PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. ONDAY, May 28. [By the way, why has no painter since FUSELI dared to depict this RAELI face one an- MR. BERESFORD HOPE was the only Member who spoke really good sense. Members believed that the House would rise on the Derby Day, made arrangements accordingly, and ought not to be inconvenienced. The House voted, by 212 to 58 that it would go to the Derby. Talk about the Autumn Manoeuvres-the date is to be chosen with due regard to everybody's comfort. About South Africa, where MR. FOWLER wishes to see a Confederation of States. All rightwe'll do anything for South Africa except drink her wines. About ' But Members wanted to go and hear about the betting, and to dine a road between Queen's Square, Westminster and St. James's Street. in peace, so MR. CAVENDISH BENTINCK was Counted Out. whether the Carisbrook Well Donkey was among the petitioners. Asked whether it were true that the Fenians still in gaol were to be let out in honour of the DUKE OF EDINBURGH's visit to Dublin, MR. GLADSTONE curtly responded-as a certain echo was reported to have answered-"in the negative." "Sentimentalists came forward, and soft mercy bade him show. He repressed all maudlin feeling, and he sternly answered 'No.'" Then we discussed the Navy Estimates, wrangled much, but voted handsomely. Tuesday.-MB. PETER TAYLOR presented a petition signed by a great many Ladies, who prayed that women and children might not be protected by the use of the Cat, which was a cruel thing, tending to produce ill-feeling. It is very kind of these Ladies, who are not in the slightest danger of being beaten, kicked, stamped upon, or otherwise maltreated, to try to prevent the use of the only effectual remedy for ruffianism. Such a demonstration shows the eminent fitness of the petitioners for a share in legislation. MR. GLADSTONE moved that the House should adjourn over the Derby Day. MR. THOMAS HUGHES opposed the Motion, denouncing the Turf the House ought not to recognise. He stated that it led hundreds as a generator of all kinds of scoundrelism, and as something which of our youth to ruin, for the enrichment of the greatest scoundrels unhung. If the House must patronise amusements, let them be of an honest and noble kind, like rowing, cricket, and rifle-shooting. MR. LOCKE, who has usually something to say, had nothing better, on this occasion, than a hope that the House would not take a 66 sanctimonious course, a declaration that there were other roads to ruin besides the Turf, and an allegation that MR. HUGHES used to like the Derby. MR. GLADSTONE said that Racing was a noble, manly, distinguished (sic), and nationally historical sport, and that the House was not bound to take notice of its abuses. Ha! dear MR. GLADSTONE, you are thinking of such racing as has been sung by your favourite Greeks. You remember your namesake, Pelides, whom "We saw in all his arms arrayed, The cumbrous equipage of war; late MARCHIONESS OF BUTE gave a site for a Church at Cardiff. The Thursday. A curious Welsh Anti-Popish demonstration. The Welsh folk do not attend it, chiefly it is said because no pains i taken to secure the services of effective parsons. Irish Catholics have swarmed in the district. So LORD BUTE proposes to give the Cardiff Protestants another church, elsewhere, if they will surrender this one. The Bishop of the diocese thinks this a right arrange ment. But the fiery Welsh spirit boiled over. Radicals stood for the Church of England, and denounced this attempt at a dis establishment, and the Bill was thrown out by 172 to 153. Final fight on the Ballot Bill, which came on for Third Reading MR. MAGUIRE wanted to re-commit the measure, in order to get n of the arrangement by which entire Secresy is made impossible i would have no more alterations. MR. NEWDEGATE fiercely denounced the case of the lowest and most ignorant class. But MR. FORSTEL the Bill as a boon to the Catholic Priests (some of whom, by the way, have declared that they will use the Confessional as a means of keeping their voters straight), and MR. W. H. SMITH protested against an organic change in the Constitution. SIR STAFFORD After a spirited NORTHCOTE declared that it was un-English. defence of it by MR. FORSTER, who asserted that the measure was demanded by the constituencies, the Third Reading was carried by 274 to 216; majority, 58. Friday. The Lords re-assembled, though they might have asserted intimated in the pleasantest way that Three Charity Boys, of ten "If it wasna weel bobbit, weel bobbit, weel bobbit, If it wasna weel bobbit-we'll bob it again.” Rather a good Colonial debate in the Commons, and as Mr. Purch knows the intense and absorbing interest taken in the subject, he feels that the best thing he can do is just to mention the fact, and proceed. sentence on the ruffians whose outrages led to the death of MURPHY, We passed some Civil Service votes, ELL, dear Beamish Boys and Girls, come to my arms. You did read what I did not say: you read between the lines: and you rejoice in your winnings. What I did say, as you can easily see by reference (though of course the words are stamped in all your brains) was, "We have now to speak of Cremorne"-and then, after a little joyous banter, and happy quotation, we added "the Blue Riband is his." Chortle in your joy, if you like. So big Prince Charlie's fortunes were the same as those of the other big pretender who has lately come to grief, and who is now taking a view of several provincial districts, which may be a prudent course, for more reasons than one. The foolish were on Charlie's side, another coincidence. I told you that Queen's Mes senger ought to have won because I drew him in a sweep, but I am happy that my own interests were sacrificed for the sake of yours. "My snakes and gracious," as ARTEMUS WARD says, "there's nothing scarcely I would not do for my beloved Country. I would sacrifice all my wife's relations, and most of my own, without a pang or a weep, if my country demanded it." Still, if you like to send me a per-centage of the winnings to which I helped you, "I'd take it werry koind, uncommon koind of yer," as DICKENS' tramp says. But don't put yourselves out of the way to do it-don't reduce your subscriptions to the Opera or any other of the Missionary Societies. Well, I congratulate you on having followed my advice, noted what I did say, what I did not say, combined the information, and pocketed a lot of money. Don't spend it like frumious Bandersnatches, or you'll make me burble, but go on your ways galumphing. PUNCH. Portrait models of CONFUCIUS, the Seven Wise Men of Greece (a group), EPAMINONDAS, HANNIBAL, SOCRATES and his Wife, WAT TYLER, ZOROASTER, JONAS HANWAY (with umbrella), and the owner, trainer, and jockey of the Winner of the Derby (another group), have lately been added to the well-known Exhibition of Wax Figures in Baker Street. Amongst the most recent patents is one for improvements in the manufacture of candles to enable consumers to burn them at both ends. MRS. SUSSEX DARLINGTO new novel, The Mosses of Rolleston, on which she has been uninterruptedly engaged for more than a month past, will be in the clutches of the Reviewers on Wednesday next. The plot of the story is laid on the Thames Embankment, and a midnight struggle on the Underground Railway, when the lamps have suddenly gone out, and no help is nearer than the Mansion House, is spoken of as likely to enhance the reputation of the authoress. The new tenor is a great success. His high notes remind the older habitués of the Opera of what RUBINI's register was before the Reform Bill; his low notes recal the compass of MARIO's voice in its palmiest nights; and in some staccato passages he may be said to bring both these great singers to the recollection of his hearers at the same time. His execution leaves nothing to be desired on this side the Channel. The pyrotechnic season promises to be one of unusual brilliancy. Rumour points to the "Cataracts of Crimson Rain," the "Transparent Tourbillons studded with Amber Bees," and the "Final Flight of Flashing Auroras," as forthcoming novelties which will throw all previous efforts of a similar character completely into the shade. A Committee has been formed, consisting of the leading inhabitants of the Island, to solicit subscriptions, and obtain designs from the most eminent European, American, and Continental Sculptors, for a statue (heroic size) in Carrara marble, of the late ROBINSON CRUSOE, ESQ., to be erected in some commanding position on the heights of Juan Fernandez. As it is confidently anticipated that every one who is acquainted with the life and history of this remarkable character will gladly contribute to the Fund, the Committee hope to raise a sum sufficiently large to enable them also to place a medallion of Friday on the pedestal. Before many more publishing seasons draw to a close, a work may be expected from the pen of a distinguished living writer-he will forgive us for thus pointedly referring to him-which will finally terminate all our anxieties as to the authorship of the Letters of Junius; proving, beyond the possibility of a doubt, that they were composed under the pressure of pecuniary difficulties and the artificial stimulus of ardent spirits, by a writer of whom no traces can now be discovered, and whose very name (one not of uncommon occurrence) has been spelt in different ways at different periodssometimes with an i, sometimes with a y, and both with and without a finale. "TWO CAN KEEP COUNSEL, PUTTING ONE AWAY."-SHAKSPEARE. Mamma. "How SPLASHED YOU ARF, ALICE! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN WALKING IN ALL THE PUDDLES YOU COULD FIND!" Alice. "WELL, MAMMA, BOB AND MARY WOULD WALK ON THE SIDE WHERE THERE WERE NO LAMPS!" KEOGH AND CATHOLICISM. TUAM'S Archbishop, Galway's Bishop, lo! And Clonfert's, voters for their free votes banning, Reported criminal by JUSTICE KEOGH, What do you say to that, ARCHBISHOP MANNING? Are TUAM, GALWAY, CLONFERT, and the Priests Who likewise by JUDGE KEOGH have been reported, As to their flocks mere wolves? If no such beasts, Then must JUDGE KEOGH with heretics be sorted? Had they the holy office from the POPE To make the voters vote at their dictation, Can they, if needful, use, and, not abuse What, will the Holy Father disavow Those Irish Prelates, as their sphere transgressing, Their Censor a good Catholic allow, And send JUDGE KEOGH his apostolic blessing ?] Else, one were wise to think twice, thrice, and well, Might one not find himself a clip-winged pigeon, If he let you and MONSIGNOR CAPEL Entice him over into your "religion"? Ghostly Consolation. Ir is a wonder that some of the hyper-orthodox Clergy are content with demanding that the Athanasian Creed should simply remain where it is. Perhaps some of them will propose that it should be added to the Form for the Visitation of the Sick. [N.B. Robert and Mary are engaged. THE PROPOSED OLD JURY. under THE criminal classes will be glad to hear that a clause in the Government Jury Bill proposes to extend the term of life during which men are liable to be compelled to serve on juries from the age of sixty to that of seventy. Above sixty the senses of sight and hearing are generally impaired. Most jurors between sixty and seventy years old will be unable to hear half of what judge, wit nesses, and counsel say, or to distinguish objects well enough to read the countenances and note the demeanour of persons examination. Thus circumstanced they will of course give the prisoner at the bar the benefit of that doubt as to his guilt which will be occasioned by their infirmities. It will highly delight all the rogues and thieves forming a portion of the British Publie present in a Court of Justice to contemplate a jury of which the members mostly wear spectacles, and sit trying to listen to what is said with their hands at their ears extemporised as voice conductors, the foreman who presides over them having his acoustic organ supplemented by a large tin trumpet. "FOR ONCE, THE LAW HAS PROVED STRONGER THAN MOB VIOLENCE, AND A HEAVY BLOW HAS BEEN DEALT AT THE POLITICAL TYRANNY OF THE PRIESTHOOD." The Times, on MR. JUSTICE KEOGH's Judgment. |