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Aunt Virginia. "GOOD GRACIOUS, GIRLS, I DECLARE I'M QUITE AFRAID TO GET OUT! LOOK AT THE CABMAN! HE'S GOT

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Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell. in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co., Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, January 15, 1870.

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THE AFFAIR-PETER.

A SACRED Mission," according to M. DE ROCHEFORT, in the French Chamber, was the business on which M. VICTOR NOIR, aliàs SALOMON, visited PRINCE PETER BONAPARTE, the result being homicide, if not murder.

Let us overhaul this story, and put it into English, not French. We are a law-abiding sort, and don't know much about Sacred Missions. Corsican journal, La Revanche, assails EMPEROR NAPOLEON and his family with brutal scurrility.

Cousin PETER NAPOLEON (son of LUCIEN) makes furious reprisals in Corsican journal, L'Avenir.

Paris journal, Marsellaise (DE ROCHEFORT'S), in ruffianly manner attacks PRINCE PETER.

PRINCE PETER writes to DE ROCHEFORT, inviting him to kill or be killed.

DE ROCHEFORT has been ordered by his constituents not to fight. PASCHAL-GREUSSET, somehow connected with Corsican La Revanche, and DE ROCHEFORT'S underling, sends two men to PRINCE PETER, inviting him to kill or be killed. The two are M. VICTOR NOIR SALOMON, and M. ULRIC FONVIELLE, ex-editor of a Dieppe paper. This is the Sacred Mission. The two call on PRINCE PETER -PASCHAL-GREUSSET and a companion waiting outside. FONVIELLE, one of the Sacred Missionaries, has a sword-cane and a

loaded revolver.

PRINCE PETER has a loaded revolver in his pocket.

There is a stormy interview. PRINCE PETER will fight DE ROCHEFORT, but not his "workmen." Has something pleasant to say about "carrion-mongers.'

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Somebody strikes somebody. Only two men are alive who know the truth, and each says that the other lies.

The Prince fires his pistol, and kills VICTOR NOIR. FONVIELLE tries to fire at the Prince, but does not seem to know how. The Prince fires at him, perhaps twice, and FONVIELLE goes

away.

VOL. LVIII.

D

THE FALL OF HAUSMANN.
(Sung to the Tower Hamlets.)

No Edile am I, and I'm glad I am none;
What HAUSMANN has got, see, by having been one.
No longer the Prefect is he of the Seine.
His post had I held, they'd have let me remain.

He would be an Edile; he knew about Art,
A thing I don't care for a fig, for my part;
About Architecture and Sculpture he knew,
Perhaps, I suppose, about Gardening too.

In Paris improvements he made, so immense
They cost the Parisians enormous expense,
Whereby he got into such general disgrace,
That he could no longer be kept in his place.

An Edile I'm not, and I never will be;

No public improvements expect, then, from me;
Your statues, and pictures, and palaces fine,

And all suchlike matters are out of my line.

And, if I exert any gardening powers,

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I'll turf you the beds where I've grubbed up the flowers: I'll lop and I'll prune whatsoever asks pay,

That's all I can do in the gardener's way.

I'll in for the lowest of Estimates go

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In the Budget about to be framed by BOB LowE; Then AYRTON for ever!" will ratepayers cry. An Edile was HAUSMANN, and so am not I.

Hard Times.

RETRENCHMENT is the order of the day. Many families at the West End are practising the most rigid economy. One lady has decided on putting down her canary birds; and a gentleman well known in the circles of fashion will reduce his weekly allowance of a penny to the crossingsweeper in the Square to a halfpenny.

R. N.

IF you are present at the wedding breakfast of a Naval friend, take the opportunity of congratulating him, in the course of your neat speech, on the Sailor's Knot being tied.

PRINCE PETER goes to the Conciergerie, and surrenders himself, in anticipation of the course of the EMPEROR and the new Minister of Justice, who, independently, order his arrest. He asks for a common jury, but, as a member of the EMPEROR's family, has to be tried by the High Court of Justice.

