« PreviousContinue »
A POINT OF VIEW. Tomkins (he has heard his friend Slodge talk so much about that lovely spot Wobbieswick, whither he was going sketching, that he was induced to accompany him. A day has elapsed, and he is awaking to the horror of his situation ?) “ SEEMS TO VE AN INTERN I CALL IT RATHER A DULL PLACE!”
Stodge. “DOLL, MY DEAR FELLOW! How CAN YOU SAY 80 ! LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL, BREEZY COMMON ! AND THE LINES OF THOSE OLD Houses 'ON THE BEACH, BREAKING THE HORIZON, AND THB COLOUR! AND TIE JOLLY. QUIET OF TAE PLACE! NONE O YOUR BEASTLY BABREL-ORGANS OR GAPING TOURISTS SWARMING ABOUT ! I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT!!"
SAVOURS OF THE EXCURSION SEASON. RICH odour yields Syringa bloom; the blossoms of the thom Exhale a potent fragrance in the sunny summer morn ; Wistaria hath a choice perfume; the lily and the rose, As much as they rejoice the eye, do gratify the nose. The hyacinth 's delightful; from the breathing violet A joy, comes wafted on the gale; likewise from mignonette. Delicious is the woodbine, the sweet brier's truly sweet, But things of scent, for my content, the best, are good to eat. Of all the flowers in all the bowers, although I love them well, There's none I deem so nice as steam from kitchen of hotel. The turtle reek- but words are weak-mock turtle e'en will do. And, oh! immense the grateful sense from sniff of Irish stew! When sage and onions do roast duck, goose, sucking pig proclaim, What rapture owns not every man that's worthy of the name? On whom does not an ecstasy of blissful transport seizo, When partridge, pheasant, turkey, with aroma load the breeze. That flower a zest which doth suggest I call the sweetest one; It bears its name, by common fame, from turning to the sun. That may or not be true; no jot about that point care I; But heliotrope recalls young hope; it smells like cherry pie.
NONE SO DEAF AS THOSE THAT WON'T HEAR. MONSIGNOR MARET, Bishop of Sura, one of the weightiest opponents of Papal Infallibility, is, or is said to be, yery deaf. When he was speaking against "the Dogma” the other day, he could neither hear the call to order, or the command to "cut it short," and "sbut up,” which followed, from the indignant President of the Council.
The consequence was a scene. What with MONSIGNOR MARET'S disagreeable truths and unwelcome wisdom; the President's vain attempts to silence bim; the applause of Monsignor's friends of the minority encouraging the orator; and the majority backing, op the President. There seems to have been a regular "row in the buildings." Lay listeners in the Basilica, without the sacred precincts of the Council, overheard "strange noises”-strange indeed for such a scene-the majority and minority of the venerable fathers at logger. heads, if not at fisticuffs.
Nobody seems quite sure whether MONSIGNOR MARET was quite so deaf as he seemed, on this occasion, at least. REYNOLDS used to declare that he often found his trumpet his best friend. He had only to lower it to be beyond the reach of bores, fools, or critics. His friends suspected that his deaf ear was usually on the side of the remarks he didn't wish to hear. So we have all heard of NELSON turning his blind eye to the signal of retreat.
But whether MARET be deaf or not, there can be no doubt who is deaf in the Council: and that is, the majority-and their deafness is in the ear through which wisdom cries and good counsel' finds its way.
An Experiment on John Bull.
THE CRUELTY OF FIELD SPORTS. THERB is every reason to believe that the Fenian invasion of Canada To kill a hare with greyhounds may be a cruel practice, yet most of was concerted by some of the more thoughtful of the Irish Americans, us regard it as a mere matter of course. in the hope that it would induce the British Government to let their associates, the political convicts, out of gaol.
AN UNMIXED EVIL.-Neat Gin.
Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Onices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard
street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATULDAY, Jude 18, 1870.
had yet to be born-MARCELLUS, for onemight possibly have foreseen the spirit of the inventor named in a letter from Paris, announcing that :
“ COUNT GREGOIRE KOUCHELEFF, one of our immensely rich Russians, has lately died. Russian millionnaires are said to beat even Englishmen in their whims and fancies. One day, our Count gave a petit souper to a select party of eight, and fed them, after the fashion of the old Roman Emperors, with parrots' tongues stewed with truffles."
