Dean Stanley (finishing his speech). I congratulate the Archbishop on being the nearest approach to the High Priest of Apollo that I have ever, as yet, had the pleasure of meeting. I regret that my esteemed friend, LORD LYTTON, is not here to tell us something about the Pythoness.

The Western Morning News describes MR. TOLL as a "stalwart labourer." As such he is obviously just the right man to be entrusted with the flagellation of garotters, a task which, considered as conducive to the discouragement of cruelty, a truly benevolent man would rejoice in performing.

Dean Stanley. Never mind DR. JACKSON, Gentlemen: I suppose he has a right to come out strongly at a "London Dinner," being himself an' Ordinary. (Laughter, during which the Bishop, in his nervousness, pours some Sherry over his apron, and wonders what his wife will say to him when he gets home.) I welcome the ARCHBISHOP OF SYRA-or his Grecian Grace, who bows and smiles affably thenceforth to the end of the sitting at intervals of three minutes.) I see by his pleased countenance he doesn't understand one word I am saying-(Hear! Hear! Archbishop bows violently)-but I am delighted that he should be among us at this little dinner, because it shows that there is something in common between the Two Churches. Gentlemen, whatever else we may or may not do, we must dine and I am proud to represent on this occasion what ÆSCHYLUS calls the

Archbishop of Syra. Μιφρενός, Υίη ἆρ ἀυλ ἐνιτεδ

[At this point his Grace went into the history of heresies and schisms for the last thirteen hundred years, with a justification of the Greek Church, and an explanation of its peculiar tenets. This interesting reply lasted for an hour and a half, and would have been longer had he not been interrupted by a snore from the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK and the disappearance of one of his own Secretaries under the table. N.B. His Grace did not visit EVANS's in the evening, though he might have done so, and been none the worse for it.

NOBODY THAT KNOWS THEM COULD DOUBT THE RESPECTABILITY OF THESE Two GENTLEMEN, YET YOU WOULD HARDLY CREDIT THE UNNECESSARY PANIC THEIR IMAGINATIONS CAUSED THEM THE OTHER NIGHT IN THE FOG!

"

FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT."
PUNCH to the RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN Bright.
MY DEAR JOHN,

I AM really sorry to hear that you are forced by illness to
leave London and the joy of battle with your peers" in Parliament,
just as the campaign is opening. You can ill be spared. Not from your
office, for I fancy, entre nous, that you hate its trammels and its toils,
think its minutes a waste of years, feel its red tape tangling your
tongue, and its responsibilities damming and thwarting the flow of
your eloquence.
There might be some set-off for this, if you could believe in the good
of the work your office does. But you don't. If you had your way,
you would cut down to nothing its power of interference with Railway
Directors, Merchant Ship-owners, Harbour Commissioners, Dock
Trustees, Water Companies, and trade adulterations. You' would
fain leave all these things, like the Trade whose name the office bears,
to the workings of the large philosophy embodied in such axioms as
"Caveat emptor, 'Every man for himself," and 'Devil take the
hindmost; and as you evidently think small beer of your Office, and
are not particularly careful to conceal the opinion, it is probable that
the Office returns the compliment, and does not, qua office, think
XXX of you as qua official head. As far as that goes, I dare say
Office would not object to see your favourite principle of laisser aller
applied to you, and would let you go with the greatest equanimity
But if the Office does not want you, you want the Office, for a reason
I will tell you by-and-by.

The Times expresses an earnest hope that you will retain office, even if you are not able to resume its labours forthwith. I echo that hopebut for your sake, as I have said, rather than that of your Office; and for the country's sake and Parliament's that looks for and listens to your words.

I hope you may retain Office, because, though you do not believe in the good it does, it does one enormous good-it helps to school you, and to transform you from an Orator into a Statesman; from a mighty speaking power of the platform and the Parliament, into a shaper of England's future, an agent in the elevation of her people, a strengthener of her power for good at home, and an ennobler and extender of her influence abroad.

Thus thinking, my dear JOHN, you will not wonder at my regret for your absence and its cause, and my anxiety for your return to Parliament, and above all, for your retention of Office. May you soon be restored to strength by the pure and bracing air of Scotland, should you go there. You fish, and good speed to your salmon-fishing. As you slacken line to the plunge of some lively fifteen-pounder, may you be reminded that the surest way to lose your fish is to "give him the butt" too soon, and that the heaviest weight may be landed with the lightest tackle by one who knows when to let go, and when to "reel" in. It is the lesson, my dear JoHN, you most want; and I don't know that a Scotch salmon-river is not about the best school for teaching it. the And as no play and all work" will make even JACK BRIGHT dull boy," take a good holiday when you are about it, and come back to us like a giant refreshed. Believe me, no one will more rejoice on your return than your old and faithful friend,

And then we want you in the Cabinet, where you represent a different force from any there. Not the democratic force by any means. How amused and amazed at the same time you must often have been, my dear JOHN, when_short-sighted old Tories assailed you as a democrat, a leveller, and a destroyer. Of course I know betterthat there is no man who more thoroughly recognises the inequalities of human lots, the varieties of power, whether power of money, power of tongue, power of culture, power of organisation, or power of rule, and the inequalities of privilege and position, which they draw after them.

