der; that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, understand: that is, master Page, fidelicet, master if matters grow to your likings. Page. I am glad to see your worships well: I thank you for my venison, master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed:-how doth good mistress Page?-and I love you always with my heart, la; with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. der. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? heard say, he was outrun on Cotsale.1 Page. It could not be judg'd, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol, Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectatious. Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would 1 might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Shal. That he will not; -'tis your fault, 'tis your Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling fault:-'tis a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair. Ís sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Eva. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so, master Page? he hath wrong'd me; indeed, he hath; -at a word, he hath; -believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes Sir John. and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :* Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it : for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John ? Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. Fal. I will answer it straight;-I have done all but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: this:-that is now answer'd. Bard. And being fap11 sir, was as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires.19 Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, Shal. The council shall know this. if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. men; you hear it. Fal. 'Twere better for you, if it were known in Eva. So Got'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentle Fal. Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress me? Ford and Mistress Page following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Erit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome :Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but Shal. Slend. and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my Eva. Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand: there is three umpires in this matter, as I book of songs and sonnets here : Enter Simple. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake, upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?1 Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir High here;-do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Eca. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capa city of it. Šlen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sit very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Erit Simple.] A justice on peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. P'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Sten. I had rather walk here, I thank you! I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the Eva. But that is not the question; the question town? is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth; therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir, -I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Era. Nay, Go's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid? Sten. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely; -his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter Anne Page. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne: -Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Era. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. Exeunt Shal. and Sir H. Evans. (1) An intended blunder. Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-you are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd:4-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter Page. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will not do you that wrong. Anne. I pray you, sir. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than trouble. some: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II. The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Sim. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet: give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquain tance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Ann Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner: there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. (3. The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Gar den, in Southwark. (4) Surpassed all expression. G SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. of my followers. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I amat a word; follow. [Exit Host, Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; thrive. I will [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian1 wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! foh; a fico2 for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why then let kibes ensue. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. Fal. Hold, sifrah, [to Rob.] bear you these let- And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? With both the humours, I, Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous : that is my true humour. waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I semake love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in cond thee; troop on. her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer [Exeunt. of invitation: I can construe the action of her fa- SCENE IV. A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter miliar style; and the hardest voice of her beha viour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.3 Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Mrs. Quickly, Simple, and Rugby. to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: 10 his worst fault is, me the angels. I Sim. Ay, forsooth. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Sim. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. me some paper: -Tarry you a little-a while. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? [writes. Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall' a man of Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been his hands, as any is between this and his head: he thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so hath fought with a warrener.2 hands loud, and so melancholy; -but notwithstanding, Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember man, I'll do your master what good I can: and, him; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my strut in his gait ? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter Rugby. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. master, I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; Sim. "Tis a great charge, to come under one bod's hand. Quick. Are you advis'd o' that? you shall find 'ta great charge: and to be up early, and down late;but notwithstanding (to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it;) my master himself is Quick. We shall all be shent: run in here, good in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithyoung man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in standing that, I know Anne's mind, that's neithe closet. He will not stay long. What, John ther here nor there. Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to sir inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat that he comes not home:-and down, down, in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape adown-a, &c. Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. [Sings. priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for ant:-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Pare for myself? -by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have apQuick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad pointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our he went not in himself; if he had found the young weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour, la grand affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, the good-jer! Cai is. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depeche, gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your quickly:-Vere is dat knave Rugby! Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Rug. Here, sir. Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caus. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?Villany! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Calus. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-by head out of my door: -Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter Fenton. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, P'll be sworn on a book, she loves you: -Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? (4) The goujere, what the pox! It is such another Nan:-but, I detest, an honest show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's me some counsel! talk of that wart; -I shall never laugh but in that maid's company. But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly? and musing: but for youWell, go to. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Fent, Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's honour: what is it? dispense with trifles; -what money for thee; let me have thy voice in my be- is it? haif: if thou seest her before me, commend me- Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an Quick. Will I? i'raith, that we will: and I will eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. tell your worship more of the wart, the next time Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest !-Sir Alice we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent, Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. Quick, Farewell to your worship. Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's nind as well as another does: Qut upon't! what have I forgot? ACT II, [Exit. Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. [Exit. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light-here, read, read; -perceive how I might be knighted. -I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty: and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best SCENE I-Before Page's house. Enter Mistress Page, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked In the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did a subject for them? Let me see; [reads, you ever hear the like? Ask me no reason why I love you; for though of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name love use reason for his precisian, he admits him in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin pot for his counsellor You are not young, no brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, more am I; go to then, there's sympathy you I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a are merry, so am I; ha! ha ! then there's more thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for sympathy: you love sack, and so da I; would different names (sure more,) and these are of the you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, second edition: he will print them out of doubt : inistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier for he cares not what he puts into the press, when çan suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you me, By me, Thine own true knight, John Falstaff. twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: what doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my What a Herod of Jewry is this !-0 wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my compa- on him: let's appoint him a meeting: give him a ny! What should I say to him?-I was then show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with frugal of my mirth: -heaven forgive me! Why, a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting to mine host of the Garter, down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings, Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any vil. lany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: come hither. [They retire, Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym, Ford. Well, I hope, it be not so. (4) Caution, 41 |