Mater (aroused by the Horse pulling up). "WHIT'S THE MATTER, GUIDMAN ?-ONYTHING WRANG? Pater (bringing his Faculties to a Focus). "LET US JUST CONSUDER THE RECENT CIRCUMSTANCES. WHEN WE STARTET FRAE ARDRISHAIG?"

OWLS THAT IS NOT HORGANS.

MR. PUNCH has-need he say it ?-the profoundest admiration for the skill and zeal of the great Healers who have conducted H.R.H. the PRINCE OF WALES out of the region of bulletins. But he hopes that should any member of the Royal Family again need medical advice (which good fortune forefend for many a long day), no name belonging to a member of the illustrious trio may be signed to the affiches. It was not for Mr. Punch to complain while bulletins issued, but now all else is happiness, he makes his moan, or rather (as MR. ROEBUCK says Birmingham is always doing) makes his howl. How many thousand idiots have sent Mr. Punch jests on the names of the Doctors, he cannot say, but the changes have been rung ad nauseam on a "Jennerous diet," a "Lowe fever,' a "bird of good omen-a Gull," until

Here's a han
Ma trusty Freen

"OOR JOHN" WAS IN THE GIG-WHEN THEY
STARTED!

WAS OOR JOHN IN THE GIG

GUILDED LADIES.

LADIES, look at this proposal to promote what some of you may call the millineryennium:

"A Guild of Ladies is proposed to be formed to promote modesty of dress to do away with extravagance, and substitute the neatness and sobriety suitable to Christian women."

A guild formed to promote the sobriety of women ought to have SIR WILFRID LAWSON for a patron, and should be supported by every Teetotaller now living in the land." But the sobriety here mentioned is that of dress, not drink; and total abstinence from finery and flummery of fashion is doubtless the chief aim of the promoters of the guild. Well, if they succeed in reducing even chignons to reasonable dimensions, they will deserve the thanks of every one afflicted with good taste; and if they further are successful in reducing

But not one goose was gratified; ha! ha! Fire, not vanity, the enormous bills which ladies owe their milliners, they will earn the was fed. Still, Mr. Punch has suffered; and therefore he begs heartfelt gratitude of many a poor husband, who can ill afford to leave to suggest that all the three Doctors be raised to the Peerage. pay them. All is not gold that glitters, but we may guess there is They have richly deserved it, and so has SIR JAMES PAGET (whose true metal, and not merely specious glitter, in these Guilded Ladies. name happily does not help the small wits); but Mr. Punch's comfort is the thing to be considered. N.B. He likes to give those who are blest in not being simple men an occasional peep-as thus-at the circumjacent world of donkeyism.

MRS. MALAPROP has lately been [studying Latin, with success. But, as a good Church-woman, she cannot hold with the rule Festina lente. She disapproves of feasting in Lent.

French and British Budgets.

M. THIERS has been censured by some of our contemporaries for his fiscal policy of seeking to impose heavy duties on raw materials. At any rate, however, France will not be saddled (like an ass) with an Income-tax; so the taxation to which that country will be subjected, will be comparatively light, even if it should have the effect of making butchers' meat as frightfully dear there as it is in England.

TICHBORNE V. LUSHINGTON.
IND Mr. Punch, a happy BOYLE'S Court Guide is, as all who dwell or have friends in the
change has come over the Court District know, as accurate and convenient a book of reference
character of our Public as possible. No library table can be without this manual. It is
Schools. The chief of them, with great reluctance, therefore, that Mr. Punch, in the exercise of
I have been told, of what stern duty, devotes the new volume of the Guide to the vengeance
is called medieval founda- of LORD CHIEF JUSTICE BOVILL. But respect for the Bench compels
tion, were originally in- Mr. Punch to offer this sacrifice. In the issue for January, 1872,
tended to educate the sons on page 797, this may be read:-

of poor gentlemen. But "TICHBORNE, SIR ROGER C. D., Bart., 10, Harley Road West, Brompton,
now, Sir, the purpose they S.W."
have come to serve is just
Now Mr. Punch appeals to the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE, and to the
the reverse of that. A cor- Universe to say whether the desire expressed by the former that
respondent of the Morning there should be no comment on the Tichborne case, pendente lite,
Post, signing himself PA- has not been scrupulously complied with. Dull as the season has
VIDUS-evidently a mean, been, there has been no yielding to the temptation to make smart
shabby, needy sprig of gen- articles out of the Australian Romance. Mr. Punch himself, who
tility, afraid, as his signa- is above all laws, has set the most noble example to his contempo-
ture means, if I am not
misinformed, which, by
raries, and even when he has borrowed an illustration from the big
the tenor of his letter, he trial, he has carefully avoided any expression of opinion as to the
plainly confesses himself has inserted an entry which prejudges the case. The name and title
merits. But, in the Court Guide, the Claimant, or somebody else,
to be, of having to fork
out more than he is able of SIR ROGER TICHBORNE are claimed as calmly as if the ownership
writes to complain, for- were as well established as that of the name and title of SIR WILLIAM
sooth, of "the growing name and title would be cited, but that it pleases him to occupy his
BOVILL, which appear in another page, or as Mr. Punch's own
abuse of tips' and pocket-
money allowance." This
family mansion East of Temple Bar. This is Contempt of Court.
The Attorney-General has stated his belief that the Claimant is a

