OUR REPRESENTATIVE MAN.

latter getting the best of it, and leaving the Clan Alpine gentleman to expend the small amount of breath remaining to him on a penny whistle, which summoned his followers from all sorts of queer places quarter of an hour, in what must have been most uncomfortable positions. I pitied any of the Clan Alpine Supers with a tendency to lumbago.

He takes some more Evenings from Home, and addresses the Editor in the Mountain Pass, where they have been concealed for a good after visiting Drury Lane and Covent Garden.

8

IR,-The other evening I repre-
sented You (in your freshest
days, not as the blasé creature
you are now), at Drury Lane,
where The Lady of the Lake
is being performed. One great
inducement was the simple
announcement in the bills of
"The Coronach." At the end
of Scene 3, Act III., I found
it. Not a word more-only
the Coronach. I am aware As Your Representative (you thinking yourself so excellent a
that, as myself, I ought to musician) I was much struck by the way in which the canny Seoteh,
know all about the Coronach; under JAMES THE FIFTH, had anticipated MEYERBEER's music, for
but, as Your Representative, they played the March from the Prophète, with a double band, in |
I admit my ignorance. I had first-rate style. And, by the way, in the Glen, during the incanta-
heard of it, in my earliest tion in Act II., we had the Casting the Bullets music from Der
years, as something peculiarly Freischütz; only, of course, as this was an entirely supernatural
Scotch. I was pretty certain affair, the fact could be easily accounted for.

The Last Scene of all, where FOUR-STARS (I'm dying to tell you who he really is) comes out very strong, astonishing nobody except Ellen Douglas and friends, is, as the bills say, really a Triumph. It is magnificent, and no one should leave without seeing it; and no one should see it without leaving, unless he wants to be shut up in Old Drury all night.

I may now, without breach of confidence, mention my conviction that MR. FOUR-STARS and MR. FERNANDEZ are one and the same person, and MR. FOUR-STARS FERNANDEZ is about the best man just now at Old Drury, more power to his elbow!

it wasn't a Haggis, and I knew
that it wasn't a Cock-a-
leekie. My idea of it, if any,

66

You liked Babil and Bijou very much up to the end of the Second inclined to its being a Wail Act. I mean, of course, that Your Representative liked it for you. played on a Bagpipe; which Up to that time it resembled the swell footman's conversation among description, on account of the poverty of the English language, his friends at Bath,-it was werry pretty." After this it fell off sounds by comparison uncommonly like the superlative degree of Fell off in interest, I wish you to understand-in nothing else, playing a Salmon with a Jew's-harp. I take this opportunity of Scenery, costumes, ballet, all gorgeous and effective, but now and adding that I have come away from Drury Lane without clearly then a trifle wearisome, at least for you, Sir, with your used-up learning what the Coronach is, except that it has something to do experience. with Roderick Dhu, when slain, being carried out on the shoulders It called to my mind the Biche au Bois, the Chatte Blanche, of six men as stiff as a poker. Never on any stage was there a Cendrillon, and, for the matter of that, a host of spectacles, pantoman so thoroughly killed as was Roderick Dhu the night I saw mimes, and extravaganzas in London and Paris. It is just the same him pinked by his gallant opponent at Drury Lane Theatre. as any one or all of them, only much more so; as all the old effects Whether he, in this attitude, was the Coronach, or whether his are multiplied and improved upon. The ballet dancing, too, is firstclansmen bowing politely towards the body, or whether the orchestra, rate, for a wonder, and then look at the Amazons in armour, sed which certainly did play a dirgey sort of march,-whether each their Prince Fortinbras! Six foot one is this charming young lady, one separately, or the whole together, was the Coronach, I regret if an inch! And not showy only, but able to speak her lines with to say I was unable to learn. My neighbours on my right and left emphasis and discretion. seemed uncomfortable when I asked them, as if the Coronach meant something about which it were better in decent society to be silent. As Your Representative I blushed-though I don't remember having ever seen You perform this feat-and dropped the subject.

