Harry. Willingly, MASTER TOMMY.

Tommy. I should like very much to hear.

Harry. You must know, then, MASTER TOMMY, that in London there are a great many buildings called Theatres, or Theayters, to which some people go, and, in cases where the free list is entirely suspended, and the absurd system of orders is abolished, actually pay money in the expectation of being amused by the performers. Indeed, at Christmas-time, when nearly every sort of entertainment is open to the public, it is a person's own fault if he is not constantly amused. Tommy. But pray, HARRY, have you no more particulars to tell me about these Pantomimes?.

Harry. You can judge for yourself, MASTER TOMMY. TOMMY was so affected with this rebuke, that he only restrained his tears by a strong physical exertion, which resulted in his giving HARRY a kick on the shins underneath the table. For this, being a boy of generous disposition, he had the good-breeding and courtesy to apologise, in time to avert the severe damage which his head would have received at the hands of his friend HARRY; and, in order to propitiate the justly-aroused anger of MR. BARLOW, MASTER TOMMY offered to treat HARRY SANDFORD and their worthy preceptor to the play that very night; a proposal which, after some show of reluctance, both MR. BARLOW and HARRY SANDFORD cordially accepted.

AT DRURY LANE.-On their arrival in the lobby of the Dress Circle, a kindly-spoken gentleman insisted upon relieving the party of their coats, and gave them a programme of the performance, for which they returned him their most sincere thanks; MR. BARLOW, moreover, promised him a gratuity on his leaving the theatre. This promise was accompanied by a significant look at HARRY, who fully appreciated his worthy preceptor's conduct. As to TOMMY, he was too full of wonder and admiration of all he saw to notice this transaction, and, indeed, the questions which arose to his lips during the evening were so numerous, that, with a discretion beyond his years, he determined to reserve them for a future occasion. The Pantomime was Tom Thumb.

Harry. The VOKES's are very comical people with their legs. Mr. Barlow. Yes, truly; and, being so, it is a thousand pities any of them should attempt to sing. Their dancing is highly amusing. TOMMY was here very much alarmed by the appearance of a Giant's head over the castle wall. His fears were not allayed when the Giant ate Tom Thumb, who, on his re-appearance from the Giant's mouth, was taken up in the claws of a huge bird. This made TOMMY cry; and it was not until MR. BARLOW had explained to him that the object of the Pantomime was to make little boys and girls laugh, that he at all recovered his wonted spirits. However, on seeing that HARRY was smiling, and that MR. BARLOW was composing himself to sleep, he was reassured by their demeanour, and became deeply interested in the stage representation.

At the Scene of Dresden China Watteauesque figures, TOMMY'S delight declared itself in loud applause.

Tommy. Are those the Clowns ? I thought you said, Sir, that there was only one Clown!

Mr. Barlow. To the eye of the rightly constituted mind there can be but one Clown; and our mental vision is only disturbed and confused by this multiplication of drolls.

MR. BARLOW further explained that the Clown is human like ourselves; whereat TOMMY expressed himself dissatisfied.

Mr. Barlow. As the comic scenes appear to depress you, HARRY, and as TOMMY is evidently becoming tired and cross withal, it were best to leave.

Harry. Indeed, Sir, this Pantomime reminds me of what you told me about the shape of the earth.

Mr. Barlow. I do not see, HARRY, how you connect the two subjects. There is a vast difference between this planet and a Pantomime.

Harry. Indeed, Sir, there is; for our planet is entirely round, and this Pantomime is remarkably flat.

Mr. Barlow. Beware of such wholesale condemnations, my dear HARRY; this Pantomime has already given delight to some twenty thousand persons, every one, it may be, as good as yourself.

TOMMY was much pleased, however, at HARRY's application of a scientific fact, and expressed his determination of learning Astronomy at once, in order that he might be as ready as HARRY on any suitable occasion.

On quitting the theatre, MR. BARLOW promised the box-keeper a sixpence, whereat the poor man could scarcely refrain from embracing his benefactor. So they left.

NEXT NIGHT-COVENT GARDEN.-Here they saw the Pantomime of Blue Beard. As each new Scene presented itself to their view, they were vehemently enraptured, and thought that no expression of praise could suffice to express their pleasure.

Mr. Barlow. Certainly the scenery is very beautiful.
Harry. The ladies are indeed lovely!

Mr. Barlow. They are mortal.

Tommy. O, here is Blue Beard's procession! I know the story! And here are the Camels, and-O!-a White Elephant!

burning climates. In his temper he is gentle and tractable, and his Mr. Barlow. The Camel, my dear TOMMY, is found chiefly in patience in being

Audience. Hush! Order! Turn him out!

better to remain silent, and watch a Scene which gives everyone so Harry. Indeed, Sir, they are alluding to you! Would it not be much gratification P

MR. BARLOW perceived the sense of this remark, and confined himself to explaining to TOMMY, in an undertone, that MR. MACthe Grecian Theatre, where he was considered "funny;" but that DERMOTT, who played Blue Beard, had been, till lately, an actor at here his humour seemed to be limited to an imitation of one MR. CLARKE, an actor of burlesque parts most favourably known to playgoers; and, indeed, the audience seemed to be largely of MR. BARLOW's mind, for it was not until Mr. Blue Beard danced, which he did cleverly, that they testified their approbation of his drolleries.

the whole town. It is indeed a magnificent spectacle. Mr. Barlow. This Scene of the Amazons' Encampment will attract Tommy. There must be thousands on the stage!

