ANCIENT ROMAN REVIVALS. SONG BY A SOUTHERNER. (To PRESIDENT GRANT.) We were fighting; we and you; In a fix by that means getting, Might, as then in no condition Two to one were you to meet, Us have granted recognition, And have backed it with their fleet, Which has cost them your demand, But two hundred millions under Put your claims, or you'll have made, Yes, Sir, for you 'll nought get paid. With a view JOHN BULL to fleece. Soul and Shoe. AN "eminent Spiritualist" writes that the means by which tables are caused to make noises are what he calls "Psychics." Is this a misprint for "Sly kicks"? If so, the Eminent and Mr. Punch are agreed. CLERKS OF THE WORKS.-Watchmakers' Assistants. enacted in the Colosseum. Advertised by the appellation of Sanguinary Scenes in the Circle, no doubt they would draw crowds of those sightseers who delight in scenes as like them as is possible in In a letter signed "SELLERIM," the Morning Post publishes an the present state of civilisation. The revived scenes of slaughter account of a trapèze performance at the Alhambra Theatre exhibited would exceed the original if enriched with the superaddition of a by two girls, respectively sixteen and twelve years old. The enter-comic element in the person of a Fool in the Ring, whose drolleries tainment afforded by these children to an intelligent British Public should, of course, be entirely of that practical kind which alone in essentially consists in risking their lives. The "apparatus" which their simplicity would be appreciable by beholders as richly endowed they employ to afford our Kind this pleasure is "nearly twice as high with thought and imagination as our trapèze performance-goers. and dangerous as that used by LEOTARD." One of their feats, As we conclude these profound remarks, we observe that a poor indeed, according to "SELLERIM," is "technically and expressively boy, of fourteen, has just been killed by a fall from a trapèze at the termed a leap for life"." The mere perusal of its description is Alhambra Music Hall (but this is an imitation Alhambra), at Notenough to turn any moderately nervous person, who is in the least tingham. Certainly we do not cancel the above paragraph. degree imaginative, delightfully giddy. A COUPLET FOR A KING. been showing himself a highly civilised monarch there. He was, Among the series of splendid Peep-shows at the Crystal Palace illustrative of Pompeii, is a representation of the sort of sport shown by gladiators on the arena of an ancient Roman amphitheatre. Why should not British managers be at liberty to revive this sort of spectacle for the amusement of the humane and enlightened persons who rush to witness trapèze performances? Only because we have "Dacia men," or other captives or slaves, whose lives are of no consequence, so that they can be killed without being murdered in the eye of the law. If gladiatorial combats were only legal, like trapeze feats, they would be not at all less elevating morally and intellectually than those other dangerous and possibly, if not necessarily fatal displays. On the contrary, perhaps the sight of savages For, indeed, nobody has stated that he did any such thing. Someslaying one another would, in comparison with that of innocent body, however, may have been reminded of one of GAY's Fables, in children incurring the peril of death, be considerably the more which a bookseller invites a wiser elephant to become literary. no "Learned Sir, if you'd employ your pen No man is better pay than I am." gratifying to the benevolent spectator. Moreover, trapèze performers, in case of tumbling, may possibly fall on the people below, and even children of twelve years old falling all the way from the gallery to the pit would drop down upon them with a weight quite great enough to hurt those good people's heads. No incon- The animal had not the elegant manners displayed by literary venience of this sort could be caused by falling gladiators. The men, especially when they receive such invitations from publishers. Legislature might be petitioned to give the LORD CHAMBERLAIN the power of licensing such real tragedies as those which used to be "Then, wrinkling with a sneer his trunk, These Lords, who might do nothing but walk about the Squares with golden coronets on their brows, patronising the plebeians, are already clamouring for work. They envy the Commons, and demand Bills. LORD GRANVILLE promised them something, perhaps a Cattle Bill, as if the Nobles were those whose talk is of bullocks." As numbers of the Peers came up to that Lord, and congratulated him on the birth, that morning, of a son and heir, Mr. Punch may surely add his gratulatory compliment. There is no lady in the Peerage, or out of it, who has two prettier names than LADY GRANVILLE. "CASTALIA ROSALIND" makes perfect music. By the way, the Earl gave a large dinner-party the same evening. The aristocracy, it is true, do not shout and sing after dinner, like cads, but In the Commons, MR. PENDER took his seat for Wick. Do you know that this gentleman hath a town-house that must be dear to every lover of English literature? 