I

The music is the work of a talented trio, but which composition belongs to which composer is a puzzle; not, as far as I could see (that is, as Your Representative, though, acting for myself, I've no doubt I should have known all about it in two twos), solved by any information in the playbill of Babil. A ballad sung by Mrss ANNIE I liked MISS MARIA B. JONES, as Ellen Douglas, very much. SINCLAIR (or Sing Clear), a Quintette, and a Spring Chorus (which like her more as I recall her to my memory, though I was sorry to has nothing to do with a spring mattress, being a piece of music and see how rudely she treated that Aged Minstrel, Allan Bane (a not a piece of mechanism) are all charming, and, when I heard wretched old humbug, I admit) in Act IV. Sc. 1, where, when she is them, were deservedly encored. Your Representative did not see to be made as comfortable as possible by the handsome young officer, much to laugh at in the Fairy Spectacle (though you, Sir, being MR. BARNES (whom I had till now always associated with the Pan- under the impression that a sweet smile is more becoming to your taloon and "Here's a Policeman coming!"), she cheerfully skips features than an air of repose, would have grinned from first to last), off with that polite gentleman, accompanied also by a new military except when MR. LIONEL BROUGH, who, throughout the piece has not acquaintance, who in the bill is styled "A Soldier with a Song". nearly enough to say for himself, pretends to whisper soft nothings that being, apparently, his rank in the Scotch army-and leaves of a humorous nature to a huge Turtle. The Turtle (who is supthe poor old minstrel, who is as blind as a bat, to fish his way out posed to be a Queen) is, whoever may be inside that property shell, for himself as best he can, or to knock his stupid old head against an actor of considerable comic power. The way in which the gentle the wings, as there seemed to be every probability of his doing, at amphibious creature affected to be shocked at one of MR. BROUGH'S the risk of considerable personal injury to his aged nose and forehead. whispered good things, which had evidently become just a little bit James the Fifth of Scotland, craftily represented in the bill by of Sandford and Merton celebrity, would at once have been reminded too broad even for a turtle, was indescribably funny. Mr. Barlow, MR."***" was admirably played by MR. but no, I will not reveal a secret which the play bill so carefully guards. The part, of a story with some such name as Lionel and the Blushing Turtle. however, is capitally played by MR. FOUR-STARS (let's say); and Costumes gorgeous, spectacle altogether brilliant. This is Your when I remembered that I had seen this gentleman, only a while cluded that, with the exception of the music, Babil and Bijou is s Representative's summing up; from which it may be safely conago, as the Wicked Archdeacon of the Adelphi, performing very show which, like little boys among their elders, may be seen, but unarchidiaconal functions, I was indeed pleased. But I must be mute. FOUR-STARS, farewell! Tortures (up to a certain point) just the very thing for children. There's a morning performance And, by the way, apropos of little boys, the piece is shall not drag from me the secret of your name. As for Roderick Dhu, I protest that, out of SKELT's Scenes and every Saturday, and Your Representative's advice to Pater and Materfamilias is, Characters, I have never seen such a Twopence-Coloured Macduff "When in doubt, play Covent Garden." as Clan Alpine's Chief at Drury Lane. Without his helmet (which is of a Prussian character), and fitted with a bonnet and feathers complete, the contest to possess him between the small retail dealers in Fancy Snuffs and Tobaccos would be indeed a sharp one. I'm not sure whether the upper half of him (for he falls off a little at the legs, which are less formidable than the upper part and of a different colour) wouldn't have a terrific effect on an enemy, if judiciously placed as the figure-head to a man-of-war. This, however, is a hint for My Lords at the Admiralty, to which they are welcome.

There's one thing that Roderick of Dhury Lane can do, and that is fight. My! Can't he! And so can MR. FOUR-STARS, too, the

not heard."

