On the following night they went to the PRINCESS's, to see MR. WATTS PHILLIPS's play of On the Jury, followed by a Pantomime called Little Dicky Dilver. At the entrance to the Stalls a civil person relieved them of their overcoats and hats; and TOMMY, upon whom his tutor's example, on the occasion of their visit to Drury Lane, had not been lost, expressed his gratitude to the honest stranger in the most affectionate manner. TOMMY now discovered a further opportunity of making himself acquainted with the science of Astronomy, which he had already set himself diligently to learn. Mr. Barlow. At this theatre you will behold a constellation of talent. Tommy. But pray, Sir, what is a "constellation"? "Persons," answered MR. BARLOW, "have observed certain stars remarkable either for their brightness or position, or both. These stars, joined together, are termed 'constellations.' Here you have three Stars-MR. WEBSTER, MR. PHELPS, and MISS FURTADO." Tommy. Then these are, as you say, Sir, "remarkable for their brightness or position." Mr. Barlow. Yes. And in time, no doubt, I shall be able to make you acquainted with the names and the appearance of all the Stars in London. Tommy. Sir, I am much obliged to you, indeed. But of what use is it to know the Stars? Mr. Barlow. There are some, and those very important, uses to be derived from an acquaintance with the Stars. HARRY, do you tell MASTER MERTON the story of The Free Admission and the Grateful Turk. HARRY was commencing the story when the curtain, being drawn up, disclosed to them the First Scene of On the Jury. Mr. Barlow. This would indeed be a very good piece, but for faulty construction. Yet, for epigrammatic dialogue and dramatic situations, it has not, at this present moment, its equal in town. You have been silent, TOMMY, for some time. Tommy. Indeed, Sir, I never was more surprised or diverted; and as for one of your Stars, MISS FURTADO,-Dear Heart! I protest I could watch her every evening with the greatest delight. MR. BARLOW, observing his pupil's excitement, laughed at TOMMY in his usual good-natured manner, and pointed out to him the example of the poor Greenlanders as worthy of his imitation. "What is that, Sir?" inquired TOMMY. "They are brought up to so much moderation and self-command," said MR. BARLOW, "that they never give way to the sudden impulses of passion so common among Europeans. And see, you have split your new white kid gloves in applauding this young lady." Then turning to HARRY, he asked him if he had not been touched by the acting of MR. WEBSTER in this piece. Harry. Indeed, Sir, I pitied him from my heart. Mr. Tibbetts was a hardly-used gentleman. And I think that no one could have played more admirably than the gentleman who took the part of Dexter Sanderson, Esq. Mr. Barlow. You mean MR. PHELPS, and you are right. It is indeed a fine piece of acting. There is so much breadth, and yet such a thorough finish, in this performance, that it would be worth the while of many of our younger actors (who flatter themselves on their consummate art, in consequence of having been unduly praised for their few achievements) to come here and take a lesson from MR. PHELPS. MR. BARLOW added that it was a pity so excellent a piece should be wellnigh spoiled by the introduction of a vulgar Sensation Scene, and its construction marred by the awkward contrivance in the last Act. He further complained that it should be thought necessary to commence it at seven, and to supplement such an attraction, as this ought to be, with a Pantomime. TOMMY and HARRY were not, however, of his mind upon this point, and insisted upon stopping to see the Clown. They were somewhat disappointed with the Pantomime, but professed themselves prodigiously delighted with MR. LLOYD's scenery. On coming out, an obliging official handed to them their overcoats, wrappers, and hats. TOMMY'S little heart was much affected by this kindly attention; so, pulling out his purse, he poured lozenges) into the honest fellow's hand, saying, "Here, my good its contents (four bright new farthings and three peppermint man, take this, and Heaven bless you!" It is impossible to express the surprise of the poor man at the sight. He stared wildly round him, and would have fallen but for the tender support of his assistant, who imagined that his companion had lost his senses. But the has sent us by the hands of this little angel!" Saying this, he held man cried out, "O, WILLIAM, I am not mad! See what Providence up the money and the lozenges. But TOMMY went up to them both, and said, "My good friends, you are