'Tis the house in which HORACE WALPOLE spent the earlier part of his life, before SIR ROBERT moved to the other house in Arlington Street, over the way. still The French Government are obligingly deporting to England batches of Communists. Twenty were sent from Dieppe. We believe that at least half of them are no worse than other people, and that a great many are much to be pitied, but the remitting them here is not a friendly act. COLONEL TOMLINE got on his silver coinage again, and MR. LOWE explained that Government was not bound to keep a certain quantity going about. When there is a demand, the Mint coins. What is the reason that the Mint has not struck a graceful Thanksgiving Medal, to be procured at various prices ? A collection of French medals is a history. Do we never do anything worth commemorating? aureous heap, and then you'll see how high he'll be, if he only minds his business and reads his Punch. Wednesday.-This was a great day at Westminster, i not in the House. On Monday, the jury in the Tichborne case had said that they did not want any more evidence, meaning that they were convinced that the Claimant was an Impostor. To-day, the sponge was thrown up, and, a few hours later, Claimant CASTRO, or ORTON, or whatever he is, was safe in the care of MR. JONAS, the excellent Governor of Newgate. The CHIEF JUSTICE declared his opinion that CASTRO had been guilty of wilful and corrupt perjury. So that those who warned the Australian butcher that at the end of the trial it must be "Tichborne or Portland," warned him wisely. Mr. Punch joyfully records the collapse of an audicious attempt at robbery, supported by one of the mo cruel and dastardly slanders ever devised by rogues in council. He also rejoices in the thought that the folks who lent money in aid of the scheme have lost it all. MR. CHARLEY carried the Second Reading of a Bill fr the protection of "Infants" whom it is not sought rob, but to kill, from the practices of Baby-Farmers The penalties imposed are "rough and ready;" and ye MR. WINTERBOTHAM, for Government, did not adm the measure. If that be its worst fault, we earnest. hope that it will pass. MR. MUNTZ carried the Second Reading of another g It is to increase the penalties for this kind of rascaly measure, one for preventing the Adulteration of Food but LORD E. CECIL thought it not stringent enoug Perhaps Government, this time, did not admire it on the: account. Your Minister is a wonderful being. Thursday.-Well said, LORD MALMESBURY. We have not had the frequent happiness of applauding your Lor ship, and therefore have the more pleasure in assuriz you of our present respect and esteem. You comple that the traffic in London is incessantly impeded coal-waggons. Yes, and by all sorts of other abom nable Juggernaut cars, which ought not to be allowe in the streets during the hours of business. But th Railway element is too strong in the House of Comme to let us hope for redress. Yet those who pretend study the wishes and comfort of the people should not the frantic joy of the population when a Van comes grief, and the pleasure with which we all receive th news that a Van-Demon is sent to jail. Life and En are in danger every minute of the day from the va and waggons. A League of Country Members, who not afraid of certain influences, might come to our aid MR. Gladstone said the Government held themselve bound to pay the costs incurred by GOVERNOR EYRE. will be remembered that he had to defend himself agains fanatic prosecutions. To MR. M'ARTHUR, who absurdy brought up the case of GORDON, a coloured Baptist preacher, hanged for his share in the Jamaica riots, GLADSTONE quietly replied, that there was no analogy between the cases, and that no compensation was de to GORDON'S representatives. The ATTORNEY-GENERAL informed MR. EYKYN that the perjured CASTRO would certainly be prosecuted by We went into Committee on DRUID CARDWELL'S Army Scheme. MR. HOLMS, the Crown, and that it was under consideration whether of Hackney (hard words for most of his constituents), moved to reduce the Army certain other persons should not receive the same atter by 20,000 men. There was a debate on this, and Mr. Punch observed with tion. We fear that they have accepted notice to "bolt." satisfaction that SIR HENRY HOARE (hard words for most of his constituents) Scotch Education occupied the rest of the evening rebuked those who would, unpatriotically, weaken our land force. He begged MR. AUBERON HERBERT has been taken to task for sa MR. CARDWELL not to listen to Rodomontade-that is the way to spell the word, ing that Parliament should decide questions with which is derived from the name of the great old hero whose deeds were, how-reference to the temporary opinion of the constituencies ever, not so great as fools said they were. Here, the aitch is to be dropped out. MR. GÖSCHEN said that Government and its workmen were on the best terms with one another, and that it would be a good thing if Members and others did not come meddling between them. We rather incline to hold with him. Tuesday.-LORD LANSDOWNE said that the Public Offices in Downing Street would be ready in 1874, and in the mean time he should not pull down the houses in front of them. Very well, but will he mind having the road thereabouts occasionally cleaned? It was complained of to Parliament by CHARLES THE SECOND, who said that his bride had to come to him through the mud there, and we are not sure that it has been swept since. yet MR. ORR EWING, one of the gravest and most se sible men in the House, said just the same thing later 66 we were to vote on our convictions of what was righ irrespective of the feeling out of doors." Are we Legis lators or Delegates? The Scotch Bill was carried by an enormous majority-238 to six! Friday. The Cape Colony gives more trouble to the Colonial Office than all the other colonies put together, complained