OF THE IMPRESSION LEFT ON OUR MIND AFTER HALF-AN-HOUR'S PUSHING AND CRUSHING AT THE CATTLE-SHOW!

MISS PEACE TO MR. PUNCH ON THE ATHANASIAN rest of the congregation, I observe that the majority look bored. have been stamped out by common sense; and taking stock of the

CREED.

MR. PUNCH, SOME years since I was staying in a large Country-House in Ireland, and I was informed by my host that the household, including visitors and their servants, numbered over sixty souls. On the Sunday morning, carriages and cars and a large family omnibus conveyed the whole party to church, and it was like going to the Derby without the lunch. When we reached the end of our journey, we found there were two churches standing at opposite corners of a pretty churchyard, which was common to both. One was a Protestant, the other a Roman Catholic church. The party divided, some going to the former, some to the latter. When the services were over, we were all conveyed back, Catholics and Protestants entering the carriages indiscriminately, and sitting side by side.

I took the liberty of expressing my admiration of the harmonious feeling which appeared to exist between Christians of different persuasions, and my host explained the cause of it to me in a few words. He said, "I never allow politics or religion to be made a cause of contention at my table."

Now, HALL EXETER and ST. ANTONIO and I are all good friends and neighbours, and nothing but this special Creed stirs up strife; and, what is worse, it stirs it up in church. Surely, HALL EXETER and ST. ANTONIO can accommodate one another in manner proposed by the Times Correspondent; and, even assuming that some of the Church of England people who nail this Creed to their masts, and "No Surrender!" carry out their threat of secession unless the like it or not, let them carry their threat out and go, and we shall Creed is dinned into the ears of all the English Church whether they simply lose those who would turn out my sister Charity as well as Your loving Friend,

66

RIGHTS AND LEFTS.

PEACE.

said, has triumphed in France. Has this fact anything to do with 'HEAVEN defend the right!" said Chivalry, and the Right, it is that sentiment? Perhaps we shall see; but at present it is not quite clear that Right and Left, in French politics, are equivalent to right and wrong. It may be thought time that Right and Left should, as names of parties, supersede Liberal and Conservative in the British Parliament. Conservatives can only be so called, by a figure of speech, on account of the sacrifices they have made to Democracy; and Liberals, in like manner, on the other hand, from being the authors of sumptuary, Sabbatarian, and paternal measures, which are infringements of liberty. M. THIERS has made M. GOULARD his Minister of the Interior. M. GOULARD is said to be, politically, a Right-minded man. Placed in a position of great influence over Prefects, Sub-Prefects, and country Mayors, M. GOULARD will, it is to be hoped, so acquit himself as to give buffoons cause to say that inflammation has been allayed by GOULARD's Lotion.

Now, Mr. Punch, reasoning by analogy, could not this "Athanasian Creed difficulty" be bridged over, if the example which was set by my friend the Irish country gentleman was followed in the English Church? Some very sensible gentleman suggested, in a letter to the Times some few weeks since, the following remedy. Let those who wish to adopt this Creed meet together ten minutes before, or ten minutes after, the regular services, and satisfy their consciences by saying or singing it. It would avoid a scene which we have at a church I know of, at stated intervals when the Athanasian Creed is read. At the commencement of the Creed, my friend MR. HALL EXETER, a very good and charitable gentleman, sits down, folds his arms, and scowls round the church. On the contrary, my friend MR. ST. ANTONIO, another very good and charitable gentleman, pours it out ore rotundo in a tone of triumph, as much as to say, Ah! old HALL EXETER, you can't shut me up!" Your humble servant stands up, and consumes the time by reading the CHARLES THE MARTYR or Guy Fawkes services-both political services, which a Nagging Wife.

ADVICE TO BACHELORS.-Never marry a Horsey Girl. She will be

HAPPY THOUGHTS.

