different varieties of flowering shrub, and a more or less lifelike representation of a mammoth surprised while bathing. It is little wonder that the youth of the period, ever impetuous, looked askance at this method of revealing their passion, and preferred to give proof of their sincerity and fervour by waiting for the lady of their affections behind a rock and stunning her with a club. But the refined and sensitive nature of Ug, the son of Zug, shrank from this brusque form of wooing. He was shy with women. To him there was something a little coarse, almost ungentlemanly, in the orthodox form of proposal; and he had made up his mind that, if ever he should happen to fall in love, he would propose by ideograph. It was shortly after he had come to this decision that, at a boy-and-girl dance given by a popular local hostess, he met the divinest creature he had ever seen. Her name was Wug, the daughter of Glug; and from the moment. of their introduction he realised that she was the one girl in the world for him. It only remained to compose the ideograph. Having steadied himself as far as possible by carving a few poems, as described above, he addressed himself to the really important task of the proposal. SCENE-An Army Bering Competition. Soldier. " WELL, 'E AIN'T REALLY VERY FEARFUL. YOU SEE THE BIG FELLOW 's 'IS SERGEANT AN' THIS IS THE ONLY CHANCE 'E 'AS OF GETTING A BIT OF 'IS OWN BACK." his own ideograph, returned without It was extraordinarily difficult, for Ug had not had a very good education. All he knew he had picked up in the give and take of tribal life. For this reason he felt it would be better to keep the thing short. But it was hard to condense all he felt into a brief note. For a long time he thought in vain, then one night, as he tossed sleeplessly on his bed of rocks, he came to a decision. He would just ideograph, "Dear Wug, I love you. Yours faithfully, Ug. P.S. R.S.V.P.," and leave it at that. So in the morning he got to work, and by the end of the week the Ug's greatest friend in the tribe was ideograph was completed. It consisted Jug, son of Mug, a youth of extraof a rising sun, two cave-bears, a walrus, ordinary tact and intelligence. To seventeen shin-bones of the lesser rib-him Ug took his trouble. nosed baboon, a brontosaurus, three Jug heard his story, and asked to sand-eels, and a pterodactyl devouring a see exactly what he had ideographed. mangold-wurzel. It was an uncom- You must have expressed yourself monly neat piece of work, he considered, badly," he said. for one who had never attended an artschool. He was pleased with it. It would, he flattered himself, be a queer sort of girl who could stand out against that. For the first time for weeks he slept soundly and peacefully. 66 64 On the contrary," replied Ug, with some pique, "my proposal was brief, but it was a model of what that sort of proposal should be. Here it is. Read it for yourself." Jug read it. Then he looked at his friend, concerned. "But, my dear old man, what on earth did you mean by saying she has red hair and that you hate the sight Next day his valet brought him with his morning beverage a piece of flat rock. On it was carved a simple human thigh-bone. He uttered a loud cry. She had rejected him. The of her?" "Why, this ichthyosaurus." "That's not an ichthyosaurus. It's a brontosaurus." "It's not a bit like a brontosaurus. And it is rather like an ichthyosaurus. Where you went wrong was in not taking a few simple lessons in this sort of thing first." "If you ask me," said Ug disgustedly, "this picture-writing is silly rot. To-morrow I start an Alphabet." But on the morrow he was other wise employed. He was standing, concealed behind a rock, at the mouth of the cave of Wug, daughter of Glug. There was a dreamy look in his eyes, and his fingers were clasped like steel bands round the handle of one of the most business-like clubs the Stone Age had ever seen. Orthodoxy had found CHARIVARIA. ** difficult it is to keep a secret we believe suddenly made its way into the menathat the fact has been known for some gerie. The beast was ultimately driven SIR ERNEST SHACKLETON is to under-time past both to Miss DESMOND and away by attendants armed with red-hot take a new expedition to the South Mr. NOYES. Pole, and across the whole South Polar Continent. It is said that an offer from Dr. Cook, who happens to be over here, to show Sir ERNEST how he might save himself much wearisome travelling in achieving his object, has been rejected. Judge PARRY declares, in the current number of The Cornhill, that lost golf balls belong to the KING; and the ballroom at Buckingham Palace is, we understand, to be enlarged at once. Special cinema productions depicting scenes of a sacred nature were provided by enterprising managers for the clergy during the holiday season. When one remembers that there is also Who's the Lady? running under distinguished episcopal patronage, the modern curate cannot complain that he is not well catered for. * ** We congratulate The Daily Mail on finding a peculiarly appropriate topic for discussion at Christmas time. It was Too Much Cramming." Mr. BERNARD SHAW is the latest addition to Madame TUSSAUD'S gallery of wax-works. But Mr. CHESTERTON Thieves broke into the vestry during must not be jealous. He too, we the service and stole the gold watch understand, will be placed there if and chain which the minister preaching room can be found for him. ** From some correspondence in The Express we learn that members of more than one savage tribe have a habit of standing on one leg. We see no objection to this at all, but we were bound to protest the other day, in a crowded train, when we came across a stout gentleman standing on one foot. The foot, we should mention, was ours. Of the late Mr. JOHN WILLIAM WHITE, who was only twenty-one inches in height, we are told that he was an ardent politician. Could he have been a Little Englander? the Christmas sermon at Marylebone Dr. MARY WILLIAMS, medical inspector of schools under the Worcestershire County Council, has discovered, as a Straws show which way the wind result of investigations, that there is blows, and