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to mend the law under which Benefices are sequestrated. That means, PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. dear Dissenting brother, that the Endowments, which are really the

property of the Parishioners, and intended to procure for them the ONDAY, May 16th. These Bi- best spiritual guidance, may be, and are, seized for the benefit of the

valves--oysters and muscles Parson's creditors, a small sum only being left by which a Curate's
---sometimes spelt "mussels” services may be obtained. The Bishop spoke eloquently upon the
(WEBSTER), þut consider how hardship thus caused to a parish, and upon the injury occasioned to
much wit is lost by the latter the Church. His remedy goes to the root of the matter. If a Clergy-
mode-give a deal of trouble man cannot get a bankruptcy certificate, his benefice shall be forfeited,
to the wearers of pearlöd at the discretion of his Diocesan. Of course this will prevent his
coronals. There is always an getting credit, as he now can; but then the sort of Clergyman whose
oyster and mussel Bill going habit is debt is not one for whom,—though individuals may, in many
about the House of Lords. cases, feel pity, -the nation can afford to show much. LORD WEST-
A supplemental one, No. 2, BURY saw a violation of the rights of property; but that phrase is
passed through Committee becoming less and less terrible every day. "LORD SALISBURY, who is
to-day. It may have been to certainly no revolutionist, supported the Bill, and so did the LORD
enable some oyster that had CHANCELLOR, who did not think, indeed, that it went far enough. At
been crossed in love to marry all events it will go as far as to a Select Committee.
a deceased mussel's sister- Everybody has used strong language at the Piccadilly end of Park
we don't know.

Lane, so everybody will be glad to know that Hamilton Place will have
EARL RUSSELL is to the been cut through before the end of February. Yet, as this is some
front again, and is welcome as nine months off, MR. DENISON thought that cabs with fares might be
ever. He wanted some edu- allowed a certain facility. Need we add that Mr. Ayrton had no
cation returns, but was ex- power to do anything of the sort, and that as people had been just told
cessively polite, knew delays that they would have the new road next February, he was not going
were unavoidable, but still, as to bother for a change for so short a time. Later, he told LORD
the subject was before Go- Elcho that people always differed," he found,” upon points of Art.
vernment and Parliament-"Found” suggests a somewhat recent discovery that there is such
and so on. He was promised an affair as Art, but there must be a beginning to all things.
them on the Derby Day; Mother England, finding. Daughter New Zealand not getting on
so he can read them as he quite so well as could be wished, will put Mamma's name to a little

drives down — they can't be bill say for a million--and guarantee its payment, only daughter must duller than the amusement of the road.

lay out the money in introducing new settlers, and making roads. Not so placid was a complaint of LORD SHAFTESBURY's, nor so "Never refuse your hand to a friend," wrote Douglas JERROLD, bland was the reply. He wanted more speed in the

production of the “except when you have a pen in it." But sometimes the wise man report on the Lectionary, stating that ARCHBISHOP TILLOTSON's Com- will be surety for his friend, "notwithstanding SOLOMON," as Sidonia mission got over similar work in six weeks, in 1689. To him responded says. the BISHOP OF WINCHESTER, with information that the very haste of SIR WILLIAM GALLWEY is laudably desirous to improve the means the Tillotsonian Commission defeated its purpose, and nothing came of of communication between England and France. Government states it, whereas the Taitian Commission's report had met great acceptance, that there is prospect of a great improvement. Dear Mrs. Grundy, and would soon be turned into a law. According to your nature, you M'm, how do you like the Bill, whose preamble has been proved before may remark, elegantly, either that DR. WILBERFORCE's reply was the Committee, for putting you into a railway carriage, which shall complete and convincing, or you may say, valgarly, “Had him there!” rush to the sea, there shall be shoved on board a steamer, 140 feet, or

In the Commons-stay, let us be just before we are generous. Mr. yards, or miles (we forget which) long, and when you get to France, Punch recently stated that SIR HERBERT CROFT, the excellent Con- shall be put on the line again, and so spin you to Paris, M'm, without servative Member for the county of Hereford, got one evening into a your having had to take your parasol out of the net-work, or your sort of difficulty with the Chairman of Committees, and was made a bonnet-box from under the seat ? Jolly, M'm, won't it be? But Teller against his will. It was not SIR HERBERT CROFT, whose per- you 'll be just as sick as ever, dear lady, be well assured of that. What fectly courteous and good-humoured notification of the error doubles do you want to go to France for, then? Why can't you be content the pleasure with which Mr. Punch makes this marginal note in his with Wales and the Lakes? Never seen either? Of course not. I immortal Parliamentary history.

