CHAPTER XXIX

MINISTERIAL COURTESY AND PROPRIETY

The following correspondence is interesting as showing how ministers, a century ago, "stood on their rights."

[Rev. Peter Whitney to Rev. Reuben Puffer, of Berlin.]

"NORTHBOROUGH, April 22d, 1801.

"DEAR SIR: Since I saw you last (Sabbath evening) at Mr. Packard's, some things have taken place, which need, and must have an explanation, before any ministerial intercourse is renewed between us.

"In the meantime, to prevent all future difficulty, I now tell you, plainly & explicitly, that if you wish to preserve the harmony which has, for so many years, happily subsisted between us; & to keep up that ministerial interchange of kind and brotherly offices which has, heretofore, been so much for our mutual advantage, you must not presume, in any case or instance whatsoever, to come within the limits of Northborough to perform any ministerial act or service, when I am at home, & able to perform the same.

"I am, your friend & brother,

"Rev. Mr. Puffer."

"PETER WHITNEY.

[Mr. Puffer to Mr. Whitney.]

"REV. &. DEAR SIR:

"BERLIN, April 23d, 1801.

"The explanation you demand in your letter of yesterday, it was my determination to have given unasked, the first convenient opportunity.

"Last Saturday, Deacon Davis came to me with a request from Mrs. Ball to attend the funeral of her husband on the Monday following. I observed to him, that, previous to my answer, I must first know your sentiments respecting such a step. He informed me, that he had conversed with you on the subject, and that, on his proposing to you this question, 'Will Mr. Puffer's attending Mr. Ball's funeral create any difficulty betwix you and him?' your answer was, after some hesitation,

'No, not that I know of.' This by no means satisfied me; and I told the Deacon, that I doubted the propriety of my going, and desired him to return and urge Mrs. Ball, by every consideration, to send for you. This he agreed to do, first requesting me to accompany him. Flattered with the hope of being the happy instrument of bringing to a conclusion a longsubsisting difficulty, I consented; but went with the full determination of not attending on Monday, in case my arguments failed of the desired effect. The conversation that took place was too lengthy to be detailed. Suffice it to say, that, after exhausting every topic of persuasion, to no purpose, I conveyed to Mrs. Ball in an oblique manner, and in the softest terms possible, a denial of her request. She fell into tears-said she wished not to involve me in difficulty-and that, if it must be so, she acquiesced in it as the will of Providence. In that impressive moment, I felt my resolution give way. Turning to Deacon Davis, I said to him, 'Is it your opinion, sir, from all the conversation you have had with Mr. Whitney, that my attending this funeral will cause him to be offended with me?' He directly answered, 'No.' I then consented to attend; first desiring that Mrs. Ball would invite you to be present, still entertaining the secret hope, that a friendly interview, especially on so solemn an occasion, might efface every unfavorable impression, and revive ancient friendship.

"From this statement you will perceive, that nothing was further from my intentions than to grieve or offend you. Could I have foreseen that you would have viewed my conduct in the offensive light you do, no ordinary consideration should have prevailed with me to have gone into Northborough on such an occasion. Malignity toward you, I trust you will believe me when I say, I certainly had none. And if you think it a weakness in me to suffer myself to be overcome by a sight unusually affecting, I hope you will at least allow it to be a pardonable one.

"And thus, sir, I have rendered you the explanation you ask. Whether satisfactory, or not, I must leave you to decide.

"Respecting the latter part of your letter, I am unable to reply to it so fully as I could wish, till I know how far you extend the idea of 'any ministerial act or service.' A neighbor and parishoner of mine moves within the limits of Northborough. Sickness & death invade his family. I make him a visit on the occasion. This is a lower act of ministerial service. I converse with him, and offer him the consolation of the gospel. This is a further act of it. He earnestly requests me, his former minister, to pray with and for him in his affliction. This is a still higher act of it. Be pleased to let me know which, or

whether all of these, fall within your meaning of 'any ministerial act or service,' which you 'plainly and explicitly' tell me, I 'must not presume, in any case or instance whatsoever, to come within the limits of Northborough to perform.' Or, I have a son in Northborough: must I not 'presume' to pray with him, in case of sickness, till your permission is first obtained? assured, Sir, that no one will be more careful than I, 'to prevent all future difficulty'; but if you mean, by anything you have said, to place me in a singular and disadvantageous situation, I better know what becomes me as a man, and a Christian minister, than tamely to submit to it. In the meantime, I act on no principle which I will complain of in another. And therefore, though I shall not probably again 'come within the limits of Northborough,' on any occasion similar to that which has given you so much offence, yet I give you my free consent to 'come within the limits' of Berlin, for the purpose of performing any ministerial act or service,' to which you may be invited, whether 'I am at home, and able to perform the same' or not.

