THE BISHOP OF MANCHESTER AND "PUNCH." FROM a Report, in the Manchester Courier, of the speeches at a Meeting in aid of an Asylum for Female Penitents, we extract the following words, which are attributed to the LORD BISHOP OF MANCHESTER. After some remarks upon the style of the female dress of the present day, his Lordship is made to say : "Look at the literature which was sometimes allowed to find its way to their drawing-room tables, the licence taken by even respectable prints, the cartoons which sometimes appeared in Punch, where the idea was at least verging on the impure, if not actually impure." PLUP! AND TOC! (Bacchanalian Song: Dedicated to the United Kingdom PLUP! goes the cork, when 'tis drawn, of Hook. Or else of the sparkling Hock tumblers drain; With a toc, toc, too! and a plup, plup, plup! When ye have eaten your fill of meat; Plup! then go all the corks that there may be; When ye are on in the evening far, Then, as ye smoke the mild cigar, Table and walls again all round Much as before do with toc! resound. Brandy and seltzer, beloved flock, Go about with explosions of toc! toc! toc! Such is the case with us, noble Swells, Working, are served out of silent taps. The Killjoys. SIR WILFRID LAWSON Said unto DAWSON BURNS, "Suppose we liquor up?" Replied that other Platformist," Brother, We're just the lads to crush a cup." WHEN a person disappears with a balance, as MR. SIMKINS the accountant has done, it is obvious that he is dissatisfied with the scale of remuneration. This observation ought to have its weight with employers. When the scales fall from their eyes on this point, their balances will remain in their hands. Talk of the risks his Cartoons ran from fire and damp at Hampton Court! What were either to the special risks of South Kensington from the same causes ? First, for fire. Fancy a battery of two-pounders, in close order, firing away at the Beautiful Gate! If they blow it open, it will be the first time copyists ever did; and forty shillings a-week seems poor pay for such Fine-Art artillery. Then, as for damp. What were the worst damps WREN's room could breed, to the damping effect of the superheated steam of the Boilers and these South Kensington copying-machines! These lines have been brought to our notice too late to enable us to ascertain, in time for the purposes of our present publication, whether the BISHOP OF MANCHESTER has been accurately reported. His Lordship's character forbids us to believe that he can have uttered what we can describe only by a word we never hastily apply. If one fact is more notorious than another, it is the fact that from the issue of the first number of Punch to that of the number now in the reader's hand, there has never appeared in his pages a picture or a word that has approached, we will not say impurity-the epithet is a coarse one-but even indiscretion. We should not have condescended to say for ourselves what every parent in England will say for us, but that the language above quoted is stated to have been Yet a thought strikes us. He might get over the aesthetic diffiused by a Clergyman whom we have hitherto regarded with the sin-culties, but the official ones! Hasn't he just floored the Treasury, cerest respect. Had we writtenand wouldn't the Treasury like to be even with him? It only allows copyists thirty shillings a-week, and here's that owdacious KING COLE going to give them forty! 66 "Look at the Sermons which are sometimes delivered by the Bishops of the Church of England, the licence taken by the highest No. RAFFAELLE's charcoal might draw the Cartoons, but not even Punch's Cher COLE will ever get them copied! Still, by all means, let the King try. His arena is the Impossible. "ecclesiastics; the discourses, for instance, of the BISHOP OF MAN-vitriolic acid into a wigging from my Lords, and an order to dock 66 CHESTER, where sometimes the idea is at least verging on Atheism, "if not actually Atheistic--" we should not have written more wickedly than the BISHOP OF MANCHESTER is said to have spoken. But until the report can be Fancy the fiendish delight of MR. LINGEN as he puts all his the ten shillings! "My Lords cannot admit that the nature of the document to be copied can be allowed, on sound and economical principles of administration, to affect the remuneration of the copyist!" Mrs. Polshorf (Establishment for Young Ladies, Bellevue House, St. Leonards), solicitous as well for the physical as the mental development of A SPANISH PIRATE. MR. PUNCH invites LORD GRANVILLE's attention to this. He will be good enough to make proper representations to the Government of KING AMADEUS. A more flagrant act of piracy has never been committed. The Spanish Pretender, CARLOS VII., has issued a proclamation containing the following passage: "Let us all unite, crying Down with the Foreigner! and on the Roar of the Spanish Lion the tools of the Revolution and the satellites of Italy will fly terrified." 