very welcome to this: I freely give it to you. Spend the money soberly; and, for the lozenges, give them to your children, if you have any, or suck them yourselves in your leisure moments." Before the entranced officials, who were totally unaccustomed to receive such benefactions, could dry their tears, TOMMY was out of sight, having followed MR. BARLOW and HARRY to the door., MR. BARLOW now took MASTER TOMMY and HARRY to EVANS'S Supper Rooms, to enter which place they had to pay a shilling apiece. This troubled their worthy preceptor, who, indeed, was painfully struck, as he informed his young friends, by the altered aspect of the interior. MR. BARLOW explained to them that in his time the room was snug, cosy, and comfortable, and only one quarter of its present size. That then there were neither carpet nor tavernlike mirrors. "True," said MR. BARLOW, "that all that was objectionable in the entertainment of former days has long ere this disappeared, and now I see there is a gallery where the "opposite sex, in very private boxes, can, like fairy sprites, sit invisible, and listen to mortal melody. In the old time," continued MR. BARLow, "you were welcomed by the Proprietor as a personal friend, who would call JOHN to get the hot chop or kidneys for you at once, and give the order himself, returning to see if you So affected were both HARRY and TOMMY by MR. While MR. BARLOW was thus addressing MASTERS HARRY and TOMMY, the waiter was summoned to a distant quarter of the room, whereupon they ascended the steps, and found themselves in the Piazza of Covent Garden. Farewell, EVANS's!" said MR. BARLOW, sadly; “I know not that I shall darken thy doors again!" 66 "What you were saying, Sir," observed HARRY on their reaching their lodgings, "reminds me of the story of Tigranes and the Amphibious Black." Mr. Barlow. I do not think TOMMY MERTON has heard it. Harry. Well, you must know, MASTER TOMMYBut TOMMY had gone straight up-stairs to bed. MR. BARLOW, who knew the story by heart, having, indeed, himself told it to MASTER HARRY, then took his candle, and wishing HARRY a very good night, retired. word. VIE ANTIQUÆ. WHE ARRIVE?" POWDER SANITARY SERMONS. OST of our contemporaries have lately improved an alarming occasion with many monitory observations on typhoid fever. The whole of these, however, reducible into a few words, may be pretty well summed up in the caution,Look to your drains. In addition, Dr. Punch begs to offer a piece of advice gratis to all persons in possession of his universal remedy, price 3d., 4d. stamped, to counterfeit which is piracy. Look to yourselves. Pestiferous as is the atmosphere of sewers, not only do rats live, but labourers work in it, the former wholly, the latter for most part with impunity. The rodents get acclimatised, unless it be that instinct impels them to take some sort of vegetable or other preventive of zymotic and mephitic diseases. As for the working-men, they smoke pipes of tobacco almost to a man, and as generally prescribe for and administer to themselves alcohol in some one or other of its forms, commonly that of something short, which, if asked to give it a name, we will call gin, or euphemistically, Old Tom, not to say, dyslogistically, blue ruin, for the useless sake of pleasing the United Kingdom Alliance; those conspirators against the potatory liberty of the subject who hate us youth, and specially abhor Punch. The gin-drinking, prevalent among the population of the slums, comes of a sense which is medicinal, and the medicine would, in effect, be altogether salutary but for the tendency of people to take it in over-doses. Everybody knows how continually medical men are exposed to all manner of not in the habit of asking particularly for gin on coming out of a sick-room: contagion, and how very seldom they catch any disease. They, it is true, are but they are accustomed to take, or do, whatsoever may be requisite to maintain the bodily conditions which resist or expel poisonous or morbiù effluvia. Look to your drains, by all means; but look also to the natural gates and Ir is pleasant to make honourable mention, in Mr. alleys of the body keep them clear, and permeable, and pervious. By what Punch's columns, of anything bearing the name of means? Therein the patient may minister to himself if he can, or else should JERROLD. The latest appearance of this name is in inquire of his doctor, who will let him know. There is, however, a popular conjunction with that of GUSTAVE DORÉ a household panacea which he will find invariably efficacious. The prophylactic as well as therapeutic virtues