Your Representative was just in time to see the Last Days of Montcalm at the Queen's Theatre. Poor fellow (I think Montcalm was a fellow, but am not quite certain), he had a short life of it, and far from a merry one. He was mixed up, during his brief existence at the above-named theatre, with a Ghost, who came with Thunder, and Thunder that came without the Ghost (the latter having forgotten the day, or being a trifle unpunctual), with an uncle whe murdered a brother or a nephew (I am not clear which), with a father who relentlessly hunted up and then hunted down a daughter, with envy, hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness, with stabbings and poisonings, with startling wills found in secret drawers, and, in

I AM an old bachelor, and have no milliner's bills to pay, and take, therefore, little interest in the changes of the fashions. Still, I can't help now and then just glancing at the statements upon this important subject, which are so continually thrust before my eyes in the columns of the newspapers. Here is one, for instance, which, if I were a married man, would give me satisfaction:

"The Dolman' is a loose jacket, with large hanging sleeves, that can be assumed or left loose at pleasure. One variety of this useful garment is cut without any sleeve, a wing being added, which gives the appearance of a handsome hanging sleeve. One advantage of this shape is, it does

Being still a bachelor, I am privileged to observe that ladies wearing wings must look really quite angelic. The thought may possibly occur to sundry married men as well, in their honeymoon especially. But, if I were a husband, I should observe with still more pleasure that these winged garments "do not take much material." This is clearly an advantage, in a marital point of view, MR. SHEE may, very likely, not only say all that without fear of where economy may claim to be regarded as a beauty. With wings, contradiction, but will very likely not be contradicted by any logical and in these expensive days I am sure that every husband will or without them, ladies generally manage to make their money fly: Papist or thinking Protestant. It is quite intelligible that no utter-welcome with delight any novelty in fashion that lets his wife be ance of the POPE, even ex cathedra, and no decree of any Council, rather cheaper, although really not less dear, to him. may, even in the view of POPE and Council themselves, be de fide unless included in the above-mentioned deposit. But who is to With compliments to Mrs. Punch, I am yours, &c., decide whether it is in fact included or not? Suppose the Holy The Owlsnest, Cosy Crescent. HUMPHREY HUNKS. Father were to rule that the earth was flat, that the sun moved round it, and that these points were of faith, as being included in that deposit, what then? Would MR. SHEE, or anybody else of that gentleman's way of thinking, be at liberty to gainsay his POPE?

THAT he is overworked.

That his constitution requires stimulants.

That, if he had them, he could at this moment invest a few hun

That smoking is good for his nerves, his worries, his literary pursuits, his toothache, &c.

That he ought to belong to a Club.

That he could reform the Army, do away with the Income-tax, manage the Railways better, and make a large fortune by keeping an Hotel.

That he knows a good glass of wine.

That he could win a heap of money if he were to go to Homburg.
That medicine is all humbug.

That he could preach as good a sermon himself.

That he should soon pick up his French if he went abroad.
That he must win on this year's Derby.

IN THE MIND OF WOMAN.
That she has nothing fit to put on.

That things ought to be bought because they are cheap.
That there is company in the kitchen.

That she is not allowed sufficient money for housekeeping.
That she never goes out anywhere.

That her best black silk is getting awfully shabby.

That she requires a change about the month of August.
That her allowance is too small.

That she never looks fit to be seen.

That cook drinks.

That there is always "a glare."

That there is somebody in the house.

That MRS. ORPINGTON is dreadfully gone off, or dreadfully made up, or not so very good-looking, after all.

Mrs. Flirtington (coquettishly). "I'M AFRAID YOU ARE BORED, MR. AMORET! YOU WOULD SOONER BE WALKING WITH SOME YOUNG LADY!" Mr. Amoret (with native Readiness and Gallantry). "O NO, INDEED, MRS. FLIRTINGTON. I-I-I MUCH PREFER THE OLDER ONES!"