66 The sentiments herein expressed may be noble enough, but they are what may be colloquially called a dead prig" from Mr. Punch. One of the most valued of his staff, W. M. THACKERAY, put them into beautiful poetry. He stated that at a public dinner he heard the minstrels sing as follows, after the usual milingtary toast: "O the sword and shield And the Battle-Field Are the joys that best I love boys When the grenadiers with their pikes and spears Through the ranks of the foemen shove boys And the bold hooray strikes wild dismay In the files of the dead and dyin' And the bayonet clanks in the Frenchmen's flanks As they fly from the British Lion." ALIEN AND ALIAS. THIS is-well, worth notice. CASTRO (with MESSRS. BAIGENT and GUILDFORD ONSLOW) is "stumping" the country, previously to his trial. He is, by the kind permission of Her Majesty's Judges, to make appearances in several of the principal towns. There he will spout, and, unless he has a more decent entertainment" written for him, will, as at Alresford, abuse the Judge who committed him for perjury, and declare the Chief Justice "biassed" and unfit for his place. 'Subscriptions from all sorts of credulous fools are, of course, expected to pour in. But lo and behold! The solicitor for DIBLANC (the woman who destroyed a lady in Park Lane) writes to pray that some of the liberality invoked for CASTRO may be directed towards DIBLANC, seeing that she is an "Alien in need and Newgate... The cases are hardly parallel, as CASTRO is not guilty of murdering anything but the Queen's English, or of trying to is the most impudent may be left an open question. murder anything but a lady's reputation. Which appeal, however, "Angels and Ministers." DON CARLOS VII. may pretend to the throne of Spain, if he likes, Ir ladies are to have a finger in the political pie, as is threatened but he must not pretend to be the inventor of a soul-stirring appeal by the Woman's Rights Movement, and exchange solicitude for evenlike that he has promulgated. The Roar of the Spanish Lion, ing parties with anxiety for parties political, many of us will indeed! The brave Carlists are more likely to be invited to run find ourselves constrained to alter SCOTT's beautiful lines to suit home by the Smell of the Spanish Onion. Run they did, anyhow. the circumstances, as thus: Rational Ancient Roman. "NOTHING," said SEMPRONIUS to CATO, "would make me consent to die for my country but the fear of worse punishment if I declined." "Don't be pusillanimous," was CATO's reply. rejoined SEMPRONIUS," is no argument." 66 "When pain and anguish wrack the brow, 66 A ministerial angel, thou!" SIZE-A WEAK GLUE."-Webster. A GERMAN philosopher discovered that the Soul was a Glue. Abuse," His doctrine has not been absolutely accepted here; but we saw, the other day, a novel called A Life's a Size. Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24. Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Evans, & Co. Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and rublished by him, at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St, Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, May 25, 1972. T PUNCH'S DERBY PROPHECY. HAT the Derby will be run this year, as usual, I suppose, nathless I don't prophesy that, my beloved friends. For though I have been assiduously moving in the circles in which horseyness is the one faith, I never found so little interest taken in the subject. I am quite grieved at this. For myself, I am full of equestrian fire (a bold image that), and I shall spring to my box-seat on the Wednesday morning with all the animation and joy which inspired me when I went off to see Pyrrhus the First win, and to commemorate his victory in a couplet which my dear friend MRS. KEELEY spoke the same night at the Lyceum. That lady too was at Epsom, but, faithful as ever to her duty, said upon the boards a few hours later, "You've backed the favourite, have you? Then you'll rue it : With as light a heart as then (as light as M. OLLIVIER'S cœur, and with is a rude kuss. As regards Wenlock, the nobleman of that name takes his name from Much Wenlock, but you will not see much Wenlock among the foremost. As regards Almoner I do not speak so decidedly, because he certainly complies with the definition of a horse, being a large quadruped, with a leg at each corner of him, but those who have legs all right, may yet misplace alms. He ought to do something, and I believe will. Drummond is not a horse to be sneezed at; in fact, I do not know that any horses are made for that purpose. MR. HENRY DRUMMOND, a remarkable man, used to keep a horse always saddled and bridled in his stable, to be ready for the end of the world, and if this is that animal, back him, for MR. DRUMMOND had the best of everything, and usually, in debate, the best of everybody. We visited Queen's Messenger, and GRUMPY made a stupid quotation about a "poster of the sea and land," à propos of seeing a poster of Land and Water. As for Q. M., I consider that he ought to win, because I have drawn him in a Sweep. Angel means Messenger, and if he wins I will call him an angel-I can't say fairer. He is a clinking good horse, a fact which would comfort me more if I knew what clinking meant. However, let the cannakin clink, and let the cannakin clink, a king's but a man, and a pot's