MR. BARLOW smiled at this, and was about to demonstrate, mathematically, the improbability of more than three hundred of the corps de ballet being on the scene at once, when his attention was attracted to the Grand Transformation Scene by vociferous applause, in which he was conscientiously able to join. On their quitting the theatre, at eleven o'clock, the boys were loud in their praises of what they had seen.

Harry. How diverting were those French dancers! and the Shadows!

Tommy. And the Clown with the two boys! and their fiddles and musical bells!

Mr. Barlow. You are right. With the comic scenes and the Clown came the fun peculiar to this species of amusement, of which there was, amid all the glitter and splendour, a lack. And perhaps this is as it should be; for why term the Harlequinade "the Comic Scenes," unless they are so by comparison with the previous portion of the Pantomime ?

Harry. Your observation, Sir, reminds me of the entertaining story of Sophronius and Kydaspes, which TOMMY has not yet heard.

HARRY was about to commence the tale without further parley, when it was discovered that TOMMY had slipped out of the room, and had, it was supposed, retired to bed. MR. BARLOW therefore intimated that, as he had heard the story before, it would be better if they both followed their young friend's example.

HARRY submitted to this arrangement; and when the two boys were assured that their worthy preceptor was asleep, they took his latchkey, and sallied forth to enjoy themselves at EVANS's supper-rooms.

A VIRTUOUS VESTRY.

E it known that a sort of Fair or miscellaneous Market is held in the New Cut (excuse mention of such a place) every Sunday morning. There do people of the baser sort buy their Sunday dinners, and other matters which they fancy they want. The Lambeth Vestry, justly indignant at such goings on, appealed to COLONEL HENDERSON to put a stop to them. That haughty and sarcastic official declared that he should do nothing of the sort, unless the shopkeepers who keep their shops open on Sundays were also obliged to respect the day of rest. We pity the Colonel's want of logical power. What is there in common between a respectable shopkeeper, who pays rates, and a low person who wheels a barrow, or rents the flap over a cellarage? The Vestry scorned such terms, and have been taking the names of the vendors at this fair, and such addresses as the miserable creatures could give. Summonses have been issued, but the matter stands over for a few weeks.

At the end of that time, Mr. Punch cordially trusts that the Lambeth Vestry will sternly carry out their plan for promoting the respectability of the New Cut, and if COLONEL HENDERSON again refuses to help them, let appeal be made to MR. BRUCE. There is not the least pretence for holding the Fair. Let the people in and about the New Cut buy their fish, meat, and the rest of their luxuries on Saturday. What is to prevent them from doing so. Wages are always paid at an early hour on Saturday, and by four o'clock on that day the wife of an artisan has always received from her husband the bulk of his earnings, less perhaps by a trifle which she playfully returns to him, that he may have a pipe and a pint before going to bed. He would be considered a bad fellow if he did not give her the money, or if she had to coax it out of him late, or to take it from his pocket when he had sunk into the gentle slumber of intoxication. That he should surlily refuse it, and strike her, and force her to wait until morning brought better temper, is too monstrous an idea. "Our flesh and blood" never does this sort of thing. Let the Wife therefore make her purchases on Saturday. Let her take her fish and meat home. We are perfectly aware that they are perishable articles, but we suppose that they can be put into the pantry down-stairs, or that, if domestics or cats are distrusted, the food can be placed in the refrigerator. That article is cheap enough, anyhow, and a very good one can be got for three or four guineas, and it is the affectation of ignorance to say that ice is not at hand, for we know that the Wenham Lake carts go round several times a week-this we state from our own knowledge, and we hate sentimentality. By this means not only will offence to the refined natures of the Lambeth Vestry be avoided, but the vendors of the articles will be released from work, and enabled to attend places of worship. To their own declaration that but for Sunday trade they must go to the workhouse, we lend a deaf ear. Morality cannot yield to Necessity. A prudent man will earn his income in six days. If he cannot, we must echo the remark made by a conscientious person at a meeting on the subject, and say, "Let him starve."

Mr. Punch strongly upholds the Lambeth Vestry in this business, and thinks their conduct quite worthy of the reputation they have so long borne. He is much displeased with the Colonel of Police, and hopes never to have to say, in MR. POPE's words

"Stern HENDERSON repented, And gave them back the Fair."

If Vestries will enforce Sabbatarianism, and if Alliances will totally deprive the weaker classes of the Refreshments of which they mostly make bad use, we shall raise the standard of national morals, and entirely efface the discontent which some persons believe is felt with national institutions.

SEASONABLE SENTIMENT.-May the Commission of Inquiry into the Megæra business get to the bottom of it!

HOROSCOPE FOR 1872.