DE ROCHEFORT rages in the Chamber, talks of the Borgias, of Sacred Missions, and impugns the character of the High Court. He is sternly rebuked by M. OLLIVIER. His journal for previous sedition is seized, and he is to be prosecuted.

His journal, the day after the killing of NOIR, is devoted solely to brutal abuse of the NAPOLEONS.

M. NOIR is buried, a great mob attending. DE ROCHEFORT alternately rages and faints, and finally, trying to head a procession, is informed by an officer that, if he persists, he will be the first man cut down. He goes home.

Mob, but not a large one, in Paris. Tradesmen come out with sticks, and threaten rioters. They go home, having stabbed a policeman. Such is the story of the Sacred Mission, up to Mr. Punch's present date of writing. It suggests Apes and Dead Sea Apples, insolence, blood-thirstiness, and general brutality. But let us wait the sequel of the Affair-Peter.

An Article not Headed.

Affairs, received the heads of the Foreign Legations." "PARIS, Jan. 7.-Yesterday COUNT DARU, the new Minister of Foreign

WE are very grieved to hear it, and sincerely sympathise with the bereaved embassies. A sad beginning this of the new Minister's official career, and one not calculated to preserve friendly relations with Foreign countries. How can COUNT DARU declare, as is asserted, that France will "continue to abstain from interfering in the domestic affairs of other countries," when he thus materially interferes with the personal comfort of their recognised Representatives? Diplomatists (occasionally even our own) have before now lost their heads, but then it was their own doing, and not the act of those to whom they were accredited.

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called in future Sisterland.

2. The Brogue is to be forbidden, except in the case of very pretty young Irish girls, who are to obtain a licence from Mr. Punch to use it, on payment of certain fees.

3. The Blarney Stone is to be publicly smashed, to signify the end of the reign of humbug.

4. Oranges (except at dessert) and Ribbons, (except for ladies) are to be for ever excluded from Sisterland.

5. All Fenians are to be handed to our ally, the EMPEROR OF RUSSIA, who, for a consideration, undertakes to instruct them in mining, for an indefinite period.

6. All other cultivators of the soil are to be removed, in great comfort, in Her Majesty's ships, to Australia, where farm buildings and land will be provided for them, and where they will remain for a period not exceeding (unless they wish it) Five Years. They will be taught high-farming during this time.

7. The whole of the Irish Landlords will be sent to Scotland, where the Dukes have undertaken to provide them with residences, and where they will learn economical habits, and their duties towards their dependents.

8. Sisterland being thus cleared, Scientific Companies, composed of skilful farmers, will survey the lands, and contracts will be taken for putting them into proper cultivation, with all the improvements. This process to last for Five Years.

9. The Priests will be sent to Rome, by arrangement with the Holy Chair.

AN EXTRA LAW LORD.

THE question of Life Peerages will probably be reopened, if there is any truth in the report that a leading functionary in connection with the legal Executive will shortly be exalted to a seat in the House of Lords. The gentleman for whom this honour is supposed to be designed is one whose services have extended over a period of many years. Though still retaining all the mental energies which he ever possessed, he is said to have suffered some impairment of those physical abilities demanded by the peculiar nature of his office. Humanity requires the due adjustment of the noose, and Justice the adequate application of the lash: but the ends of both Justice and Humanity are foiled by the unsteadiness and debility of the Executioner. It is, therefore, desirable that a dignified and pensioned, yet not idle retirement, should be allotted to the bodily enfeebled but still mentally vigorous Finisher of the Law. Elevation to the Peerage seems an honour not unsuitable to one who has himself been instrumental in elevating many others out-of-doors; and there are reasons why that honour should not in this case be hereditary. It is therefore to be hoped that the Law Lords will interpose no obstacle to the promotion of that distinguished officer. Let them remember how often his hands have rendered the learned Judges that important service necessary to the ultimate fulfilment of their behests. On consideration their Lordships will not fail to perceive that the institution of Life Peerages already exists in the Bench of Bishops, and therefore no real innovation will be effected in conferring a Peerage, for life only, on MR. CALCRAFT. But whether HER MAJESTY may be advised to create MR. CALCRAFT a Life Peer, or to invest him with a minor dignity, everybody must see that it is high time he was decently superannuated.

