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Pinch him for his villany;
Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green;
pulls off his buck's head and rises. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, and Mrs. FORD.
They lay hold on him.
Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now ?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook; and, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; wbich must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook.
Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.
Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a receiv'd belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason,
that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack a lent, when 'tis upon ill employment!
Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English.
Fal. Have I lay'd my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too; Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly
is all putter.
Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm.
Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scru ple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Page. Old, cold, wither'd, and of intolerable entrails?
Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
Evas And given to fornications, and to taverns, and swearings, and starings, pribbles, and prabbles? sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Fal. Well, I am your theme; you have the start of Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me:
use me as you will.
Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozen'd of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that
money will be a biting affliction.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make
Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to langh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter.
Mrs. Page. Doctors doabt that: If Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. [Aside.
Page. Of what, son?
Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry inistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it bad not been i'the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy.
Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong.
Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him.
Page. Why this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments ?
Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed ; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy.
Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys ?
Page. 6, I am vex'd at heart: What shall I do?
Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your parpose; turned my daughter into green : and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.
Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green?
Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy : be gar, I'll raise all Windsor.
(Exit Caius. Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?
Page. My heart misgives me: here comes master Fenton.
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. How now, master Fenton ?
(don! Anne. Pardon, good father ! good, my mother, par
Page. Now, mistress, how chance you went not with master Slender?
[maid? Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor,
Fent. You do amaze her; bear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and 1, long since contracted, Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve ns. The offence is holy, that she hath committed : And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title, Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage wo have brought upon her.
Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy:In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money bnys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. [joy!
Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are
Ford. Let it be 80 : Sir John,