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MUSIC IN THE MIDLANDS.
Intelligent Youth of Country Town. “AH say, BILL, 'ULL THAT BE T' ELIJAH GOIN' OOP 1' THAT BIG Box ?!"

Ever yours,

AN UPPER-CLASS AWAKENER.

ANCHOVIES AND CAPERS.
DEAR PUNCH,

Lundi. OUR readers may remember a famous Irish epitaph, telling how a

How History repeats itself ! certain lady “ Was bland, affable, and deeply religious."

Of course you know the ancient story of the Irishman who declarea That “she painted in water colours, was the niece of LADY JONES,

that somewhere in the Mediterranean he had seen anchovies growing And of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.”

on trees, the disbelief of his hearer, the duel, and the exclamation of

the Hibernian when told that his ball, which hit the other's shin, had That was making Heaven a place for the Upper Ten, which may be made him “cut capers." "O, bedad, my dear fellow, I begłyou a considered doubtful theology. But the handbill we reproduce below, million pardons, I meant capers.” shows us one of the Upper Ten doing his best to make it so.

Dining at a very good man's very good feast last Thursday, the first

delicate whet, to enable us to enjoy his turtle, boiled pheasants and " TO THE UPPER THOUSAND IN

celery sauce, dressed crab, snipes, foie gras, and other simple necessaries, Especially those who attend no Place of Worship.

was-an anchovy of exquisite flavour, curled round in a ring, with

three emerald capers in the centre. BLANK BLANK, ESQ.,

On second thoughts, I don't see how this repeats history, but as I

chiefly write to call your polite attention to the delightfal whet in A Gentleman Born and Bred-Son of a Clergyman-Grandson of a Bishop and Kinsman of an Earl— ordained too, by the Apostle and High question, the moral is the same. Priest of our profession,' will preach Christ for a Month in this Borough, Midnight Club.

A PENSIVE PROTOPLASM. beginning on the 9th instant, on Sunday and Thursday Evenings, in a Place of Worship, Consecrated' without hands,' by the Shepherd and Bishop of Souls.' You are respectfully invited to attend."

Force of Habit. Those who publish this remarkable appeal probably consider that if

A TAX-GATHERER was observed the other evening all alone in a one of the Upper Ten can get any considerable number of the Upper Ten on the right road, they will be sure to draw after them that day, but

from force of habit (coming from being always at the receipt

corner, moody, meditative, and frowning. His work was over for the numerous class of Englishmen, and English women, who, when the Upper of Custom), he was collecting himself. Ten do anything, love nothing so well as to "go and do likewise."

It is a cunning calculation. If only the Snobs of England could be led from sin to salvation, what a harvest of souls there would be !

80 QUOTED. This must be considered by those who may be disposed to doubt whether such a handbill is exactly in the spirit of that faith which we forms and ceremonies of poor, old, decrepit

Monarchies, must be all

THE boasted republicanism of America, and its contempt for the are told is no respecter of persons, and who may doubt whether the

extra awakening qualities of a Gospel trump are likely to be enhanced by the pretence; for, positively, in New York, the very flour is aristocratic quality of its metal.

SOMETHING FOR 1870.
THE CITY " ARTICLE."-Money.

A Man in Adoance of his Time.- BOB LOWE's Tax-gatherer.

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Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell,

in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard Btreet, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London,

and Published by him at No. 86, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, January 2, 1870.

D

ROME AND RAMSBOTHAM.

PUNCH'S SAUCE AND HARVEY'S MEDITATIONS. EAR MR. Punch,—It is so cold SOME Conservatives have been holding festival at Newport, in the here, that I can scarcely hold a Isle of Wight. The stars seem to have been chiefly Captains and pen. I should say the murky Parsons. Now Captains and Parsons have a perfect right to dine in the glass must have gone together, and to make what they are pleased to think Conservative down some decrees below speeches. Also a CAPTAIN HARVEY, one of the magnates, had an sneezing point.

