WANTED-A TOUCH OF "THE TORNADO."

THAT largest-winded of all Gales-"the Tornado"-though three Foreign Secretaries in succession have allowed it from time to time to roar you as gently as any sucking dove;" yea, to roar you an 'twere any nightingale "-is not yet disposed of. The last we hear of it, we are sorry to say, is in connection with the still unsatisfied claims of the luckless crew. Their case, it should be remembered, is distinct from all question between the owners and the Spanish Government.

There is no doubt that the men were robbed of their money, clothes, and other private property, to the amount of more than £1093. There are the affidavits of the men to prove it, backed by the testimony of the British Consul at Cadiz, who often visited the unlucky fellows in their prison, and helped to clothe their nakedness. He has borne witness that none of the chronometers, watches, money, nautical instruments, or other articles of private property belonging to officers or men were ever restored to them.

Besides this spoliation, the hapless crew endured six months' painful and rigorous captivity, part of the time in irons, during which captivity some of them received injuries which shortened their days. And now the Spanish Government has the assurance to offer these men, en bloc, £1500 by way of compensation, an amount £4 38. 6d., or, as MR. FORBES CAMPBELL who is still sticking to the case, we which, deducting the amount they were robbed of, leaves each able seaman about are glad to say, like a Scotch terrier-pithily puts it, "a little more than one month's wages for six months' imprisonment.'

"

Now, Spain may be in difficulties, but that is no reason why England should allow sailors of hers to be first plundered, imprisoned, and ill-used, and then dismissed with the merest mockery of compensation.

If these had been men of a different class, we are much mistaken if such a long time would have been allowed to elapse before adequate reparation was insisted upon. Let LORD CLARENDON look to it-that "the Tornado," is not allowed to blow over in this very unsatisfactory fashion.

A POLICEMAN'S "RATTLE.”—His gossip with our female domestic servants.

IMPRECATIONS ON AN EXCLUSIVE.

(BY ERNULPHUS MINOR.)

FOUL fall him that woods doth close,
Corns and bunions knob his toes,
Limp, in tight boots, as he goes,
Hobble, halt may he,

Brute, that, Lord of Manor styled,
Shuts the wanderer from the wild,
Shuts the primrose-gathering child,
Burn him, shuts out me!

Nodules, bristly, blue and red,
Stud his nose, his face o'erspread,'
Bulbs crop out upon his head;
Fade and fall his hair.

May he get a double chin,
May his paunch jut, calves fall in,
So may dwindled drumsticks thin
Bulk unwieldy bear.

Dash his buttons! May they fly
As he stoops in company,
Losing them, and no means by,
Finding to replace.

May he, likewise, at the back,
Often have his trousers crack,
Showing fissure, white in black;
Often break a brace.

When he walks abroad, may flies,
Gnats, and dust, get in his eyes;
Pump upon him, O ye skies!

Catch him in the rain.
Spoil his hat and suit just new.
When at some appointment due,
Whereof failing he will rue,

May he miss his train.

May his watch make itself wings,
May he lose no end of things,
Note-books, pencils, knives, pins, rings,
Studs of jet and gold.

May some little gutter-thief,
To his fury and his grief,
Prig his pocket-handkerchief,
When he has a cold.

May he, hungry, having toiled,
Ever get his dinner spoiled,
Pork and veal half roast or boiled,
Sirloin charred and dried.
In his kitchen may a fool,
Obstinate and stupid, rule,
Serve him with potatoes cool,

Chops and beefsteaks fried.
May the game he fain would keep
Fenced like poultry, penned as sheep,
Whilst he takes his broken sleep,

Fall the poachers' prey.

Let them, in their gins and snares,
Catch his pheasants and his hares,
There, with "CAUTION" whence he scares
Us, my friends, away.

TO TOM HUGHES, M.P.

MY DEAR TOM, You are one of Punch's old friends. You have written the truest and manliest book extant on English public-school life. In all that you have published, and in most that you have talked, you have upheld pluck, straightforwardness, the calling of spades spades, and the recognition that men, whether gentle or simple, are, on the whole, made of the same clay, pulled by the same strings, worthy of the same rights, and liable to the same duties. You have more than once told the truth, where it wasn't at all relished, and made against your immediate popularity, as when you came down over the knuckles of certain rogues of small tradesmen in Lambeth for their fraudulent weights and measures. Holding you in respect for all these things, I am sorry to have to pluck a crow with you for certain mischievous nonsense you have been talking lately at a Southwark election meeting.

