Go Three proper wittie fami liar Letters, lately passed be- To my long approoued and singular Ood Master H. I doubt not but you haue | comming shorte of that it should, and some [some great important matter in hande, time exceeding the measure of the Number, as which al this while restraineth youre Penne, in Carpenter, the middle sillable being vsed and wonted readinesse in prouoking me vnto shorte in speache, when it shall be read long that, wherein your selfe nowe faulte. If there in Verse, seemeth like a lame Gosling, that bee any such thing in hatching, I pray you draweth one legge after hir: and Heauen, beeing hartily, lette vs knowe, before al the worlde see vsed shorte as one sillable, when it is in Verse, it. But if happly you dwell altogither in stretched out with a Diastole, is like a lame Iustinians Courte, and giue your selfe to be Dogge that holdes up one legge. But it is to be deuoured of secreate Studies, as of all likely wonne with Custome, and rough words must be hood you doe: yet at least imparte some your subdued with Use. For, why a Gods name may olde, or newe, Latine, or Englishe, Eloquent not we, as else the Greekes, haue the kingdome of and Gallant Poesies to vs, from whose eyes, oure owne Language, and measure our Accentes, you saye, you keepe in a manner nothing by the sounde, reseruing the Quantitie to the hidden. Little newes is here stirred: but that Verse: Loe here I let you see my olde vse of toyolde greate matter still depending. His ing in Rymes, turned into your artificial straightHonoure neuer better. I thinke the Earth- nesse of Verse, by this Tetrasticon. I beseech quake was also there wyth you (which I would you tell me your fancie, without parcialitie. gladly learne) as it was here with vs : ouer- See yee the blindefoulded pretie God, that feathered throwing diuers old buildings, and peeces of Archer, Churches. Sure verye straunge to be hearde of in these Countries, and yet I heare some saye (I knowe not howe truely) that they haue knowne the like before in their dayes. Sed quid vobis videtur magnis Philosophis? I like your late Englishe Hexameters so exceedingly well, that I also enure my Penne sometime in that kinde: whyche I fynd indeede, as I haue heard you often defende in worde, neither so harde, nor so harshe, that it will easily and fairely, yeelde it selfe to oure Moother tongue. For the onely, or chiefest hardnesse, whych seemeth, is in the Accente: whyche sometime gapeth, and as it were yawneth ilfauouredly, Of Louers Miseries which maketh his bloodie Wote ye why, his Moother with a Veale hath coouered his Face? Trust me, least he my Looue happely chaunce to beholde. Seeme they comparable to those two, which As for those many goodly matters leaft I for others. I would hartily wish, you would either send me the Rules and Precepts of Arte, which you obserue in Quantities, or else followe mine, that M. Philip Sidney gaue me, being the very same which M. Drant deuised, but enlarged with M. Sidneys own iudgement, and augmented with my Obseruations, that we might both accorde and agree in one: leaste we ouerthrowe one an other, and be ouerthrown of the rest. Truste me, you will hardly beleeue what greate good liking and estimation Maister Dyer had of youre Satyricall Verses, and I, since the viewe thereof, hauing before of my selfe had speciall liking of Englishe Versifying, am euen nowe aboute to giue you some token, what, and howe well therein I am able to doe: for, to tell you trueth, I minde shortely at conuenient leysure, to sette forth a Booke in this kinde, whyche I entitle, Epithalamion Thamesis, whyche Booke I dare vndertake wil be very profitable for the knowledge, and rare for the Inuention, and manner of handling. For in setting forth the marriage of the Thames: I shewe his first beginning, and offspring, and all the Countrey, that he passeth thorough, and also describe all the Riuers throughout Englande, whyche came to this Wedding, and their righte names, and right passage, &c. A worke beleeue me, of much labour, wherein notwith standing Master Holinshed hath muche fur thered and aduantaged me, who therein hath bestowed singular paines, in searching oute their firste heades, and sourses: and also in tracing, and dogging out all their Course, til they fall into the Sea. O Tite, siquid, ego, Ecquid erit pretij? But of that more hereafter. Nowe, my Dreames, and dying Pellicane, being fully finished (as I partelye signified in my laste Letters) and presentlye to bee imprinted, I wil in hande forthwith with my Faery Queene, whyche I praye you hartily send me with a! expedition: and your frendly Letters, and long expected Iudgement wythal, whyche let not be shorte, but in all pointes suche, as you ordinarilye vse, and I extraordinarily desire. Multum ́vale. Westminster. Quarto Nonas Aprilis 1580. Sed, amabò te, Meum Corculum tibi se ex animo commendat plurimùm : iamdiu mirata, te nihil ad literas suas responsi dedisse. Vide quæso, ne id tibi Capitale sit: Mihi certè quidem erit, neque tibi hercle impunè, vt opinor, Iterum vale, et quàm voles sæpè. Postscripte. I take best my Dreames shoulde come forth alone, being growen by meanes of the Glosse, (running continually in maner of a Paraphrase) full as great as my Calendar. Therin be some things excellently, and many things wittily discoursed of E. K. and the Pictures so singularly set forth, and purtrayed, as if Michael Angelo were there, he could (I think) nor amende the best, nor reprehende the worst. I know you Yours alwayes to commaunde IMMERITO. woulde lyke them passing wel. Of my Stemmata Dudleiana, and especially of the sundry Apostrophes therein, addressed you knowe to whome, muste more aduisement be had, than so lightly to sende them abroade: howbeit, trust me (though I doe neuer very well,) yet in my owne fancie, I neuer dyd better: Veruntamen te sequor solùm: nunquam verò assequar. A Pleasant and pitthy fami- To my loouing frende, M. Immerito. Ignor Immerito, after as many gentle God- | into the Parlour, the Gentleman of the house, Harte listeth May it please your Maistershippe to dispense with a poore Oratour of yours, for breaking one principall graund Rule of our olde inuiolable Rules of Rhetorick, in shewing himselfe somewhat too pleasurably disposed in a sad matter: (of purpose, to meete with A coople of shrewde wittie new marryed Gentlewomen, which were more Inquisitiue, than Capable of Natures works) I will report you a prettie conceited discourse, that I had with them no longer agoe, than yesternight, in a Gentlemans house, here in Essex. Where being in the company of certaine curteous Gentlemen, and those two Gentlewomen, it was my chaunce to be well occupyed, I warrant you, at Cardes, (which I dare saye I scarcely handled a whole tweluemoonth before) at that very instant, that the Earth vnder vs quaked, and the house shaked aboue: besides the moouing, and ratling of the Table, and fourmes, where wee sat. Wherevpon, the two Gentlewomen hauing continually beene wrangling with all the rest, and especially with my selfe, and euen at that same very moment, making a great loude noyse, and much a doo: Good Lorde, quoth I, is it not woonderful straunge that the delicate voyces of two so propper fine Gentlewoomen, shoulde make such a suddayne terrible Earthquake? Imagining in good fayth, nothing in the worlde lesse, than that it shoulde be any Earthquake in deede, and imputing that shaking to the suddayne sturring, and remoouing of some cumberous thing or other, in the vpper Chamber ouer our Heades: which onely in effect most of vs noted, scarcely perceyuing the rest, beeing so closely and eagerly set at our game, and some of vs taking on, as they did. But beholde, all on the suddayne there commeth stumbling somewhat manner all agast, and telleth vs, as well as his Head and Tongue woulde giue him leaue, what a woonderous violent motion, and shaking there was of all things in his Hall: sensibly and visibly seene, as well of his owne selfe, as of many of his Seruauntes, and Neighbours there. I straite wayes beginnyng to thinke somewhat more seriously of the matter: Then I pray you, good Syr, quoth I, send presently one of your seruauntes farther into the Towne, to enquire, if the like hath happened there, as most likely is, and then must it needes be some Earthquake. Whereat the good fearefull Gentleman being a little recomforted, (as misdoubting, and dreading before, I knowe not what in his owne House, as many others did) and immediately dispatching his man into the Towne, wee had by and by certayne woord, that it was generall ouer all the Towne, and within lesse than a quarter of an howre after, that the very like behappened the next Towne too, being a farre greater and goodlyer Towne. The Gentlewoomens hartes nothing acquaynted with any such Accidentes, were maruellously daunted: and they, that immediately before were so eagerly, and greedily praying on vs, began nowe forsooth, very demurely, and deuoutely to pray vnto God, and the one especially, that was euen nowe in the House toppe, I beseeche you hartily quoth shee, let vs leaue off playing, and fall a praying. By my truely, I was neuer so scared in my lyfe, Me thinkes it maruellous straunge. What good Partener? Cannot you pray to your selfe, quoth one of the Gentlemen, but all the House must heare you, and ring All-in to our Ladyes Mattins? I see woomen are euery way vehe. ment, and affectionate. Your selfe was liker euen nowe, to make a fraye, than to pray: and will you nowe needes in all hast bee on both your knees? Let vs, and you say it, first dispute the matter, what daunger, and terror it carryeth with it. God be praysed, it is already ceased, and heere be some present, that are able cunningly, and clearkly to argue the