.

Happy Thought.-DON JUAN ended, operatically, in sulphur. Good. Orphée aux Enfers" Quadrilles just played. Appropriate. Will go down during the entr'acte (it is a quarter to eight A.M.), and take another sulphur. Descend. Fewer people there. I want another tumbler, please. More difficult to ask when there's not a crowd, as what you say can be heard. Approach ELISA. She is very pretty. (Sulphur.)

don't yet know what the German for "if you please" is, and Wasser that have been in the longest. Good band. Pretty faces. There is a alone, that is, Wasser neat-[Happy Thought.-Wasser neat. Good. Dutch young lady (I hear some one say she is Dutch) to whom I Full of Happy Thoughts this morning: effect of air and early rising]- should like to talk-only because she is Dutch. Is this incipient sounds rude and abrupt; and, worse than all, sounds so insular. libertinism, or only sulphur? Or is the former the effect, the latter the Happy Thought.-Talking of insular, when I get in with some Ger- cause? mans, students and professors, for instance, I must ask 'em how they like being without a Navy. Curious, a nation without any admirals, or jolly tars; but then, after all, they've got their mineral waters. ELISA catches the water in my tumbler, jerks it out, catches some more, and hands it to me, smiling. Wish I knew what "thank you" is. Happy Thought.-Say "Danky." It sounds like good German, and I shouldn't be much surprised to hear that it is. On second thoughts, yes, I should be surprised. How difficult it must be to invent a language. This leads to deep thought, and will occupy me while I stand and sip the Mineral Wasser. I begin sipping thoughtfully, as if I was tasting to see if I'd have a case sent in in the course of the morning. It's warm: it's not exactly nasty; it's not precisely nice.

Happy Thought.-Epicures say that, to make a perfect salad, you ought first to soupçonner the bowl with a shalot. Mineral Wasser to the taste is as if you'd cleaned out the tumbler with lucifer matches of the old blue-tip school. It's what I should expect that water at the Polytechnic to be like after it has been flavoured by an experimental blowing up of the Royal George under water, by the Diving Professor, or some other scientific gentleman connected with the establishment. (I don't know whether this goes on now; it used to. But that's the idea.)

Happy Thought-Got half through tumbler. Nothing happened to me as yet. Nothing's happened to any one that I can see. All chattering in little knots and groups and côteries. Regardless of their doom, the little victims drink.

Happy Thought.-Finished tumbler, all but a quarter of an inch depth of water at the bottom. Don't know what to do with it. Wonder why I've an objection to the last drop? Instinct, somehow. Happy Thought.-Go and hear the band.

I

see everyone leaving a quarter of an inch, or so, of water in their tumblers, and then turning it out into two little receptacles, like the lower part of umbrella stands, placed at the corner of the stairs. Do this also. Just as if I'd been doing it all my life.

Happy Thought.-That's where I feel myself beyond DYNGWELL or CAZELL OF CHILVERN and MILBURD, and so forth. I am, I feel, cosmopolitan. In a second, by just turning this tumbler topsy-turvy, I feel myself, as it were, free of the place. A walk in the garden, hear the band, another tumbler (this sounds like dissipation and the bottle, but it isn't it's only high, airy, breezy spirits before breakfast, and sulphur mixed), and I shall be naturalised.

Happy Thought.-Say "Mair wasser." Scotch is an excellent substitute for German. After all, it isn't so much the language itself, but the spirit of it, which is the great thing to catch.

Note. That idea of the difficulty of inventing a language is worth enlarging upon. Suppose one had to do it. What should I have called a cup? I don't think anything would have suggested" cup to me, unless it was done suddenly by a happy thought. Or eg., hat, or handkerchief, or neck, or head. "Head" seems really difficult. Who would have thought, without having a name for it ready to hand, of calling a head a head"?

A man couldn't have called his own head a head; but another mana friend, for instance,-must have done it. Perhaps he did it offensively at first, and meant it as an insult; and then gradually it settled down into an every-day name. Odd occupation, when you come to think of it, for two people, sitting down, and having nothing else to do, saying to each other, "Now, what shall we call this?"-a hand, for instance, like a game of forfeits. Then, after some deliberation, friend says, Happy Thought.-Call it hand.