rejoice in your sea-tortures. Touching Burglaries at the West-End, of which there have been Debate whether persons of a trading turn of mind ought not to be 14 during the last 6 months, and 2 convictions have followed, LORD put upon the Indian Council. Slight bint by MR. Grant Duff that EUSTACE Cecil interrogated the HOME SECRETARY, and got an answer some folks think that England has looked sufficiently at India, from which was not very comforting. MR. BRUCE, however, said that the the tradesman's point of view. However, there is no fear of change, Detectives had decreased the amount of grave offences by one-tenth. for no mercantile man, whose aid is worth having, would serve for But as the reduction had been made in an amount exceeding 7,000, it £1200 a year, may be thought that

, police arrangements are still capable of improve- Then was the House Counted Out. The fact is that there was a State ment. It is the old story-criminals stand on no ceremony whatever, Ball, whereat Mr. Punch's adored Royal Highness the PRINCESS OF and we stand upon the utmost ceremony with the most notorious WALES wore a dress of green satin with bouillons of tulle, and a tunic scoundrel. We believe that if a lawyer was attacked by a robber, and of Irish lace looped with bouquets of stephanotis. Ornaments-a went to the length of drawing a sword-stick in his own defence, the stomacher and corsage of diamonds, and necklace and bracelets of learned person would go through the fencing salute before lunging. pearls and diamonds. Head-dress-a tiara of diamonds. OrdersAll right for lawyers-for sundry reasons—but laymen would like Victoria and Albert, Catherine of Russia, and the Danish Order. prompter work. We shall be driven to Jedburgh justice one of these which facts Mr. Punch records, partly because he is always rejoiced to days, eh, MR. CARLYLE?

write about a Princess of whom nobody can write anything that does MR. Peek urged that Parliamentary papers in foreign languages not mean goodness, or grace, or both : partly, as a delicate homage to ought to be translated. This gentleman, who, as a tea-merchant, can his myriad lady-readers who tell him that “they never read any Parprobably read Chinese, of course did not speak in his own interest, but liament except the Essence, and find that they know as much as MR. OTWAY's reply was sufficing-haste, and that only two or three men who moon over the debates for hours.' letters had been issued in French. Still, on the whole, and exquisitely accomplished as every M. P. is known to be, perhaps

it might be as mittee, MR. BUXTON’s

Bill for amending the Government of London.

Wednesday. Was read, a Second Time, and sent to a Select Comwell to furnish the House with the vernacular. We believe, however, It is the most dangerous and revolutionary project we ever heard of. that it was not a Member of Parliament who at dinner desired

a French The LORD MAYOR is to be Mayor of All London. servant to draw the porter with a head on, and conveyed his wish thus, Dessinez le portier avec une tête sur."

" What lacks this Brave About Cabs. MR. BRUCE promised more legislation. But, until a

That a King should have ?” law could be ready, why could not the old law have been let alone ? At this moment no Cab' has a Number Inside. All very easy to say

The ten boroughs are to be made into ten Municipal Bodies. The that there is one on the back. Bat who is to squash round in the mud City Mayor-hear this, Guildhall, and let your echoes shudder as they or rain to take it, or run after it, as the fellow drives away, jeering? answer is to be called the Deputy Mayor, but may be a Vice-King in The old system of having it inside enabled you calmly to transcribe it

, the absence of the Great Chief. With other terrible things. Governand then, if need, you had extortion or insolence in a cleft stick.

ment gasped out that no doubt the present state of affairs was not

perfect--that such a great plan ought to be Ministerial—and that we Tuesday. The BISHOP OF WINCHESTER introduced a strong and must inquire-yes-in point of fact, inquire, Exactly so. Hence the valuable Bill, affecting Churchmen, ecclesiastical and lay. He desires Committee. The proposal takes one's breath away, and yet to think of a King of London. We shall insist upon his being a Member of the tained no prohibition of such marriage, and that the law was a burden House of Brunswick, and a Protestant, and that he shall have no power grievous to many. The BISHOP OF LINCOLN had something to say to create peerages in favour of his Aldermen. But MR. BUXTON has about POPE ALEXANDER THE Sixth, the infamous Borgia, and made no idea of the storm he is Brewing.

