EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF THE COMING O the Temple of Un- 1882. Heard a trans- attracted much attention by their neat and respectable appearance. I proposed the toast of "The Gentlemen." Alfred responsed, and for a wonder did not brea down. before breakfast. Sitting in the Library reading Mill' Thursday, May 14. Gave Cook a lesson on the har Woman Triumphant," when my electric alarum rang. Message from Oxford from my youngest sister, Bianc to say that she had that instant been elected Fellow "Dogmas and Dog- Carlyle College. Three hundred and ten competiton matics." Bi-monthly thorough domination of Russian, Japanese, politic Tremendous examination, lasting three weeks. Bianca levy for the expenses nars who collected in of the Temple. Ste-economy, statistics, aerostatics, electrology, hygiene and the new Septentrional salver. The new Act, limiting the personal expenses of Adult Males, may have something to do with this. Shall move in the Saloon for Returns showing the working of the Act. Alfred nowhere to be seen in the Vestibule; perhaps detained by the children's toilette. In the afternoon at the new Museum of Natural History opened this Spring, at Kensington. The Galleries crowded. Several of us, including Professors Sara Sabina Thewes and Caroline Gostrong, delivered extemporary lectures on the animals; the men very attentive. In the evening to St. Paul's; heard the new organist, Charlotte Bach Stopmore, Mus. Doc. The Cathedral a blaze of splendour with the Tyndaluminospectric light. We Women have yet something to learn in physical science. Monday, May 11. Received, by appointment, a deputation from the electors of New Marylebone, inviting me to candidate that District at the next General Election. Mrs. Admiral Stenterton, and Miss Lydia Boss Wolloby, the dominant spokeswomen. Spread out my views on the Husbands' Regulation Movement, the Cigar-Tax, the Compulsory Inspection of Men's Clubs, and the Repudiation of the National Debt. All satisfactory, and I agreed to retire from Jutley. Deputation luncheoned with me. No place kept for Alfred, who had to sit at a side-table. Friday, May 15. Busy all the morning preparing oration on the "Wise Sayings of Wise Women in Countries and Epochs," for the Congress. (Interrupte twice by Alfred, who had got the housekeeping accouts and the washing-book into a fearful muddle.) Gre meeting at 3:30 in Emancipation Hall, to welcome M Hale Columbia Spragg, the first female President of th United States. She has transited the Atlantic to atte our Congress, but can only be present at this evening Inauguratory, as she must be in New York again bet sundown to-morrow. Went to the Saloon, but it imme diately adjourned, on the motion of Mr. Theodor Stuke, to enable the Lady Members to festinate to th Congress. Immense success. Fifteen hundred Delegate from every country in the world processed down th Hall, and then arranged themselves by Continents o the gilded dais. Twenty-five thousand women compute to be present in the Spectatorium. Our distinguished champion and unflinching Hegemon, Amelia Smackes assumed the presidential throne. Incessant coruscation of enthusiasm, which culminated when a black siste moved the fourteenth resolution, demanding the tota immediate, and unconditional transfer of all meni labour from Woman to Man. Did not get home t 1 P.M. Left my key behind me, so obliged, to rous up Alfred, who was in bed, in great distress at the los of one of his canaries, and had forgotten to order m stout. Vexatious! Saturday, May 16. Dejeuned at the Constellatio To the Club (the Gynecium), and flashed a long private cryptogram to the Hotel with dear Amelia, to meet Mrs. President Sprag Chairwoman of my Committee at Jutley. Dined at the Club. After dinner in Chief Justice Roberta Cokestone (from Liberia), the the Fumitory. Took a Cabriole to the Saloon. Driver an extortionist; but Lady Warden of the Cinque Ports, the Lady Mayores I knew the exact distance, to the tenth of a kilometre. Saloon debating the the Mistress of the Mint, and other forward Member Juries Exemption (Women) Bill. Spoke, I think, with sensation. The venerable of the Congress. The President left us at noon. Sh Earl of Hughenden came in as I was perorating. Alfred, in the Gentlemen's would balloon over to New York in five hours and Gallery, in tears. I wore my black velvet and point lace pelerine, with the half. Quiet dinner at Richmond in the evening. On diamond star he gave me after the Jutley election. That tiresome, tedious, Amelia, two of the elder Sisters of the Trinity House insufferable Hannah Longbore (how South-West Suffolk stands her so long and the Delegates from Germany, Turkey, Greece, an I cannot imagine) prosed on against the Bill, and sided with the Men, but we China. fidgeted her down at last. She had on that old crimson satin which has seen and introduced her bosom friend, the Professor Bianca joined us unexpectedly from Oxfor three sessions at least! Maiden speech from Marian Spray-pretty enough. Anatomy, Henrietta Stott Trawsell. Delightful pro Forget what Men spoke. Mrs. Leader Donne, the lovely (!) and accomplished menade by the river before dinner. Met Alfred fishing Member for Ironville, closed the debate. Rather too great a parade of learning; for gudgeon. positively she quoted Lycophron in the original! But we all see through Mrs. Leader's schemes-she means the Educational Under-Secretaryship, when Bella Falayse goes to the Upper Saloon as a Peeress jure suo. Home by Twelve. Alfred sitting up for me. What a resource that Hortus Siccus is to him! Tuesday, May 12.