I know no man, my dear JOHN, who, in all he does and says, more consistently asserts the wholesomeness of every man having his place, and knowing it—or, if he doesn't, being taught it. I know no man who has more respect for things established, more reverence for rule, more passion, may I say, for precedent. I sometimes think, my dear JOHN, you are the most genuine Tory of my acquaintance-the politician, who of all our leading political personages, is most anxious to find a precedent for everything, and having found one, to follow itabout the most determined "stander upon old ways," in the British Parliament. Birth I know you don't, or rather won't, believe in, and you don't much like high culture; and "society," with its rules and restraints, rather bores you. I must confess I don't wonder at your preferring a cigar, and a volume of Goethe to a white choker and Belgravian small talk; I do myself. I cannot help laughing when I think of you and ODGER, side by side in the House. I fancy I can see the look you would give him. But you and I know how little way these things go to the making of a democrat.

No; what you represent in the Cabinet is not the democratic ideait is an idea quite different from the democratic. It is the wish to have the mass of men, women, and children in this country better taught, better clad, better fed, and better mannered. A very different thing, and, between ourselves, my dear JOHN, a much better thing, than wishing to have them admitted to power which they are not fitted to exercise, which is the wish of your true democrat.

What you represent in the House is the same wish, clothed in a pre-eminent power of plain yet splendid, masculine yet mellifluous, eloquence.

PUNCH.

a

BRIDGEWATER AND ITS ELECTION. "Between the candidate and voters there was a body of brokers or agents, similar, on a small scale, to those gigantic rings that infest American legislatures. * *Out of thirteen elections, since 1832, not one has been otherwise than corrupt, thanks to the happy morality of the Bridgewater constituents, and the ingenious operations of the clique who turned it to account." The Pall Mall on " Bridgewater Morality."

AFTER the revelations brought about by the Bridgewater Commission, there can be no doubt that, for illustrations of design in the natural history of Electioneering, as in that of Creation, we cannot go to a better source than the "Bridgewater Treaties" between bribers and bribees in that now indignant and immaculate borough.

A SONG ON FEMALE SUFFRAGE.
THE rights of Woman who demand,
Those women are but few:
The greater part had rather stand
Exactly as they do.

Beauty has claims, for which she fights
At ease, with winning arms :
The women who want Woman's rights
Want, mostly, Woman's charms.

Consolation.

WE hear that CHANCELLOR LOWE has got in his Assessed and Queen's Taxes wonderfully. Never were so few arrears known, though the ingenious ROBERT has been screwing out of us two years' payments at one and the same operation. Fortune favours the brave. It may have been a Lowe dodge, but it has brought in a high figure, and has enabled us to pay for the Telegraphs without a loan. JOHN BULL may have been what the sporting men call "wired " in the transaction, but it is a comfort to think he hasn't been "milked " into the bargain.

Your weakness has always been the difficulty you have in believing that other people might wish this as earnestly and honestly as you did, and yet take different roads to the same end. You have been in the habit of looking on those who differed from you in politics, as DR. JOHNSON did on foreigners, when he said to BosWELL, For all I have ever been able to see to the contrary, all foreigners are fools." You have been apt to think that, to attain the objects you desired, it was A DYSPEPTIC Gentleman said he thought he must be suffering from enough to will them sincerely and strenuously; and that the slow the foot and mouth disease, arising from having overnight Walked into progress of good legislation was owing to the folly or fainéantise of men a Heavy Supper. in office.

All this your late experience of office has, I am glad to see, done much to correct. I congratulate you on the visible fruit of that experience in your late speeches at Birmingham and elsewhere; on their unfamiliar tolerance, reticence, caution, and comprehensiveness. That is why I should be sorry to see you leave the Board of Trade.

If your Office has not benefited much by you, you have benefited immensely by your Office; and whatever you benefit by, my dear JOHN, the country benefits by, in the long run; for you are a power, and deserve to be one; and the wiser, more tolerant, and thoughtful of others a power is, the better.

FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE.

THE TREASON-MONGERS OF TIPPERARY.

Trade Motto of O'Donovan Rossa and Co.-Small Profits on Quick Returns.

Swell. "AH-WHAT'S YOUR FARE TO HAMPSTEAD BY THE-AH-NEW LAW?!"
Cabby.

OH, I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' 'BOUT NO NEW LAWS, SIR!-SAME OLD FARE, SIR-LEAVE IT TO YOU,' SIR!"

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, February 19, 1870,