case. I beseeche you master, or mystresse, your zealous and deuoute Passion a while. And with that turning to me, and smiling a little at the first: Nowe I pray you, Master H. what say you Philosophers, quoth he, to this suddayne Earthquake? May there not be some sensible Naturall cause therof, in the concauities of the Earth it self, as some forcible and violent Eruption of wynde, or the like? Yes no doubt, sir, may there, quoth I, as well, as an Intelligible Supernaturall: and peraduenture the great aboundaunce and superfluitie of waters, that fell shortly after Michaelmas last, beeyng not as yet dryed, or drawen vp with the heate of the Sunne, which hath not yet recouered his full attractiue strength and power, might minister some occasion thereof, as might easily be discoursed by Naturall Philosophie, in what sorte the poores, and ventes, and crannies of the Earth being so stopped, and fylled vp euery where with moysture, that the windie Exhaltations, and Vapors, pent vp as it were in the bowels thereof, could not otherwise get out, and ascende to their Naturall Originall place. But the Termes of Arte, and verye Natures of things themselues so vtterly vnknowen, as they are to most heere, it were a peece of woorke to laye open the Reason to euery ones Capacitie. I know well, it is we that you meane, quoth one of the Gentlewomen (whom for distinction sake, and bicause I imagine they would be loath to be named, I will hereafter call, Mystresse Inquisitiua, and the other, Madame Incredula :) now I beseeche you, learned Syr, try our wittes a little, and let vs heare a peece of your deepe Uniuersitie Cunning. Seeing you Gentlewomen will allgates haue it so, with a good will, quoth I: and then forsooth, very solemnly pawsing a whyle, most grauely, and doctorally proceeded, as followeth. mous Hearbes, and Beastes, besides a thousand infectiue, and contagious thinges else. If they be bad, bad you must needes graunt is subiect to bad, and then can there not, I warrant you, want an Obiect, for bad to worke vpon. If mixt, which seemeth most probable, yet is it impossible, that there should be such an equall, and proportionable Temperature, in all, and singular respectes, but sometime the Euill (in the diuels name,) will as it were interchaungeably haue his naturall Predominaunt Course, and issue one way, or other. Which euill working vehemently in the partes, and malitiously encountering the good, forcibly tosseth, and cruelly disturbeth the whole: Which conflict indureth so long, and is fostred with aboundaunce of corrupt putrified Humors, and ylfauoured grosse infected matter, that it must needes (as well, or rather as ill, as in mens and womens bodyes) brust out in the ende into one perillous disease or other, and sometime, for want of Naturall voyding such feuerous, and flatuous Spirites, as lurke within, into such a violent chill shiuering shaking Ague, as euen nowe you see the Earth haue. Which Ague, or rather euery fitte thereof, we schollers call grossely, and homely, Terræ motus, a moouing, or sturring of the Earth, you Gentlewomen, that be learned, somewhat more finely, and daintily, Terræ metus, a feare, and agony of the Earth: we being onely mooued, and not terrified, you being onely in a manner terrified, and scarcely mooued therewith. Nowe here, (and it please you) lyeth the poynt, and quidditie of the controuersie, whether our Motus, or your Metus, be the better,and more consonant to the Principles and Maximes of Philosophy? the one being manly, and deuoyde of dreade, the other woomannish, and most wofully quiuering, and shiuering for very feare. In sooth, I vse not to dissemble with Gentlewoomen: I am flatly of Opinion, the Earth whereof man was immediately made, and not wooman, is in all proportions and similitudes liker vs than you, and when it fortuneth to be distempered, and disseased, either in part, or in whole, I am persuaded, and I beleeue Reason, and Philosophy will beare me out in it, it only mooueth with the very impulsiue force of the malady, and not trembleth, or quaketh for dastardly feare. The Earth you knowe, is a mightie great huge body, and consisteth of many diuers, and contrarie members, and vaines, and arteries, and concauities, wherein to auoide the absurditie of Vacuum, most necessarily, be very great Nowe, I beseeche you, what thinke ye, store of substantiall matter, and sundry Acci- Gentlewomen, by this Reason? Reason, quoth dentall humours, and fumes, and spirites, either Madame Incredula: By my truly, I can neither good, or bad, or mixte. Good they cannot picke out Rime, nor Reason, out of any thing possibly all be, whereout is ingendred so much I haue hearde yet. And yet me thinkes all bad, as namely so many poysonfull, and vene-should be Gospell, that commeth from you Doctors of Cambridge. But I see well, all is not Gould, that glistereth. In deede, quoth Mistresse