We had almost forgotten to state that the title by which Government proposes to call MR. CALCRAFT to the Upper House, is, if the whisper of rumour can be credited, that of BARON HEMPSTEAD.

10. The Parsons will be sent to China, by arrangement with the Brother of the Moon.

11. At the end of the Five Years, a number of the Australian sojourners, sufficient to cultivate the island on rational principles, will be selected in the fairest manner, by lot, brought home, and placed on the improved farms. They will pay a proper rent, to be collected by the Government.

12. When this settlement shall have taken place, a Competitive Examination of Landlords will be held; and to such as seem qualified to form a desirable Upper Class, residences in Sisterland will be allotted, with a Government allowance, subject to conditions of

behaviour.

13. The cities will be cleansed, drained, and improved, and all beggars will be sent to the Red River.

14. No Journal will appear, except licensed by Mr. Punch. 15. An English Princess will be created Vice-Queen of Sisterland, will constantly reside in the island, and hold Courts in each of the four provinces.

16. Mr. Punch will be Dictator-General, with absolute power of life, death, and dinner-parties.

PICKLES!

Ar an education meeting the other day a MR. PICKLES, an engineer, illustrated his acquaintance with the subject by stating that "the students at Harrow, for instance, have to pay fees for cock-fighting and fisticuffs." PICKLES is quite right. There is also a bear kept by the head-master, to be baited on Sunday afternoons, the dogs must be bona fide the property of boys: the under-masters are bound to keep ducks, which are hunted on a pond every Wednesday: cocks are thrown at by the younger lads: and there is a greased Maypole erected once a week, to be climbed by the higher forms. It is delightful to think how the good cause of education must prosper, when those who take it in hand are so well informed as is MR. PICKLES.

ROME AND RAMSBOTHAM.

[MRS. RAMSBOTHAM, Junior, writing from Rome during the present "Economical Consul," as she calls it, gives us the following information.]

DEAR MR. PUNCH,

I HAVE ascertained a great many things about the Roman Candlestick rights and cemeteries, which other Co-respondents of the daily papers are unable to get hold of.

My poor dear Mother, when alive, used to tell me how "the POPE lived in a Vacuum ;" and she was quite right, for the Palace so-called is still here, and PIOUS THE NINTH (or MASTER FRETTY, as his real name is) decides in it.

Talking of rights and cemeteries, there are some very peculiar. For instance, once a year the good POPE says mass in the Cistern. I wonder he's so well, considering his age, and the dampness of such a place. The Cistern, it is true, is fitted up as a chapel, and painted and decorated; but I recollect well enough what our cistern was for a long time after it had been cleaned out, a nasty, mucky, damp, dirty place as you wouldn't let a cat sleep in, let alone a Human Being saying Mass.

An Imminent Dilatory of the Roman Church tells me that it is one of Pope's Priliveges, and likewise of some cannons too (though what cannons have to do with it, unless it's something to do with the Temple Power that they talk off, not the Spirituous, which is different altogether) as I was saying, it's the prilivege of the POPE and some others to say Mass in their Night-Caps. But Lor! what a prilivege! I wouldn't say anything to anybody in mine. I have been here from the first, which is from the eighth of December last. Oh! The antipathies of the place! Wonderful!! all old, every bit of it. And talk of Underground Railways in London!! Ah, you should see the Roman Currycombs made by the earliest Christian Marthas, who used to meet between 2 and 3 A.M. to sing hymns for fear of prosecution.

MR. ROSSY is the Great Antipathy here. I think it's the same that invented that large telescope in Ireland somewhere.