For, doubtless, the conception of the dish above-named is original. The Roman Emperors had their mushrooms, whereof the best were Boleti, a name now given to toadstools, of which some only are good to eat; but it is very questionable if either HelioGABALUS or VITELLIUS, whom we may call WITTLES for short, were ever blessed with a truffle. We may doubt whether, in any Imperial menu or cibariorum tabella, there was ever included such an entrée as Lingue psittacorum concoctæ cum tuberibus æstiois.
Ancient epicures, indeed, are said to have eaten nightiogales' tongues now and then for a freak, but they were probably too wise, and eat simply the nightingale. All the warblers are good to eat that are big enough to be worth cooking, cockrobin inclusive; does not BUFFON recommend him with breadcrumbs ? As to a parrot, however, though one would, in one's ignorance, as soon have thought of eating a piece of magpie, the tongue of it may be a nice morsel, especially with the savoury addition of truffles. The genius which invented this dish, rather too expensive for mankind at large, has probably made a variety of culinary discoveries which are boons to his species, and within the reach of the “ general,” to whom it is quite possible that parrots' tongues would, even though stewed with truffles, be as caviare. Trust we that COUNT KOUCHELEFF was a scientific gastronomer; not a modern heathen, one of those quorum deus venter est : and that he has gone to the happy hunting-grounds, where he sups with ST. ALEXANDER NEWSKI and M. SOYER.
A SUBSTITUTE FOR SIMONY. NOTHING can be more obvious than that the sale of a Church living differs toto cælo from that of a public appointment, which is a merely terrestrial transaction. No man of this world can doubt that the former is as proper as the latter is wrong; yet variety is charming, and therefore the exceptional agency of the elective principle in deciding ecclesiastical preferment may perhaps be borne with. Thereon was the Rev. C. BADGER, M.A., elected, the other day, to fill the vacant Chaplaincy of St. John's Church, Deritend, Birmingham. Election to
this office is based on housebold suffrage; PERSONAL.
wbich may, perhaps, be considered a method Cabby (to Perspiring Swell). “WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET UNDER THE SHADOW OF MY
not unsuitable to a household of faith. The WHIP, SIR ?"
newspaper paragraph announcing this extraordinary, but rather agreeable, item of clerical news, concludes with the statement, that
MR. BADGER's views are evangelical. At A RUSSIAN APICIUS.
any rate, they are better than they would be
if they were mercenary. Let us hope those You know that when the pious Æneas, under the guidance of the Sibyl, explored the spiritual views will not so excite the animosity of High world of ancient mythology, he found certain true Trojans and trumps in the pleasanter part Church zeelots that BADGER will get
baited of it. Among these, you recollect, are specified bands of heroes of a class now represented by by them; for they would be guilty of worse Chelsea pensioners with wooden legs : heroes considerably better pensioned than their repre- than cruelty to animals if they drew that sentatives. Poets, too, are mentioned, such as John Milton, and also DR. WATTS; and those BADGEB. who said things worthy of Punch. Elysium was the meed of deservers who had distinguished themselves by patriotism and literary genius :
A Lame Conclusion. “ Inventas aut qui vitam excoluere per artes : "
A MEMBER of the Junior Swellton has JAMES Watt, for instance, as well as Isaac Watts, ISAAC NEWTON, HUMPHRY Davy, likened the Reform Club to the Orthopedic MICHAEL FARADAY, besides
GALILEO and a few other illustrious foreigners. Among these last, Hospital, on the ground that it is chiefly ÆNEA8, being so gifted with clairvoyance as to be enabled to see the spirits of people who open to reform club" feet.