us unhappy by suggesting a recollection of Grisi

in Lucrezia. There Nextly, MR. RUSSELL GURNEY, the Recorder, procured Second were several other speakers, of course; and the LORD CHANCELLOR Reading for a most excellent Bill for Protecting the Property and delivered a severe attack the Society which exists for the proEarnings of Married Women. There are 800,000 of these who are motion of this measure. not made a Government question, for obtaining wages; and the law, which, as Mr. GURNEY says, makes two Ministers opposed the Bill- LORD Hatherley and the DUKE OF marriage do for a woman what a conviction for felony would do, ARGYLL; and one, LORD GRANVILLE, supported it. Finally, the Bill permits a husband to take every shilling a woman has in the world! was rejected, but only by a majority of Four—77 to 73. Large employers of labour state that numerous husbands live a life of A good bit in the Commons. LORD Milton asked MR. Lowe a idleness, seize their wives' earnings on the Saturday, and spend the question. MR. STANSFELD was put up to answer it. “But I asked money in drink and dissipation. Nor is it among the lower class only the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER,” said LORD Milton. MR. that such things are done, as many a poor lady, who has the gift of STANSFELD went on answering; so LORD Milton took his hat, and teaching, can testify. If the Strong-Minded would make their Ugly walked, deliberately, out of the House. Rush for measures of this sort, it is not Mr. Punch who would help In a discussion about Mr. EDMUNDS, of the "Scandal," whom the John Bull to bar the door,-in fact, he would see no ugliness in such Government are pressing for money said to be due, MR. HORSMAN agitation. “Give us votes, and we'll get that, -and the rest,” is the wished to speak in favour of the former gentleman, and therefore let answer of the Strong-Minded. “Rest, and be thankful,” retorts him down in the following gentle terms :Mr. Punch. "Why, you won't show yourselves capable of any real exertion. MR. RUSKIN has just told you that if women would set “I blame him for his imprudenee, for his folly, for his stupidity, and for themselves, in thorough earnest, against War, no war could last a his obstinacy, still if there was nothing in his conduct intentionally, deweek.” May be so, or not. But when did women ever try? Let 'em signedly, and wilfully dishonest, I think his incarceration is a very strong stop one war, and we'll disfranchise ourselves, and they shall do all the punishment.” governing. Dears, excuse this digression, the word is derived from the Latin, digressio, a stepping away from the main subject under

Friday. LORD MILTON made a very proper speech, from a consticonsideration, --& lady can perform that little feat at times, you know, tutional point of view, contending that he had a right, in common with especially when she is cornered. But bless you, generally.

the rest of Parliament, to direct access to the Queen's Ministers. MR.

Lowe explained, of course, that no rudeness had been intended; but Thursday. To-night the Lords had the first grand debate of the that as MR. STANSFELD had got up the details of a troublesome Session ; not that it is their Lordships' fault that the Commons don't question, he had been asked to make the reply. get on with Bills, and send them up. The Peers took the Bill enabling Then there was another AYRTON-baiting; but, to do MR. A. justice, us to marry our Wives' Sisters, and the discussion was not infructuous, he fully maintained his character as a despiser of Art, and brought while the result had been foreseen. - LORD HOUGHTON, in an eloquent down the Æsthetics upon him so tremendously that Mr. GLADSTONE speech, to the preparation of which he bad given the care the subject had again to throw forward his Ajax shield. The National Gallery demanded, advocated the Second Reading, and his address contained a was the question, and we are to have a worthy one-when we can well-digested summary of the case of those who would alter the law. get it. The combative work was done by LORD WESTBURY and the BISHOP OF SIR ROUNDELL PALMER addressed the House on the Greek tragedy, PETERBOROUGH, the former being politely scornful of his old enemies and it need not be said that he did so in a manner worthy of the the prelates, and the latter retorting with a keenness that must have occasion. Nor was the PREMIER's reply unsatisfactory. He desired pleased LORD WESTBURY, who likes" a foeman worthy of his steel,” that the whole of the evidence should be obtained, and solemnly bound The BISHOP OP RIPON supported the Bill, believing that the Bible con- himself to maintain the honour and dignity of the country.

his fair readers, a prescription which a fashionable physician A CHARITY FOR GIRLS OF FASHION.

in the French capital is accustomed to recommend for the

foot-disease occasioned by the practice of wearing highF course many bene- heeled boots and shoes. This affection is something bevolent persons must tween a dislocation and a sprain. It requires the foot to have read with be bandaged ; and the doctor referred to treats it with a interest the re- lotion composed of the tinctures of opium and arnica. ported proceedings Pride, some say, feels no pain ; but that hath not appeared of friends and sub- from the demand for anodynes and sedatives occasioned by scribers to the Or: high heels. thopedic Hospital In London the fashion of hobbling about in the awkat the annual festi- ward and ugly boots and shoes that necessitate surgery, val of that institu- is quite common enough to be ridiculous in the sight of tion on Thursday all men, and deplorable in that of those who care enough evening last at WIL- about girls to be vexed at seeing them spoil any of their Lis's Rooms. They personal specialities. If they are enabled to continue will have been de wearing high heels by a perversion of the healing art, lighted to learn that which assuages the pain of that hideous usage, they will, this useful charity in a short time, permanently spoil their feet by converting has received 1681 a neat foot into the semblance of a neat's tongue, ready patients during the dressed and preserved, on sale in the provision shops, if, past year, and nearly indeed, that sort of tongue is what it is bought for, and 50,000 since its open- would not, if it could speak, and would speak truly, call ing

than itself horse.
thirty years ago. Having, by a retrogression in point of taste to the
Touching these pa- days of HOGARTH's hags, trodden their feet out of shape,
tients à question young ladies of fashion, when hoofs shall have ceased to be
may have presented fashionable, will find themselves objects who may possibly
itself to more than be glad to get their deformities reduced at the Orthopædic
one reader.