-Card from Madge Bassingham, R.A., for her Inaugural Praelection, as Pigmentary Professor at the Royal Academy. Could not go, as I was engaged on a Committee at the Saloon-Metropolis Extension, Brighton Annexation Bill. Dined with Mrs. Abraham Skrooley, M.P. Woman's party. The Constantia exquisite. Discussed over our cigarettes the arrangements for the approximating Women's Cosmopolitan Congress. Alfred and one or two other Men came in the evening. MORE EDUCATION-FIGHT. PUNCH shudders to see the Metric question raised again. Are we not in the thick of an Educational War already? Will our contemporaries abstain from puttin new reasons for quarrel into the heads of fanatics We shall certainly have the Decimal business take up by Denominationalists and by Secularists. T fingers point out that the natural law is one of decimals Wednesday, May 13. Not well in the morning. Flashed for Dr. Martha Also, there are ten commandments for the theologian Walkingholme. She was detained at the Spleen Hospital, but her partner, On the other hand, there are twelve signs of the Zodiac Harriet Chamomile, came and applied the Magnetic Detonator to my spine and this for nature; and twelve Apostles: this for theology the backs of my ears. Instant relief. In the evening at the Biennial Banquet O, please let the matter alone, and let the little bor of the Indigent Widowers' Pension Fund at Willis's. The Duchess of Middlesex and girls be taught anyhow, so that they are taught in the chair. After dinner the Indigent Widowers circuited the tables, and at all. CHURCH DIS-ESTABLISHMENT. ERMINAL PUNCH, A PROFESSION'S UNION. AT Bas-Unterwald, according to the Swiss Times : "Strikes are becoming the fashion in the higher circles of society. The physicians of this peaceful Arcadia have united and struck work, demanding an increase in their fees. The Landrath, however, refuses to entertain their claims, and advises a strike of the patients as the best answer to the physi cians' demands." There was a time when a strike of patients anywhere would have been attended with a very great decrease of the rate of mortality. There is reason to suppose that in the present improved condition of medical science such would not be the case. The strikers, struck with fever, or other grave illness, would probably be struck down in rather alarming numbers. FIVE more London churches are to be immediately destroyed. Down with them! First down with St. Mildred's, in the Poultry. It was built by SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN, and somewhere about it rest the remains of THOMAS TUSSER, who wrote the "Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry." Sweep it away, and then batter What justification of a medical strike there may be in Switzerland down St. Dionis Back- hath not appeared, but in this country there is, in some quarters, church, also built by SIR not a little. The ridiculously low wages, not to say salary, beCHRISTOPHER. There are grudged, not to say granted, to Medical Officers by many Poor-Law monuments in it to the Unions would amply warrant the establishment of a Professional great benefactor to the Union corresponding to a Trades' Union, and consisting of sons of Bodleian Library, and to ESCULAPIUS. The medico-chirurgical Unionists could manage a the founder of the Saxon strike well enough without committing any outrage on the NonLectureship in St. John's Unionists, or Knobsticks. There would be no need for the Doctors College, Oxford. Who on strike to picket, and waylay, and beat the others on their road to St. James's, Ald- the Workhouse, or across country to the recipient of out-door relief; gate, is to be demolished: and they could do without rattening them and filching away their 'tis enough that Hebrews physic, stethoscopes, and surgical instruments. In dealing with chiefly abide around that unworthy members of an honourable Profession, capable of underfane, and need it not. selling their brother-chips, the practitioners forming the Union Out with St. Martin of would require to have recourse to no proceedings associated with Outwich; it hath stood Sheffield; they would find it quite sufficient to send outsiders and less than a hundred years, and though it was consecrated by BISHOP recusants of co-operation in a strike to Coventry. PORTEUS, and holdeth fine old monuments, conserved through three centuries, away with it! Lastly (for the present) turn this pictured clown's pickaxe upon St. Anthony's, or St. Antholin's, Sise Lane. That, too, was the work of the Architect of St. Paul's, and sundry be the memories which our old dramatists and our WALTER SCOTT have hung on "St. Anthing's." It is very meet and right that old City churches should all go, few persons now abiding near them on Sunday, and religion being a thing for Sunday. SIR CHRISTOPHER'S Cathedral, as it is also a Mausoleum, will probably be spared until some railway or tramway shall want the site. Yours, delighted, cares ? EROSTRATUS VANDAL. ORGANS OF OFFENCE. ON Thursday last week a modification of the American Gatling Gun, called the "British Mitrailleuse," was tried for the first time at Woolwich. The following is a description of this benevolent machine: "It consists of ten barrels hooped together and revolving in the centre, and fitted into a carriage like that of an ordinary field-gun, which, at a short distance, it greatly resembles. The barrels and cartridges are similar to those of the Henry-Martini rifle-in diameter 45 in.; the cartridge-cases being of brass, and bottle-necked." Tremendous, however, as may be the execution which this weapon is capable of doing among a flock of soldiers, authorities are of opinion that, "like small arms generally, it must give way to rifled