Page images
PDF
EPUB
[graphic][merged small][ocr errors][merged small]
[merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small]

WHO are the Arbitrators, Umpires, or Referees, at Geneva or elsewhere, competent to decide upon the justice, the equity, the propriety, the admissibility of such Claims as the following?

The Indirect Claim of a Wife when she is walking down Regent or Oxford Street with her husband, and stops before a large shop with a large plate-glass frontage, to admire and point out to her companion "That lovely silk," or "That most becoming Costume," or "That elegant Polonaise," with an appealing eye, and, it may be, a deprecatory glance at her own deteriorating attire. The Claim is strengthened, if the husband is conscious that in the expiring season the balance of enjoyment has been in his favour.

The Indirect Claim of the Waiter, at a Dining Establishment where attendance is charged in the bill, who, his attentions accumulating as the meal draws to an end, is very anxious to know whether you would not like some more ice in your wine, and most watchful over the safety and accessibility of your hat, overcoat, and umbrella. The Indirect Claim of the hanger-on who suddenly appears when you have hailed a Hansom, and has never yet been known to perform a more substantial service than stand in your way as you get into the vehicle, or, perhaps close one of the flaps; but who hovers, and lingers, and looks, with an expression of expectancy in his gazing eye.

The Indirect Claim of the Cabman who has received his legal fare, and contemplates it as it lies in his palm with a surprised and injured air, and, possibly, if his feelings will allow him, and his manners have not become quite corrupted, with a hand raised to the

brim of his hat.

HE WOULD BE BORED TO DEATH ALL

The Indirect Claim of the Young Gentleman who is on the eve returning to school after the holidays, and would be glad if i occurred to you that he has expenses to meet in the ensuing half

The Indirect Claim of Mamma, who offers baby for the inspectin of friends and relatives.

The Indirect Claim of the Young Lady who presents herself to the family circle bewitchingly arrayed for her first ball.

The Indirect Claim of the Juvenile Author who writes to you with a presentation copy of his little volume of poems. The Indirect Claim of the promising Painter, whose studio you visit to inspect the works he is sending to the Royal Academy. The Indirect Claim of the Crossing-sweepers. The Indirect Claims of the various classes of persons who prey upon you at theatres, concerts, and other places of public annoyanee The Indirect Claims of different sections of the community about the last week in December.

and extortion.

FORGIVENESS FOR ALL.

telegram from Baltimore :THE thoughtful mind cannot fail to be impressed by the annexed

"The Convention has almost unanimously adopted the Cincinnati platform unaltered, advocating a general amnesty, impartial suffrage, and Civil Service reform."

So long a time has elapsed since the close of the American Civil War that liability to any penal consequences of failure in that struggle must surely be barred by a common consent equivalent to a Statute of Limitations. What offences, then, are those of which we can suppose that the condonation is contemplated by the Cincinnati platform proposing a general amnesty? Apparently such s include non-political as well as political misdeeds. That general amnesty may perhaps be understood to be an amnesty for offences in general; amongst them for the Erie and Tammany frauds in particular: and to be based on the general principle advocated by the Cincinnati platform of "No Punishment."

EXPERIENTIA DOCET.

SONG BY A "NOBLE SAVAGE."

I AM no Market Gardener, I,

In an apron of violet blue.
I do not know any Botany,
Of Breeding I boast myself as free;
Yet I am the King of Kew.
That is, I'm in some authority
Under the QUEEN, do you see,
Maintained by a safe majority:
In an office of inferiority

I have HOOKER under me.

A Gardener he must be, I trow,

As Botany is his line.

But I don't care whether he is, or no

He will have to pack up his traps and go,

Or my place I must resign.

A scientific gentleman,

He expects to have his way,

But when we differ about a plan,

As it ever has been since the world began,

The inferior must obey.

I'm no respecter of gentlemen,

Nor of scientific swells,

Will ye talk to me of courtesy? Then

Go talk to Bruin, in yonder den

By the Regent's Park, who dwells.

I am no Market Gardener, I,

And an EDILE's taste I lack,

But your indignation I defy;

For you sell DR. HOOKER myself to buy ;
And choose him to have the sack.

[graphic]

A Point for the Prison Congress. CAPTAIN DU CANE, Surveyor-General of Prisons, in an able Report on Penal Servitude, justly remarks that:"Punishment is inflicted much more for the purpose of deterring from crime the enormous number of possible criminals, than for any effect on the criminal himself."

This is a very strong argument for the Corporal Punthat, for their correction, CAPTAIN DU CANE, advocates not merely the Cane, but the Cat.