cunning and audacious conspirator, a perjurer, a forger, an impostor,

and a villain. He may be all these things, and not SIR ROGER TICHBORNE. He may be none of these things, and be SIR ROGER TICHBORNE. He may be only so many of these things as are compatible with his being SIR ROGER TICHBORNE. No person, except an advocate, has the least right to state an opinion until the jury shall be finally locked up, and out of the way of being prejudiced. Whoever took on himself to decide the case, by sending to the Court Guide a statement that SIR ROGER TICHBORNE exists, and resides at the above address, did that for which he should be called on to answer at the bar of the Common Pleas. Roo-ey, too-ey, too-eytoo-ey too!

LIQUOR LAWS SUPERSEDED.

MOUTHING, spouting, declamatory, meddlesome agitation for the compulsory enforcement of total abstinence from invigorating, comforting, cheering, and restorative drinks on people to whom it would be intolerable, is the very staff of life to the United Kingdom Alliance. Therefore it is taking the bread out of their mouths to enter into combination for any purpose like that described by the Post in a paragraph announcing:

set on foot a new social movement, the main object of which is to enable them "ANOTHER SOCIAL MOVEMENT.-The working-men of the West End have to hold meetings with their trade and friendly societies away from publichouses. A body of earnest working-men have been exerting themselves for some months past to raise funds for the purpose of building a central hall, in which the trade and friendly societies of Chelsea, Brompton, and Kensington may meet, instead of at public-houses. There are upwards of seventy such societies in the districts named."

When he wrote the above sneer at cotton lords probably he turned up his nose. That is, I mean, he tried to, for it is a nose that don't turn up by nature, I'm sure. I'll be bound it's one of those aquiline hook-noses which your bloated aristocrats are so vain If working-men generally take to courses like these, they will of, none of your jolly button-mushroom snub. I fancy I see very soon vindicate their order from the accusation of drunkenness PAVIDUS-LORD PAVIDUS, perhaps-looking down upon myself and which Liquor LAWSON, DAWSON BURNS, and their followers, put sniffing at me, like a footman with too strong, a bouquet in his forward as a pretext for soliciting the whole people to let thembuttonhole. He and his, and such as they, had best keep them-selves be placed under restraint, like idiots or babies. The sober selves to themselves. If our boys are too well-off at school for theirs, and earnest working-men, drinking their beer in moderation, will and yet theirs are above being sent to regular pauper schools, why show themselves to be really the same flesh and blood with the gentledon't your Nobs and Swells get up poor's schools of their own, poor men who sip their claret soberly, and are so kind as to interest themgentlemen's schools, if they like to call them so? At such schools selves in the promotion of schemes for withholding their poorer kind the rule might be that no boy was to come from home to school with from indulgence in "intoxicating liquors." But then the occupation more than five shillings in his pocket, nor be allowed above sixpence of the United Kingdom Alliance will be gone. That is to say, they Dress and board could be cut down to the same plain, poverty-spiring to have the pleasure of regulating the habits of others. will be deprived of all excuse for vociferating, plotting, and constricken scale. Such regulations would keep the high-bred paupers what they call select enough without any necessity, which they that pride themselves so on their pronunciation might perhaps imagine, for an entrance examination to try if [new-comers could pronounce their h's. And so, poor nobility and gentry, being brought up in that frugal sort of way, would continue in it, because able to afford no better, and by-and-by, I dare say, get to pride themselves upon it, and make a merit and a boast of their despicable economy; so that plain living and dressing and eating and drinking will some day perhaps be considered the particular tokens of high birth and breeding, and of class-distinction between PLANTAGENET MOWBRAY FITZ-MONTAGUE NORFOLK HOWARD and SHODDY.

Young Person (on taking a Situation with Maiden Lady). "IN THE COURSE OF CONVERSATION, SHALL I ADDRESS YOU AS MISS OR MUM?"!!