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MR. BULL. "I NEVER DOUBTED YOUR BRAVERY, MY STRONG FRIEND: WHAT I WANT IS MORE BRAINS ; SO, TO ENCOURAGE TAEM, I'LL GIVE YOU A WHOLE SHILLING A WEEK MORE!!!”

[N.B. This is the English of " Important Concessions in point of pay to the Metropolitan Police.”-See Morning Papers.

agreed to take. Until they had clutched the treasure in the GETTING BUTTER OUT OF A DOG'S MOUTH. streets of Cadiz, and were well on their way back to their haunts

with their money in their bags, no sign of force was made. Then, in a moment retribution fell on the guilty band, and they were nearly all slain, while a portion of the price of their villainy was recovered.”

“A portion ?” Yes, £700, out of £5000. Again we ask, where is the rest of the money ?

It seems that ŞIR RICHARD AIREY advanced the amount to MR. BONELL Senior out of the military chest at Gibraltar.

Let us hope, when our Government tries to get the money back from the Spanish it won't find its claim "an airy nothing." Possibly the BONELLS may be made to pay up. But the least probable solution, of all probable solutions, we will answer for it, is the one suggested the Times :

“We imagine that SIR RICHARD AIREY will demand the repayment of his loan from MR. LAYARD, and that MR. LAYARD will not be slow in recovering it from the Foreign Office at Madrid."

Punch has the greatest respect for MR. LAYARD, and a S we prophesied last week,—the Guardia Civile only found on the ments, but we fear, it will be beyond even MR. LAYARD'S

large faith in his power of dealing with uncivilised Governbrigands they killed £700 out of the £5000 ransom paid by the power, to make a Spanish Government stump up to the MESSRS. BONELL. What has become of the rest of the money ?

tune of £5000—witness the Tornado case. A Spanish GovAsk the Spanish Government. The Times draws a comparison between the comedy of Gibraltar or without forms of law-above all, it can rob—even its

ernment can bully-can bluster-can lie-can cheat, with and the recent tragedy in Greece. “Where,” it asks, is the keystone of the own robbers. But one thing it won't do-whether it can difference between the cases ?." It admits that much credit is due to the tact and or no-and that is pay its debts, above all to Englishmen. energy of MR. LAYARD, but the essential distinction is in " the promptitude of the It acts upon, whether or not it avows, the patriotic

reason, Spanish Government."

that it can't bear handing over the Spanish” to English “In Greece, and especially in the Greek Foreign Office, we found nothing but vacillation hands. at a period of the negotiations when firmness was required, and nothing but obstinacy when a temporising and conciliatory policy should have been pursued. In Spain it was quite otherwise. The brigands were tracked and watched from a distance. Their proceedings ASTRONOMERS are the Sun's "good-natured friends." were every one of them observed and known, without their being aware of the fact. They They are never tired of talking about him, and pointing were encouraged by negotiation to demand and even to grasp the ransom which they had ! out his black spots.

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THE FARM AND THE SCHOOL,

(HAWPINCH sings.)
Ees, wonderful weather we've had as you zay,
All right for your pleasure, but what for our hay ?
The best as could be for your yacht and your train;
Our crops be parched up droo this here want o'rain.
Wuss weather for farmun there hardly could be,
The spacies of farmun that's practus'd by we,
We farmers as lives by the land and the plough,
In fine languidge called agriculturists now.
There's farmun and farmun; some farmers there's, too,
That farms other things besides acres, ab, who?
Them farmers is females and no country clowns ;
They farms little babies in slums o' big towns.
They pinches the most they can out o' their keep,
Till want, rags, and filth kills 'um off like zick sheep;
They ought to be hanged draad and quartered, no doubt,
And them childern's parunts still wusser sarved out.
But we British farmers med truly declare
Poor childern we never sees used like that there;
Nor, what's just as bad, if not wuss, by right rule,
Doan't starve their young minds by denyun 'um school.
And now I can't tell 'ee how thankful I feels
O'this here new Bill for to gie their minds meals,
And hender farm lab’rers, as every one knows,
From farmun their young 'uns to scare away crows.
This here pocket into I'll put this here hand,
And pull out sitch rate as our School shall demand,
To answer the purpus o'tachun the young
To rade and write proper their own country tongue.

SLEEP-DRIVING. Two poor diables of Essex carters were fined, the other day, for being asleep on their carts on the Bow Road.

The defence of the unhappy drivers deserves attention. It seems these men have no regular hours for sleep allowed them by their masters. In the day they work in the market-garden, or on the farm : at night they have to drive their carts up to London with the produce, and back. The only sleep they get, according to their own account, from Monday morning to Sunday night, is in the litter of the stable, or atop of the loads in their carts, or the manure they carry back in them.

How comes it that men submit to such conditions ? Are the Essex clodhoppers really so much duller than their neighbours, as to give two days' work for one day's wages ? Or, are the relations of labour and capital so distorted, that the master can really, in this case as in that of the London bakers, impose any hours and conditions of toil he pleases, on the poor wretches whom he employs ?

The case is worth looking into. We recommend it to MR. TREMENHEERE, who is always inquiring and making blue-books about somebody or something or other that is out of joint.

Sleep-walking only harms the somnambulist. But sleep-driving is apt to endanger the lives and limbs of passengers. We can't have the population of Bow run over ; but it seems hard to lay the carters of Essex under hours of Jabour which make it impossible for them to keep their eyes open. We recommend the East-End Magistrates, if the law allows them, to let off the men, and to bleed, instead, those Essex calves, their masters.

Mrs. Ramsbotham on Laws.
A GENTLEMAN of republican tendencies observed to Mrs. Rams-
BOTHAM that in England there was one law for the rich and another
for the poor.

Of course there is," returned Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM, who has been lately reading history," there's the Poor Law, and the Sumptuary Law; and quite right too."

GRINNING AND BEARING IT.
Le Sport.

We all owe something to our country,” said the Briton who went
A COCKNEY sportsman, wishing to introduce hare-hunting into abroad without having paid his Income-tax.
France, is seriously meditating a work on the subject, to be entitled,
Arrière-pensées ; or, Thoughts on Keeping 'Ariers. His nom de plume
will be Le petit Jean du Jockey-Club.

NEW DIVISION OF TIME." The Rest of the Week.” Sunday.

1

HYDE PARK IN ECLIPSE.
What ails Hyde Park P. 'Tis not as 'twas of yore,

The concourse is less dense, the show less gay;
A change, O Ring, thy splendour has come o'er :

And Rotten Row shows symptoms of decay.
Do Rank and Fashion, like to Capital

Timid, and touchy as the plant which feels,
Shrink from a spot, the now habitual

Resort of threatening mobs convoked by BEALES P
Or can it, as Hope whispers it may be,

But for awhile their sun disdains to shine,
Where Chaos reigns, in seedy majesty,

O’er the bare bed of the dry Serpentine ?
Would it not be a graceful bit of fun

If, during the work's progress, for a lark,
The happier classes, till the job be done,
With their calm smiles would bless Victoria Park !

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TO LOTHAIR.
The Irish, though "a melancholy and contiguous race
(quotation from MR. DISRAELI, there or thereabouts), use
most poetical expressions. They wish you "the top of the
morning.'

Evidently MR. DISRAELI forgot to introduce this salu-
tation into his novelette Ixion. As thus :-

" Aurora was in high spirits, amusing herself with a whip.

What are you doing, child ?” asked deorum pater, good-humouredly. He was always 'good-humoured when in his dressing-gown and slippers; he had just soaked a petit pain in chocolate.

Spinning the top of the morning,' answered the god. dess, archly. She had recently visited Ireland, and had brought away with her the slightest brogue in the world.

To the Styx wid the brogue,' she retorted on the Son of Ops remarking her accent--Don't you see I wear

sandals? NOTA BENE,

"Jupiter .. .. but at this moment Juno entered, and

Mercury followed with the morning paper.”
Little Girl (at South Kensington). “08, DO LOOK, Miss SKIMBLE! TAERE 'S
A FUNNY THING ! !"

A PROVERB OF NO VALUE
Governess. “MY DEAR, HOW OFTEN HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT
WORD HERE. GOVERNMENT OBJECT TO IT. YOU SHOULD SAY CURIOUS' OR

In June, 1870.
REMARKABLE.' RECOLLECT THAT !!”

“MAKE Hay while the Sun Shines.” Can't.

ZOOLOGICAL PHILOSOPHY.

ANOTHER HAPPY THOUGHT.
LEARNED MR. PUNCH,

SCENE-Mr. Punch's Library.'
As a social philosopher I am much struck by this description PRESENT.-Mr. Punch. Author of Happy Thoughts."
of a pair of foreign birds, lately added to the charming Gardens of the
Zoological Society :-

Mr. Punch. Ain't you going to do something important for the new

volume
“ The male has a strong, short, curved beak; the female, a much longer 4. H. T. I are.
bill. The naturalists tell us that the male breaks open the bark of the tree, Mr. P. What ?
within which lies bid the grub on which they feed; and the female pulls out 4. H. T. BOOMPJE.
the worm and presents her mate with half the meal.”

Mr. P. Sounds well. Series ?
In watching featherless bipeds, I have noticed some with habits hardly

A. H. T. Oui, mein Herr.
differing from those ascribed to these two birds. Little ducks have, Mr. P. Make it amusing, and send it in early.
to my knowledge, been found with a much longer bill (for articles of 4. H. T. If your grandmother requires a lesson in oval suction, it
finery) than that which has been given

to their gander of a husband; is clear that she can have one. and, though a little duck of the kind may daily share her grub with

Mr. P (sternly). Sir, you are Boompjeous. (Sweetly.) Take a cigar. him, it is first of all on the effort of the male that she depends for her support. I would recommend your scientific readers to pursue the analogy by paying an early visit to this interesting couple. I believe it

Probably Mediæval. will be found to be considerably more interesting than many interesting couples they may elsewhere meet. Yours obediently,

Two Templars were starting for the Continent. "Gramercy," quoth

the elder to the younger, thy trunk is open, the string hath broke..
The Rookery, Tuesday.
OBADIAH CROWSFOOT. By my hilts 1" cried the

younger, in no sort discouraged, “'tis
well that it has been registered."

Beshrew me! answered the elder, archly, “ 'twould be better
To Well-Informed Piscatorials.

an 'twere recorded."

[And they went by the next train.
Query. What sort of fish is a Nod ?
Note, A Nod is a sea-fish, and is, probably, of the limpet tribe. This

PEERS PECKING AT PEERS.
we gather from our knowledge of the Periwinkle, known in polite EARL GRANVILLE, the other day, had occasion to remark that the
circles as the 'Wink. The value of the Nod has come down to us in Law Lords always had a tendency to pull each other's Bills to pieces.
the form of an old proverb, "A
Nod is as good as a 'Wink," and this Doves bill and coo;

but a different sort of billing is natural to birds of no doubt originated the query to which we have satisfactorily replied. prey.

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A.B.C. “ with a Difference," 218
Charity of the Stage (The), 269
Fall of Hausmann (The), 21

Historical Manuscripts' Commission, 144
Abilities of Women (The), 195
Charles Dickens, 244
Falsified Faces, 145

Horses and their Torturers, 168
Affair Peter (The), 21
Cheap at the Money, 104
Farewell to the New Forest, 171

Hyde Park in Eclipse, 258
All about Nutting, 176
Check upon the Trade Cheats (A), 44 Farm and the School (The), 257

Hymn to St. Trofimus, 13
Amends to America, 9
Cherub in a Cradle (A), 159
Fashionable Economy, 9

ILL-USED Pappa (An), 89
American Newton (An), 243
Chiesa Buffa, Holborn, 116
Fashionable Intelligence, 144

Imperial Economy, 116
American Slangography, 44
Christmas Keoping and Christmas Break- Fears of Female

Emancipation, 157 Important Cabinet Revelation, 22 “Am I my Brother's Keeper?" 106

ing, 2
Fearful Rite at Rome (A), 137

Imprecations on an Exclusive, 40
Anathema Sit, 75
Church Artillery, 146

Fenian's Quick March from Canada, 241 Improvement on Furbelow, 104 Anchovies and Capers, 30

Clergyman who Keeps a Conscience (A), 7 Fenians' Raging Fury (The), 100 Infallible Out-and-Outer (The), 118
Another Happy Thought, 258
Coercion for the Ladies, 149
Few Predictions (A), 188

Involuntary Owls, 128
Another Irish Grievance, 187
Collarado, 200
Figaro's “ Folle Journée," 241

Io Paan! 147
Anything Green in Blackheath, 239 Collegiate Charity (A), 103

Fine Feathers for Fine Birds, 157 Irish Treasonmonger to Himself (The), 135 Apology (An), 165 Columbus in the Calendar, 227 Fine Head of Humbug (A), 88

Irrepressible Sunday Bill (The), 93
Archiepiscopal Grammar, 123
Comfort for the Lowly, 166

Fine Times for Madame Tussaud, 220 Is Tight-Lacing Injurious ? 185
Art-Culture for Criminals, 160
Coming Legislation, 94
Firearms for the Few, 165

JOLLY Doctors (The), 8
Asclepius his Daughters, 113
Competition for a Crown, 34

First-Night and other Dramatic Criti- Jovial" Reading " Party (A), 209
At Spes non Fracta, 153
Competitive Cabmen, 85

cisms, 143

Justice for Ireland ! 136
At the Academy-Perplexed, 191
Converted Revolvers, 158
Fish Nipped in the Spawn, 143

Justice for Justice, 140
Awakened Bath, 188
Constabulary Destitution, 200
Five Counties on Fire, 123

Justice Holding her own, 124
Awful Hiding (An), 24
Coronation in France, 128
Florid Style (The), 45

KING Maw or Another, 189
Awful Mallard ! (An), 103
Corporeal Enlightenment, 127
Flunkeyisms in Excelsis, 149

LACONIC Reform in Parliament, 168
Awful Menace, 188
Corrected Edition of the Hon. Hamilton Found at Richmond, 29

La Mode and La Misère, 77 Awkward Name (An), 13

Fish's Despatches, 4

Fountain of Honour in France, 176 Lay of Licensing Amendment, 90 Ayrtonus Exultans ! 207

Cramming at Home and at School, 3 “Fourth R” Question Composed (The), Leap of Quintus Curtius " (The), 188 BABOO Keshub Chunder Sen, 155 Crying Nuisance (A), 199

145

Learning for Ladies, S6 Ballad for Dawson Burns (A), 127 Cry of the Commoners (The), 168 Free and

Easy Versions of the Classics, 88 Le Mieux est l'Ennemi du Bien, 153 Barrel of Barrels (A), 155 “Cry of the Innocents” (The), 150 French Judicial Farce, 129

Lesson to Louis Blanc (A), 135
Beadles at Brussels (The), 64
DANCE of David (The), 156
French Justice to Ireland, 197

Lines to Dupanloup, 34
Beautiful Parliament (A), 231
Daniel Maclise, R. A., 182

French Modistes and French Modesty, 171 Lisping in Numbers, 127
Beefeaters Abroad, 19
Death Slip (A), 65
Frightful Clerical Scandal, 9

Listeners Hearing Good of themselves,
Better Day, Better Deed, 81
Distressing Occurrence, 148

From “Our own Correspondent,” 73, 119 187 Betting Blackguard's Ballad (The), 169 Down with your Dust, 177

Frou-Frou, 178

Literary Ice-Stacks, 137
Beware of Pickpockets ! 234
Drag Drawn Mild (A), 222
GENERAL Sbam, 128

Live Sea-Serpent (A), 175
Beware of the Trains, 230
Dramatic Origin of Species, 209

Getting Butter out of a Dog's Mouth, 257 Long Step in the Right Road (A), 76
Bilingual Utterances, 115, 148
Dr. Manning's Faith Pill, 56
Give a Dog, &c., 148

Look at the Clock, 86 Bishops to Make ! Bishops to Mendi 14 Durham Geese and Donkeys, 125

Give him a Stone, 196

Lords and Commons, 198 Blackheath and the Board of Works, 231 EARTH hath Bubbles as the Water has Gladstone at the Derby, 233

Loss to Ancient Nicholas (A), 238 Blank Verse, 129

(The), 171
Good News for Bad Travellers, 53

Low Gamblers and the Better Orders, 196 Blessing on an Old Broome (A), 46 Echo Ecumenicalis, 113

Gracious Evans, and a Charming Dick MACBETH not Dogberry, 177
Bob Lowe's New Year's Gift, 11
Economy for Ladies, 230

Whittington (A), 27

Madmen and their Murderers, 115 Braggarts and their Moneybags, 137 Eddication League (The), 72

Grave of Charles Dickens (The), 253 Manchester's Medical Charities, 115 Bright still Brighter, 24 Edwin to Angelina, 186

Great Anglo-Gallic Amalgamation Com- Man of April again (The), 44 British Blessing for India (A), 195 Effects of the Irish Land Bill, 78

pany (The), 19

Mark Lemon, 219 Bung and the Borough (The), 199 Egyptian Progress, 130

Great Meeting in the City, 167

Master hath Spoken (The), 199 'Bus-Driving and its Critics, 36 Eighty Miles at a Stretch, 76

Great Untaxed in Posse ? (The), 148 Matrimonial Qualification for M.P., 159 CAB of the Future (The), 160 En Voila bien Assez, 113 Groundless Panic, 186

Medical Police, 8 nadian Volunteers' Song (The), 234 Ermine in Sight of Spring (The), 43 Gush of Eloquence (A), 63

Mediumship, Home and Foreign, 149 Candidates for the Carnificate, 71 Euphemism before accuracy, 201 HANDY-Capping, 123

Minister of Great Horse-Power (A), 209 Capital Investment (A), 93 Evenings from Home, 32, 49, 105 Hard Work for Hoofs, 186

Ministries and Mobs, 54 Card Delivery Company Wanted (A), 187 Example to Greece (An), 249

Height of Just Taxation (The), 153 Misjudgment of Judges (The), 207 Cat and the Council (The), 61 Experiment on John Bull (An), 250 He is an Edile ! 208

Mission of the Mayors (The), 54 Chant to the Council (A), 65 Extra Law Lord (An), 22

High, Low, Broad, or Narrow? 208 Monasteries and Monasteries, 154 Charity and Cookery, 42 Faites votre jeu-Le jeu est fait ! 157 Hint for the Academy (A), 93

More Happy Thoughts, 1, 17, 28, 34, &c. Charity for Girls of Fashion (A), 211 Fal-lals for February, 62

Hints for Conversation (Derby Day), 230 More New Theatres ! 3

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