My attention is always being drawn off by some friend to the monuments of ancient Rome. Why call them monuments, when they're not a bit like ours in the City? But that's the worst of imitations. Our Monument at home, by the way, was built by Roman Candlesticks, in remembrance of the Fire of London, wasn't it? Or am I confusing that with the Tower?

But, there, I'm wandering from my point.

They won't be able to call the Roman Bishops "a lot of old women" in future, because it's well known that a lot of old women can't keep secrets and these do. You can't get anything out of 'em.

Oh! it is a grand sight to see all the Carnavals in purple, the Bishops, the Petrarchs, and the gorgeous Larkymantrites of the East walking in profession. The only report about is, that some people don't think the Great Doctor will be put forward this time, and some people do. The Great Doctor is, of course, as you know, intended to declare that the POPE is Invaluable.

There are two great and celebrated Churches in Rome. One is the Sir Peter's, and the other, for distinction, is the Other'un, or to speak correctly, the Latter'un; but I am given to understand that this title is only used when you speak of Sir Peter's as the Former❜un.

The new year was hushed in by the Cannons of SIR ANGELO, not the same as those I mentioned before, they were men, these are distillery, I recollect a MR. ANGELO, who used to teach my brothers fencing, and single sticks and other sticks; perhaps it's the same gentleman knighted and got Cannons. Lucky man to get Cannons;" a lovely park it was some years ago in the neighbourhood of Edgware, and belonged to a nobleman, who has now departed this life and every other.

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They don't know much about spelling here. Look at this, copied from a list of a Commission. You'll also observe some queer things about these "Commissionaires" of the Roman Candlestick persuasion:

1. INNOCENT SANNIBALI, Bishop of Gubbio.

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I thought Gubbins bad enough for a name, and I don't like my own; but GUBBIO!" goodness! he must be an Innocent. The next is evidently a Scotch gymnastic, only I never saw "Toddy" spelt like that before; but, there! the hash the foreigners do make of our language!

2. JOHN ROSATI, Bishop of Todi.

3. JULIO ARRIGONI, Archbishop of Lucca.

I always said that I thought MLLE. LUCCA was a very good person, and I am not sorry to see she has an Archbishop all to herself. I've heard of a Private Chilblain before this, but never of a Private Archbishop. To continue:

4. PANTALEON MONSERRAT OF NAVARRO, Bishop of Barcelona. Looks like Pantomime time, doesn't it, and Barcelona is where the nuts come from..

5. CHARLES JEAN FILLION, Bishop of Mans. Well, if MLLE. LUCCA has an Archbishop to herself, 'tis but fair that the other sex should at least get a Bishop. Only put it down with due regard to topography: Men," not "Mans."

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6. CHARLES MACCHI, Bishop of Reggio di Emilia. Bishop of another young lady. Don't know her. Is MACCHI а mistake? Do you think they mean CHARLES MATHEWS, or, perhaps, CHARLES MACKAY, who wrote those charming ballets ?

The Fathers of the Consul are just now occupied with the Ladies' Indentures, issued by the POPE giving all the preserved cases of execrations and ablutions, and also they are engaged in disgusting the questions contained in the Syllabub. We are now going to drive in the Torso and up the Pinch'em. More in due time. From yours ever,

LAVINIA R. JUNIOR.

P.S. The weather-prophets say we're going to have a very bad time of it in Rome; but I don't trust much to their vaccinations. Give me Old Moore and Zamiel for safety. I hope it's not true that Zamiel is no more. I should miss his work in the new year.

* Perhaps our esteemed Correspondent alludes to the Late Sententiæ.—ED.

THE CABMAN OF THE FUTURE.

THANKS to the new Cab Act, we are to see, if we live long enough, some improvement in our cabs; and it is actually within the bounds of possibility that we may discover some improvement in their drivers. Who can tell what changes may be wrought both in their manners and demeanour, now that they are allowed by law to charge just what they please if they do but hoist a flag to tell us what they do please; and now that they no longer groan beneath the tyranny of vexatious legislation?