the fact that the first prize a higher proportion of nervous, excitin the Christmas lottery at Madrid has able children among the red-haired ones been won in Madrid, and the second in than among the others. We have London, is held by wiseacres to prove ourselves known more than one such that there is a secret understanding lad lose all self-control merely upɔn between our country and Spain. being addressed as Carrots." ** The fact that France's Colonial Is a motor-car, it is being asked, Empire, which is already extensive, feminine-like a ship? A correspondent has been increased by the birth, during in The Times refers to her as a lady. a volcanic eruption, of a new island in Presumably because she wears a bonnet. the New Hebrides, has caused some little irritation in Germany. The Lost Property department of Scotland Yard will, it is said, this year easily beat all previous records in the number of articles lost. But we English have always had the reputation of being good losers. A correspondent writes to The Pall ** We have It is announced that Miss PHYLLIS "TRAINING SHIP OFF THE EMBANKMENT' is a heading which attracts our attention. This seems a much better idea than having the vessel on the Embankment, where it would be in everyone's way. THE LAST STRAW. ["The way in which individual taste is to the present modes."-Fashion Note.] allowed to assert itself lends a curious charm THIS is the finish, Josephine. Through every swift sartorial change Constant and true my love has been, Nor showed the least desire to range. The hobble only brought to me These thoughts with consolation. laden: "Lo, this is Fashion's fell decree; One must not blame the maiden. "It is not hers this hideous choice; That voice, as soldiers to a trumpet; Allows her devotees to think. This is the end of love's young dreams "Of course, there is a dress parade, with some wonderful dresses, but if it had been only a parade it would not have been less interesting."-Daily News. It would have been more interestingbut we hardly expected The Daily News THE HOLIDAY ENTERTAINERS. Extract from Mr. Herbert Stodge's letter to his sister. "WE WERE GLAD TO HAVE OUR NEPHEW AND NIECE WITH US, BUT, FRANKLY, THEY ARE TOO SOLEMN. AND WE ALLOWED THEM TO SIT UP LATE, BUT THE ONLY TIME THEY SMILED WAS WHEN THEY CHARIVARIA. difficult it is to keep a secret we believe suddenly made its way into the menathat the fact has been known for some gerie. The beast was ultimately driven SIR ERNEST SHACKLETON is to under-time past both to Miss DESMOND and away by attendants armed with red-hot take a new expedition to the South Mr. NOYES. Pole, and across the whole South Polar Continent. It is said that an offer from Dr. Cook, who happens to be over here, to show Sir ERNEST how he might save himself much wearisome travelling in achieving his object, has been rejected. Of the late Mr. JOHN WILLIAM WHITE, who was only twenty-one inches in height, we are told that he was an ardent politician. Could he have been a Little Englander? pokers, but five persons were seriously injured in the panic. The ticketSpecial cinema productions depict-collector who let the animal in without ing scenes of a sacred nature were payment has been reprimanded. provided by enterprising managers for the clergy during the holiday season. When one remembers that there is also Who's the Lady? running under distinguished episcopal patronage, the modern curate cannot complain that he is not well catered for. ** Dr. MARY WILLIAMS, medical inspector of schools under the Worcestershire County Council, has discovered, as a Straws show which way the wind result of investigations, that there is blows, and the fact that the first prize a higher proportion of nervous, excitin the Christmas lottery at Madrid has able children among the red-haired ones been won in Madrid, and the second in than among the others. We have that there is a secret understanding lad lose all self-control merely upon London, is held by wiseacres to prove ourselves known more than one such between our country and Spain. ** 66 being addressed as Carrots." ** The fact that France's Colonial Is a motor-car, it is being asked, Empire, which is already extensive, feminine-like a ship? A correspondent has been increased by the birth, during in The Times refers to her as a lady. a volcanic eruption, of a new island in Presumably because she wears a bonnet. the New Hebrides, has caused some little irritation in Germany. A correspondent writes to The Pall Mall Gazette asking whether there is The Lost Property department of anything in the idea that a large Scotland Yard will, it is said, this number of used penny postage stamps year easily beat all previous records in will enable a person to be received into the number of articles lost. But we a charitable institution. We have English have always had the reputa- always understood that the collector of tion of being good losers. one million of these stamps is admitted Speaking of MEDWIN'S Revised Life of Shelley a critic says in a contemporary: "He puts the well-known boats of Archimedes into blank verse." These boats were, we presume, fitted with ARCHIMEDES' famous screw? ** the The Hindujah barrage on Euphrates has now been completed by an English firm, and will provide water for the Garden of Eden. The structure, we presume, is a blend of the ADAM style with NOAH's architecture. ** * "TRAINING SHIP OFF THE EMBANKMENT" is a heading which attracts our attention. This seems a much better idea than having the vessel on the Embankment, where it would be in everyone's way. THE LAST STRAW. [The way in which individual taste is allowed to assert itself lends a curious charm to the present modes."-Fashion Note.] THIS is the finish, Josephine. Through every swift sartorial change. Lo, this is Fashion's fell decree; "It is not hers this hideous choice; That voice, as soldiers to a trumpet;" Allows her devotees to think. This is the end of love's young dreams "Of course, there is a dress parade, with some wonderful dresses, but if it had been only a parade it would not have been less interesting."-Daily News. It is announced that Miss PHYLLIS Wankies |