Happy Thought.-People who call a spade a spade. I never thought of it before, but he must have been a very clever fellow who did first call a spade a spade. He might have called it a bonnet, and he wouldn't have been wrong then; that is, if bonnets weren't made before spades.

*** I review this at night in my note-book, and set it down to sulphur acting suddenly on, the system. DYNGWELL said "the waters would bring it out of me, whatever it was." Something's coming out. But what is it? I can't help being nervous. Shall tell CASPAR tomorrow, and write down my symptoms.

HOW TO CLASSIFY YOUR CABMEN. Somehow I feel, having finished my glass, that I am de trop here; for constructed in three classes: and that the first class should be painted SOMEBODY has suggested that cabs should be, like railway trains, everyone is talking to everyone else quite a family party. All know white, and charge a shilling a mile, while the second, blue, charge one another, and are perpetually nodding and bowing, and smiling and ninepence, and the third should charge but sixpence, and be painted smirking, and inquiring after healths, and "what you did last night yellow. Now this is not a bad notion, only Cabby would, we fear, be after we left," and "whether you're going to So-and-so to-day," and frequently found subject to a fit of colour blindness, and especially at so forth. I feel that I am isolated. Wish FRIDOLINE was here. nightfall, would demand a white class fare, although there really were Should like to have her here-to talk to. (Mem. Isn't this selfish? no colourable pretext for his doing so. Suppose then that his colour be Is the real use of a wife only to be talked to when you don't know any- extended to his costume, which might be serviceably done, without body else? Note for psychological inquiry. Plenty of time for psycho-putting him in livery. Were every first-class cabman to appear in a logical inquiries, if I don't know anyone here except DYNGWELL.) I feel, white hat, and a white waistcoat and white gloves, he would look besides this sense of isolation, a desire to speak to somebody-to throw certainly distingué, and be readily distinguished. myself into their arms, and unbosom my pent-up emotions. I haven't an idea, on reflection, what my pent-up emotions are like, or what I should say if anyone-for instance, that little Frenchman (who's taken three tumblers to my one in the same time)-stepped forward, and said, "Me voici! unbosom yourself!" I don't think I should know what to do. I should set him down, speaking rationally, as mad. Stop! I pull up. This burning desire for conversation, this hysterical yearning, of course, I see, it is the effect of the sulphur. Sulphur. I must tone myself down again.

they might further be remarkable by the wearing of blue spectacles. For Cabmen of the second class a plain blue suit would serve, and Cabmen of the third class might be dressed in the costume which is most in fashion now on all our London cab-stands; that is to say, they might array themselves precisely as they pleased, so long as they contrived to make themselves appear the most unpleasant objects possible.

WINE AND ELECTRICITY.

A FRENCH savant has discovered that wine may be made old by electricity. Chemists who are also wine-merchants (the trades too often are identical), may be glad to be informed in what way to apply it :

"The wires of the voltaic pile should be tipped with platinum, to which must be attached electrodes of the same metal. Dip both into the liquid and you will precipitate it, and produce premature age.'

Happy Thought.-Bow to MISS ELISA (who seems to notice it as an impertinence; sulphur again—I suppose there was a lurking something in my eye), and ascend steps. Stroll into the garden. People walking up and down rather fast. I walk up and down, round and round. There's only one path, and you do it in different ways. There are two others, I discover afterwards, but they are short and retired. It is very exhilarating: it isn't Cremorne; it isn't Vauxhall; it isn't Mabille; it isn't Hyde Park; it isn't the seaside; it evidently isn't Tivoli (where I've never been); but it's-Happy Thought-it's exactly what the inclosure in Leicester Square might be made into, without the will be doubtless ready purchasers of "choice electro-crusted port," or Stingy people, who play havoc with their friends' digestive organs, present ruined statue, and with mineral waters coming out of the "fine old cheap voltaic claret." But we should hope all honest folks Mem.-Recommend this to the Board of Works. My statue, eques-ness in vinous drinks goes usually with nastiness; and it is surely not would feel electrically shocked at such a dangerous experiment. Cheaptrian, as a benefactor. electricity may tend towards producing premature age in the drinker. improbable that wine which has been prematurely aged by means of

pump.