read, and Committee appointed. Mr. Punch is carefully studying all PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
the accounts of the cruise of the Channel Fleet, also of the Sappho
and Cambria matches, that he may be perfectly up in the subject. ONDAY, June 13. The hot weather showed that even
Tuesday. The Lay Lords attended in force, but there were few Bishops the Lords, who sit aloft and fewer ladies. The Second Reading of the Irish Land Bill was the like the gods of Epicurus, business of the night. Which process LORD GRANVILLE, in a very and smile upon the doings able speech, did recommend to their Lordships. The DUKE OF Rich. of the inferior creation, are MOND, leader of the Opposition, approved of some of the clauses, and subject—if not to logical strongly disapproved of others, and he means to introduce a variety of
-to meteorological infla- what he considers amendments. Mr. Punch knows perfectly well that encings. The House was as an accomplished cook can take a piece of simple meat, simplex munto have been a sort of ditiis (plain cookery in its neatness), and so sauce it that the most blasé Conciliation Hall
, for the of diners-out will nod lofty approbation. He can take this Irish debate LORD CHANCELLOR had and stick into it more sparkling gems than garnish all the coronets of altered his Judicature Bill, those who made it. But what has the House of Lords done for him in the hope of pleasing that he should do so much for the House of Lords? Let the Peers LORD CAIRNS. That Lord talk their own pearls and diamonds, and he will enact Mr. Ruby was appeased, and with. (Lothair), and set them in the most artistic fashion. However, he comdrew his motion against pliments the venerable EARL RUSSELL (always Mr. Punch's admiration, the Bill. But LORD GRAN- though, as Iago saith, "it hath not appeared”. always,) upon a VILLE could not help de- vigorous and telling speech, in which it is needless to say those esteemed fending a remark he had noblemen, LORD BURLEIGH and LORD SOMERS were heard of, and in made the other night to the which the veteran statesman "looked forward with sanguine hope” effect that "the Law Lords for good results of our Irish policy. He is a brave and a great man
loved to pick one another's who, being also a wise man, is sanguine at 80. work to pieces." Also, he mentioned that law reforms were the salt LORD ORANMORE moved the rejection of the Bill, but as he was not of their Lordships'
assembly; Whereat LORD CAIRNS (peppered) told to be supported by his party, his procedure commanded no particular him that he was irregular.". LORD GRANVILLE retorted that LORD attention, and his eloquence did not supply what was wanting CAIRNS, was “very irregular” in saying so. LORD CAIRNS said that in political significance. LORD SALISBURY said that the Bill was LORD GRANVILLE Was grossly irregular" in referring to a former black, white, and grey, on which a lady in the gallery playfully speech. We like oratorical fence, but it seems to us that there was a remarkedpoverty of invention in these invectives, They slightly
“ Read it round three times, and get it out of the way." Punch of the sailor's explanation of a repartee.' can't tell you exactually what it is, but I'll give you a specimen. about to take the control of all things sublunary. Adjourned.
Why, BỊLL, I levity which we can hardly approve in a member of the sex which is JACK,' says you to me, 'you're a fool." “Yes, Jack, all right. MR. BUXTON was heard on the Revision of the Bible. He does not
'BILL,' says I to you, you're a thundering fool.' That's a like this to be in the hands of Convocation, and he thinks that the repartee, BILL.” But we expect celestial sarcasms to be more varied PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ought to be asked to co-operate in and sparkling. However, the weather excused everything.