ordnance." On its trial: "Indeed, most of the Royal Artillery Officers present seemed to think that the machine-gun can never stand against Artillery, even if its delicate machinery did not become disarranged by mere musket-shot." So that a comparison is suggested to those who read, that when the "British Mitrailleuse" is made ready and placed in position "A handle like that of a street-organ, and fixed at the side of the trail, is then turned at any degree of rapidity required, and the barrels load and fire until the supply of cartridges is exhausted, which takes about five minutes under favourable conditions." One is led to compare the British Mitrailleuse with the Italian Grinding Organ, and to question if the latter be not, of the two, the more offensive instrument. Corrigendum. THE antiquity of the Athanasian Creed being now shown to be a myth, the date being that of CHARLEMAGNE, would it not be well, before the Prayer Book is finally revised, that the correction should be made? For it will take many a year to abolish the belief that St. Athanasius drew up the document, especially as divers theologians think nothing of some four hundred and fifty years of what they imagine to have been the Dark Ages. Commonly (but absurdly) called the Creed of St. Athanasius" is a line that, in a century or so, might have an effect upon the less un-intelligent. 66 OMINOUS INDEED! ALL England, that reads the newspapers, will have felt the shock of a truly "TERRIFIC EXPLOSION-Yesterday evening an explosion of a frightful character occurred at GLADSTONE'S Cartridge Factory, Greenwich Marshes, by which a large number of girls have been seriously injured." Considering for what Constituency the PREMIER is Member of Parliament, the majority of people cannot but be, momentarily at least, startled and taken aback by the information in the first place that GLADSTONE has a Cartridge Factory in Greenwich Marshes, and, secondly, that it has been the scene of a terrific explosion. Nor certainly are they likely to be re-assured by the further intelligence that: Hm! In the first place a gentlemanly person would not wish to hear his partner talk in that exceedingly curt way of their minister and his flock. "Member of Spurgeon's." "One who regularly attends the ministrations of the Reverend C. H. SPURGEON, B.M." would be more gentlemanly language. Nextly, "a believer with about £50" reads rather Mammonish. It suggests that a sceptic with about £75, or a positivist with about £100, would not be unacceptable. Thirdly, "who can travel." Who can't travel with about £50? MR. Cook will give you a return-ticket for the Pyramid for about that. Fourthly, the and" is abominable English. We wish our esteemed friend the Christian World would edit its advertisements. We really can't be always doing it. 66 Dignity for Doctors. IT is suggested that a fitting honour to be conferred on meritorious Physicians and Surgeons would be that of the Order of the Bath. Nothing could be more suitable; but should the Bath be the HotBath or the Cold ? "TUT-T, T, T, T, TUT! 0, SCRAGGY THING AS THIS, YOU YOU AND MCFARLIN MAY Noble Lord (whose Rifle has brought to a scarcely untimely end a very consumptive-looking Fallow Deer). I SAY, STUBBS!-(to his Keeper)-YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET ME KILL SUCH A POOR, LITTLE, SICKLY, KNOW! IT POSITIVELY ISN'T FIT FOR HUMAN FOOD! AH! LOOK HERE, NOW! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. HAVE THIS BUCK BETWEEN YOU!!!" A SEAT ON A SAFETY-VALVE. The better arrangements, do follow the worse? For justice it is which disposes them there, It was not enough upon shoulders select To pile your whole Budget; on folk thus oppressed (As housebreakers use, the strong-box to detect) The Screw has been put; they are over-assessed. You fancy your Engine is working so well By way of a Steam-Rack, 'twill yet more extort, SAD ALTERATION. THE Dramatist has led us to think that "Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast," but the "Heavenly Maid" is not so "young" as she was when CONGREVE wrote, and increasing years seem to have changed her mood and spoiled her temper. What other conclusion can we come to, when we find in an article or "Music" in one of the newspapers, in some comments on the performance of a young lady on the piano at a Monday Popular Concert, the disquieting statement that she "left her mark as usual on the audience, the music, and the piano"? It is some little relief to find the writer adding that "this last was more than once punished severely;" as it is a fair inference to draw, that whatever the sufferings of the piano may have been, the music, and, which is far more important, the audience, escaped with only one assault. The Managers of the Monday Concerts should consider, before it is too late, whether they are not endangering the well-deserved popularity of their agreeable entertainments, by allowing performances which would seem to have rather too striking an effect upon the hearers. Nocens Absolvitur. THE South London News makes rather an unkind suggestion. Thieves enter tradesmen's shops, under pretence of selling something. The News thinks that people who would be exempt from such visits should "keep watch, and, on opportunity, hand the victims over to the police." This may be fair in South London, wherever that is, but in Fleet Street we do not dispense that kind of justice. A HINT TO L. AND B. RAILWAY. THE Real "Nine Hours' Movement"-to Brighton and back for Half-a-Crown. BOB THE STOKER. "LOR' BLESS YOU, M'NSEER! THAT'S THE WAY WE RAISE THE WIND;'-SIMPLEST THING IN THE WORLD!" M. THIERS." HE, MON AMI! PRENEZ GARDE! HE SHALL BLOW UP' ONE DAY!" |