May we not expect to find them civil, cleanly, courteous, and even conscientious? Instead of growling out "Wot's this!" when they are paid their proper fare, may they not be found to receive it with a bow and a few graceful words expressive of their respectful gratitude? or if they conceive themselves entitled to more than has been offered them, may they not remonstrate with such elegant persuasiveness that nobody will have the heart to turn a deaf ear to their pleading? Cabs have hitherto been commonly mere vehicles of abuse. Let us hope the Cab Reform Bill, which was passed last 3ession may lead to a reforming of the language of the cabmen.

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JOHN THOMAS AND THE COACHMAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR MISSUS' BEING AT THE SOUTH KENSINGTON LECTURE.

BRIGHT STILL BRIGHTER.

BRAVO, JOHN BRIGHT, Bravo once and again!

You were always a trump in your way

For all the hard knocks that from Punch you have ta'en,
Your Bobadil bounce and your Drawcansir strain,
That set down all for fools who were not in the vein
To see with your eyes what to you was quite plain,
And drove you to charge your opponents a-main,
Or a-muck, like a Quaker Malay!

What you lacked was awhile the cold douche to enjoy,
That on high-heated hopes Office throws:

To learn, that as gold, ere 'tis coined, needs alloy,
So they who'd spread truth with least fret and annoy
Must oft some amalgam of error employ:
That to bear with the folly we wish to destroy,
Is the way to graft wisdom on man or on boy,
To make hindrances helps, friends of foes.

And these lessons you're learning, I'm happy to see,
From your Birmingham speech, my dear JOHN;
You own there are shoals that when close on our lee,
Seem to tax skill and courage in higher degree,
Than when they rose out of the future's far sea:
That who differ in means yet on ends may agree,
And that compromise cowardice need not to be,

But oft points us the right course to con.

You've learnt caution and measure, and reticence too-
For which lessons you've Office to thank-

To warn folks against expectations undue ;
That in politics four is oft not two and two;
That the road we prefer we can't always pursue;
That there's many a slip 'twixt to will and to do;
That indirect words must not needs be untrue,

And that all rogues and fools aren't of rank.

And, last lesson and best, you have learned and you teach That, let Governments do what they can,

The hardest and largest Reform, is what each

Of the millions of England can do, and not preach:
For himself and his household, to guard every breach

Through which Satan the fortress of Man's-soul doth reach

Be it ignorance, sottishness, foul act or speech,

That to level of brute lowers man.

By such means could'st thou our waste classes reclaim, What a place in our annals were thine!

A name written high above every name

By history set in the blazon of fame;

For the partizan hubbub of blessing and blame,
The thanks of a nation, uplifted from shame,
The wild beasts of our cities made gentle and tame,
And the Cross, from our Shame, grown our Sign!

AN AWFUL HIDING.

IN the Council at Rome the other day, MONSIGNOR STROSSMEYER, Bishop of Bosnia, delivered a violent invective against the Jesuits, which FATHER BECZ, the Jesuit General, sat under and listened to, smiling. The Pall Mall tells us :—

"What would you?' he afterwards said to a high personage. 'MONSIGNOR STROSSMEYER is in the right. Nobody deplores more than myself the excesses of the Civiltà Cattolica. I knew its intemperate language would draw hatred on our Order, which desires to live in peace with all the world; and I commanded its writers to refrain from giving such offence; but they were urged on by a superior will to mine, and instead of being able to impose silence on them, I was ordered to be silent myself.'

The smile with which FATHER BECZ heard the Jesuits abused is quite intelligible. He did not feel the lash of BISHOP STROSSMEYER. But somebody else, perhaps, did. And surely it was very unultramontane, if not impious, of FATHER BECZ to smile. For in fact was not STROSSMEYER flogging the POPE Over BECZ's shoulders?

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