Ministers, in answer to some pertinent inquiries by LORD SALISBURY. Hm! There is a story SYDNEY SMITH'S memoirs about a pugnacious pers who related that a dog had rushed out and bitten hi SYDNEY said that he should like to hear the dog's account of the matter. In the Commons MR. DIXON led on his League to battle against the Education Act. MR. FORSTER met him full front, and defied him, and carried a resolution to the effect that the Act has not yet had fair play, and ought not to be meddled with. The Conservatives stood by the Cabinet, and the meddlers, who are inspired by a vehement and doubtless conscientious hate of Church influences, In the Commons we heard that PRINCE ALAMAYHEW, and who prefer hindering education to letting the Church educate, were twice son of THEODORE of Abyssinia, was to be carefully ed defeated, by 355 to 94, and by 323 to 98. Observe.-MR. FORSTER is accumu-cated, as a private young gentleman, in England. He lating golden opinions from all sorts of men, and one day he will stand on the is too young and delicate for a rough public school. E MARCH 16, 1872.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 111 might have been re-christened RASSELAS, in honour of the literature | musicians seated in the orchestra for that purpose had regaled them, of his adopted country. Debate on question whether a Welsh County Court Judge ought to be able to understand Welsh. Members for Wales were very courteous, if urgent, in their representations that he ought; and MR. BRUCE, who is "half a Welshman," promised that, in future, attention should be paid to their desire. Justice should be blind, but not virtually deaf. We are tired of the Ewelme Rectory business. It came on again, and MR. GLADSTONE defended himself with a great deal of ability, but MR. HENLEY summed up the proceeding in what he stated to be the way the "country folks" described it. "It ain't right, and we wouldn't have expected it from MR. GLADSTONE.' The Parks Bill made much progress, in spite of MR. VERNON HARCOURT and the mob meetings, at which persons in mock canonicals chant profane parodies on the Litany, by way of proving that the assemblies are desirable. EVENINGS FROM HOME. MR. BARLOW, and MASTERS TOMMY MERTON and HARRY SANDFORD, SHRIMP 2 HEAD visit the HAYMARKET THEATRE, T they now turned all their attention towards the stage, having been During the progress of the play the young people showed by their attentive demeanour how pleased they were with everything they saw and heard. "There is," continued MR. BARLOW, "a certain freshness in the treatment of this story, and an easiness in the versification, which entitle the honest author to a larger share of commendation than I am, in most cases, able to bestow." Harry. This is intended for a Greek piece. Harry. Is, then, Sir, Leucippe a correct name for a Greek soldier ? Mr. Barlow. You may remember, HARRY, that, at the Queen's Theatre, when "Apoecides" was pronounced "Appy-cides," I told you, perhaps there existed some authority for these quantities with which we were unacquainted. And in this case I do not doubt but that the honest writer and the sturdy comedian to whom this part has been OMMY and HARRY intrusted, had each sufficient warrant, both for the appellation and were much diverted the costume which closely resembles that of the illustrious JULIUS with the ceremonies CESAR. But where all is so good, these are small matters; and my of the festal Tues dear TOMMY and HARRY, I would warn you, as strongly against day, which they excessive and indiscriminate praise on the one hand, as against such witnessed partly useless hypercriticism which, in examining, with one eye, certain from a convenient faulty details through a microscope, shuts the other to the better situation in Fleet part of the picture. And, indeed, for my part, I would as soon Street, and partly blame the entire work for this oversight as charge upon the worthy from a prominent author the selection of the Euston Road Statuary which adorns position near the Pygmalion's studio, or the Egyptian costume of the lady who plays Marble Arch, the Greek wife, Cynisca. I trust, my dear TOMMY and HARRY, that whither they re- you will be ever able to distinguish sound from sense, and to discriminate between what is merely verse, and what is really poetry. do not think that I have, for some space, witnessed any theatrical representation where, as in this case, the merits so far outweigh its demerits, that one can pronounce a verdict of almost unqualified commendation upon the whole performance. paired in all haste "I am indeed glad," said TOMMY, "to have been a spectator of this marvellous exhibition of enthusiastic loyalty. I had thought that Queens and Princes never did anything but wear crowns on their heads, and eat sweetmeats all day. I see that I was wrong; As for the LORD MAYOR and the Sheriffs, I protest I am so delighted with their grandeur and beauty, that I could spend the whole day in observing them." "It was indeed fortunate," observed MR. BARLOW, "that the weather was so uncommonly fine. But were we denizens of a more northern region, we should be compelled to dwell in a climate where, during winter, darkness reigns for several months." Tommy. Pray, Sir, stop. What are there countries where it is night continually for several months together? Harry. Indeed, TOMMY, MR. BARLOW is right. Tommy. Why, then, Sir, I protest such a country should be filled with theatres. For my part, I would not care how long the night was, so