The Hospital.
Chairman, in pro- In the meantime it may be as well to mention, that

posing “Prosperity there are more sufferers who were born club-footed, and to the Royal Orthopædic Hospital,” described it as having been established for otherwise distorted as to their feet, than the Orthopædic the treatment of club-foot, spinal, and other deformities.” Is the beneficence of Hospital is able to cure, but whom it would be if it had the the Orthopædic Hospital, as its name seems to imply, limited to children? If not, needful funds. there must exist a very wide conspiracy to spell that name wrong.

But if the Hospital, named in print Orthopædic, puts not only club-footed and otherwise deformed little boys and girls to rights, but adults likewise of either sex,

A Query with its Answer. it might be advantageously opened to a class of sufferers who would be able to pay "A CORRESPONDENT” asks us to tell him what "Hisfor their accommodation and treatment within its walls, or whose friends could pay tology” means. We refer bim for an explanation to any for them.

unsuccessful Dramatic author. He is sure to have known The Paris Correspondent of the Post, the other day, quoted, for the benefit of many experts in this science.

more

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Mamma. “ AND NOW, Pussy, YOU HAVE CHATTED ENOUGH. SHUT YOUR EYES, HOLD YOUR TONGUE, AND GO TO SLEEP!”
Pussy. “How CAN I DO TAREE THINGS AT ONCE, MAMMA ?"

.

ITS:

Fenians going to the Red River? Well, green and red don't mix
OUR PERT CON

well, but I hope our fellahs will try the experiment.
THE : AWAB Nazim, of Bengal, fills to s of his favourite
writers with pearls. I am glad enough to get oysters, especially at the A lady, signing herself MENTIA, declares that women will go on
price last season.

demanding votes. If she were not a lady, one might prefix a syllable

the indication of French nobility. Cold women are often very attractive. FARADAY "showed why this is. He proved that magnetic power increased with reduction of

Good name for this year's Derby, eh? "The Macgregor's Gathering." temperature.

Thought I should never see a fresh name for a young lady-parents Have not been to the Academy yet, but saw a great exhibition of
stick so to Lucy, JANE, SUSAN, MARIA, and the rest of the old dowdy painting at the Zoo on Sunday.
lot. Glad to notice, at the last Drawing-room, LORINA, SELINA, STELLA,
META, and Naomí.

Wife of a racing friend of mine made a neat excuse for not sending a

letter. Visitors all the afternoon—“In fact, I was severely called “Are you broken 'of' your rest by the yowls of a child cutting upon, and couldn't get to the post.” teeth ?” More idiot you. Go to Brighton.

Fellah made the meanest excuse for not giving me a dinner at The Greek Bar has protested against the allegation that it is on Hampton Court. Said the rain had spoiled the chestnuts. As if I friendly

. terms with the brigands. Reminds me of what a barrister ever ate chestnuts ! once said to me. Nobody's respectable on my circuit, not even the prisoners.”

French stage is praised, because everything is done with so much

tact. Right as a rule, dessay. But look at the young men's dresses in
I see advertised Spratt On Gout. Don't like the omen. Doctors Frou-Frou. Also, after the tremendous scene with the husband, there
diet you, which I hate. This sprat would perhaps try to catch my was a call,” and he led his wife on-destroying all sense of the
salmon and concomitants. Take your drink like a fish, and your situation.
gout like a man.

Bad business, those Christ-Church fellahs at Oxford. Dast in one
A monument to BRUCE on Bannockburn, to be designed by GEORGE of the Eyes of England, eh!
CRUIKSHANK! Can he be aware of Bruce's habits ?

Bring here, he said, the Mazers four,
My noble fathers loved of yore:

The Secular Difficulty.
Thrice let them circle round the board,
The pledge, fair Scotland's rights restored.”

TÆERE is one consideration which may induce the Secularists not to

persist in opposing the admission of the Bible into National Schools. The pledge was not an abstinence one, and the Mazers were wine- If that Book is excluded, the scholars may surmise that the reason is cups.

because they ought not to read it, and then they will.

66

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.--May 28, 1870.

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