entire right to say-
The Economical Consul is
still sitting; but sitting, still

,

“Receive then the toast I have proposed to you with three such cheers as except before a fire, is simply perhaps, may waft them to Osborne, and they

may fall,

not ungratefully, on shall be heard by our brother Conservatives at Ryde—while the echoes, perishing: As to what they're the ears of our QUEEN, causing a throb of pleasure in her heart, for she will doing inside, no one can tell; feel them to be the cheers of her Conservative subjects, who earnestly hope and I have received so many she may be spared for long years to reign over them.” reports, that I am in a regular state of contusion. However, The sentiment is that of a loyal soldier, so we will not dwell upon what I will tell you, (as there the remembrance of a certain picture by a great artist (long dear to is nothing about the

Great Punch) who depicted a musical lodger playing a big drum and trumpet Doctor being variegated just in the next room to that of a sick neighbour, and alleging that the at present) is a lot of particu- sound might "soothe the invalid to a gentle slumber.” Possibly, howlars about their References the ever, the plash of the sea-waves might be more agreeable to a delicate Elastics, now in Rome,-their Lady

than the shouts of a lot of jovial Tories at dinner. Passing this, habits, their customs, and their manners genially. This, I am sure, will Mr. Punch begs distinctly to deny CAPTAIN HARVEY's right to distort be interesting to all ladies, -specially to those who belong to the Very the original meaning of what he calls a famous

old song. He was down High, or Riddle Party, in our

English Church, who are fond of senses, upon work-hating mobs,” whose views he described in the following Jezebels, coops, and like everything, or everybody, infested with the quotation :elastic dignity. The Priests of different nations wear different dresses.

“My eye! what jolly times for we. For instance, the French Elastic: he wears a black cossack, a sultan,

We'll swig all day, and live rent free,

And make them lords eat husk and bran, and a pair of rabbits round his neck, not unlike our clergyman's

And kiss the big toe of the small coal man." banns, knee indispensaries and silk stockings, (what they call bardy suore, shoes and buckles. What we call our Big Churches, the These elegant lines are not from

a famous old song, but from a squib French call their Little Elastics,--that is, Abbeys. Out of doors some in the John Bull of old days. Written, Mr. Punch believes, by MR. wear large coalscuttle hats; but in Church all wear operettas, to keep THEODORE Hook, they were directed against no less distinguished an their tonsils warm. The tonsils are only worn by the Regular Clergy aristocrat than MR. LAMBTON, afterwards LORD DURHAM, whose coal(as a rule,) and are, you know, little round places shaved on the crown, properties and advanced creed were thus delicately satirised. He was about the size of half-a-crown. Why the Irregular Clergy are not the Small Coal Man, and it was further stated thatallowed to shave is clear, from their name: but what a state of things,

“He says that when he has control when Roman Candlesticks can publicly own to a large number of their Elastics being Irregular! It's quite a candle to anybody:

He'll make all things dog-cheap-but Coal,

And gin shall flow in each man's can, The Bishops wear nitres, and coops all round them; also pictorial

Says my prime little trump of a Small Coal Man." crosses round their necks.

The Patriarchs are all here, and I thought they were dead long ago. More by token, the object of this elegant wit didn't like it, and How History does lie! 'I saw a High Dilatory of the Easter brought an action, and recovered damages. Mr. Punch is (in one Church saying Mass. He was dressed in a Jezebel, which congealed respect only) like unto a personage in a play by Ben Jonson. "When a his surplus from sight; but I was told that he didn't wear a surplus, quirk or quiblin does 'scape thee, and thou dost not watch and apprebut only a bulb, embroiled at the bottom with lace.

hend it, and bring it afore the Constable of Conceit, let them carry I heard ARCHBISHOP MANNING preach. They say he is a Doctor as thee out of”—thy easy chair, and seat thee at a Conservative meeting well as an Archbishop, and in very good practice; but how he finds of Captains and Parsons, shouting to the QUEEN. time to attend to two things puzzles me. But I suppose he has an assistant to go bis rounds in London while he's away. Talking of that, I hear that in England they are going to appoint a

SQUARE MEN IN ROUND HOLES. few Suffering Bishops.

But to return. The Roman Bishops, who haven't any 'seas, are "A LITTLE bird that can sing and won't sing must be made to sing,” called Bishops in Artichokes--why I don't know.

we used to be told in the nursery. But what if the little bird, or great Everybody out of their pail is an errotic. I am one; but really if bird, can't sing? It is not worth its keep, unless for the table. But the

Riddle Commissaries at home are going to make altercations in the you can't cook such a Goose as a Home Secretary, or such a Booby as old Church Service, and have a new Dictionary read from the decks on a Chief Commissioner of Works. If the former is incompetent to Sunday instead of the well-known Lessons, I shall be inclined to exercise his legal power of determining what fares cabmen may reasonbecome a Roman Candlestick myself,

or a member of some Dysentery ably charge, and the latter cannot perform his proper function of body.

superintending public monuments, buildings, and parks from ignorance The River Tiger has risen and gone back again. There was a fox- of Art, send them about their business, or put them in places which chase outside the walls. The hounds and people met at the tomb of they are fit to fill :Silly Meddler. Cheerful spot, I should say.

Neither AYRTON nor BRUCE,

We'll call booby or goose,
Yours truly,

But they both, where they're posted, are sticks of no use
LAVINIA R., Junior.

-and may, with all due respect to MR. GLADSTONE's discernment, be

said to be Ministerial duffers. A Complication. M. LEDRU ROLLIN is, they say, to be counsel for the Noir family at the trial of PRINCE PIERRE BONAPARTE. Bother! Shan't we have a

Self-Help for the Labouring Classes. flood of “ROLLIN's Ancient History?" For, like the Bourbons, our “HELP yourself” is the pith of the advice now generally given by friend L. R. has forgotten nothing, and learned nothing. However, speechifying politicians and statesmen to the working man that would we can forgive him a deal for having fixed on Rochefort the title of be if he could, but is unemployed for want of employment. “Help

Gamin de Paris. Will M. Rollin call him that when mentioning myself ?” may be conceived to be the reply. "You just put a leg the Prince's challenge to the said ROCHEFORT ?

oʻmutton and trimmins afore me, and see it I don't.”

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THE TWO SIMONS.

Explanation. M. JULES SIMON has been speaking wisely in the Legislative Body A BANKRUPT, who had been a great epicure, said that he could for Free Trade. May the countrymen of that 'gentleman prefer the produce receipts from various people for the last twenty years. counsels of JULES SIMON to those of SIMPLE.

On examination, they all proved to be receipts for dishes.

NEW LEGAL DEFINITION.- Copyholder.-A Compositor.

DISH FOR DIDDLED SHAREHOLDERS.-Bubble and Squeak.

VOL. LVIII.

E

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INTELLIGENT ! Artist (who thinks he has found a good Model for his TOUCHSTONB). “HAVE YOU ANY SENSE OF HUMOUR, MR. BINGLES ?" Model. THANK Y' SIR, NO, SIR, THANK Y'. I ENJÄYS PRETTY GOOD 'EALTH, SIR, THANK Y' SIR !”

EVENINGS FROM HOME. Seasonable Review, in Verse, including an Afternoon Visit to

The Gallery.
DRURY Lane, has fun galore,
Covent Garden might have more.
Mixed together they would make
A Pantomime quite sure to take.

Globe.
Here the Burlesque's very-well,
I haven't seen it, truth to tell.
But I should say that it must be
Worth seeing, so I'll go and see.

Olympic.
Oh, Little Em'ly, you are still before
The public. What the Dickens they want more,
I cannot tell. What this ?-a new success-
H.R.H. must call on The Princess.

Royalty and St. James's.
The Flying Dutchman, the burlesque by BROUGH,
Go see it—'tis by him, and that's enough.
See too the other Dutchman (dear! what name's his ?)
Who sings " The Little Wee Dogat St. James's.
I've heard some funny things, but on my word,
This is, of late, the funniest thing I've heard.

Charing Cross.
Here Abon Hassan is, with many a lass in 't.
Has Abon Hassan fun? Well- Abon hasn't.
The fair Lessee a genuine hit has made
In the new Comedy-best thing she's play'd.

Strand.
Here J. S. CLARKE plays in the farce of Toodles.
He is the very king of drunken noodles.
For Ino's triumph managers must thank
The actors, and note down, "Ino-a bank.”

Astley's and Crystal Palace.
The Pantomimes are hearty,
The Pantomimes are funny,
So go and make a party
To see and pay your money.

Gallery of Illustration.
Ages Ago. In this the GERMAN REEDS
Have everything to suit their patrons' needs.
'Tis “rather funny," and 'tis" rather witty,"
A Drawing entertainment neat and pretty.
Pictures to leave their frames and speak are made,
A notion old, but nicely réchauffe'd.
The dish, thus cooked, with music, FREDERICK CLAY's,
And Fanny HOLLAND's flavouring Hollandaise,
With ARTHUR CECIL's fresh unstagy art,
Forms of the Reedian fare the earlier part:
Then “screaming” Cox and Box the audience sends
Side-holding, home, and so the programme ends.

An Impossible Parson. Can it possibly be true that the Vicar of Richmond refused to allow the Richmond fire-escape to be kept in Richmond Churchyard because that ground was consecrated ? Let us hope not, for such a refusal on the part of a clergyman would manifest a deficiency of humanity entirely incompatible with any knowledge of divinity. May any one capable of it never be in want of a fire-escape for himself.

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traced back to SPENSER, the author of the Faerie Queen, and the first NEW CURIOSITIES OF LITERATURE. President of the Royal Agricultural Society of England. In the

library at Apothecaries' Hall there is a manuscript account, in cipher, OLD LADY CORK, in her Reminiscences, tells us that Bishop BUTLER in the handwriting of Pepys, of his discovery of pepsine during a long (a predecessor at Durham of BISHOP MALTBY) wrote Hudibras, with walk in the country. an ever-pointed pencil, on the backs of his old love-letters, at all sorts of odd times-while waiting for his dinner and his wig, in a hailstorm, The copy of the first folio edition of SHAKSPEARE which has fetched in a dentist's ante

the largest sum by room, in stage

public competition is coaches, on wet

the one

wherein Saturday afternoons,

there is the curious and when lying

and unique misprint awake at night; for

of “A Midsummer the Bishop suffered

Knight's Dream.” greatly from sleep

It was 'sold at the lessness, and in vain

Roxburghe sale, durendeavoured to pro

ing the Bibliomania voke slamber by

so , graphically derepeating to himself

scribed by Bocthe names of all the

CACCIO in the Decurates in his dio

cameron, for £2375. cese, by going

The great DUKE OF through the Thirty

MARLBOROUGH beNine Articles and

came the purchaser, the great Councils

after an exciting of the Church, and

contest with BISHOP by other professional

HEBER; and one of means.

Dibdin's most stir

ring songs, admir. RICHARDSON (the

ably set to music in Showman), who quit

the British Museum ted this country after

by THOMAS GRENthe massacre of St.

VILLE, and as admirBartholomew's,

ably sung by SIR wrote Clarissa Har

MARK SYKES, relowe in the intervals

cords the scene in between the perform

MESSRS. CHRISTIE, ances, and dedicated

PUTTICK, AND Soit to SIR CHARLES

THEBY'S Auction GRANDISON, who had

Rooms on this memit just then joined Sir

cu

morable occasion. ROGER DE COVERLEY

At that time this (coming from a dance

precious copy was in in the Addison Road)

morocco, but it is in establishing the

Kumu

now in Russia (after paper which still flou

some most romantic rishes under the name

adventures, while in of the Spectator. MR.

the possession of THOMAS JONES was

SYDNEY SMITH at the first editor, ALEX

the siege of Long ANDER SELKIRK and under

Acre), in the Impethe notorious BAR

rial Library at the RINGTON the foreign

Winter Palace, where correspondents, with

it may be seen any an occasional letter

day in the year on from MR. L. GUL

application to the LIVER, and BEAU

Principal Librarian, BRUMMEL and LORD

Siberia. Office hours OGLEBY contributed

from ten to four. the fashionable intel

The copy of the ligence. CONGREVE

first folio in the invested a consider

South Kensington able part of the for

Museum has the tune he had amassed

well-known 'turned' by his plays and rock

e in the last Act of ets in this new ven

the Fourth Part of ture; and SIR GOD

King Henry the Sixth, FREY LELY painted

the occasion of the for the Barber Sur

great row between geons the portraits

Rowe and WARBURof all concerned in

TON, which was not the undertaking.