work interesting to English-speaking men. MR. GLADSTONE explained individual (if our friend MR. DENISON will excuse us for calling him so) tion. In regard to the work which the “Companies” appointed by
In the Lords, as may be known by some, the House, and not an that this latter arrangement would contravene the American Constitudecides what speaker shall proceed, if more than one arises. LORD Convocation is to do, it is to be tentative; that is, Government will wait SALISBURY desires that the CHANCELLOR, as the Chairman, shall call and see whether it is satisfactorily executed, and whether it is generally on the Peer to hold forth. He says that the disturbances under the accepted by the people. In that case, and at a distant time, it may be existing system recal the days of the 0. P. riots. Did he could he. the duty of the Executive to proceed to Authorisation, but no legismean that one set calls for “Old Peer,” and the other for "New PeerTM ?lative recognition of the proceeding is to be sought for at present. Also, he said that a Peer with a long name, not easily shouted, had a bad chance. LORD GRANVILLE said that he had not observed any par
Wednesday. MR. HARDCASTLE proposed to do away with the Miticular_shyness about new Peers, and that they got very fair play. nority
Clauses of the last Reform Acts. MR. GLADSTONE supported LORD HATHERLEY utterly declined to be arbiter. The SPEAKER in the the abolition, and, after a debate, there was division, and a Commons had learned his business ; a Chancellor was generally a new 181 to 181. Legislative wisdom being thus in two scales holding equal Lord, and knew nothing of the rules. So
the motion was withdrawn. weights, the SPEAKER's casting vote was asked. He hinted at possible In the Commons the important fact was made known that the changes of opinion, and commanded another division-with the usual quantity of ink annually bought for the public service is 79,616 technicality—and the Bill for abolishing the Minority Clauses was itself gallons, liquid, and 169,392, powder, and the price is £3,212 6s, 6d. abolished by 183 to 175-legislative wisdom having,
possibly, been It was probably more in EARL RUSSELL’s days, as he was fond of affected by atmospheric changes, or some other wonderful influence. writing letters. But why MR. CRAWFORD wanted these inky statistics Thursday. Irish Land bill again in the Upper Chamber. LORD Mr. Punch cannot imagine, and is not going to try, with the ther- CAIRNS made a long speech against it, and denied that the Irish mometer at 80°.
required exceptional legislation. Instead of pitching into his Lordship, The PREMIER was kind enough to say that he would indulge the Mr. Punch remarks that he cannot see why a nation that can produce House with morning sittings, that the Education Bill might be more an exceptional legislator (that is, not one who takes exceptions to comfortably discussed. Mr. Punch has sometimes been profane enough everything, but) an eloquent, shrewd, and caustic debater like LORD to rejoice that he is not a Member of Parliament. That universal joy Cairns, should not have exceptional legislature. The slight sophism can hardly be said to be diminished by MR. GLADSTONE's kindly shall be excused for the sake of the elegant compliment. LORD HALIannouncement.
Fax fought for the measure with no wooden sword, and EARL GREY, as MR. OTWAY spoke of the great fire at Constantinople-to think far as people could understand, seemed inclined to think that Mr. Punch should have spelled and written that long word, when though a better Bill might have been made, this one might do. LORD Pera would have done as well, or better, seeing that it would have ATALUMNEY, of course, stood athletically by it. Sagacious LORD DERBY been accurate. The ground floor of our Embassy is not injured much, said that if the Bill would do what it was said to be intended to do, above that there is nothing left but walls. The ambassador has lost namely, encourage small tenancies, he would have opposed it, but he his clothes, but has saved his archives. Mr. Punch has not the least thought that it would work the other way. But he urged that this idea what these are, or how the word is pronounced.
measure ought to be final, and that nothing more ought to be conceded Then came Committee on the University Tests Bill. Aged MR. to agitation. We should have no gratitude for the measure, nor any HADFIELD graciously observed that eminent Dissenters ought to be reward, except the conviction that we had done all we could to set allowed to compete with “old rotten professors of theology." Can Ireland straight. DUKES ARGYLL and ABERCORN spoke ; the former, these dry, bones live? There was much quarrel, and a Conservative of course, for the Bill, the latter pot opposing it very strongly, and took credit to the Opposition for having prevented the Government owning that a comprehensive land bill for Ireland was necessary. from being overwhelmed by the advanced reformers. MR. HENLEY But we expect "handsomeness" in a HAMILTON. Adjourned again. yoted wrong, being hard of hearing. It is a misfortune when we Poor MR. EDMUNDS, of "the Scandal,” has been Quodded, Shopped, don't hear him. MR. MOWBRAY hinted that the bill had by no means Nabbed. These beautiful synonyms for being custardised, or taken become law, a projection of himself into futurity which might as well into captivity, may be lost now that the system which produced them have been spared. It was a sort of “Wait till my Big Brother comes.