XAMINATION for place of
Gardener finished.
*
I
fix on one man. He
has no objection to any-
thing. Pigs he's at
home with, he says,
and Cows are rather a
pleasure to him than a
trouble. Flowers he
understands as well, he
tells me, as he does fruit
and vegetables. Stable-
work and Pony are a
mere joke to this handy
person, on his own show-
ing. Evidently the very
man for me. Before
settling finally, he looks
up with a chirrupy sort
of a smile, he is a
fair-haired man, by
the way, with a fresh,
countrified looking face,
reminding me, on the
whole, of the descrip-
tion, in the old song, of
the Flaxen headed
Ploughboy.

Happy Thought.-The Flaxen-headed Ploughboy

Comes whistling o'er the Lea;

To those who don't like whistling

A nuisance he must be.

"No, Sir; but if it so chanced as you did want a married man, I could come married."

I never knew a servant so accommodating. I really feel that it won't do to presume upon this willingness to too great an extent. I reply, therefore, that I should prefer him single, not having anything for a wife to do; unless, perhaps, my Aunt, when she arrives, could find her some employment.

Mem.-Aunt returns from Aix day after to-morrow, thoroughly galvanised.

Mem.-Little Uncles, JACK and GILL, from the sea-side with
Nurse.

Mem.-The Nook, Nookside, sufficiently furnished for habitation.
Mem.-GUTCH's men at work on Nook ground.

Mem.-Cow, Pig, Pony, still unbought. Do it all in a lump.
Queer sort of lump-a Cow, a Pig, and a Pony.

Write to ENGLEMORE. Inform him of my having settled with Gardener. Tell him that, "under the cires," I haven't time for theatricals, or would be very happy to join him in his housewarming, and will he at once introduce me to the Gardening and Farming Stockbroker whom he mentioned ?

Letter sent by hand.

Happy Thought.-While waiting for answer, go to bookseller's and buy Shilling Manuals on farms, flowers, &c.: The Little Flower Gardener, Every Man his Own Seedsman, Hints for Horticulturists, The Little Poultrywoman's Guide, also The Economical Vegetable Book.

Happy Thought.-"The Economical." Hope this 'll keep the MIKADO's young man in check.

Anecdotes of the Rat.-Perhaps hardly necessary-and yet, in an old place-not in the house, of course (for if they are in, I'm out, that's all), but in the stable there might be rats.

Gossips on Gooseberries, including a treatise on fruit-growing generally and the cultivation of the Grape. I must have a work on Pigs.

Happy Thought.-Write one (after experience) myself. Title, Kill and Cure: being a Scientific Treatise on Pigs. A Baconian Essay.

I hit upon one work then which I decide to buy, before all others: The Bee, its Habits, &c.

Happy Thought.-This is a brilliant idea. It strikes me as ENGLEMORE, by way of answering my letter, comes himself in a cab. I say, impetuously, to him, "Look here. I've settled what I'll do. I'll keep Bees."

I

66

First-rate thing-Mr. Bee," is his reply. "Put him under little Harry Hive, and then run away as hard as you can." "I shall buy a book on the subject."

"That's it," he returns, at once quite taking the idea, but in his own way. "Book for Bee, B for Book. The Bee, and how to avoid Him, I know. Once get accustomed to them and they mean £ s. d. Getting accustomed to 'em is rather a bore tho'," he goes on, as if he knew something about it; "because you have to live with your head in a bag for a week and your hands in mufflers, something between the diver at the Polytechnic and a prize-fighter with boxing-gloves; because when they don't know you Mister Bee will sting Colonel Stranger all over. The Honey's good enough for your little ENGLE

He touches his hat, and observes respectfully,"As you please, Sír; it's all one to me. My object is to make all MORE, without Mister Bee." things comfortable for all parties, and give satisfaction." Happy Thought.-Ask for his character.

He will give me the address of his last place, and, if I will have the goodness to write to the DUKE OF SHETLAND, I shall find that His Grace will be able to speak of him in terms which, he trusts, will corroborate his own account; and, should this not be sufficient, an application to His Serene Highness THE MIKADO will establish his claims to being a first-rate professional Gardener in all sorts of fancy lines.