not a pan, and so we'll have something to drink. We have now to speak of Cremorne, or as ten thousand cads will I call him, on the day, Cree-morne. All snobs are in a hurry with their accents. The noble lady who owns the name is descended from MR. WHALEY, and if the horse goes, as the beautiful Scotch song says, Whaley, whaley the bank, and whaley whaley down the brae, why his backers may blubber. On the other hand, if he is only half as fast as Cremorne-haunters fancy they are, the Blue Riband is his. Do I express myself clearly? If you think not, read what I have said over again until you are tired, then stop. Finally, we come to the Favourite, bonny Prince Charlu. The prince of that name was a pretender. This horse is very big. We have lately seen a big pretender come to grief. But Prince Charlie has real good blood in him, and Epsom may not be his Culloden, or his Court of Common Pleas. His motto, however, mustn't be "On-Slow." This was GRUMPY'S joke, and you may easily perceive into what a condition he had got. Come, that's all I have to say, for if people don't take an interest in things, I shall not eliminate sesquipedalianisms in an autoschediastical fashion to amuse them. But, you respectfully ask-what is my final advice? What do I mest to Stand Upon? Well, I mean to stand upon the top of my drag. Sold again, and bought an ounce of Epsom salts with some of the money. Never bet on horses. I respect the American gentleman who never backed but one. and then he backed him into a shop-window. There, don't stand in uffish thought, but study my vorpal hints again, and if you don't rest too long by the Tum-Tum tree, you'll chortle in your joy. Notice what I have set said. Read "between the lines." PUNCI. WE WILL TORPEDO THEM. "As yet," says a contemporary, in an article urging the import ance of the torpedo as a weapon of offence and defence in naval warfare, "the science of torpedoing has never been thoroughly investigated in this country." Here we have another new word, and, what is more, another new thing, come, as usual, from America. To employ torpedoes effectually against ships was an American achievement, and to call their employment "torpedoing" is American speech. Turning, as their manner is, a substantive into a verb, the Americans have made one more addition to their mother tongue for us. Henceforth torpedo is to be conjugated in English grammars"I torpedo, thou torpedoest, he she or it torpedoes," and so on through all moods and tenses, the most important of which, in regard to making all due provision to act it out in case of need, is the Indicative Mood, Future Tense, First Person Plural-"We shall torpedo," in the event of having our coasts invaded. Mind that. MRS. DUFFCOTT WRITES TO MR. PUNCH FOR HIS JUDGMENT ON A MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION. MR. D. IS NOT NOW IN PARLIAMENT, OR SHE WOULD NOT TROUBLE MR. P. THE POINT IS, WHETHER HER COOK OR LADY'S-MAID TAKES PRECEDENCE AMONG THE SERVANTS IN HER ESTABLISHMENT. THE UNSEEMLY SCOWLING, NOT TO SAY SOUFFLING, THAT TAKES PLACE WHEN THEY COME IN TO PRAYERS, IS QUITE SHOCKING! VATICINATIONS OF THE VATICAN. (PIUS prophesies.) FROM Germany again... this little cloud No bigger than a man's hand . . . a man's head. Yon dreaming DÖLLINGER'S spreads to a shroud, For souls with plague of heresy struck dead, Who wear it for a marriage-garment, proud As men who new life, not old death, have wed. Yes, the plague spreads and spreads-and I sit still, And cannot light the fires that Popes of old Lighted, such pestilential schism to kill, And with their wholesome warming to uphold Blind Reverence and fair Faith against the chill Of Free Thought, and Lay Reason's deadly cold! NO LEO I,-no Lion-Lord of Rome, This lesser LUTHER tooth and nail to rend! Within the shadow of St. Peter's Dome St. Peter's shrunken realm must 'gin and end: "Urbi et orbi," of the Church's home Was measure once; "in urbe now 'tis penned ! NO LEO I-what if a LUTHER he, Munich Basilica's Byzantine Gate Another door of Wittenberg to be, Defying Papal fires and Papal hate? What if my own encyclicon I see, Of LEO's indulgentia share the fate ? Has the thing bred the thought, the thought the thing? But as I gaze, methinks, out of this cloud, From Munich, blown by blast of Satan's wing, Above that brow a star, that light doth bring, In cloud he walked to point their conquering sword; The Holy place of Holies hid away In veils his presence, while Priests spoke his Word. Give Faith its darkness-leave the light for Schism- Beef from Botany Bay. SIXPENCE preserved Australian meat per pound! Strike Among Suds. ACCORDING to a contemporary, a fashion for some time prevalent amongst the industrious classes has been adopted by some of a class remarkable for industry : "WASHERWOMEN ON STRIKE.-A good deal of amusement was caused at Teignmouth, on Monday, by the town-crier announcing a strike of the washerwomen and laundresses, and declaring their resolution not to work for less than 1s. 6d. per day." This strike will very likely succeed. The washerwomen of Teignmouth, no doubt, took good care to strike while the iron was hot. |