police in the Park, on the previous Sunday. In answer to the inti- | mation that there was a probability of another disturbance on the following Sunday, a gentleman whose name, Mr. Punch being merciful, would suppress (only remarking that it sounds very like GEORGE DUNN'D ASS), suggested the very strong antidote of Six-Pounders. He, however, afterwards qualified this suggestion, by saying he only meant that he hoped Government would take every necessary precaution. Mr. Punch owns to blind, nay, abject devotion to the aristocracy, both heraldic and pecuniary, but he is bound to say, that he would almost sooner see one of those dear old wrinkled, painted, wigged hags of dowagers sent away from the Park gate, with her carriages, flunkeys, lapdogs, prayer-books, toadies, and all, than that her distinguished presence should occasion the spilling of plebeian blood. This may be a republican sentiment; but Mr. Punch's tried loyalty, and the confidence placed in him by his Sovereign, permit him to say bold things, from which the herd would shrink.

By way of closing the week in a dignified manner, LORD JOHN RUSSELL let out that he came home from Vienna with certain Austrian propositions for peace, which he and M. DROUYN DE LHUYS thought the Allies ought to accept. The Governments of England and France thought otherwise, so the Frenchman, having a nice sense of honour, resigned; but LORD JOHN, being a little tougher, stayed in, and to make all safe, roared for war like a good one. Now that the war is not going on prosperously, he reveals all this, being a remarkable nice little man for a small Cabinet party.

ST. STEPHEN'S COAST-GUARD.

We do not quite comprehend the connection between Chairs and Botany, nor do we see why complaints of the occupation of "more than one chair at a time," should be forwarded to the Council of the Botanic Society. We have seen members of clubs occasionally occupying more than one chair, and we have sometimes been desirous of giving them a good setting down, by drawing one chair from under them, and thus exemplifying the truth, that "between two stools it is possible to fall to the ground." Perhaps the chairs alluded to in the above notice are Garden-chairs, and if more than one of these should be monopolised by a single individual, it is quite natural that the Council should issue a standing order for the purpose of appropriating the seats in fair proportions among the company. We think if any one presumes to put his leg on a chair, the member should be at once unseated in a summary manner.

NEW SHAKSPERIAN POINTS.

NEW Corps for the prevention
of smuggling should forth-
with be established, under
the name, and discharging
the duty, of the Parlia
mentary Preventive Corps.
Last year the Sabbatarian WHILE SHAKSPEARE can hardly get a hearing in London, (except
Beer Bill was smuggled when misquoted in the House of Commons), it is gratifying to find
through both Houses, and that artist-minds in the provinces are devoted to the eliciting new
LORD ROBERT GROSVENOR'S "points" out of his conceptions. Mr. Punch had the pleasure of
supplementary measure reading, a few days ago, a notice of a performance, at Shrewsbury, of
would have been run in the the Merchant of Venice. The critic, (whose admiration for the poet
same manner this session renders him honourably unmindful of the humility of the theatre
if a general hue and cry where the immortal play is presented) civilly hints to the principal actor
had not been raised against as followeth :-
the contrabandists. Let us
keep on the look-out; for
an"Act to facilitate Leases
and Sales of Settled
Estates" was, by the last
accounts, in the course of Generally agreeing in the spirit of this censure, we think that the
becoming law, which, if it detail is open to argument. In criticising a great character, you must
does become, it will enable do so both analogically and synthetically. It is true that in regard to
SIR THOMAS MARYON this particular mode of castigating Gratiano, SHAKSPEARE has not left
WILSON, by means of an a stage direction; but in Act I., Scene 3, we find Shylock expressing a
ex parte application to wish to "catch Antonio on the hip." Now it is not unnatural to sup-
Chancery, without notice, pose that a malignant person, who, in cold blood, would catch Antonio on
to obtain from a single the hip, would, when heated into wrath, catch Antonio's friend a wunner
in the quarter indicated. That he should hit Gratiano instead of his
friend Antonio, is a still more delicate Shaksperian subtlety, the whole
play turning upon the sufferings a friend undergoes for the sake of his
friend.

Judge permission to enclose Hampstead Heath. This, at least, is the statement of "One of the Public," writing to the Times. Metropolitan Members, look alive, keep careful watch; 'ware SIR THOMAS WILSON and a smuggled Hampstead Heath Enclosure Bill!

Cooks' Voyages.

THE most remarkable of Cooks' voyages is the voyage made to the Crimea by Soyer, the ex-cook of the Reform Club. His object is to apply the culinary art to the provisions of war, and to enable the soldiers to deal with their rations in a rational manner. According to his own account his success has been considerable, and he has planted in the hospitals of Scutari several cooks, each of whom is sufficiently a hero to enable him to deal with a batterie (de cuisine), and to face the most tremendous fire.