At first it strikes me that he is joking. This is so improbable, and he is so serious withal, and so pleasant and cheerful about it, that in an off-hand manner, as if correspondence with Mikados and Dukes was among my daily routine of letter-writing, I signify that, if I find after a month's trial he should suit me, I would then write to his former employers for testimonials.

Happy Thought.-In order to avoid mistakes, I ask him, as he is withdrawing, whether he really means the MIKADO, or has made a mistake in the name ?

He draws himself up with some dignity, and replies, "I am not likely, Sir, to have made any mistake. The MIKADO has done more for me than any other nobleman or gentleman living, and I am bound to say, Sir -" (here he is absolutely becoming affected almost to tears)-"I am bound to say, Sir, that, but for him_and the DUKE OF SHETLAND, who gave me the first cuttings of the Hortensis floreatus, I should never have known an hour's happiness." He does not appear at all inclined to stop at this point, but has evidently much more to say, which I nip in the bud. Happy Thought-Gardening simile appropriate. That this should occur to me is a cheering sign, as it shows that my mind is gradually being given to the subject. Can't do anything with any subject, no matter how trifling, unless you give your mind to it. I nip him in the bud, and he bows himself out. I fancy I hear him sobbing on the stairs. If so, he must be as tender as one of his own young plants. Odd about the MIKADO! Perhaps he got into his service on purpose to learn something about Japanese Gardening; and that is what he has been alluding to as fancy-work. Now to other business.

This rather discourages me. Now about his Gardening Stockbroker. Can I see him, and get some hints?

"All right, Colonel," he replies. "He's gone home, and you're to come. Pack up Captain Carpet-bag and little Tommy Toothbrush, that's all.'

I see, we're to stay the night, eh? ENGLEMORE Winks slyly, and answers, "All among the barley. Twenty miles away. Train down. Daniel Dinner, Peter Port. If you're waking call me early, Mother dear, without a headache. Major Ozone on the premises.' I accept, make ready and am off, with him.

Happy Thought (still in the Gardening vein).—I'm going to be "bedded out."

WORDS AND THEIR WORTH.

TOUCHING the Committee of the Convocation of Canterbury appointed to consider and report upon the best way of dealing with the Athanasian Creed, we read in a newspaper that:

"It has been agreed by a majority of over two to one to recommend that an explanatory Rubric shall be appended to the Creed, in order to remove the objections which the damnatory clauses now excite."

What explanation the explanatory Rubrio is to offer, our contemporary does not say. There is one which, since it can raise no controversy, may be suggested here. The proposed Rubric respecting, let us say, the minatory clauses, might simply announce that they do not concern any persons who cannot either believe or disbelieve if their Reverences would all put themselves through a metaphysical the Athanasian Creed because they do not understand it. Perhaps, self-examination, that salvo would be found to be necessary for even the most orthodox of them, not excepting DR. PUSEY himself, if Puseyism can be regarded as orthodoxy. What is the worth of mere words, eh, BISHOP WORDSWORTH?

THE CONCHOLOGIST'S PARADISE.-The Seychelles,

appearance on board of the Local Authorities to present those
congratulations, in which the whole country will heartily and
unanimously join.

UCH curiosity appears to be
felt as to the exact route
We have now endeavoured to trace the career of the good ship-it
which the vessel, that has may be with one or two trifling inaccuracies in detail, for which our
just left our shores on a excuse must be the absence of the latest edition of KEITH JOHN-
long voyage of scientific STON's Atlas-and, in conclusion, wish to say something respecting
discovery, will take be- the sanguine hopes entertained by the Royal Society, the Zoological
tween this date and the Society, the Admiralty, the Press, and other learned and scientific
year 1876 or 7, when the bodies, that not the least important results of the Expedition may be
Royal Society, and the the acquisition of a Sea Serpent and the capture of a live Mermaid.
Geographical Society, and It is understood that the authorities at the Zoological Gardens
Society in general, look for- have agreed to give a sum for the possession of these interesting
ward to the pleasure of and long-sought creatures which would enable the CHANCELLOR OF
welcoming back the gallant THE EXCHEQUER to announce a surplus in his next annual Budget;
band of sailors and savans and if, unfortunately, it should prove impracticable to bring them
who are now commencing home alive, through insuperable obstacles of transport, diet, change
their circumnavigation of of life, &c., that the British Museum, the College of Surgeons, and
the globe, with abund- other public institutions too numerous to particularise, are prepared
ance of energy, enterprise, to pay so liberally for their stuffed remains, that the entire expenses
knowledge, spirits of wine, of the voyage would be met over and over again.
and the best of good wishes
for their prosperity, suc-
cess, and safe return.