Inquisitiua, heere is much adooe, I trowe, and little helpe. But it pleaseth Master H. (to delight himselfe, and these Gentlemen) to tell vs a trim goodly Tale of Robinhood, I knowe not what. Or suer if this be Gospell, I dowte, I am not in a good beleefe. Trust me truly, Syr your Eloquence farre passeth my Intelligence. Did I not tell you aforehand, quoth I, as muche? And yet would you needes presume of your Capacities in such profound mysteries of Philosophie, and Priuities of Nature, as these be? The very thinking whereof, (vnlesse happily it be per fidem implicitam, in beleeuing, as the learned beleeue, And saying, It is so, bycause it is so) is nighe enough, to caste you both into a fitte, or two, of a daungerous shaking feauer, vnlesse you presently seeke some remedie to preuent it. And in earnest, if ye wyll giue me leaue, vpon that small skill I haue in Extrinsecall, and Intrinsecall Physiognomie, and so foorth, I will wager all the money in my poore purse to a pottle of Hyppocrase, you shall both this night, within somwhat lesse than two howers and a halfe, after ye be layed, Dreame of terrible straunge Agues, and Agonyes as well in your owne prettie bodyes, as in the mightie great body of the Earth. You are very merily disposed, God be praysed, quoth Mistresse Inquisitiua, I am glad to see you so pleasurable. No doubt, but you are maruellous priuie to our dreames. But I pray you now in a little good earnest, doo you Schollers thinke, that it is the very reason in deede, which you spake of euen now? There be many of vs, good Mistresse, quoth I, of that opinion: wherin I am content to appeale to the knowledge of these learned Gentlemen here. And some againe, of our finest conceited heades defend this Position, (a very straunge Paradox in my fancie :) that the Earth hauing taken in too much drinke, and as it were ouer lauish Cups, (as it hath sensibly done in a maner all this Winter past) now staggereth, and reeleth, and tottereth, this way and that way,vp and downe, like a drunken man, or wooman (when their Alebench Rhetorick comes vpon them, and specially the moouing Patheticall figure Pottyposis), and therefore in this forcible sort, you lately sawe, payneth it selfe to vomit vp againe, that so disordereth, and disquieteth the whole body within. And, forsoothe, a fewe new Contradictorie fellowes make no more of it, but a certaine vehement, and passionate neesing, or sobbing, or coffing, wherewithall they say, and as they say, say with great Physicall, and Naturall Reason, The Earth in some place, or other, euer lightly after any great, and suddayne alteration of weather, or diet, is exceedingly troubled, and payned, as namely this very Time of the yeare, after the extreeme pynching colde of Winter, and agayne in Autumne, after the extreeme parching heate of Sommer. But shall I tell you, Mistresse Inquisitiua? The soundest Philosophers in deede, and very deepest Secretaries of Nature, holde, if it please you, an other Assertion, and maintayne this for truth: (which at the leastwise, of all other seemeth maruellous reasonable, and is questionlesse farthest off from Heresie :) That as the Earth, vpponit, hath many stately,and boysterous and fierce Creatures, as namely, Men and Women, and diuers Beastes, wherof some one is in maner continually at variaunce and fewde with an other, euermore seeking to be reuenged vpon his enimie, which eft soones breaketh forth into professed and open Hostilitie: and then consequently followe set battels, and mortall warres: wherin the one partie bendeth all the force of his Ordinance and other Martiall furniture against the other: so likewise within it too, it hath also some, as vengibly and frowardly bent, as for Example, Woormes, and Moules, and Cunnyes, and such other valiauntly highminded Creatures, the Sonnes and daughters of Mars, and Bellona that nurrish ciuill debate, and contrarie factions amongst them selues: which are seldome, or neuer ended too, without miserable bloudshed, and deadly warre: and then go me their Gunnes lustily off, and the one dischargeth his Peece couragiously at the other: and there is suche a Generall dub a dubbe amongst them, and such horrible Thundering on euery syde, and suche a monstrous cruell shaking of one an others Fortes and Castels, that the whole Earth agayne, or at the least, so muche of the Earth, as is ouer, or neere them, is terribly hoysed, and No more Ands, or Ifs, for Gods sake, quoth the Madame, and this be your great Doctorly learning. Wee haue euen Enoughe alreadie for our Money: and if you shoulde goe a little farther, I feare mee, you woulde make vs nyghe as cunning as your selfe: and that woulde bee a great disgrace to the Uniuersitie. Not a whitte, gentle Madame, quoth I, there be of vs, that haue greater store in our bowgets, than we can well occupie our selues, and therefore we are glad as you see, |