1 feel inclined to suggest supper somewhere, and regret stopping up so late. I also have a sort of notion that later in the day the thousand additional lamps will be hung up. (Sulphur again.) There is a pond with two sorts of fish-red, and not red. Sulphur water, I suppose, and sulphur has taken the colour out of some of the weaker ones, or those

PROBABLE.-What the Cab Proprietors will soon find it, if the new arrangement is carried out-A Flagging Trade.

IT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED THAT PUBLIC-HOUSES SHOULD BE PLACED UNDER THE MORE IMMEDIATE SUPERVISION OF THE POLICE, WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO ENTER THEM AT ALL HOURS. SHOULD THE SUGGESTION BE ADOPTED, WE TRUST OUR GUARDIANS OF THE PEACE WILL USE THE PRIVILEGE WITH DISCRETION.

B

REYNARD AT ROME.

N connection with the Ecumeni-
cal Council, the Special
Correspondent of the Times
at Rome mentions one inci-
dent which must have an
interest for the English
Country Gentleman, even
for such a Squire as Squire

Western:

"All Rome this morning

has been to the chase of the

fox at the tomb of CECILIA

METELLA."

TO MR. PUNCH.

TO MR. PUNCH,-SUR,

I'VE been a-torkin' over politikle matters with some of the skool as I wurks with, wich our 'ouse of call is in the Mint, wich in course we feels hinterested in this ere Suthark lection. The kevestshun is, ort we to support ODGER along of his being a wurkin-man, wich we dont go in for that ere line o life ourselves. No, I 'ope it'll be long afore we're redooced to wurk for a livin, leastways we don't mean to, so long as theres areys to be sneaked, cribs to be cracked, or clies to be faked. No, Sir, I don't old much to ODGER, nor wurkin men in gineral. But this ere tork about workin' men bein' wonted in Parlyment, along o' the wurkin men kevestshuns as is a comin up there according to Tom Us, aliàs BROWN, set me and my mates a thinkin as ow there was huther than workin men kevestshuns as ad come up strong in Parlyment, and was agoin to come up stronger, wich This information may I mean prigs' kevestshuns-such as wot are we to do with our kriminal perhaps have suggested to classes-ow's jugs to be made cumfurtabel-wot's the best diet for a some fox-hunter the follow-pore chap in trubbel-is parties in quod 'avin conshienshus hobjections ing questions. Was CE to the Established Church to be excoosed chapil, or 'lowed their private CILIA METELLA run to earth chaplins or ministers of wurship,-wich is the propper hobject of prisun at her tomb? Was CECILIA dissiplin-heddication, reformation, or aggerawation-ort poor chaps a vixen ? as as been found guilty of puttin on the hug to be brutally flogged? And a deal more, as I need not now dror out. Hevery body knows there's lots of sich kevestshuns, as the kriminal classes knows more about than hannybody, wich it stands to reson-and I think, and so does my skool, that we ort to be repperesented in Parlyment by one of our hown horder wich we aint sattisfied with MUSTER BRUCE or KERNEL HENDERSON, or such like, for they don't look at things from our pint of view, quite tother.

AN ILL-USED PAPPA.
SAUCE for the Goose, Gen-

tlemen!

Prosecute poor DEMETRIO PAPPA, late Manager of the Oriental Commercial Bank, for embezzlement of a few thousands, with such a set of Directors' accounts as the Official Liquidator disclosed at the last hearing of the case!"MR. HENRY SPICER, a Director of the bank, had owed £3000 or £4000 on 313 shares, which he had compromised by the payment of £600; MR. SETON, another Director, owed about £6000 on 413 shares, and had paid nothing; MR. EDMOND CLENCH, a Director, owed about £15,000 on 995 shares, and had paid £3000 in cash and given up £4000 worth of bills of the bank, worth about 148. in the pound; MR. SWANN, a Director, who had become a bankrupt, owed about £10,000 on 612 shares, and had not paid a penny; MR. M KENZIE, a Director, now dead, owed about £12,000 on 650 shares, and had paid nothing; ADMIRAL BURNEY, £7,000 or £8,009 on 487 shares, and had paid nothing. The Admiral, however, had registered a deed of assignment of everything in favour of his creditors. There was an immense number of shareholders who did not pay; thirty of them bore the same surname as the defendant."

Evidently DEMETRIUS' way of doing business was the rule, not the exception, in this Pappa family of the Oriental Commercial. When "Greek met Greek" in that bank parlour, there came not "the tug of war," but the tug for the sinews of war,-the "tug" at the pursestrings of depositors, in which Manager and Directors seem to have taken the most fraternal share. Poor ADMIRAL BURNEY, the Chairman of the Board, is to be pitied: he has given up all he has to his creditors. Here is his piteous story :

"The general transactions of the bank were conducted in the Greek language, and it was utterly impossible to know what was going on. Long letters were received by the bank in Greek, and he, as Chairman, wanted to have them translated, but the charge for that was so great (£10 a letter, he believed) that the proposal was abandoned."

The business was evidently all Greek to the Admiral, who was never so completely at sea as when he embarked on board the good ship Oriental Commercial, DEMETRIO PAPPA Commander. But if the Manager is to stand in the Dock for " rigging" the market, shouldn't he be supported by a respectable body of Directors for "wrecking" the ship? DEMETRIUS only took the Company's money to keep up the price of shares. The Directors took the Company's shares without paying any money whatever. There can't surely be so much difference in the cases.

Plese, Sir, can you rekemend me to a constiterency as you think there'd be a chance for a "family-man's candidate"-wich that's the name we goes by among ourselves. Praps some of the disfranchised burrers, say, Grate Yarmouth, or Beverley, when they gets their members afresh, would give us a hopenin-considerin' the skandalus way them poor electors has been treated as was used to make a good thing of their votes. A fellow feelin make us as thick as thieves they say, and naterally we feels for them, and we think praps they'd feel for us, and give us a chance for a prigs candidate, along of the werry serious kevestshuns in Parlyment affectin our noomerous and respectable boddy. Hevry body owns we're a werry himportant hinterest, and the kandid mind will admit as we ain't been propperly konsidered. From yours, respeckfully,

A SENSIBLE FASHION.

PETER PRIGGINS.

It is not very often that I give myself the trouble to read the nonsense which is written every month about the fashions. Still less often can I find there a grain of common sense, so well worth finding as the following :—

"The manteau de cour, which at present composes the robe de grand toilette, is a most useful combination, as it forms two dresses out of one."

ور

If I were burthened (I mean blessed) with a wife and daughters dear (I mean to say expensive), how I should clap my hands and shout at such intelligence as this! "Two dresses out of one!" What a happy thought for a mother to conceive and directly carry out! I declare, were I a father (which I happily am not), I would make my wife a present of a "manteau de cour,' on condition that she wore it as a pattern for her girls. If they were hence to learn the art of making their own dresses, in such manner as to make two dresses out of one, what a mint of money should I annually save! Leaving you and others to act upon the hint, I remain in singlemindedness, Yours most sincerely,

Model Volunteers.

CELEBS SMITH.

A WRITER in the Pall Mall describes Ireland as being in course of rapid assimilation, in character, manners, and customs, to London. It would be a pity if PADDY were to lose all his old picturesque and humorous qualities, but should the Emerald Isle become thoroughly Londonised, its inhabitants will have undergone at least one blessed change, in acquiring the loyalty distinctive of the "London Irish."

PEDESTRIANISM EXTRAORDINARY,

PERHAPS the most remarkable instance of wonderful appetite is to be found in the case of those persons who are said to devour the ground.

A "FLY" SHEET.-The new Cab Regulations.