SUNDAY FARE FOR RICH AND POOR.

LORD DIVES, at his Club, takes a delicate luncheon,-
BILL SMITH, in Hyde Park, has a bite of a truncheon.

The Pope in the Stocks.

"THE POPE has," it is gratefully stated, "consented to the erection of a Stock Exchange at Bologna." We hear too, that the holy father has offered to set up the young institution, (conditionally on its finding its own bears and lame ducks) with some of his most disreputable bulls.

"We would recommend him, the next time he essays Shylock, not to be so pugnacious, when making his final exit, as to strike Gratiano in the bowels. Shylock is not a Clown, nor is Gratiano a Pantaloon. The Jew is a gentleman, and we may add, that it is not very likely he would commit an assault in a Court of Justice, or add to the indignity by spitting on his tormentor."

In reference to the expectorating point, we confess to a greater difficulty, but consideration only shows how deeply the actor in question has studied his author. In the scene to which we have already referred, Shylock reminds Antonio that the latter had spit upon him on the previous Wednesday. Now, as retaliation is the key to Shylock's character, we think that the idea of concluding his career by returning the Christian insult, is an inspiration as well as an expectoration, and does the utmost honour to the artist whose conception it is. In conclusion, we are heartily glad to find that Shrewsbury clock keeps such true Shaksperian time.

Giving the Government Warning.

RED has always been a revolutionary colour; and we begin to suspect now, from what we have lately seen, that the Bonnet Rouge must have been bound round originally with Red Tape, and it was the fact of this Red Tape pressing so heavily upon the heads of the people that drove them first to Revolution. The pressure was more than they could bear, and so they burst the Government bonds. We leave the warning to the reflection of our sagacious rulers.

QUERY BY AN INSANE POLITICO-ECONOMIST.-Is the Vessel of the State victualled with the provisions of Acts of Parliament ?

THE SIX-POUNDER FOR LINLITHGOWSHIRE. ECLOGUE (SOME WAY) AFTER VIRGIL.

R. GEORGE DUNDAS has favoured the Home Secretary with his very peculiar advice for the further treatment of the people-many of them rascally boys " who meet in the Park. Sweet to the lengthened ears of the hon. member is "the crash upon the pavement of the trail of a six-pounder." Thus spoke the wisdom of the parliamentary drum-head! OF course, when the atrocity of the sug gestion had been loudly condemned by the English gentlemen of the House of Commons, MR. DUNDAS declared that really, he had meant nothing. His "six-pounder" was a figure of speech-its powder and shot, a flash in the pan and sugar-plums. We trust, however, when DUNDAS the Six-pounder shall again present itself for re-election, that the constituency of Linlithgowshire will duly spike the same.

A NEW BRUSSELLS SPROUT.

THE new Sprout, which has just made its appearance at Brussells, is of the very greenest kind, with not the least heart in it, and leaves so dirty that the hungriest pig would infallibly turn his nose up at them. What little taste it has is of the most offensive kind, and persons experience the greatest difficulty in swallowing it, though it is generally served up with plenty of Russian sauce, to make it go down. It is strange that LEOPOLD, who, by right of his Claremont Estate, and its! well supplied kitchen-garden, is the recognised Monarch of the Vegetable Kingdom, should allow such a very poor specimen of green-stuff to sprout in his capital. The name of this new Brussells Sprout, we must not forget to state, is Le Nord; though it matters but little what it has been called, for fortunately it does not grow very fast in public estimation, and must soon be extinct, as it has taken no root whatever in the soil of journalism.

LORD PIMLICO
MR. JONES

SUNDAY.

British Nobleman.
British Tailor.

Mr. J. My lord, on Sunday, at your Club reclined,
You chat and sip your claret, having dined.
We snobs can get no beer; you swells, at ease,
May drink as many ladies as you please.

Lord P. Ha, JONES! a Saint-a jolly Saint to me-
This licence granted Aristocracy;

By Jove! I'll burn wax candles at his shrine.
Thank him! our Clubs keep open, and our wine
A waiter, all day long, at call supplies.

Mr. J. I hear that with less envy than surprise,
The country starves on Sunday all around.
I with my kids, on an excursion bound,
Could no refreshment anyhow obtain:
No, deuce a bit, your lordship; not a drain;
The youngest nearly fainted by the way!
Foreboding often this unhappy day,
To my deaf ear, as from the British oak,
Did MRS. GAMP and MRS. HARRIS croak.
But that same Saint, my lord, whom do you call?