A large sum of money is annually spent in this Grocers.-The Government cannot possibly attempt to protect country on education, and you from Competition by suppressing the Civil Service Co-operative it would be most unjust Stores. They are Free-Traders; and if they were so much as to to accuse us of neglect of the topography of Ancient Rome, or in- dream of such a retrograde step, they would have the spirit of MR. difference to the geography of the Peloponnesus; but, for all that, COBDEN rapping at their bedposts, and be kicked out of office besides. the phrase "round the world" does not seem to convey to their Those stores, Gentlemen, have sprung out of a fiscal system especially minds such an accurate notion of its exact import as the country-designed, by liberating commerce, to benefit shopkeepers. Civil men and countrywomen of ANSON, COOK, and CRUSOE, ought to Servants are in the receipt of stated incomes known to Government. be imbued with. To remedy this defect is our present laudable They cannot evade the Income-tax by false returns. Some other object. people can. Thus these people profit by a form of taxation which Leaving the exploration of the seas that wash the coasts of they also shirk. Civil Servants cannot shirk the taxation; they can Sweden, Switzerland, and some other European countries, for a only profit by it in the same way that you do; namely, by seizing future occasion, the Challenger will, after quitting the Channel and the advantage which it confers upon traders-that of obtaining dredging for a short time in the Atlantic, German, and one or two goods cheap. If you, and your mercantile compeers, do not wish more of the better known Oceans, shape its course direct for the that all poor gentlefolks, and all rich as well, should ultimately Antarctic Sea. Touching at the Orkneys, to sound the inhabitants betake themselves to the Co-operative Stores system, you had better as to the respective chances of SIR PETER TAIT and MR. LAING at unite in petitioning for the repeal of the Income-tax. In the meanwhile you could endeavour to excel the Co-operative the forthcoming election; at the Canaries, for the information of the ornithologists of the party, the whole of which, it is hoped, will Storekeepers in the quality of your groceries, and at the same time to obtain a bird's-eye view of those interesting islands; at Madeira, undersell them in the price. The latter thing one would think you for the benefit of the dinner-table, and at St. Michael's for an ac- could well afford to do, because, as a rule, you can assess your own ceptable addition to the dessert-table; at St. Helena, on account incomes at your own figures, subject only to the risk of a surcharge, of its historical associations; at Norfolk Island, to deposit the which you can contest, with no greater difficulty than that of taking Norwich newspapers; and at Juan Fernandez, to ascertain from a compulsory oath; whereas Clerks in Government Offices, and all the oldest inhabitants whether they preserve any reminiscences of other persons employed by the State, have to subsist on stipends MESSRS. SELKIRK and CRUSOE, the vessel, all the crew thinking taxed to the uttermost farthing, and cannot help themselves. tenderly of Burton-on-Trent as they pass through Bass's Strait, will keep well on its way till it reaches Australia and the adjacent islands of New Zealand, New South Wales, and Van Diemen's Land.

Who is B., I wonder? Can B. stand for KING BRADLAUGH, the Monarch of Hyde Park? Has a revolution happened since I dropped asleep last evening, and are our citizens preparing for a Reign of Terror? The bare notion of a Guillotine being wanted here in England so shatters my weak nerves, that I try vainly to compose myself. And to think that B., the wretch! should want a "second-hand" one! Gracious! Where are the police ? Only see what comes of their striking for a day or two! Yours, in great alarm,

Aspen Villa, Quakebury. P.S.-Perhaps now it is too late MR. AYRTON will bestir himself to put down Hyde Park Sunday meetings.