COSTUME À LA GRANDE MILITAIRE, VERSUS THE settled till late in the
GRECIAN BEND.

afternoon, in the The original in

eighteenth century, ventor of steel-pens “OH DEAR ! I DOTE ON THE MILITARY,” &c.

at Bow Street, before was the founder of

Sir. H. FIELDING. Pen-Sylvania, which he bought with the profits of his patent, and planted with mag

Speaking Volumes.” num-bonums. Not the least useful of the Century of Inventions" was the : celebrated Worcester Sauce, first devised by the must surely be the narrative of what is called a speaking countenance.

A Novel is announced with the name of What her Face says. This scientific Marquis in a dream, while attending the festival of the

Three To make the

work complete, a portrait should be added, which might Choirs in the city from whence he and his condiment derived their be appropriately called a speaking likeness. title. To SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH we are indebted for the impervious outer garment which will immortalise his name so long as it continues to rain ; and another article of dress, now but seldom seen, can be What COLOUR SHOULD PARASITES DRESS IN P-Fawn Colour.

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COMPETITION FOR A CROWN.

ODE TO CONFIDENCE.
O King nor any chance of

SWEET Confidence, of Gain, by Venture, child,
one! is an exclamation

Scared hence by Speculation wild, whicb, just now, might be

Fled, after lost Astræa, to the skies, uttered, with a suitable

Descend again on Britain's isle, change of idiom, in Spanish,

Bid trade revive, and traders smile,
by anyone of that nation.

Elated with increasing merchandise.
Everybody qualified
Royal station to be a candi-

Send up the prices of our stocks and shares,
date for the Crown of Spain

Afar from 'Change drive all the bears, is backwards in coming for

Make imports vast, and exports vastly more. wards as our servant-girls'

Cause artisans their strikes to cease, saying is.

The rate of Pauperism decrease,

And give employ to all who lacked before.
Heigho, what can the reason

Stir timid Capital, with dauntless breast
be?

In Irish projects to invest,
Heigho, what can ail Spain ?

That Paddy may have something else to do
Nobody coming to rule o'er

Than tumble, with a coward's shot,

His Landlord; may, with bettered lot,
Nobody coming to reign!

Renounce sedition and the Fenian crew.
-might at present be sung

The Builder, Confidence, anew command by a Spaniard of the gentler

To rear, on waste unlovely land,
sex in the character of her

With enterprising view, abodes of men;
Nation personified. Take

But, if thou move him to deface
the foregoing snatch of song

One sylvan scene, one open space, as part of a provisional sub

Then, Confidence, ascend to Heaven again. stitute for a Spanish Na

tional Anthem, WANTED, -- A GENTLEMAN, of adult age, mature intellect, and poli

MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS. tical and military knowledge and experience sufficient to enable him to discharge the office of Constitutional Monarch of a newly emancipated ENTER under a colonnade in front of a small garden. This is the European State, formerly a First-rate Power, and capable, in competent Elisa Garden. There is something peculiarly Heathen-Templish about hands, of regeneration in the scale of Nations. A Liberal Allowance the pillars, about the steps down to the mysterious spring which comes will be given, with splendid Palace. Candidates desirous of obtaining out of a lion's mouth in marble hot and hot, about the maiden of the this situation are invited to manifest their ability to perform its duties waters, and also about the water-seekers with their glass mugs of by submitting themselves to the ordeal

of a Competitive Examination. various colours and dice-box shaped tumblers, that the idea crosses my Applications for admission, with Testimonials, &c., to be addressed mind (I have no one to tell it to, so it only crosses my mind, and then, to SERRANO, Madrid. N. B. Any Irish, uninfected with Ultramon- I suppose, re-crosses it) that we are engaged in some Pagan rite, and tane principles, may apply.

that the Undine-[Happy Thought that, “ Undine.” Who was Undine ? Might not an advertisement, such as that above sketched out, in- lion. No. Think of this as I descend the steps slowly]—the Undine