.” has been nearly done away, 80 Mr. Punch places them in his Museum. A code of Merchant Shipping Law is wanted most particularly. MR. EDMUNDS is "in," as a Crown debtor, for £7,904, so there is Also, it has been prepared. But when Mr. Punch mentions that here nothing discreditable in his captivity. The sum is nearló a." round" is nearly the end of June, and that the code contains 700 clauses-- one, and gentlemanly. MR. GLADSTONE deprecated discussion on the However, it was "read” a Second Time-that is, it was taken as subject, as a Judge had been applied to by MR. EDMUNDS.
Then Began-when will it Finish ?-the Education Bill Debate.
He sleeps as he should sleep-among the great
In the old Abbey: sleeps amid the few The Local Boards may exclude Religious Teaching from the Schools Of England's famous thousands whose high state that sball be founded upon Rates.
Is to lie with her monarchs-monarchs too. They may not introduce any religious feature, except the reading and expounding of The Book. No Catechisms.
Monarchs, who men's minds 'neath their sway could bring The Schools which are partly supported by Voluntary Contributions,
By might of wit and humour, wisdom, lore, partly by public grants, shall have none of the local rates, and they
Music of spoken line or sounded string, must take to the Time Table Conscience Clause.
Or Art that lives when artists are no more. Now the Conservatives had, at a meeting, agreed to support the Bill.
His grave is in this heart of England's heart, But MR. DISRAELI to-night proclaimed that the Bill was virtually a new
This shrine within her shrine : and all around one. He was very severe upon the reticence which had kept back the
Is no name but in Letters or in Art intentions of Government, and he described the conduct of Government
Sounds as the names of the immortal sound. as unparalleled, in thus, after four months, suddenly altering a measure just as it was to go into Committee. Yet he did not oppose. He must
Of some, the ashes lie beside his dust, have time to consider the new structure. MR. VERNON HARCOURT,
Of some, but marble forms and names are here: who is determinately secular, also wanted time, for Government had
But grave or cenotaph-remains or bustgone so far in the direction he desired that he could only complain that
They will find place for thee, their latest peer. * they had not gone farther. Nor would MR. Dixon, for the Birmingham Seculars, give judgment; and so it was settled that nothing should Make room, oh tuneful Handel, at thy feet; be done until the following Monday. Mr. Punch points out, in his
Make room, oh witty Sueridan, at thy head; usual superior fashion, that the preternatural cleverness supposed to Shift, Johnson, till thou leave him grave-space meet ; be inherent in Members of Parliament was not marvellously illustrated
GARRICK, whose art he loved, press to him dead. on this occasion. The whole subject has been before them, as MR. DISRAELI justly remarked, for months, and yet they cannot see the
MACAULAY, many-sided mind, receive bearings of a few simple propositions laid before them by Mr. GLAD
By thine, the frame that housed a mind as keen STONE, who is a master in the art of stating things clearly. Far be it
To take an impress, or an impress leave, from Mr. Punch to disparage the House's intellect, however-he wor
From things, or on things, read or heard, or seen. ships it with abject veneration; and concludes that, like the Spectator (ADDISON’s), when it is apparently dull, it is with some deep design.
Welcome, oh ADDISON, with calm, wise face, Mr. Lowe, on a little Budget debate, was sportive, and said that the
His coming, who has peopled English air case of a day and night occupancy by different persons was precisely
With types of humour, tenderness, and grace,
Than which thine own are less rich and more rare. the case of Box and Cor. It would have enlivened the proceedings had he favoured the House with one of MR. ARTHUR SULLIVAN'S Thou, too, his brother of our time, last lost, capital songs.
THACKERAY, bend thy brow with kindly cheer N.B. Thunder-storm and heavy rain to-night, after weeks of drought.
On him, thy comrade, wave-worn, tempest-tost, The change was delightful to everybody, except those who had to return
Who, from life's voyage, comes to harbour here. home from suburban parties, as the cabmen were quite equal to the occasion, and as they could behave as they liked with perfect impunity
All the more welcome that he seeks his rest when one is in evening dress, there is no taking numbers, now effaced
Without the pomps that follow great ones' ends-from the inside of the vehicle.
