THE practice of asking private Members questions connected with the position they hold outside the House of Commons seeming to be well established, notice has been given that the following interrogations will be addressed to Members when the House re-assembles after the Easter recess : ALDERMAN SIR J. C. LAWRENCE will be asked as to the probable saving which might be effected, if the Corporation of London were to substitute at all their banquets (except that given on the ninth of November) mock turtle for real. LORD ELCHO will be asked, what is the average cost of the uniform of the London Scottish, and whether any complaints have been made by recruits of the inconvenience they suffer in severe weather through the insufficient protection of their nether limbs. COLONEL HOGG will be asked, whether there is any truth in the report that the Metropolitan Board of Works intend to give a dinner to the Vestrymen, at the Crystal Palace, on the Queen's Birthday, at the expense of the ratepayers. MR. WALTER will be asked, what are the profits of the Times, and particularly how much is annually derived from the Births, Marriages, and Deaths, and who receives the proceeds. MR. BASS will be asked, whether there is any secret ingredient or process in the brewing of bitter beer. SIR T. CHAMBERS will be asked for an estimate of the number of deceased wives' sisters who intend to marry their deceased sisters' husbands, when the Bill of which he had charge shall have passed the House of Lords. MR. CARDWELL will be asked, what are the rites and ceremonies observed at the initiation of a Druid. MR. CHAPLIN, or MR. MERRY, will be asked to favour the House with some private information as to the respective merits of the leading horses engaged in this year's Derby. MR. DISRAELI, as one of the Trustees of the British Museum, will be asked, whether it is intended to resume the practice of supplying refreshments to visitors to that great national institution. SIR ARTHUR GUINNESS will be asked whether all the bottles labelled VOL. LXII. MOTHER BRITANNIA'S NEW NURSERY SONG. AIR-" London Bridge is broken down." SEBASTOPOL was battered down Dance to the tune of £ s. d. ! It cost a Czar his sceptre and crown, And a half-million lives cost armies three. Sebastopol was a threat, we were told- At Turkey flaunted by Bear so bold; And that JOHN BULL wouldn't stand-not he! So with JOHNNY CRAPAUD an alliance he made Dance to the tune of £ s. d.! And-a fig for outlay or stoppage of trade JOHN, JOHNNY, and Bear went a-clawing, all three! JOHN and JOHNNY so touzled the Bear Dance to the tune of £ s. d.! His poor old body was one big tear, And out of his eyes he scarce could see. Though, thanks to Old Bruin's teeth and clawsDance to the tune of £ s. d.! We were forced to own that his hug and his jaws Too strong and too sharp to be pleasing could be. But all is well that well doth end- And what if with them JOHN BULL flung inDance to the tune of £ s. d. ! A good many tons of his own hard tin, And life that in cash ne'er reckoned can be ? And what if we learn by the latest mail- That the old Bear turns what should be his tail And proclaims to all his intention plain, Of building Sebastopol up again, With the forts JOHN BULL blew into the sea ? JOHN BULL may bluster, JOHN BULL may blushDance to the tune of £ s. d.! But old Bruin for neither cares a rush, For he knows JOHN's not in the fighting key. And JOHNNY CRAPAUD is down on his luck- And in want of pence, if not of pluck, So JOHN must see his work undone And the Bear may laugh at the Lion's beardDance to the tune of £ s. d.! And flout JOHN BULL, whom once he feared, When life and money he risked more free. PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. than the defence of the way in which our Navy is managed; and, indeed, we heard the same day that the Lord Clyde, which had run aground, had got off with only her rudder and stern-post lost, and her machinery damaged. Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the "What are they feared on, fools, 'od rot 'em?' waves. Were the last words of HIGGINBOTTOM." The last words of MR. WINTERBOTHAM this evening were even more worthy to be recorded than those of the glorious Fireman in Rejecte Addresses. The UNDER-SECRETARY moved the Second Reading of a Bill for securing to the workman that all his wages should be paid in money, and for abolishing the Truck system. An admirab measure, for the benefit of thousands, yet we hear no recognition of this act of real statesmanship. Tuesday. This was the night of the great DILKE row. SI CHARLES DILKE was to move for an inquiry into the Civil List, and the House and Galleries were crammed, a scene being expected. For it had gone forth that the Republican Baronet was to be smitten by no meaner hand than that of the First Minister of the Queen whose private affairs it was proposed to inquire into. Before SIR CHARLES could begin, LORD BURY demanded of the SPRAKES whether a profession of Republicanism were consistent with an oath of allegiance. MR. BRAND did not consider it his business to decri that question. Noises began, and some of them were disagreeable. But the Baronet was heard through his long speech fairly enough. Ebrought out a great many details, and on the whole sought to show that the Royal Income was not properly spent. Then did M GLADSTONE arise in his righteous indignation, and went smashing into the Chelsea baronet as if he had been Chelsea china-though by the way, that is about the last thing that MR. GLADSTONE, hath fine taste in such matters, would smash. He certainly did SIR CHARLES "have it hot." Mr. Punch does not compare & ONDAY, March 18.-Asked by LORD MALMES-CHARLES to Thersites, but insists on remembering what Ulyss BURY when the American despatch would be said to that party :produced, LORD GRANVILLE answered that he did not know. If there is one thing more than another that we admire in a man, it is always speaking the truth. LORD COLVILLE, of Culross, one of whose supporters is a Rhinoceros that has nothing to do with the present question, but any general information should always be acceptable to the candid mind-ventilated a grievance on the part of twenty young officers in the Guards. They had been gazetted as ensigns and lieutenants, but under the new arrangements would lose their rank. The DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE said that it was all right, and therefore we decline to go into the subject. But several Peers were very irate. It must be allowed that a parent who, like Sir Balaam, "For his son a gay commission buys," may be allowed to feel wrathful if the young gentleman is afterwards placed in probation. But somebody must suffer when reforms are made; and this fact explains, to the credit of our common humanity, the general reluctance to reform anything. LORD HALIFAX announced a fortnight's holidays, from the following Friday. Therefore the pensive Public will be good enough not to faint away on finding no Essence next week. In the Commons the ATTORNEY-GENERAL, referring to the case of the "scoundrel" CHAFFERS, said that a Magistrate might use his own discretion in regard to taking Statutory Declarations. Beaks, please copy. MR. GLADSTONE, interrogated as to the Indian grant to LADY MAYO, £1000 a-year for the Countess herself, and £20,000 for the family, a sum considered by many persons to be small, contended that it was really more than was given to LADY ELGIN. Without needlessly dwelling on a painful and delicate subject, we must say that we fail to see the exactness of the parallel. The PREMIER had been asked on the Friday, by MR. DISRAELI, for information as to the American answer. He said to-night that it did not accept our views, and it demanded a rejoinder. This was handed to GENERAL SCHENCK on the following Thursday. MR. GLADSTONE has the happiest facility in turning English poetry into Latin, and at the conclusion of his reply was heard by Mr. Punch to be murmuring as follows: "Ad urbem ivit Doodlius cum Which shows that though the day was Monday, MR. GLADSTONE An Admiralty Debate, in which MR. CORRY, MR. CHILDERS, and "Curb that impetuous tongue, nor rashly vain, And singly mad, as perse the Sovereign Reign." Having demolished his man, our Ulysses sat down amid astounding cheers from the Opposition as well as from his own party. The another Aristocrat followed in the wake of the Baronet. Th Honourable AUBERON HERBERT announced his preference for & Epublic. The row then set in fiercely, and Mr. Punch inclines t draw a veil over proceedings that did not greatly redound to th credit of the House of Commons. It is true that they were an inde of public opinion in the matter, but Parliament is expected to b decorous, and not to allow cock-crowing as an argument. Even th Gallic Cock could not have behaved worse. The SPEAKER said the the scene gave him great pain. Counts were attempted, and the strangers