The New Governess. "COME AND REST A LITTLE, BERTIE. SHALL I TELL YOU ishment of all manner of Scoundrels. We presume A PRETTY STORY?" Bertie. "Y-Y-YES! BUT-BUT-BUT NOT ABOUT KING ALFRED, PLEASE!"

DROPS WITH A DIFFERENCE.

one abovementioned, took place at Exeter Hall, SIR THOMAS CHAMBERS, M.P., in the Chair; Lion of the night, to roar, ARCHBISHOP MANNING. The assembly was even treated to an allocution by the POPE present, MR. S. POPE, however, Q.C., and not PoPE PIUS; His Sobriety in lieu of His Holiness. It is remarkable that, in two distinct places on the same night, in this Metropolis, there should have been as many meetings, whose constituents, diverse in their aims, nevertheless concur in altogether objecting to a drop as a drop too much. But the United Kingdom Alliance differs from the Howard Association in seeking to impose on the temperate British Public the deprivation of even a drop too little.

Juvenile Sport.

PERHAPS it is premature to say that the axe is laid at the root of the gallows-tree. Yet, if one wished to avoid suicide by getting oneself hanged for murder, it would be needful for him carefully to plan and study its commission with very aggravating circumstances. However, a meeting to promote the abolition of capital punishment was held on Tuesday evening last week at Armfield's South Place Hotel, Finsbury Pavement. Although comprised by a room in an inn, this assembly had the dimensions of an International Conference, and its Chairman was that distinguished German Jurist, BARON VON HOLZENDORFF, who, in his speech from the Chair, declared that, "For his own part he did not believe in the great deterrent effect attributed by many people to capital punishment." If this disbelief is right, to the extent that capital punishment is less deterrent than secondary, cadit quæstio. If secondary and capital punishments deter in equal measure, then, weighed in the scales of reason, secondary punishment would, so to speak, kick the fatal beam. Hanging a criminal is not the worst use you can put him to, if it is that of an effectual scarecrow. You cannot utilise him more without bringing him into injurious competition with the unconvicted man. In the meanwhile he must live, since you choose to teach the young idea how to shoot. that he shall, and you must pay for his living. It is cheaper to go to the expense of a rope, and MR. CALCRAFT's fee.

Would there be more murder, if there were less hanging ?-that is the question. There is some reason to doubt that there would. The fear of death worse than death according to law is no hindrance to army organisation. What thinking creature would not prefer the risk of being hanged to the risk of being, as it were, broken on the wheel without receiving a coup de grâce? Yet these are the comparative risks of battle and murder. Nevertheless we have no difficulty in obtaining any number of soldiers by a very small pecuniary temptation. Hanging is bad enough for those who come to think about it; but the majority of us are not philosophers.

By a curious coincidence, another meeting, synchronous with the

THERE are three Gun Clubs, the Hurlingham, the Senior, and the Junior. The gunnery of these Gun Clubs consisting in the practice of shooting domestic pigeons, there is only one of them that could be approved of in any measure by any true sportsman. That one is, or would be if constituted as its name implies, the Junior Gun Club. If the members of that Club were so many schoolboys, there would be something to be said for it; namely, that it is an institution serving

Book of Birds.

A WORK which may be imagined to be one of some interest in an ornithological point of view is announced by MESSRS. CHAPMAN AND HALL. It appears under the title of Mabel Heron, by EDWARD PEACOCK. Fancy a Peacock the biographer of a Heron!

LOYAL ORDER.

PRINCE BISMARCK has been determined to expel the Jesuits for their machinations against the German Empire. He does not like the loyalty of the disciples of LOYOLA.

[graphic][merged small]

Fond Mother (at the Militia Barracks). "How WELL OUR JOE DO IT, DON'T HE? LOOK! I BELIEVE HE'LL BE A GENERAL SOME DAY!" Father. "SHOULDN'T WONDER AT ALL, MY DEAR! WHY, I'VE HEERED AS FIELD-MARSHAL THE GREAT Dook o' WELLINTON HIS-SELF WAS ON'Y A IRISHMAN ONCE!!!"

SHAKSPEARE AT A WEDDING.

MR. PUNCH observes in the Oswestry Advertiser, that at the recent marriage of a lady and gentleman who move in the best society, and are therefore of course known to Mr. Punch, though he has no right to mention their names, there was an exhibition of very good taste in the selection of a motto of felicitation. Instead of the usual affectionate doggerel, supplied by him whom MR. CHARLES MATHEWS, in that beautiful piece, Anything for a Change, calls some bumpkin bard, the poet of the County Chronicle," the congratulators turned to their SHAKSPEARE, and set up on high the lines from the Tempest :

66

"Honour, riches, marriage-blessing, Long continuance, and increasing; Homely joys be still upon you, Juno sings her blessing on you."

(By the way, "homely!" MR. COLLIER and the Cambridge Editors give hourly." Was the other an accident, or a conjectural emendation? We have no time to look into other editions, but the word is a capital one in the circumstances.) Mr. Punch holds it a good omen for the united and happy pair that they invoke a Shakspearian benediction. Juno has a perfect right to bless the votaries of Hymen-is she not his great Aunt? Bacchus was his father, and the son of Jupiter, who was the brother of Hera aforesaid. All is correct; and so, much happiness to the lord and lady of Leighton Hall, Montgomeryshire.

[blocks in formation]

'SERVED WITH A STAFF.

its context is illustrated by the following passage in an account of THE importance of considering every statement in connection with the Camp at Wimbledon :

who has the contract for refreshments this year, had full employment for his "During the day numbers of visitors came into camp, and MR. JENNISON, staff in serving those who sought for meat and drink in the pavilion."

By attending to the information that MR. JENNISON has the contract for refreshments at the Camp this year, the reader may be prevented from imagining that an ugly rush of a famished and thirsty multitude into the pavilion for meat and drink placed that gentleman under the necessity of laying about him with his staff by way of giving them a belly full.

Teetotallers' Table-Talk.

WHO with SIR WILFRID LAWSON dines,
We may suppose, is served with wines.
For, if the contrary were known,
WILFRID Would mostly dine alone.
When guests, of whom he is the host,
The bottle stop, in talk engrossed,
"Pass," cries he, as in conscience bound,
"The Intoxicating Liquors round"?

THE NEW MEDEA.

We always thought MISS BATEMAN strong, but had no conception what her power really was, until we read that she "carried the house with her as one man," the other night at the Lyceum.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell. in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Msers. Bradbury. Evars, & Co.. Lombard Street, in the Prec net of White friars, in the City of London, and rublished by him, at No 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St, Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, July 20, 1872.

JULY 27, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A FEW HOURS AT WIMBLEDON.

[graphic][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][merged small][merged small][subsumed][subsumed][merged small][merged small][merged small][subsumed]

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

ONDAY, July 15.-Sapiens dominabitur astris. While that huge star called the Sun is in his present excited state, and is every moment welling forth quadrillions of tons of whatever it is that he makes us hot with (this is no time for accurate scientific definitions), a wise man will be brief and sententious. Heat expands some things (as the dear little girl knew, who explained that the days were long in hot weather on that account), but does not expand paragraphs. Punch means to be concise, Madam-concise as you are in your merciless reply when MR. PATERFAMILIAS proposes to give up an evening crush because the thermometer is high, and you have been out so much.

LORD DERBY gave notice that he should call attention to MR. AYRTON's behaviour to DR. HOOKER. The judicious DERBY is just the man to right the wrongs of "the judicious HOOKER." For AYRTON is appointed the fate of Marsyas, yet pity were misplaced. 'Tis weather to take off our flesh, and sit in our bones.

The Peers assented to the Commons' latest dealings with the Ballot Bill. Later, it was passed, and on Thursday it received the Royal Assent. The Ballot is Law. We are unequal to the noble observations which ought to follow such an announcement of the triumph of Secret Voting, but please to take our ecstacies "as read.'

The POST-MASTER cannot yet give us Sixpenny Telegrams, because the old head post-office is already crowded, and the new buildings are not ready.

MR. HAWKINS has charge of the prosecution of MR. WHALLEY'S friend, CASTRO, and has no intention of abandoning it.

MR. GLADSTONE Massacred Seven Innocents. Punch knows not why the title thus adumbrated, or faintly shadowed, should attach to the slaughter of Bills by their framers. MR. GLADSTONE would hardly admit that he had been mocked by the wise men. Of the Bills he slew none need be mentioned except one for injuring a certain Sanatory Act, about which shriekers and sentimentalists oppose their noises to the voices of the Faculty and of Figures. It

is not to be weakened.

H.M. ship Zealous is to be repaired at Callao. The officers say:"O frabjous day! Callao, Callay, And chortle in their joy."

Naval and Milingtary Votes. MR. RICHARD politely observed that wherever you placed a body of soldiers, you placed a corrupting and demoralising agency. We don't believe it. How glad the Matrons of England and Wales are to get a lot of soldiers to their balls! Tuesday.-On Scotch Education the DUKE OF ARGYLL stood up for the Shorter Catechism. We don't mean that he stood up to repeat it, but to defend it. DR. WATTS' First Catechism is worth thousand of it. Some folks dislike these things, but what was the first impulse of Little Billie, when he "heard the information" that he was to be killed and eaten? No, the second; the first was of hydraulic sort.

a

a

"O let me say my Catechism,

Which my poor mother did teach to me."

Up he went to the main-top-gallant mast, where he fell down on hi bended knee. And how was his youthful piety rewarded?

"He'd scarcely got to the twelfth commandment
When, O my eye, there's land,' says he.
'There's Jerusalem, and Madagascar,

And North and South Amerikee,
And there's the British Fleet a-riding

Under ADMIRAL LORD NELSON, K C.B.'"

The ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY complained of the abominab nuisance of the Lambeth Potteries' Smoke, and being answered somewhat trivially, by the Hereditary Grand Falconer (we &i, MR. LOWE, does his Grace take out a Hawker's Licence ?), did com out archiepiscopally, and intimate that the Government had remedy, and was bound to use it. Then LORD MORLEY made courteous promise of inquiry.

The Public Health Bill was being hindered, when MR. DISRAEL mindful of his Sanitas dogma, requested the House to go on, that the Bill was what it might have been, had Ministers given the energies to it, but because it would certainly do some good. Ma NEWDEGATE would say no more, as the Leader of Opposition ha become a supporter of Government. The Bill was read a Secor. Time.

On the Coal Mines Bill, MR. A. HERBERT regretted that so m was done to protect the labourers, who ought to exert their energ and protect themselves. Dear MR. HERBERT, what is to be de with a labourer who exerts his energy and his pick-lock in openi a Davy's lamp with which you have supplied him for his safety Is he to be trusted to legislate for himself and others?

There was an Irish. Bill-Joint Stock Banks-opposed by Mi LOWE. Said MR. DELAHUNTY, of Waterford :

"After the miserable speech of the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHELL (laughter)-which, if it does get into print, the whole country will shame upon-I will withdraw my motion, but next year I will smash Right. Hon. Gentleman up (loud laughter)."

Pews in Churches. Please take notice, you who are in the s habit of coming late to Church, that after Five Minutes from t: hour of beginning service, anybody is to be put into any pew matter whether the owner's family has held it from the time St. Augustine, or whether you yesterday paid ten guineas for per rent. And very right too. You can be punctual enough, Madin when there is a sight to be seen, a new singer to be heard, r Heir Apparent to be hunted.

man, and he knows nothing about the wants and habits of thi MR. ORR EWING is a prosperous as well as a benevolent tion which would simply have driven myriads of poor people who climb the Mount of Piety. On pawning, he was for a res their wits' end. On division, there were, against it, 88; for it, ORR EWING-majority 87.

[graphic]
[ocr errors]

Wednesday.-A very dull discussion, but you must please attend. The Irish Railways are in an Irish mess. It was proposes that the Government should buy them up. "Not at present," the Government, "as that would merely be an invitation to railway people to be outrageously exorbitant in demand. But the matter is one which ought to be considered, and shall be." This came from LORD HARTINGTON. Is another sweet sop preparing for O'Cerberus ?

Thursday.-MR. O'KEEFE, parish priest of Callow, has been sus pended by his ecclesiastical superiors, and consequently turned ou of the mastership of his school. So far from saying, "Callos, second suspension was a necessary result of his first, and as wit callay," and chortling, he petitions the House of Lords. But as his the reason for the first the Lords have, they say, nothing to d MR. O'KEEFE gets no relief. His crime is that he dared to appeal to law against ecclesiastical authority.

LORD SALISBURY caused a Government Bill to be thrown out, by 77 to 56, because it would promote the "Jerrymandering" of muni cipal wards, for political purposes. The word is not in Johnson of Webster. But we may guess at its import. The Jerrymandering Measure was treated as Sir Jerry Gonimble was served by the ghost

of his wife :

"SIR JEREMY hid himself under the clothes,

From whence the ghost pulled him out straight by the nose,
Threw him out at the window, and cried, "there he goes,
With his high-diddle, ho-diddle, dee.'

SIR T. BATESON asked whether it was the intention of Government to remove from office" a notorious disturber of law and order." D you know, Madam, that this civil description was meant to apply GEORGE ARTHUR HASTINGS FORBES, seventh Earl of Granard, Lord Lieutenant and Custos Rotulorum of Leitrim, whose motto is Per mentis incendium glorie, but who lately expressed sympathy wi the anti-Keogh incendiaries. And SIR THOMAS intimated that he

I should stick to his text.

« PreviousContinue »