I'm fond of all antiquities,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
They say there is a Royal Court
Maintain'd in noble state,
When ev'ry able man, and good,
Is certain to be great!
I'm very fond of seeing sights,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
They say there is a Temple too,
Where Christians come to pray;
But canting knaves and hypocrites,
And bigots keep away.
O! that's the parish church for me!
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
They say there is a Garden fair,
That's haunted by the dove,
Where love of gold doth ne'er eclipse
The golden light of love
The place must be a Paradise,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
I've heard there is a famous Land For public spirit known
Whose Patriots love its interests
Much better than their own.
The Land of Promise sure it is!
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
I've read about a fine Estate,
A Mansion large and strong;
A view all over Kent and back,
And going for a song.
George Robins knows the very spot,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
I've heard there is a Company
All formal and enroll'd,
Will take your smallest silver coin
And give it back in gold.
Of course the office door is mobb'd,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane, And all round the Square."
I've heard about a pleasant land,
Where omelettes grow on trees,
And roasted pigs run, crying out,
"Come eat me, if you please."
My appetite is rather keen,
But how shall I get there?
"Straight down the Crooked Lane,
And all round the Square."
MY pipe is lit, my grog is mix'd,
My curtains drawn and all is snug;
Old Puss is in her elbow-chair,
And Tray is sitting on the rug.
Last night I had a curious dream ;
Miss Susan Bates was Mistress Mugg-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
She look'd so fair, she sang so well,
I could but woo and she was won,
Myself in blue, the bride in white,
The ring was placed, the deed was done!
Away we went in chaise-and-four,
As fast as grinning boys could flog-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog!
What loving tête-à-têtes to come!
But tête-à-têtes must still defer!
When Susan came to live with me,
Her mother came to live with her!
With sister Belle she couldn't part,
But all my ties had leave to jog-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
The mother brought a pretty Poll-
A monkey too,-what work he made!
The sister introduced a Beau-
My Susan brought a favourite maid.
She had a tabby of her own,—
A snappish mongrel christen'd Gog-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
The Monkey bit-the Parrot scream'd,
All day the sister strumm'd and sung;
The petted maid was such a scold!
My Susan learn'd to use her tongue :
Her mother had such wretched health,
She sate and croak'd like any frog-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
No longer "Deary," "Duck," and "Love,"
I soon came down to simple "M!"
The very servants cross'd my wish,
My Susan let me down to them.
The poker hardly seem'd my own,
I might as well have been a log-
What d'yo think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
My clothes they were the queerest shape!
Such coats and hats she never met!
My ways they were the oddest ways!
My friends were such a vulgar set!
Poor Tomkinson was snubb'd and huffd-
She could not bear that Mister Blogg-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
At times we had a spar, and then
Mamma must mingle in the song-
The sister took a sister's part-
The Maid declared her Master wrong-
The Parrot learn'd to call me "Fool!"
My life was like a London fog-
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
My Susan's taste was superfine,
As proved by bills that had no end—
I never had a decent coat-
I never had a coin to spend !
She forced me to resign my Club,
Lay down my pipe, retrench my grog—
What d'ye think of that, my Cat?
What d'ye think of that, my Dog?
Each Sunday night we gave a rout
To fops and flirts, a pretty list;
And when I tried to steal away,
I found my study full of whist!
|