that I could be continually diverted with some entertaining spectacle. Truly, Sir, in such a climate as you have been describing, a run of one night for any theatrical exhibition would indicate a great success. MR. BARLOW now produced three tickets for the Haymarket Theatre, and proposed that, should his young friends not be overcome with fatigue, they should forthwith set out for that place of amusement. "Dear heart!" said TOMMY, "what a number of plays we shall have seen before our holidays are ended! And, indeed, I begin to be of opinion that it is impossible for a person of elegance to live anywhere except in London." HARRY smiled at this, and MR. BARLOW observed, that if he felt tired he could go to bed at once. "O pray, Sir," said TOMMY, "do let us visit the theatre to-night! I think I could now attend a theatrical entertainment for ever without being tired." After listening to some excellent melodies with which the honest I Tommy. I protest, Sir, for my part, that, being unable to form any clear opinion of my own, I shall repeat, in company, all that you, Sir, have just said with so much discretion. Mr. Barlow. Whether, then, MASTER TOMMY, do you consider it more honest to use your own faculties, or those of others? TOMMY was much abashed at this rebuke, and owned that he had hitherto preferred to come to an agreement with those who might be discussing any matter, than, by expressing a contrary opinion, to incur a diminution of friendship. Mr. Barlow. Then would you sacrifice honesty to personal ease? Is it not more noble to assert one's own views with sufficient modesty? and the Conceited Pedlar, which, as TOMMY has not yet heard it, I At this moment, the curtain rising upon the afterpiece, precluded further conversation. On quitting the Theatre, MR. BARLOW sent his card to the Manager, and on which he had written, that "he wished him continually increasing prosperity, and that if MR. BUCKSTONE would like to hear the story of Pizarro and the Virtuous Shrimp, he would attend him forthwith in the Kaffy next door." No message, however, being returned, MR. BARLOW, after waiting for two hours on the steps of the Café, buttoned up his coat, and followed his young friends to their lodgings in the Strand. નવું e Sam Coster. "ERE! 'AVE TWOPENN'ORTH O' DONKEY RIDE, MARIA?" Maria (his Missis). "THANK YER, SAM! BUT I'D RATHER TAKE IT IN LIQUOR, IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU!" AN OMNIBUS TAX. THE simple abolition of Schedule D alone of all the Income-tax Schedules would, as the Times demonstrates, be unjust; but, if a suggestion made by the Times were adopted, Schedule D would probably be abolished very soon. Undoubtedly "Nothing can be more unjust than that an artisan who receives weekly wages to the amount of £250 a year should escape taxation, while a clerk who receives £200 a year in quarterly stipends should pay 6d. in the pound Income-tax." As this partiality of taxation is perfectly unjust, of course nothing THE WAGGAWOCK. FIRSTLY, behold the Cartoon opposite! As QUARLES asks, Of course it is. to say. "That goes without to say." as the Frenc But there is something which Mr. Punch means elegantly put it. He makes his best acknowledgments to LEWIS CAL ROLL, author of can be more so. But there might be other inequalities equally the delightfullest fairy lore extant, for the idea of a Mysterious unjust. If an artisan earning £250 a year in weekly wages were Monster. Everybody worth thinking about has read the sequel to forced to pay sixpence in the pound Income-tax, it would be quite Alice in Wonderland, the new book called Through the Looking as unjust that a crossing-sweeper who earns a shilling a day should Glass. Everybody can recite the marvellous poem therein, entitled be charged nothing at all. Were the Income-tax distributed over "Jabberwocky." It is a household hymn among the cultivated all incomes whatsoever, large and small, without exception, the classes, and its new and Chattertonian words are the delight of injustice of its incidence would be greatly diminished. But that society. Mr. Punch very nearly cried out to the PRINCE OF WALES would be even more unpopular than taxing the People's tea and on meeting H.R.H. again, "Come to my arms, my Beamish Boy sugar. The masses would much rather have a morning's meal sub- But poets are also prophets, vide MR. CARLYLE, passim. The ject to insensible taxation than a Free Breakfast Table procured by Author of "Jabberwocky," when long ago revolving that grand an Income-tax shared by themselves. idea, in his scholarly seclusion, was preparing a type, the full merit and value of which now bursts upon the world, at a touch from Mr. Punch's magic wand. The Jabberwock meant the Waggawock, over whose merited overthrow all honest persons are rejoicing. The poem sets forth the story of the slaying of the Australian Monster. Listen to a dream, and to the interpretation thereof: Mortal Immortals. OUR notions of mortals and immortals, which, we admit, are merely those of everyday commonplace sort of people, are thrown into strange confusion when we read that "M. DUVERGIER DE HAURANNE was officially received into the French Academy yesterday," and that "the new immortal delivered the customary panegyric of his predecessor." The only apparent solution of the puzzle wrapped up in these words is to suppose that the general instability of things in France has affected even its immortals. Jabberwocky. 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves |