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R. PUNCH, desiring that the Right Book should be in the Right Place, has given orders for the dissemination of this his Twenty-Eighth Volume throughout the world; but especially in those places where the Solidity of his Wisdom, the Brilliancy of his Wit, the 'Sweetness of his Benevolence, and the Loving-kindness of his Nature in All Things, should best manifest themselves to the World at Large through the World's Rulers and Misrulers, shining through them upon the peoples, even as the Sun shines through the crystal of the Palace and the lattice of the Cottage.
LORD COWLEY has been directed to present the Volume-bound in peach-blossom satin,-to the EMPRESS EUGÉNIE; that, further recommended by her looks and speech, the right precepts of MR. PUNCH may, to the abiding benefit of France and England, flourish in the right places.
LORD BLOOMFIELD, at Berlin, has been accredited with his Copy (bound in boar-skin), to present to the KING OF PRUSSIA. His Lordship has been further directed to read certain edifying verses charitably composed for the better instruction of the KING OF PRUSSIA, to be administered early in the morning.
The EARL OF WESTMORELAND, at Vienna (leaving his fiddle at home), will forthwith take his PUNCH (bound in GORDON plaid) to FRANCIS JOSEPH, the "Hope of Austria "-according to LORD ABERDEEN. ("Hope told a flattering tale," and Britannia was fool enough to believe it.)
LORD H. DE WALDEN, at Brussels, will present his PUNCH (bound in Russia) to LEOPOLD, requesting His Majesty not to forget that he is the Uncle of the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, and by no means vassal to the EMPEROR ALEXANDER II. His Lordship has been further desired to present to His Majesty an English red rose gathered in the gardens of Claremont, as a further refresher of His Majesty's memory.
LORD HOWDEN, at Madrid, will demand an audience of QUEEN ISABELLA to present Her Majesty with his PUNCH (bound in Spanish Bonds). His Lordship is further desired to express his readiness to read to Her Majesty four pages per diem for the illumination of the Royal mind, and through her to the enlightenment of Spain in general.
SIR R. PAKENHAM, at Lisbon, will deliver his PUNCH to DON PEDRO immediately upon His Majesty's return. The volume is most pathetically bound. The brave Bohemian ZISKA bequeathed his skin for a drum-head, so that though departed from among men, he might still most eloquently speak to them, to the consternation of the oppressor. A philosophic Portuguese bondholder, ruined and
departed, has bequeathed a portion of his cuticle ("nearest the heart") for the binding of PUNCH, in the hope that the Right Book being rightly bound, and further being in the Right Place, might touch the royal bosom into consideration of bondholders, not yet quite deceased.
SIR W. TEMPLE, ambassador at the Court of the Two Sicilies, has been accredited with his PUNCH for the benefit of FERDINAND-unless in the opinion of SIR WILLIAM, the individual is too crass, as PUNCH's revered friend, LORD BROUGHAM Would say, to apprehend one iota of the beauty and utility of the gift. The volume is bound in convict gray, a court colour in which His Majesty delights to clothe his noblest and wisest of subjects.
MR. PUNCH forbears to notice every individual case. Let it suffice that no crowned head-no beavered head, for the United States' President is especially cared for-has been overlooked.
MR. PUNCH had his volume prepared for ALEXANDER OF RUSSIA, and duly bound in Manchester cotton (handsomely presented by ALEXANDER's friend, JOHN BRIGHT), determined upon sending the book to St. Petersburgh under the sanctity of a flag of truce. As, however, Russia is apt to dye a flag of truce in the heart's blood of the bearer, MR. PUNCH will not hazard an envoy. No: he will rather wait and deliver it with his own hand to ALEXANDER himself, when that remorseful individual shall occupy the state-prison (handsomely fitted up for his service) of Coldbath Fields.
Meanwhile, it is hoped that in hundreds of thousands of book-cases, the Right PUNCH will be found in the Right Place.
TUESDAY, 12th December.-Parliament met. HER MAJESTY delivered, very gracefully, a Speech which LORD ABERDEEN had written very ungrammatically. In the evening, both Houses fought about the answer, and DERBY and DIZZY expressed their conviction that the Government had made a dreadful mull of the War. NEWCASTLE, in the Lords, stated that they had done nothing of the kind, and that if all the lint he had sent out to the Crimea were spread out on the ground it would cover thirty-six acres. SIDNEY HERBERT, in the Commons, took, by a curious coincidence, the same view of the merits of Government, and paid a very pretty compliment to MISS NIGHTINGALE. These Ministerial arguments convinced the Houses, and the address was carried.
Wednesday.-The Address was brought up. SIBTHORPE expressed his conviction that it would take ninety-nine foreigners to make a thorough Englishman, but did not explain the process of manufacture. PALMERSTON brought in a bill for permitting the QUEEN to send the Militia out of the Country, and declared, triumphantly, that we could have as many soldiers as we wanted, for our 22 reserve was in the spirit of the Nation. Thursday.-NEWCASTLE brought in a bill for permitting the QUEEN to enlist foreigners, and declared, despondingly, that we could not get soldiers at home, and must hire them abroad. DERBY thought that there was some little discrepancy between PALMERSTON's statement and NEWCASTLE'S, but ABERDEEN assured him that there wasn't, and the bill was read a second time, a pleasing compromise being effected, and opposition assenting to a measure they called unconstitutional, on the Government surrendering a third of the soldiers, all of whom they had declared were essential.
ABERDEEN promised the Maynooth report early in February, and upon the news reaching the Commons, SPOONER and the Irish Orangemen began turning up their cuffs and glancing at the Brigade. LUCAS and his friends rushed out of the House, and went home to read up about everything wicked that has ever been done by a Protestant, so that there is hope for the logical and peaceful settlement of the question. In the Commons, CARDWELL promised a bill to amend the law of partnership. He proposed that the changes should extend to political and other coalitions, in which it was very disagreeable that one partner should be able to bind the whole firm. GLADSTONE promised a measure on the Newspaper stamp, but of course had not the faintest idea when it would be ready.
Friday.-Votes of thanks to our forces, and those of France, were proposed in both Houses, the Government declaring that our glorious soldiers were nobly carrying out the objects for which they were despatched, and the opposition cordially agreeing that our men had behaved splendidly, and the more so, inasmuch as the Government had no object at all, and that if they had one, it was wrong, and that they had done all in their power to hinder the success of the expedition. The Votes were thus carried with the utmost unanimity and cordiality.
Saturday.-The Foreign Enlistment Bill reported in the Lords. ELLENBOROUGH declaring it very objectionable. But the LORD CHANCELLOR convinced the House of its propriety by stating that a much more objectionable bill was passed in 1804.
Monday.-ELLENBOROUGH went at it again, and compared the German princes who might lend us soldiers, to the African kings who sold their subjects as slaves. LANSDOWNE thought this rather strong, and, said that a barber out of doors would be laughed at for talking