Lord P. The City, you suppose, you people small,
Is like our place, where surpliced shepherds keep,
In PUSEY'S fold a flock of noble sheep:

So geese with goslings; great and little pig;
You tailors so compare small fleas to big-
But know Belgravia's district caps Bow Bells',
High as St. Paul's each neighb'ring church excels.
Mr. J. What in Belgravia does your lordship see?
Lord P. The land of Liberty-to such as me,-
There did that holy man of whom I spoke,
Whose image I'll illuminate and smoke,
Say, whilst his Beer Bill closed the Tavern door,
"Enjoy yourselves, lords; revel as before."

Mr. J. Fortunate Nob: with Sunday Clubroom free,
And wine in plenty-though no beer to me
The bar affords, my burning thirst to quench-
You'll ne'er be driven to quaff the road-side drench,
Polluted by a close adjoining pool.

Fortunate Nob! there you'll enjoy the cool,
At well-known windows, and the sparkling flow
Of soda-water; or to sleep will go,
Over some paper in a grave review;

Or lounge and watch the mob, and vulgar crew:
Nor will the cabmen cease below to growl,
Nor droughty artisans to groan and howl.

Lord P. The riff-raff at the Carlton shall regale,
The waiters shall deny the members alef;
The Cossack drink the Thames, the Russ the Seine,
Ere that Saint's picture vanish from this brain.

Mr. J. But hence we others to the thirsty sands
Of Hampstead shall resort with vain demands;
Norwood, or Stratford by the Lea shall try,
Or that quite insulated isle, Eel-pie.
Ah! shall I ever on a Sunday more
The foaming porter from the tankard pour?
Some long time hence enjoy my go of gin,
Out in a quiet arbour of mine Inn ?
Admire the bowling-green and gardens trim,
Whence we 're excluded by the Mawworms grim,
Must we be govern'd by that canting crew?
See what fanaticism has brought us to!
There's not a drop of beer to cool our throats,
And these are they for whom we gave our votes!
Fill high, my lord, your goblet of champagne,
Go, my once happy kids, athirst remain.
No more I, seated in my cosy box,
Shall see you play 'mid artificial rocks:
No pipe to smoke: no glass of grog for me:
In the meanwhile for you no shrimps and tea!

Lord P. However, you can take a luncheon here,
Upon a sandwich; and they 'll bring you beer.
The butler says he has a decent tap.
But now I say-pull out your list, old chap,
I want a Court dress pair of satin smalls:
How much expense on high position falls!

LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.-We are requested to state, that there is no truth in the report, that MR. GLADSTONE has been appointed Editor of the Invalide Russe.

Blanche (who dotes upon horses). "THERE, FRANK. ISN'T SHE A PRETTY CREATURE? PAPA GAVE HER TO ME THIS MORNINGSHE IS SO GOOD TEMPERED! AND WHAT A NICE HEAD AND NECK SHE HAS! HASN'T SHE NOW? SHE'S QUITE YOUNG TOO-AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!-Now, WHAT DO YOU SAY, SIR, EH?—”

Frank (who is so absurd). "H'M! LET'S SEE. PRETTY CREATURE!-GOOD TEMPERED!-NICE HEAD AND NECK!-YOUNG-AND A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!-WHY, I SAY, YOU MAKE A CAPITAL PAIR!"

If the advertiser will apply to the Society of Arts, it is possible he may hear of something to his advantage. The quick transmission of packages may be counted with the chief desiderata of the age, and here we find a person publicly announcing, that he has had one sent by telegraph! it is scarcely clear, from the wording of his statement, whether the box was received "from the Crimea:" but in making so extraordinary a revelation a little indistinctness is both natural and pardonable. The mere fact of a box having been sent by telegraph at all is surely quite enough to startle the scientific world, and we therefore leave our savants to confer with the advertiser, and make the most they can of his discovery.

Justice at the Footlights.

PUNCH is happy to state, that the example of MR. BUCKSTONE, of the Haymarket Theatre, who has liberally revived the old custom of an "Author's Night" (a night when a drama is performed for the benefit of the person who invented it) is about to be imitated by all his brother Managers. They are going to give Nights to their Authors, and by way of making their generosity gracefully complete, French steamers have been chartered to bring over the bénéficiares.

"A LITTLE WHITE FLAG."

Ir was to be expected that the Russian officer in command at Hango would justify the murder and capture of the men of the Cossack. Therefore, the Russian Government is assured that the Flag of Truce hoisted on the occasion was "only a little white flag on a stick." Well, it was a white flag: even the Russian officer does not deny that fact. The question would seem to be, in the Russian mind, the dimensions of a Flag of Truce. How many yards of white bunting or linen constitute boat "says the Russian poltroon-"was caught in their own trap.' the sanctity of such a flag? The crew of LIEUTENANT GENESTE'S Since the wolf in the fable devoured the lamb for muddying the stream, there has never been put forth so atrocious an excuse for atrocity committed, as by this Russian bear in command at Hango.

A Fruity Joke.