of Punch, of Punch's Pocket-Book, and Punch's Almanack, Two artists have been making a pilgrimage through London together, and each, with his own imple- tion beyond the merest reference to those powerful tonic, stimulant, and antiare so universally known and so deservedly celebrated that any recommendament, is recording his experiences, the result to be a beautiful book, whereof an inviting specimen has septic publications would be superfluous puffery. How much caution soever the appeared. Mr. Punch is glad to welcome a new unanimous opinion that nobody need hesitate to give or take any quantity of Faculty may recommend in prescribing alcohol in whatsoever form, they are of memorial of Augusta Trinobantum, especially as that Punch. city is being so rapidly "improved," especially in the parts most likely to attract the eye of M. DORÉ, that it will soon be all as colourless as a Boulevard or Regent Street. If MR. JERROLD will show M. DORÉ anything that shall call out the power lavished on the houses in the pictures to a certain book of Contes, the two will do the good deed of apprising posterity that London was the production of architects, and not of excessively respectable contractors for building purposes. Royal Clemency. FAIR PLAY FOR LOOSHAI. THERE is one thing worth note in the manners (or want of manners) of our present enemies the Looshai folk. The Standard says that they delight "in transposition of the component parts of the names of places and chiefs. Thus, SOOK-PI-LAL is often converted into LAL-PI-SOOK. A similar practice frequently prevails in British India; the lower class of natives constantly substituting Nucklow for Lucknow." Call these people savages! Why, they are as witty as most members of the Stock Exchange. What higher flight can the latter generally attain than the feat of calling "ROBINSON AND THOMSON "TOBINSON AND ROMSON," or saying that JONES lives at "Wampton Hick ?" We hope that these Orientals will be treated with as much consideration as may be. They are none so uncivilised, as times go. Perhaps they like burlesques. WE have heard, with gratification, that the remainder of the sentence on JOHN POYNTZ SPENCER, who was sent to Ireland in 1868, and who has since been immured in Dublin Castle, is likely to be remitted. His admirable conduct during his exile has endeared him to all, and his return will be warmly welcomed. It will be felt that he has amply expiated the political offence of being a Whig Head-Centre, and we trust that an honourable future is in store for him. Parallels for the People. A BRIGHT idea is that of establishing "Public-houses without Drink." Would it not be improved upon by the institution of Restaurants without Meat ? Young Lady (to Partner, instantly on their taking their Places). "Now-I'VE BEEN TO FOUNTAINS ABBEY, AND TO BOLTON, AND I'VE SEEN THE BRIMHAM ROCKS, AND THE DROPPING WELL, AND THE VIEW FROM THE OBSERVATORY, AND WE HAD A MORNING IN YORK MINSTER, AND WE HAVE BEEN HERE A FORTNIGHT, AND WE ARE GOING TO STAY ANOTHER, AND PAPA TAKES THE CHALYBEATE WATERS, AND I AM VERY GLAD THE CAVALRY ARE COMING. Now YOU MAY BEGIN CONVERSATION." [Utter Collapse of Partner. "COME ABOARD, SIR!" "COME aboard, Sir!" to the Captain Says JOHN BRIGHT, A.B, As he touches his tarpaulin, Smart and sailorly. And the watch look pleased as Punches, Officers and men, For A.B.'s like JOHN are always Over deck, and spars, and rigging Gives a seaman's squint to leeward, At the binnacle he glances, Notes the course she steers; Nought on board or in the offing, Scapes his eyes and ears. For the ship has seen hard weather, And some people say; CAPTAIN GLADSTONE ain't the man he And if you believe the croakers, Don't pull with a will together, As they used to do. Certain 'tis, since JOHN BRIGHT left her, His sick leave to take, The old craft, in last year's cruising, Made poor day's-works, too much lee-way; Certain 'tis, with crew and captain, Things don't go on quite as pleasant There's been some high-handed doings, Some's took sick, and some 's took sulky; There's sea-lawyers-donkey-engines You may stop their grog, you'll never There's your pennywise 'uns, nibbling There's your mutineers, for mischief Ripe 'gainst flag and Crown; Never pleased unless they're turning 'Tween-decks upside down. There's your Queen's bad bargains, shirking Work, whoever strain: Trimmers Cox's traverse working 66 There and back again." Green-hands, as can't fudge a reckoning, Of a watch in charge; CAPTAIN GLADSTONE. "GLAD TO SEE YOU, JOHN. GLAD YOU'RE A.B. AGAIN. IF IT COMES ON TO BLOW, WE MAY WANT YOUR ASSISTANCE." |