and reporters were excluded for an hour, and then ther was a division on an attempt at adjournment-negatived by 261 23. MR. FAWCETT opposed the motion in a spirited and sensibi speech, and denounced the mixing up the question of Republicanis with huckstering and haggling over the cost of the Queen household." Finally, there was division on the motion itself, and the voters for it, including Tellers, were three Aristocrats, name Baronets DILKE and LAWSON, and MR. HERBERT, son of an Ear and they had one friend, MR. ANDERSON, of Glasgow. Agas these Four were, without Tellers, Two Hundred and Seventy-St The House roared with laughter, and soon went away. The Repub lican attack on the QUEEN was about as contemptible as that by lad who presented the flintless and empty pistol the other day: b in the later case as in the former, the affair was one for the police, and Constable GLADSTONE, A 1, was quite equal to the occasion. 66 PREMIER made an answer which was, even for him, a miracle of Wednesday. Again questioned on the American topic, the elaborate verbiage, yet his meaning was plain enough, and the case was one in which exceeding tact in diction was essential. But as LORD JOHN MANNERS failed to apprehend the orator's point, the PREMIER said, "I think my words convey a perfectly distinct and irrevocable pledge that if there were any alteration in the spirit, aim, and direction of the policy of the Government, it would, in my opinion, be a primary matter of duty that we should take care not to allow Parliament to remain in the dark on the subject." The day was occupied with a debate on the Dublin University Tests Bill; but as it was talked out, and cannot be heard of agai this Session, we need say no more than that MR. ISAAC BUTT made his re-entry into the House, and spoke against the measure, as sufficient. When we think of our ISAAC's eloquence in other day did not H. B. depict the Great Duke as led in triumph at MR. BUT chariot wheels?-we should exclaim, Quantum mutatus ab e only that, as an Irishman, he might think we said "taters," and meant personality, which we abhor. PEOPLE were up early looking out of their windows at the weather, fully prepared for a sultry day or six inches of snow on the ground. Ladies had parasols and sealskins alike in readiness. Clouds were about, and policemen, and postmen. The milkman's clients were not surprised to learn that his prejudices were in favour of Light Blue. The transactions in newspapers were enormous, as the Board of Trade returns for the month of March will presently show. The eyes of all London, and a large section of the country, were fixed upon two river-side inns and eighteen muscular young men occupying their state apartments. THE JOURNEY. The steamers had their hundreds (judging by the appearance of the Umpire's Boat, the race must have required the assistance of many umpires), the railroads their thousands, the turnpike roads their thousands also. These seem round numbers, but they may be relied on, and quoted hereafter in historical documents as correct within ten or twenty, for our enumerators were men of vast experience, Fellows of the Statistical Society, and had been in all the great crowds of modern times. The tide of human existence never ceased flowing from morn till noon, and in some instances even later, in and out of vehicles of every description and quality of springs, to the River and its romantic banks; to Soapworks, Breweries, and Aqueducts; to piers and commons; to platforms and pavilions; to church-towers and boat house tops; to public hostelries and private residences; to bridges which are trophies of modern ingenuity and capital, or relics of bygone times and traditions; to episcopal lawns and grassy gardens sloping down to the water sedge; to gravel walks and towing paths; to late breakfasts or early luncheons; to win or to lose, to shout or to cheer from the signal gun to the winning barge, from the moment of departure to the minute of victory; from pensive Putney to musing Mortlake Mortlake enshrined in song, Putney embalmed in story, and both, Mortlake and Putney, now immortalised in Punch. FAR as the eye could see or the binocular could scan, an innumerable concourse of men, women, and people of both sexes, of horses, carriages, and domestic servants, of flags, streamers, and ribbons of every shade of blue. The New Cut barrowman cheek by jowl with the Norman baron; the sturdy mechanic elbowing the sublime