No mourners save the natural ones that prest
About the father's coffin or the friend's ;
No long parade of undertaker's woe; reply, including a suggestion for a grim Cartoon, of a certain Irish Scarfed mutes, and feathered hearse, and coursers talllandlord giving his surplus tenants money for pulling down their own
All that bemocks the grave with hollow show. cottages, and thus leaving themselves choice only between Starvation and the States. His Lordship will be welcome at Mr. Punch's Council Humbly they brought him in the summer morn, Banquet. The Bill was read a Second Time.
Humbly and hopefully they laid him down. MR. AYRTON declined to decide whether all the Turners in the
And on the plate that tells when dead, when born, National Gallery were worthy of it. The question was evidently put to
His children's love, like England's, lays a crown.+ "draw” him ; and, though not his most fervent admirer, Mr. Punch is glad that he would not be drawn.
# " The coffin was of plain but solid oak, and it bore the simple inscripEstimates. . Then a very thoughtful speech by MR. TORRENS ON Pau- tion ::- CHARLES Dickens, born February ?, 1812 ; died, June 9, 1870. perism-he said that the Devil was looking over the wall at us, while we His grave, which is only between five, and six feet deep, is situated about rather roseate colour. At the end great fun-Eleven divisions on the the spot was selected by the Dean from among the few vacant spaces in that
transept ; and our readers will hear with interest that all of CHARLES DICKENS question of adjournment, and so we ended the Ascot week.
that is mortal lies at the feet of HANDEL and at the head of SHERIDAN, with RICHARD CUMBERLAND resting on his right hand and MACAULAY on his left.
His grave is near the foot of Addison's statue; and THACKERAY's bust looks Sage Advice for the Season.
calmly down upon the grave of his old friend ; DR. JOHNSON and GARRICK
lie within a few yards of bim; and the busts of SHAKSPEARE, MILTON, and a Ay, years do bring the philosophic mind,
host of other worthies, each of them the glory of English literature in their WORDSWORTH is right. As men in life advance,
day, are but a little further off,” — Times, Tuesday, June 14th. They smile, or sigh, to think that, having dined,
+ Upon the coffin was a crown of green leaves and white roses. Many of Young fellows can be fools enough to dance.
those who came to look into the grave during the day it remained open Who underneath the table keeps his feet,
threw flowers into it.
Ready, aye Ready!
seventeen. One day a friend surprised him, tenderly embracing his London Anatomy.
intended. “I don't wonder at your astonishment,” said the young
lady, readily, to the intruder ; you don't generally expect to find old The Metropolitan Railway will now take country visitors into the heads on young shoulders.” very “heart of London." Not much to be gained by that, even if it The marriage was broken off. exists. At all events, so many things have run right through the Heart of London ere now, that it ought to be pretty considerably like a Dead Heart by this time.
SOUTH KENSINGTON TO WIT.
A Royal Horticulturist, having gone to see MR. WATERER's collecHow to ENJOY A NICE EM-BRACING DAY AT THE SEASIDE.-Get tion, has since bee boring all his harmless friends by asking them on Board a Pleasure Boat, and let her Hug the Shore.
whether working bees are ever to be found among the rododendrones. AN INVESTMENT. “ TELL ME, MY DEAR, WHO'S THAT LITTLE MAN THEY ALL SEEM SO DOTINGLY FOND OF ?".
THAT, UNCLE ! OR, THAT 's LORD ALBERIC LACKLAND !”
WELL, HE'S NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT !”
" NO, POOR FELLOW! BUT HE'S AWFULLY HARD UP, AND MAMMA ALWAYS LIKES TO HAVE A LORD AT HER DANCES, 80 Papa GIVES HIM TEN GUINEAS TO COME—THAT IF, LENDS IT, YOU KNOW-AND A GUINEA EXTRA FOR EVERY TIME MY BROTHER BOB CALLS HIM RICRP/"
SUSPIRIA ECCLESIÆ. (As Sung by the BISHOP OF WINCHESTER and a Chorus of Anglican
own Monsignore affirms—
Not back to the cold Calvinistical pale,
Musical Antithesis. The music of WAGNER, which is "the music of the future," and "la musique d'Adam,” which, evidently, must be of the past.
N.B. To prevent mistakes, it is as well to say we allude to the compositions of ADOLPHE ADAM.