Let me see: German legend, Undine and the Water-Spout; or the serted in the leading European journals, possibly prove the means of of the fountain is the High Priestess. procuring a creditable occupant for the long vacant throne of Spain ? There are, doubtless, many persons naturally fit to be Kings of Men,

Happy Thought.-Elisa's fountain, and this is Miss ELISA. who are at the same time in lack of means, and of the employment for

We are in a curious atmosphere under these Pagan columns. This which they are best adapted, and would be very glad to embrace an

is the smell of the mineral springs. It might (the smell, I mean) be opportunity of obtaining the Spanish Kingship on reasonable terms.

produced, I imagine, artificially by stirring up a slightly stale egg with a lucifer match until it boiled. In ten minutes' time one ceases to notice it; though, at first, I think of writing indignantly to the Board of Works

at Aachen, and complaining of defective drainage. I left my Cottage A MERITED COMPLIMENT.

near a Wood on account of drainage, so it's natural to be annoyed at MEMBERS of the Ecucomical Council have, we premise, no particu- being followed by a smell. The cure, on this supposition, is homæo. lar right to complain of Protestant sarcasm. If a Party gets up on the pathic. Here I am to take my first draught. I feel a little nervous. top of a house, and bawls forth, "Mr. Punch will certainly go to Tar- Happy Thought.-Stand aloof to see what the other people do. Look tarus," that gentleman, walking below, has surely a right to reply, about. You're another.” But we do not want to be unkind or disrespectful. Having descended the steps, I find myself, with two or three dozen In that spirit of not wanting, we take leave to signify our approval of others, invalids of all nations-[Happy Thought.-Good subject this the rule that in the Ecucomical debates, no speaker is to make the for a Cartoon in the House of Lords," Invalids of all Nations”], -as slightest reference to what any other speaker has said. This is a little at the hotel, in a sort of large area, with railings at the top, over like playing at draughts, with each player's men on different colours, which lounging spectators look down upon us and make remarks, just but no matter. It was a gentle and gentlemanly device to save the as the people do to the bears in their pit at the Zoological Gardens feelings of the Fathers. ARCHBISHOP MANNING and BISHOP DUPAN- when they give them buns, only they don't give us buns. Shouldn't LOUP are skilled linguists as well as accomplished theologians, and mind a bun, by the way, only DR. CASPAR says, nothing before, or could fight their duello in half-a-dozen languages. But how much with, the waters; nothing, in fact, until breakfast, and then, if possible, could the Archimandrake of Laodicea understand of the Latin of less. the Prophylactic of Hippopotamos ? Now all are on a level, and the German, English, and French is being spoken freely; English, I graceful thought that put them there deserves all praise.

think, predominating. There are three languages that puzzle me; I subsequently find they are Russian, Dutch, and Greek. The Dutch I

always thought was a rolling sort of tongue, so to speak ; but, on reflecLines to Dupanloup.

tion, I fancy this idea was mainly founded upon the remembrance of (BY ARCHBISHOP MANNING ?)

having heard "Oh, that a Dutchman's draught should be,” by a bass

singer, late at night, years ago. (Mem. for Typical Developments. PAPAL Infallibility deny,

Early Impressions. Technical Education. Children. Dutchmen.) And stand refuted by the dullest glutton,

Miss Elisa stands behind a semicircular counter, and is rapid, sure, Who knows, and will inform you, the Pope's Eye and business-like in all her movements. I put forward my hand to her Is never failing in a leg-of-mutton.

with my tumbler in it. She looks at me for a second or so. Not to see what I want, but because (I found this out afterwards on being

accustomed to the scene) I am new to her. She is very pretty; France Marching On.

should like to say in good German to her, “Gretchen, my pretty one, A SOCIAL revolution in France appeared to be suggested by the wilt Thou give me some of the tepid and limpid Stream that rushes practice, newly adopted amongst Frenchmen, of carrying revolvers. from the Lion's Mouthp" I am sure I understand thoroughly the It was, however, reassuring to hear that the middle classes in Paris German spirit, if I only knew the language. had put down attempted revolation with sticks.

Happy Thought.-Say "Wasseras sweetly as possible, because I

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