You were there to support MR. GEORGE ODGER-"the 'working man' candidate." Now I must confess to a want of faith in candidates who come forward on the strength of belonging to this or that order, connection, or interest. It doesn't matter much to me whether it's "the working man's candidate" or "the idle man's candidate,” “the public-house candidate," or "the chapel candidate," the landlords' candidate," or the labourers' candidate." But of all the cants of the day, the working man "cant is about the most sickening to me. And Southwark has had a more than usually strong dose of it this election. The "hard-handed" business has been worked till we want a good deal of the "hard-headed" business to take the taste of it out of our mouths. And you should be one of the doctors to administer the tonic. But, instead of steel, you give us ipecacuanha-the "working man mixture" as before-in the shape of such rot as this :"There was a great contempt for hard work here, as there was in the Southern States of America, although people scarce dare show it. They must knock that nonsense out of the British public, and teach them that the only thing that was really honourable in this world was good hard work. (Cheers.) He believed this to be thoroughly a working man's borough; and whether the electors returned a working man now or not, they might depend the thing would be done before another year was over."

Now, my dear Toм, what sort of a borough, in the name of common sense, is "a thoroughly working man's borough?" One where the opinion of working men is strong enough to swamp that of all other classes? Do you think that a very desirable kind of borough, as things go? And how could you talk that rubbish about "contempt for hard work?" You know perfectly well that there is no such thing, except among fools and fribbles, and you don't suppose there are more of them in England than there used to be, do you? To be sure, "snobs are a serious fact, and a specially English growth. And they may think work "low." But, surely, when you talk of "hard work," you don't mean to say that the hard work deserving of most respect, or most qualifying men either for electing or being Members of Parliament, is the material "hard work" of handicraftsmen, labourers, and mechanics ?

66

When you wind up by hoping that Southwark "will set an example to all England by returning a working man," do you mean that all England" ought to return "working men ?" Supposing ODGER to be a Phoenix, are such Phoenixes kept in stock? Could "all England" find Odgers at need? Don't you think a House of Commons all Odgers would be rather like an apple-pie all quinces ?-a House of Uncommons, in fact.

You say," most of the great questions coming before Parliament are working men's questions." That may be. But does it at all imply that working men are the likeliest to find the answers to them? You instanced Compulsory Education. Was the meeting for that?" you asked. Then some cried "Yes," and some "No."

"Well," you said, "that very difference of opinion in the meeting was an excellent reason why working men should get into the House of Commons." Why? "Because it was a question which deeply affected the working men of this country."

I should have expected another "because "- "because working men knew most about the question, and were best able to settle it." Then you went on :—

"There were many other public questions in which the working man was very much interested-for instance, the question of Direct Taxation. He knew that working men were very much in favour of direct instead of indirect taxation. He was of the same opinion, and this question must very soon come before the House of Commons, and it would be of the greatest benefit that there should be working men to discuss it. (Cheers.) Then there was the question of the administration of the Poor-Law, because pauperism was beginning to eat out the heart of this country, and it was placing increased burdens upon the people, and therefore it was absolutely necessary that men should represent the people who thoroughly understood their wants, and who had a perfect knowledge of the wishes of the people."

Certainly; who denies, who doubts it? But, my dear Toм, the question is, do "working men," even the Odgers among them, thoroughly understand the wants and wishes of the people". -even of their own class-even of their own trades?

You must see, I think, that you have been talking not only nonsense, but mischievous nonsense-nonsense that is quite unworthy of you, however natural in the mouths of a conceited class of ignorant young fellows in fustian jackets, who are far fonder of calling themselves working men than of working-who spend more time in the public-house than the shop, and are greater "dabs" with their tongues than their tools.

If you knew you were talking nonsense, I am very angry with you. If you didn't, I am very sorry for you. But that you were talking nonsense, is past a doubt. And so I think you will admit when you come to think it over, by the light of this letter from your faithful old friend, PUNCH.

CHARITY AND COOKERY.

IT is thought a foolish thing to quarrel with one's bread-and-butter. But there are times when such a quarrel is hardly to be wondered at, as for instance when a man gets very little bread to eat, and hardly ever any butter. This is not unseldom the condition of the labourer, and, to aggravate the fact that he gets scarce enough to eat, there is the fact that what he gets is sadly wasted in bad cookery.

"The benighted state of the agricultural labourer's wife is almost a hopeless one. She cannot vary the sickening narrow round of dishes which twelve shillings a-week provide for her husband and children. Bread, cabbage, bacon, potatoes, are the four articles she buys. Soup is unknown to her. The artisan's wife is fully as ignorant. Where these go half-fed, the French housewife would prosper."