millionnaire; the proud possessor of a hundred quarterings shouldering the proprietor of no quarters at all; the extremes of society and the mediums of the spirits; beauty, fashion, birth, and brain; powder, paint, and wigs; a majority of the ratepayers of Middlesex, Surrey, and Kent; large deputations from every other county in the United Kingdom; representatives of the Press and all foreign powers; men bronzed with the fierce glare of a tropic sun, or familiar with the icebergs and preserved meats of Polar seas, others who had travelled many miles that morning by excursion trains; brothers who were rather in the way;-all these fused and blended into a noisy, niveous scene, which only the pen of a FROISSART or a PHILIP DE COMMINES, the pencil of a CANALETTO or a CARAVAGGIO, could describe or depict, and which, therefore, as these eminent men have been dead some years, must be left to the fancy, the imagination, the evening and morning daily papers. Had we not gone down to the Thames every day for a fortnight to see the two crews paddle, and spin, and spurt ?Was not Corney Reach as familiar to us as Hyde Park Corner? Did we not know No. 5 in a scratch eight? Had we not made ourselves thoroughly acquainted with the Theory of Rowing? Had we not read "The Coming Race?" Had we not, with severe impartiality, bought the favours of both Universities, so as to be able to assume the winning colours at the triumphant moment? Had we not hired a chronograph especially to time the race? Had we not paid seven-andsixpence for a seat amid osiers within sight of the goal of Victory? Then, why did fate, fortune, and destiny, in league with dilatoriness, delay, and procrastination, conspire against us, and cause us to miss the train, and to forfeit the seven-and-sixpence, and to lose the seat in the osier-bed, and to arrive only in time to hear the last reverberation of the last shout, and to be told that Cambridge had won, and to know that we had lost our little all in backing dear old Oxford? "REALLY, the subject is hardly worth- Strong-minded Woman, hold your tongue, M'm. Confine yourself to your legitimate themes, general scepticism, resistance to sanatory policy, abolition of restriction on marrying one's grandmother, and the like. Leave culinary matters to superior people. The Hot Cross Bun is an Institution, and in spite of its Catholic pedigree, we believe that MR. NEWDEGATE himself would hand a Bun to MR. WHALLEY. In youth, one vied with one's compeers in regard to the number of buns one could devour on Good Friday-eight or ten was a low figure. The ambition of numerical superiority has passed away, with good digestion. Yet a bun may agreeably diversify breakfast and alas! how difficult a thing is that. Split, and a layer of marmalade introduced-and that article is palatable. But hearken to an inspiration. A Catholic himself may listen. Open your bun, and lay several anchovies, not too much washed, inside. Make it a fish-sandwich. This is from the autograph recipe of an eminent in a storm of crystallized rain? Snow! Unmanly to complain of a little congealed rain at Lady Day. Has not the Derby, which is much later in the year, been run 66 FOR BACHELORS THINKING OF MARRIAGE. Mrs. Jones. O, MALCOLM, LOOK! THAT'S THE VERY MRS. BROWN WE MET AT THE ROBINSONS' LAST WEEK! TO SINK INTO THE EARTH!!" Mr. Jones. "WHY, DEAREST? WHY?" Mrs. Jones. "O, MALCOLM, JUST THINK! I WORE THE SAME DRESS I'VE GOT ON TO-NIGHT!" ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY FALLING ON A SUNDAY. (MARCH 16TH, 1872.) AIR-" St. Patrick's Day in the Morning." WHAT's to be done, when a national festival, Some, for that raison, 'ud wait for next saison; Take my advice, whin you come to a holiday Love's patron-Saint, t' other day, in despondency, For once 'ud be born on Ash-Wednesday morning!! * Each Ash-Wednesday cindther we used up for tindther Take my advice, and whenever a holiday Thries to slip past unbeknownst, to your sorrow, *Who has forgotten how St. Valentine's Day perversely fell this year on the day of sackcloth and ashes? Ah, what's the odds, if our Pathron's nativity I SHOULD LIKI If you drown wid delight your green shamrocks to-night, you're Only preparin' thim, arrah, for wearin' thim Sunday and Monday through, reckoned as one day Through Takin' advice, whin you come to a holiday Chancin' to fall, by mistake, on a Sunday, And, for the fear you'd risk missin' a jolly day, Keepin' it Saturday, Sunday, and Monday! |