WITH the aid of this ingenious little instrument, the horoscope, which is simple in construction, easily cleaned, and to be had of all respectable dealers throughout the kingdom in gold, silver, motherof-pearl, ormolu, aluminium, and other suitable materials, a clear insight may be obtained, on a fine evening, into the more salient events of the year one thousand eight hundred and seventy-two.

The observations we have been enabled to make with one of these instruments (fitted with the patent self-acting forecaster) are so startling that, without loss of time, we hasten to lay them before the world, for the guidance and direction of reigning Sovereigns, Cabinet Ministers, School-Boards, Members of Parliament, Mayors, Magistrates, Mothers of Marriageable Daughters, Managers of Theatres, Newspaper Editors, Speculators, and others, who may be desirous to make their arrangements at once for the ensuing twelve months.

Parliament will meet early in February, a few days after it ceases to be legal to slaughter pheasants. It will be prorogued early in August, about the period when grouse-shooting becomes a lawful pastime.

The HOME SECRETARY will withdraw several measures in the course of the Session.

The London School-Board, by the active interposition of its Beadles, will clear the streets of from ten to twenty children.

Mayor's banquets.
Australian meat will appear on the bill of fare at the Lord

will take place, one which ought to make a great noise in the world,
In the month of February a most serious astronomical occurrence
and is likely to be attended with disastrous consequences to those who
may be unfortunate enough to be on the spot-the full moon will
fall on Saturday, the 24th.
There will be at least one new cookery-book published during the
year.

Good port wine will become scarcer and dearer than ever. The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER will, in his annual Budget, cards, dolls, pins, perambulators, umbrellas, and wigs. propose a tax upon one or more of the following articles:-calling The Mines Regulation Bill will be brought before Parliament; also the COLLIER affair.

rots, bullfinches, and squirrels at the Crystal Palace. The DUCHESS There will be a show (the first) of guinea-pigs, white mice, paroF LAUNCESTON, LADY IDA DOWN, and the Honourable MRS. ALFRED WARBLEMORE will act as Judges.

Several new animals will be added to the collection in the Zoo

logical Gardens.

MARK LEMON.

Ir became our duty, some weeks ago, to invite the attention of our readers to the fact that a Memorial Fund, in aid of the Widow and unmarried Daughters of our late lamented friend, MARK LEMON, had been opened. On a page at the end of our present issue will be found the list of those who have subscribed to the Fund. Several donors have been generous, many have been very liberal, and thanks are due to those who have "done what they could." But the aggregate amount as yet obtained is altogether inadequate to the purpose, that of making a permanent provision for those so dear to one who never lost an opportunity of doing a kindness. It is with reluctance that, after examining the list, we admit to ourselves that very much is owed to private friendship, and comparatively little to public recognition of the noble character and the merits of MARK LEMON. Believing, as we sincerely believe, that we may account for this by supposing that thousands are still unacquainted with the fact that their aid is invited, we re-iterate our Appeal. We venture also to ask our contemporaries, who have already so ably and kindly promoted the object, again to perform that labour of love. We, lastly, call attention to the notice at the foot of the list, stating how subscriptions can be forwarded. Some misapprehension on this point may have retarded the liberality which we refuse to believe will not be shown to those who possess such inherited and such personal claim to the kindly consideration of all.

Juvenile Gulosity.

A SAGE said to a Schoolboy, home for the holidays, "A contented mind is a continual feast." "Is it?" quoth young Hopeful, "I should rather say that a continual feast was a contented mind."

THE RETICENCE OF THE PRESS.

THE American Press admires the reticence which the British Press has practised during the seventy odd days occupied in hearing one side of a cause which will be celebrated. The English Press also takes credit to itself for that reticence. It is, doubtless, exemplary. By not interfering with, we know how much it furthers, the administration of Justice. A trial such as the great lawsuit now pending, or any other in a British Court of Law, is determined, the minds of the jury are mere scales. The Counsel on either side we all know, simply by the weight of evidence, in relation to which respectively confine themselves to the production of true evidence each on behalf of his client, and the refutation of false evidence advanced for the opposite party. The Judge is the only person in Court who expresses any opinion on the case which could possibly influence the jury; his opinion being expressed under the obligation tiff or the defendant, ever attempts to bias their decision either by of strict impartiality. No barrister, whether counsel for the plainsophistry or appeals to their passions and prejudices. It is therefore highly necessary that the Press should abstain as strictly as it does from any explanation or argument with reference to a pending suit which, how sincerely soever meant to instruct, might possibly have the effect of misleading the jury sitting thereon. oratory, and the dodges of dialectics, in order to make the worst If, indeed, Counsel were usually accustomed to employ the arts of appear the better cause in the eyes of twelve men more or less liable to be deceived and deluded, then, indeed, the reticence of a respectable and intelligent Press, in abstaining from any remarks capable of helping a jury to deliver a righteous verdict, would not perhaps be quite so purely advantageous as it is now.

Riddle for the Young Folks.

WHY are the two letters at the tail the most sensible of all the Alphabet P-Because they are the Wise Head.