How to make the pot boil is with many a poor labourer, a vastly puzzling problem; and his wife is quite as puzzled to find out what to put in it. A French peasant can make soup, and a score of toothsome dishes, while an English one can only serve up half-boiled cabbage and potatoes. In England, soup is an unheard-of luxury with cottagers; in France, and elsewhere on the Continent, no peasant dines without it. A basin of hot soup is surely a more palatable and more nutritious meal than a scrap of bread-and-cheese, or a morsel of fat bacon. The Examiner says truly:

"The charity which introduces a new cheap food to the working poor, or teaches them how to husband the heat and muscle, the carbon and the fibrin, which they have been throwing away in waste for so many years, is one of capital importance."

There are many schemes in view for national education, and many hobbies will be mounted to ride in that direction when Parliament next meets. Haply some one may be bold enough to move that cooking classes shall be added to our schools, and that besides learning to read, to write, to cipher, and to sew, poor girls shall be instructed in the art of making soup. And perhaps ere the next century some one may be bold enough to move that no certificate of marriage shall be granted, where a certificate of cookery cannot be produced."

A NOMINAL OBSTACLE.

A WRITER in the Daily News comments agreeably on the difficulty of finding names for the new theatres, which are now so constantly being built, and makes one or two suggestions on the subject. We, too, have a little something to suggest. We have the Gaiety. Why not also the "Gravity?" What name could be more suitable for a theatre to be devoted mainly to the performance of the serious drama—if there exists lessee or manager bold enough to undertake such a venture? Again, a house abandoned to light comedy, farce, operetta, and burlesque, would not be inappropriately "appellated" (we make have not been to Stationers' Hall to register either of these names, and an offering of this word to the American press) the "Bagatelle." generously place them at the disposal of all theatrical "enterprisers (something more for America) and speculators.

Ecumenical.

We

Ir is said that a priest was found concealed in a saloor of the Council Hall at Rome," with the cross of one of the Bishops in his possession;" and the report speaks of the culprit as being a Neapolitan priest, "of no good odour." Are not these last words somewhat superfluous?

Sir Hugh Evans on the Ecumenical.
DEAR POPE, these holy scandals set me sighing,
For "I am of the Church." Do keep 'em quiet :
This present shindy's most unedifying,

66 It is not meet the Council hear a Riot."

A LABORIOUS OCCUPATION.-Shop-Lifting.

THE ERMINE IN SIGHT OF SPRING.

"The Judges met yesterday, and settled the Spring Circuits."-Newspaper.

BRIGHT, blithesome announcement! Enlivening news!
Hilarious intelligence, joy to peruse!

Cheer up, moody mopers! Glad tidings I bring.
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.

The Law's jocund Sages, they point to foregleams,
Already, of sunshine returning which seems
A light on our path and our prospect to fling.
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.]

There's ice in the ditches, there's frost on the wold;
But now the days lengthen in spite of the cold:
The term of thy reign's in view, Winter, old King!
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.
There's snow still about, may be more snow to come,
The groves are yet silent, the songsters are dumb,
But the hedge-sparrow soon, and the chaffinch, will sing,
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.

Almost the sole flower in the garden that blows,
You see the white hellebore, called Christmas rose;
But snowdrop and crocus will soon mark Time's wing,
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.

Beside purple violets hepaticas pink
Will peer out, and blue periwinkles will wink,
And wild wood anemone blush, modest thing!
'The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.

[Who could be "disagreeable" after this?

With Oyer and Terminer come daisies pied,
Kingcups follow Crown Courts where culprits are tried,
While barristers' tongues Nisi Prius make ring.
The Judges have settled the Circuits of Spring.

The little birds pair, the buds swell, the sap rises;
The Judges crack jokes at the vernal Assizes.
May no one be sus. per coll. sentenced to swing,
My Lud, when you go this next Circuit of Spring.

ROMAN LAMBS AND ROMAN SHEPHERDS. AMONG the recent Roman ceremonies described by "Our Own" Council Correspondents, not the least pretty and significant is that of St. Agnes. Before the altar of her Basilica, in the Nomentan Way, are blessed two little lambs, whose innocent mutton figures afterwards on the POPE's own dinner-table-the Pope's-eyes of their respective legs twice as large and lustrous, we presume, as usual-and out of whose fleeces are woven the pallia sent by the Holy Father to Patriarchs, Archbishops, and certain favoured Bishops.

We are told how the pretty animals are brought in, bound, on crimson silk cushions, their mouths tied up with red ribbons, to prevent bleating. What wonder if scoffers persist in seeing in them a symbol of the Romish episcopate-in Council assembled-gracefully disposed on the cushions of their aula, but bound all the time in the chains of MONSIGNORE FESSLER, and gagged by the vow of silence and secresy, which some of them have lately been "wigged" for breaking.

A TRADE THAT NEVER FAILS.-No miller need ever be out of employment, for he can always grind his teeth.