"As you have thought fit to suspend our 'ministerial intercourse,' till such time as a satisfactory 'explanation' of my conduct shall be given, I have a right to expect that you will explicitly inform me, whether you consider this communication in that light, or not; as in the latter case, I am determined to take measures to ascertain, whether I had your consent to attend Mr. Ball's funeral, or went without it. I am, Rev. and Dear Sir, respectfully yours,

"Rev. Mr. Whitney"

"REUBEN PUFFER.

[Mr. Whitney to Mr. Puffer]

"NORTHBOROUGH, April 27, 1801.

"DEAR SIR: Your letter of the 23rd inst. I received next day, at evening in the midst of company; and have had company till this morning, and then had sick to visit; & this afternoon, though I now have company, I think it expedient to make the following reply:

"The explanation you have given is so far satisfactory as to operate for the renewal of our ministerial intercourse in any and every respect.

"As a proof of this, I request you to attend my lecture on the Thursday after next (the 7th of May) & come in season to dine. I know not whose turn it will be to preach, as I mean to send to Mr. Sumner.

"As to the latter part of my letter to you of the 22d inst., you make some exceptions to my general, perhaps, universal proposition, to which I readily consent, as being not only, not improper, but very reasonable.

"Perhaps you may think of some others hereafter, which you may suppose your duty as a man, & a Christian minister may lead you to make, but I shall reserve to myself the liberty to consider & receive any acts of yours in conformity to such exceptions, as brotherly or otherwise, according to existing circumstances: nothing doubting, however, from what you say, that your prudence & caution will lead you to avoid everything which might grieve or offend a weak brother. I am, Sir, your friend & brother,

"Rev. Mr. Puffer."

"PETER WHITNEY.

The above episode was a sequel to something that had gone before. A bitter feud had long existed between the Ball family and the Rev. Peter Whitney. The story of the feud is told in a letter of Rev. Warren Fay, D.D., to the late George C. Davis. Mr. Davis was a grandson of John Ball, Sr., and great-grandson of James Ball. James Ball died in 1756. His widow survived him many years and died at the age of ninety-two. The story in the following letter concerns itself with Mrs. Ball's funeral.

The letter reads:

"MY DEAR SIR:

"In compliance with your request, I give what I believe to be a true history of some singular, and what seemed to us, strange facts in regard to your maternal ancestors. Your honored grandfather, John Ball, Sr., was a member of the church in Northborough of which the Rev. Peter Whitney became the second pastor.

"Mr. Whitney assumed the power and authority, without the consent or action of the church, as I am informed, to alter the church covenant, which had been adopted before his settlement and by which the members had bound themselves. This your grandfather thought to be undue assumption of power, unprecedented and wrong. After more consultation and remonstrance he withdrew and absented himself. Mr. Whitney then induced the church to inflict some censure upon your grandfather. After all this your grandfather proposed to meet Mr. Whitney before any impartial tribunal and have an investigation and an adjustment of all difficulties, saying he was willing to do whatever was right for a conciliation.

"I understand that to do this Mr. Whitney persistently objected, and said that he intended to bring Mr. Ball to terms. This position Mr. Whitney maintained, and Mr. Ball ceased to attend on his ministry.

"Thus they stood in reference to each other when your greatgrandmother (whose maiden name was Sarah Harrington) died at the home of your Grandfather Ball, where she had spent her married life and by whom she had been cared for to the very great age of more than ninety years. She died in the spring of 1801. Your grandfather invited the Rev. Mr. Fairbanks of Boylston to officiate at the funeral, but did not invite Mr. Whitney. However, Mr. Whitney and wife started for the funeral, but having got stuck in the mud on the way, did not arrive until Mr. Fairbanks was about to offer prayer. Mr. Whitney took Mr. Fairbanks aside and absolutely forbade his offering prayer. And Mr. Ball, under these circumstances, and after these wanton and unprecedented interferences, did not wish for the services of Mr. Whitney. Thus they went to the interment without any funeral services.

"Mr. Whitney proposed offering prayer in the church after the burial, and invited all who would to attend. Your Grandmother Ball asked her husband, on leaving the cemetery, if she should attend. Mistaking the negative for the affirmative reply, she went into the church-which she afterwards deeply regretted as her feelings were very much wounded.

"Mr. Whitney never had any ministerial intercourse with Mr. Fairbanks after this strange scene."

That the Whitney-Ball feud was not continued indefinitely is attested by an item in Dr. Stephen Ball's memorandum book. Under the head of "Gifts," he records one of $100 "to the Rev. Peter Whitney." This would seem to indicate that he harbored no animosity on account of the unpleasant episode at his grandmother's funeral.

Deacon Jonathan Livermore, the centenarian, died shortly after the above-mentioned incident. His first wife was sister of James Ball, Sr. The Balls would not have Mr. Whitney officiate at the funeral, but invited Dr. Puffer instead. Dr. Puffer respectfully declined, and it is related that the good deacon was buried without obsequies.

The following humorous incident is interesting in this connection. It may or may not be true, but it is hard to "down" a tradition: